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    I Am Not a Serial Killer
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    I Am Not a Serial Killer
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    I Am Not a Serial Killer
    Audiobook7 hours

    I Am Not a Serial Killer

    Written by Dan Wells

    Narrated by John Allen Nelson

    3.5/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this audiobook

    John works in his family's mortuary and has an obsession with serial killers. He wants to be a good person but fears he is a sociopath, and for years he has suppressed his dark side through a strict system of rules designed to mimic "normal" behavior.



    Then a demon begins stalking his small town and killing people one by one, and John is forced to give in to his darker nature in order to save them. As he struggles to understand the demon and find a way to kill it, his own mind begins to unravel until he fears he may never regain control. Faced with the reality that he is, perhaps, more monstrous than the monster he is fighting, John must make a final stand against the horrors of both the demon and himself.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTantor Audio
    Release dateMar 30, 2010
    ISBN9781400185795
    Unavailable
    I Am Not a Serial Killer
    Author

    Dan Wells

    Dan Wells is the author of the john Cleaver series: I Am Not a Serial Killer, Mr Monster, and I Don’t Want to Kill You. He has been nominated for both the Hugo and Campbell award and has won two Parsec Awards for his podcast, Writing Excuses. He plays a lot of games, reads a lot of books and eats a lot of food, which is pretty much the ideal life he imagined for himself as a child. You can find out more online at www.fearfulsymmetry.net.

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    Reviews for I Am Not a Serial Killer

    3.5/5

    542 ratings74 reviews

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    • 5/5
      This is the first book in the John Cleaver series. John Cleaver seems to starts off as a normal high schooler (if I say anything else on this, it will be a spoiler). But John is the main character. I Am Not A Serial Killer is told in first person. This story drags you in and grabs you by the clothing and won't let go until you have finished the book. Some of the themes in this book are: family, friendship, knowing what/who you are.
    • 3/5
      Serial Killers are frightening enough, but even more so when the desire to kill emerges in the mind of a child. Every day, John Wayne Cleaver fights to keep the monster he knows is inside of him locked up, until a real serial killer begins to terrorize his small town, and the monster is awakened. The hunter becomes the hunted as the figurative demon inside John stalks a real demon who must kill and steal body parts to replenish its disguise as a healthy older man. Overall, I thought this book would have been better without the supernatural element. The author does an excellent job writing the mind of John, as a would-be serial killer with dark conflicting emotions. There's a lot of potential here to give the reader something chilling and twisted, but it's lost on this demon, whose actually a pitiable character. This could have been done along the veins of a younger American Psycho or We Need to Talk About Kevin, but the ending was just a bit of a let down. By the title, one would think John was perhaps accused or suspected of being behind the killings, but this never happens. The supernatural element could've worked if perhaps the demon was a hallucination, a dream that John suffers from every time he feels the desire to kill. After all, the best parts were when John nearly kills the demon's unsuspecting human wife and the lengths in which he goes to spy on his neighbor, Brooke. Why, because the reader actually gets to see the monster inside John's head nearly pull his mind over the edge. Nevermind the demon. So while it is a good story, it could have been better.
    • 3/5
      Author adds humor to bizarre and scary situation. The child is a psychopath from a dysfunctional family that runs a funeral home. Kid is obsessed with serial killers and discovers his neighbor is one (but he's also a demon who needs body parts to stay alive). Humor and sympathetic character, weird details about bodies and embalming, gross. Fun but disturbing
    • 3/5
      Unfortunately it failed to suck me in and make me really care. It was a good book, don't get me wrong. I just don't think it's for me.
    • 4/5
      Another one I really liked This is the author's first novel, but he must have written other things - this is REALLY good for a first book. (I am too lazy to look him up right now!) The story is good, the plot, the characters, but the author's ability to describe things is what grabbed me right away: in describing the protagonist's friend, he says, "In other words, he acted like the bullies, but without any of the strength or charisma to back it up." In a sentence, that kid's character is nailed. And I loved how the antagonist was sympathetic in so many ways. This is more of a mystery, but the SFF element is clearly there, so I've categorized it as both.
    • 3/5
      Really, this should be like 3 1/2 stars. The reason being that, while the beginning was a bit slow, the ending was intense, unforgiving, and carnal. I really didn't dig the way Dan Wells felt it necessary to walk me through the world of serial killers, because it felt very contrived. Then again, it's Pop Fiction, meaning that the major demographic for this book likely aren't as familiar with these disturbed individuals as I am. But still, it does a great job of painting out some powerful imagery, and there are more than just a few scenes in this book that will leave you feeling disturbed. By no means is this novel a limp-wristed affair.

