Chicago Tribune

How to dump jarred pasta sauce forever: Make your own in a few easy steps

Seriously, who's even got the time anymore, am I right? Between motoring the spawn schoolward and picking up the laundry from the rock lady down by the stream. Then there are the insufferable chores: milking the chickens, feathering the ducks. And the texts! "Hellooooo, are you there? Why aren't you texting me back?"

Look, if you want my attention that badly, why don't you leave your calling card with my chimp butler like a normal person?

And yet, still, we must eat. And I don't know about you, but more and more, I'm trusting less and

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