TIME

I now have scientific proof of how awesome I really am—and you can too

AFTER I ASKED MY UBER DRIVER HOW HIS DAY WAS GOING, Zhirayr pounded on his steering wheel. “I knew this was going to be a good ride!” he yelled. “You know why?” I figured Zhirayr was a fan of my column, enjoyed seeing me on TV or noticed I was not about to vomit from drunkenness. It was none of those things: “You are a five!”

At the end of every Uber ride, not only do you rate your driver from

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