      What threw me off was the introduction of a supernatural element to the story. I can't even begin to tell you how surprised I was, and it wasn't unpleasantly so. The monster John Wayne Cleaver has to face is quite terrifying, and his relationship to the creature just intensifies it. Apparently, this isn't the only adventure we get to enjoy with John, and I wouldn't mind checking out its sequel. I'm not sure if it'll have that supernatural element to it as well, but if it was anything like this first novel, it'll probably be a good read.
    • 3/5
      What an odd book. It's fiction and reads a bit like a young adult novel, but I'm not sure I would want a teen full of angst to pick this one up. In this story, a text book sociopath 9th grader writes school themes on serial killers, dresses as famous serial killers from history and has a set of personal rules to keep him from dwelling too much on killing others. Then he meets a serial killer in the flesh. An intriguing premise, but a little unsettling.
    • 4/5
      I liked this book. The psychological aspect of John's sociopath nature was fantastic. That could not have been done better. We are let into the mind of someone who does not think quite the way we do.For me the book took a huge dump when Mr. Wells brings in the supernatural. I was far more engaged with the evil deeds of someone normal than by some supernatural creature dropped into the story. I was hoping what Dan saw on the ice was a stress-related hallucination. But no, the story just jumped off the rails.It wasn't necessary and it diminished the bold sharp story about John. Just to rub some salt in the wound, how is it that the demon doesn't catch John placing any one of all those notes, or even really try? If someone started leaving those for me I'd sure try to trap whoever it was.Mr. Wells does a fine job of leaving us plot clues without dumbing it down too much. I knew why the demon stuck around before the story spelled it out. I knew the climax would happen in the mortuary (I had assumed formaldehyde but that was a minor difference). Yet I didn't feel like Mr. Wells had to dumb it down too much.I'll read the next book because I like the way he writes about the protagonist, John. But I'm only rating the whole book at 3.5 stars, merely above average.
    • 5/5
      This was the first time I read something faster than I could put it on my shelf here. Listened, I should say... and I found it hard to stop. It started off funny, then became disturbing, and then downright scary. It is a very interesting look into the mind of a sociopath, I must say. Some things I related to a lot, actually, which concerns me now :). A couple of my favorite quotes were "Talking is normal. It's what normal people do together. I needed the practice." And, "I wanted to be a real boy." The latter allusion to Pinocchio is like a twisted and perfect metaphor.
    • 4/5
      Thrilling throughout. The characters were strong, the narrative clear, and the plot exciting.
    • 2/5
      This was such a disappointing book. The psychological aspects of the main character are fascinating and the writing is brilliant at times. But the reliance on supernatural aspects, especially since they don't come up until a third of the way through and with no prior indication that this world includes supernatural elements, ruined this book for me.

      It's such a shame, since there was the potential for this to be a brilliant examination of sociopathy from a novel perspective.
    • 4/5
      The author does a good job at centering the story on an antihero and an antivillain. I did notice the lack of fantasy context in the first quarter of the book but it did not bother me as much as other reviewers who said they were taken by surprise. Not recommended for those who are turned off by the lurid and by descriptions of gore, but I don't believe they would be likely to get past the cover.
    • 3/5
      Oh no! I really wanted to like this book more than I did. It wasn't bad really. I did enjoy it, but....

      it really threw me for a loop midway through the book. The introduction of the supernatural element was pretty jarring and an all-around unpleasant surprise. It seemed so unnecessary! Why Dan Wells? Why!?
    • 3/5
      I liked certain aspects, but it did not live up to what I thought the book was. I Hunt Killers was much better.
    • 3/5
      The book was well-researched and well-written. I think it's a real challenge to make the protagonist someone who has an extremely small emotional range.

