AMPLIFIER CLASS WARS
I have consumed too much peyote and am going to die. In my dream haze I see visions of the jungle with its cherry red sky and lemon sun blazing through every fringe. I push a branch aside and step into a clearing where a crowd of people are mingling, shaking hands, and exchanging business cards. Wiping away sweat, I take a heavy box from under my arm and place it carefully on the table in front of me. Inside this box is the best amplifier ever made in the history of everything. It was given to me by an electric serpent at the beginning of time, and I have carried it many miles. Mrs Tech Bench appears at my table and tells me she is there to receive the amplifier. She says she has seen it in her dreams, countless times. Her outstretched hand tempts me with a bushel of cash, but when I reach for it she draws away suspiciously, looks into my eyes, and queries: “Is it Class A?”
“What do you care if it’s Class A?”
“Class A is the best”, she says.
I probe further, “Do you even know what Class A means?”
She stares at me like I am an idiot.
Spurred, I clamber onto my high horse and rant with rising intensity, “Class A is not a badge of achievement. The good amplifiers do not begin at Class A and then descend in quality towards Class Z. Amplifiers are classified in terms of their architecture and operating characteristics,