      *** SPOILER ALERT ***
      I was surprised that our hero's protagonist turned out to be a demon. It felt like a reality-based book except for that. I think that disappointed me — it felt like a kind of cop-out. At the same time, it created an interesting contrast, the young sociopath unable to connect to others and the elderly demon who felt love and empathy.
    • 4/5
      John Wayne Cleaver is not your average teen-aged sociopath. Yes, he's had an obsession with serial killers since he learned at age eight about his accidental namesake John Wayne Gacey. He's above average in intelligence, and has a childhood history of bed-wetting, fascination with fire, and the torture of small animals.The thing is, John Wayne Cleaver really doesn't want to become a serial killer himself, so he's worked out a whole system for tamping down his impulses. He's got rules. He keeps his monster, as he refers to it, locked up deep inside by forcing himself to interact in a more or less normal fashion with those around him, by not allowing himself to indulge in obsessive behaviors, and, most especially, by not allowing himself to obsess over death and its beauty. He even helps out the nice old couple next door by shoveling snow and running errands for them.It doesn't help that he and his mother live above the mortuary that she and her sister run. It helps even less when a brutal murder happens in town and it's immediately obvious to John that it may very well be the work of a serial killer.It is. The deaths keep coming and John keeps fighting his demons. How appropriate, then, when he realizes that the killer is not really a serial killer per se--at least, not in the traditional sense of the term--but rather, a demon in human guise who kills when he needs to grab a kidney or set of lungs to replace its own failing organs. He's both overjoyed and terrified when he realizes that he can actually do good by giving into his evil impulses by stopping the supernatural killer in his town. But at what cost to himself does he unleash the beast within?Dan Wells has created a compelling hero in John Wayne Cleaver. His first person narrative is clever and intelligent, and his struggles with the demons within (and without) are moving and sometimes funny.
    • 5/5
      Great Book and Great movie.Love Dan Wells Books.Highly Recommend it.
    • 3/5
      Not necessarily what I expected, but amusing enough. The plot wasn't particularly surprising, but I didn't feel like quitting half way though, so that's something. Gonna read part two before deciding whether I like the characters or not.
    • 5/5
      John cleaver was compared to Dexter very often and yes, there are similarities. Both are sociopath trying to fight with their own serial killer instincts. Still the two characters and the two series are totally different as in the first book John has to face not other "bad guys" but a supernatural killer.
    • 1/5
      It started promising and interesting but, about 85 to 90 pages in, it took a turn and became something I didn't expect but didn't want. The boy became a lot more juvenile and it became a supernatural detective story when I was more interested in an actual serial killer.
    • 5/5
      John Wayne is a fifteen-year-old boy who lives with his single mother above the mortuary she owns with her twin sister. He's also a sociopath determined to prevent himself from becoming a serial killer, even as he explores his fascination with the phenomena. But when a series of violent murders occur in his previously quiet town, John finds himself drawn to the crimes, and realizes that he is the only one in town with the insight to stop the serial killer in their midst. I Am Not a Serial Killer is a grisly and captivating narrative, and Wells adopts an interesting perspective to explore the darker side of human desire. I was a little disappointed with one aspect of the novel: I would have found the story more compelling if the narrative stayed focused on realism versus the fantastic. Still, I would recommend I am Not a Serial Killer to adults and teens who enjoy mysteries, the macabre, and perhaps a fascination with the scariest monsters that exist: serial killers.
    • 4/5
      Fun read! The narrator definitely didn't sound anything like a 15 year-old but besides that, the performance was fine. I'm thinking of picking up the next in the series. I enjoyed getting into John's head. It was a very interesting place to visit.
    • 4/5
      I am NOT a serial killer was a strange an intriguing read. I'm so going to pick up Mr Monster. Kind of like a junior Dexter with a side order of paranormal.
    • 2/5
      Book stores really need to shelf this book in young adult and not in regular fiction and literature sections. That way middle-aged women who routinely buy books on a whim won’t end up with another young adult series on their hands. Because even if this is marketed as adult fiction, it’s young adult, and while I am not a snob against young adult, it’s not my first choice when deciding to read a book. So that was the first strike against the book and I guess we can blame that on Barnes and Noble instead of Wells.But Wells has some marks against him, too. Overall, the idea is interesting – a kid who believes he is a soul-less psychopath and destined to become a serial killer finds out the real thing is living very near him and he is obsessed with finding out who is responsible for the string of gory murders plaguing his town. He lives with his mother above their mortuary business and for a while you think this book is going to be a nice blend of Catcher in the Rye, Dexter and Mary Roach’s Stiff. And it is for a bit. But then you notice that the protagonist teenager really doesn’t seem to meet the criteria for psychopathy and not in a “wink-wink, the kid really isn’t a psychopath but doesn’t know it” sort of way, but rather in a “crap, read the goddamn DSM, please” kind of way. Still, Wells didn’t go off the rails as badly as some writers do when trying to write about mentally unstable characters.But the real problem with this book was the supernatural element that Wells imbued in the killer. We went from a real kid with real problems inserting himself into a real crime spree to a questionable episode of True Blood, but since it is a young adult novel, we don’t even have Alexander Skarsgard’s ass or random breast shots to try to distract us from what a bad decision the supernatural element is. And this is all the worse because the book remained more or less readable, in that I didn’t put it down even as I cursed inside at the really crappy plot twist. So buyer beware – not the worst book ever and it has some interesting, visceral moments, but I’m totally not reading the rest of the books in this series.
    • 3/5
      Nathaniel TadrosOct. third, 2013I Am Not a Serial Killer reviewDeath is not something you want to joke about, especially when your son is a diagnosed sociopath, works in a mortuary, and a known serial killer is running loose. Problems for his mom are bound to rise. Imagine the trouble the boy must have to put up with to contain his excitement throughout it.For almost fifteen years, John Wayne Cleaver has been obsessed with serial killers. At school he’s been shunned by classmates for his disturbing views about the history of serial killing, and his own family sends him to a psychologist weekly to make sure he doesn’t kill them in the night. But they need not worry. John has built up a series of rules for himself to stop him from getting in trouble. For nine years it worked, so why would there be danger now? That view is held until one extraordinary night, when the possibility of a serial killer threatens Clayton. By the next month, John knows who the killer is and how to dispose of him. But in order to kill the killer, John must release a terrible creature even worse than the killer itself into the world, one that goes by the name of Mr. Monster.Full of Action, drama, murder, and blood, this book is bound to repel some people and engulf others. Thrown into the jumble of gore and death, romance takes a hold of the main character and traps him between his demented mind and social life and prevents him from keeping his sanity. The romance between characters sucks in the reader and the gore and blood keeps them on the verge of putting it down. The best comparison for the book I can make is that it is like two opposite ends of a magnet; such an interesting style it is difficult to stop reading it. Being worth a try, I encourage anyone interested to read it!
    • 5/5
      As a long-time fan of writing excuses, a writing podcast that Dan Wells and three other authors make every week, I decided it was high-time I read some of what these people who I had been taking advice from for so long wrote. I bought the John Cleaver series by Dan Wells, Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy, and a short story collection by Mary Robinette Kowal. This is the first of those books I’ve read, and so far I am not disappointed.

      *Spoilers Ahead*

      I had a feeling I would like this book, as I have always found serial killers pretty interesting. I was still hesitant though, because I have been burned before, *cough* Dexter. Speaking of Dexter, a lot of people are making comparisons between those books and these books. As much as that offends me, I can’t deny that it’s an apt comparison—they’re both told in first-person and feature sociopathic protagonists, though John Cleaver isn’t a killer yet and Dexter is, and both series add a supernatural element to the mix. The difference is that when Dexter added that supernatural element it was in book three of the series, and neither of the previous two books foreshadowed it at all. Also, it was stupid. Very, very stupid. Book three of Dexter was probably the most disappointing book I have ever read, and it soured me on the entire series. Jeff Lindsay is either an idiot that got extremely lucky twice, or he just lost his freaking mind when he wrote the third book.

      The supernatural twist in I Am Not a Serial Killer, on the other hand, comes roughly halfway through the book, and it’s explicitly foreshadowed twice even earlier than that. It’s a good twist. The kind of twist that you figure out right before it happens. It was expertly done, and I found myself wanting to give Wells a standing ovation.

      So yeah, this book isn’t really a serial killer book. It’s a book about a kid who may or may not become a serial killer at some point. He lacks empathy, is attracted to dead things, and knows a lot about serial killers—more than anyone in his town—and because of that he recognizes that the murders that have been happening lately don’t fit the pattern of either regular murder or serial killings, and winds up witnessing something supernatural because of his undue curiosity. That, to me, is way more interesting than the non-supernatural alternatives that the story could have taken, and I actually really like serial killer stories, so that’s saying something.

      Bottom line—if you didn’t dig the supernatural element in this book, it’s not the book’s fault, it’s just you. I like fantasy. I like supernatural stuff. If you’re the type of person who only reads crime/mystery/thriller novels and you didn’t know that this book was supernatural going in, I could see how it would disappoint, but it’s well done.
    • 4/5
      “I made my decision. It was time to tear down the wall, to throw away all the rules I’d created for myself. It was time to let the monster out. I got back on my bike and rode home, tearing down my rules as I went. Brick by brick, the wall came down, and the monster stretched its legs, flexed its claws, licked its lips. Tomorrow, we would hunt.”Teenager John Wayne Cleaver has been obsessed with serial killers since he was seven, and has diagnosed himself with psychopathic tendencies. When the book starts he’s already been in trouble at school for studying psychopaths and scaring his teachers, sending him into therapy. John’s character is a great narrator for this story. The reader sees into the mind of someone who is detached from humanity (sociopath) and can not feel for them, but still knows what is right and wrong. This first installment of the series is a bigger internal struggle for John then it is an external one; controlling his monster while another runs free.There’s a lot of dark humor, but not morbidly so. We are talking about a teenage-psycho living in a mortuary after all, so there’s plenty of one-liners about death, dying and dead bodies to go around; perfect for those who like dry humor.The story does go a little slow at some points, but it’s not a deal breaker considering the narrator is a sociopath. At points it’s more like you start to get a feel of John’s obsessions the more repetitive he becomes on the longer he lingers on a certain subject, and even though you might be interested in something else he couldn’t care less about it; so in the end you’re stuck with him and his thoughts. The story also takes a supernatural turn. Some hate it, some love it. It really depends on the reader’s preferences, but the story still keeps the psychological aspects that it started with so I didn’t mind the turn and found myself intrigued by how the new development would effect John. It’s an easy and quick read, and well written for the strange point of view. It might take a little time getting into the story due to the slowness and lack of emotions from the main character, but once you figure out that’s part of the story it’s easy to get yourself in to the character yourself. Overall I recommend this to fans of phycological thrillers, mystery, and paranormal novels alike. There’s a little something for everybody in the mix!
    • 4/5
      The book I am not a serial killer is about a boy named John that is addicted to serial killers. One day, his town got attacked by a person that nobody knows. Later in the story, John finds out that his next door neighbor, Bill Crowley, is the one that's been killing people. Thats not all, Mr. Crowley has been killing people because since he's at an old age, his organs are failing. And by replacing organs, as a monster, he can rip open his body and switch the body parts.You don’t understand how messed up this book was, there was even a disclaimer from the author saying to his family that the book isn’t a true story about himself! I liked how the author Dan Wells made the story into a Drama Mystery, into a little bit of Drama Sci Fi Mystery. And I loved how Wells used a lot of detail for the protagonist John. I would recommend this book to any teen that likes a very serious Drama. Even as a person who doesn’t like dramas, I thought this book was pretty good.
    • 4/5
      This review will have no spoilers, I promise.

      I picked up this book because I listen to the Writings Excuses podcast; the author is one of the hosts. It sounded like an appealing read with an unusual conceit - the narrator is a very self-aware 15 year old sociopath. The {spoiler} coming when it did might have put me off, if the writing and the characterization wasn't so damn compelling. If you read more for the characters than the plot, this book is so very much for you. I have no idea how Mr. Wells can go from this book into a series, and I don't actually care - I'm going to read the rest of the books just to spend more time with the people I've gotten to know in this book.

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    • 5/5
      I Am Not A Serial Killer (Ich bin kein Serienkiller) ist ein Buch, das unter die Haut geht und dort langsam und unheimlich unter der Oberfläche herum kriecht. Es laufen einem mitunter eiskalte Schauer über den Rücken, der Roman ist also nicht unbedingt etwas für Zartbesaitete. Im klassischen Sinne handelt es sich bei dieser dreiteiligen Buchreihe auch nicht gerade um waschechte Fantasy, vielmehr ist es ein Psychothriller mit einem Dämon in der Nebenrolle. Soviel vorweg gesagt, auf ans Eingemachte!Der Debütroman des Autors Dan Wells schlägt eine sehr ungewöhnliche Richtung ein, indem er seine Geschichte aus der Sicht eines potentiellen Serienmörders erzählt. John Cleaver hat es bisher geschafft, seine dunklen Gelüste zu kontrollieren, doch der Leser bemerkt schon von den ersten Sätzen an, dass der Junge eine tickende Zeitbombe ist, die jeden Moment explodieren könnte. In seiner Freizeit hilft er leidenschaftlich gerne im Bestattungshaus seiner Mutter aus, seine Schulreferate drehen sich immer um Serienmörder. Nach außen hin wirkt John trotzdem fast wie ein normaler Teenager, doch in seinem Inneren herrscht ein unerbittlicher Kampf zwischen Gut und Böse. Es ist insbesondere dieser immer gegenwärtige Kampf mit sich selbst und der ungewöhnliche Einblick in den Geist eines Menschen, der davon träumt, jemanden zu töten, was I Am Not A Serial Killer so eindringlich macht. Man erlebt düstere Gedanken darüber, wie John im Geiste mit einer erschreckend analytischen und gut informierten Routine die Funktionen und Schwachpunkte des menschlichen Körpers durchgeht, wie er lauernd auf den richtigen Moment wartet und seine Anspannung aufspart. Der Junge weiß, wie er morden kann, aber auch, dass er nicht morden darf. Hin- und hergerissen zwischen Wunsch und Rechtsbewusstsein, fesselt der Protagonist den Leser auf diese Weise an das Buch, seien seine Schilderungen auch noch so “alltäglich”. Was für John zum normalen Tagesablauf gehört, wirkt auf den normalen Leser meist doch ziemlich erschreckend.Als Antiheld tritt John nun einem Dämon gegenüber, der in vielen Belangen wesentlich menschlicher erscheint in seinem Handeln und seinen Beweggründen als der Junge. Trotzdem ist John ein Charakter, den man nicht hassen kann und dem man wünscht, dass er irgendwann einfach “gesund” werden kann. Der Dämon selbst wird dabei fast zur Nebensache, denn der Hauptgegner bleibt immer Johns eigene unterdrückte Seite. Nichtsdestotrotz bekleidet der Dämon eine wichtige Position in diesem Roman, denn er ist es, der Johns Tätigkeiten und Gedanken beflügelt. Alles wird von einem sarkastisch-zynischen Unterton des Protagonisten begleitet, der Galgenhumor als eine Option sieht, mit seinem inneren Ich zurechtzukommen. Das macht dieses Buch nicht nur extrem spannend, sondern auch sehr unterhaltsam, und stellenweise lockt es dem Leser ein böses Lachen über die Lippen.I Am Not A Serial Killer ist ein Pageturner von der unheimlichsten Sorte, da er soviel realistische Möglichkeiten beleuchtet. Die Erzählung wirkt sehr glaubhaft konstruiert und nachvollziehbar. Zumindest für Leser, die weder Soziopathen noch Therapeuten sind, dürfte es sehr überzeugend erzählt sein und eine buchstäblich unheimliche Wirkung entfalten.Wer sich neben Fantasy auch gerne mal in die Welt der Krimis und Thriller begibt und mit wenig phantastischen Elementen zufrieden ist, der wird John Cleaver garantiert lieben. Für eher schwache Nerven und Freunde klassischer Phantastik ist das Buch dagegen nicht zu empfehlen.