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    Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings: First Zit. First Crush. First... Mermaids Tail?
    Unavailable
    Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings: First Zit. First Crush. First... Mermaids Tail?
    Unavailable
    Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings: First Zit. First Crush. First... Mermaids Tail?
    Audiobook4 hours

    Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings: First Zit. First Crush. First... Mermaids Tail?

    Written by Helene Boudreau

    Narrated by Jen Taylor

    4.5/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this audiobook

    First zit. First crush. First...mermaid's tail?

    Fourteen-year-old Jade feels like a freak-of-nature when she finally gets her first period while trying on an XL tankini at the mall. It gets worse when she runs into handsome Luke Martin in the feminine products aisle while her dad Googles 'menstruation' on his BlackBerry. But 'freak-of-nature' takes on a whole new meaning when raging hormones bring on another metamorphosis - complete with scales and a tail.

    When Jade learns she's inherited her mermaid tendencies from her late mother, it raises the question: if Mom was a mermaid, how did she drown?

    ©2010 Helene Boudreau (P)2010 Dreamscape Media, LLC

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDreamscape Media Audio
    Release dateDec 1, 2010
    ISBN9781611200355
    Unavailable
    Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings: First Zit. First Crush. First... Mermaids Tail?
    Author

    Helene Boudreau

    Helene Boudreau writes fiction and nonfiction for children and young adults from her home in Ontario. Her debut middle grade novel, Arcadian Star, was nominated for the 2009/2010 Hackmatack Children's Choice Book Award.

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    Reviews for Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings

    4.5/5

    26 ratings23 reviews

    What did you think?

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 4/5
      Cute, fun and I liked the positive father-daughter relationship.
    • 4/5
      This was a very quick and enjoyable read.
    • 4/5
      Cute story. This book surely made me crave for mug cakes. Ahhh...I can not resist the temptation. LOL!
    • 5/5
      Helene Boudreau has written a humorous coming-of-age story; brilliantly combining contemporary and fantasy! I wish that this book was around when I was a tween - so witty, entertaining and fun - loved every second I spent with Jade!Jade is your average tween just trying to find the perfect swimsuit for her best friend's pool party... so happy to have found the perfect one, she was not prepared for all that happens afterwards!First period. First crush run-in. Major embarrassing moment with Dad in front of first crush.Could Jade's day get any worse?How 'bout a giant fish-tail???Yes. It is completely possible for a bad day to get worse.Poor Jade! In less than 24 hours, Jade 'becomes a woman' and finds out that she's half human, half mermaid. And that her mother used to be a mermaid too.Her mother who drowned in the lake last summer.Everything about Jade, her family and friends, her life seemed so realistic. Her attitude, whit and independence made Jade such a strong character that many girls will love and admire. Jade is inspiring, no matter what happened, she dealt with it the best way she could. And I loved that she was so close to her dad and was able to go to him for anything that she needed help with - including the embarrassing trip to the store! Which made their relationship and story so much more realistic and relatable. There were so many laugh-out-loud moments, I was smiling the entire time. And of course, there were moments where my heart went out to Jade - this is an age where a girl really could use a mother figure and she was truly missing her mom so much, there were quite a few tender moments where she needed her so much.Oh, and Jade's crush, Luke.I wasn't sure at first if he was a keeper or not. Still not sure.But Luke's got a few secrets of his own!He's a keeper, for now!Also, the way that the author was able to integrate Jade's transformation from human to mermaid was so natural. Every time it happened it seemed like something normal, something that may actually be able to happen in real life. The changes that Jade went through physically were not simple, but the explanation and details made it seem very believable and mesmerizing.I am really looking forward to watching Jade grow and blossom, and also learning more about Luke and what has happened to Jade's mom in the next book,Real Mermaids Don't Hold Their Breath.
    • 3/5
      Due to copy and paste, formatting has been lost.The first book in the Real Mermaids trilogy surprised me. I was expecting a fluffy read about mermaids, which I got. But I didn't expect to actually be enchanted by it. You should know by now that I just adore any type of mythology-- any at all. So I was happy to read a little bit on mermaid lore (the webbed ones), but I was a tad disappointed with the actual mermaid content of the novel.To me, it was too...I don't know, shallow? That's not really the word that I'm looking for, but it'll do for now. As I was saying, the underwater stuff, the mermaid change and stuff (and stuff, and stuff, ugh)? Well, I wish that it had been better done. In moments like those, I felt like I wasn't really a part of the book. And I can't help but wish that the lore part of the book had been more focused on.Not only that, but the villians were super juvenile. But I can totally forgive that, because I realize that we're dealing with a younger age group here. But still, I like my villians bad. And I like my parent's realistic. The first time that Jade becomes a mermaid, her dad helps her out of the tub...but what self-respecting dad wouldn't screech when his daughter becomes a mermaid?? Especially when she changes back and she's naked...um. I may have missed something, but ick. I took that the wrong way-- maybe she has a blanket? I'll just assume that I missed something. (Oh, dear God in heaven please.)Now that I've gotten that off my chest, this book was really cute. Jade was a terrific character, which lots of younger girls will definitely identify with, because she's experiencing every thing for the first time too-- girly things, growing a mermaid's tail (if you are, totally tell me, I'll be there for you!), and of course, her first crush. Which was adorable.Jade's crush on Luke is very real and true to life, as is her lack of self confidence and her friend problems. All of that is something I'm sure that we've all experienced at one time, and I'm sure that you'll find something to love about Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings.
    • 4/5
      Jade is dealing with plenty of typical teenage issues -- finding a bathing suit that fits her full figure, shopping for feminine hygiene products with her dad (her mother died about a year ago in a boating accident), tongue-tied conversations with cute boys, and her legs transforming into a tail when she takes a bath. (Okay, so that last one? Not so typical.) Jade is discovering that she didn't know as much as she thought she did about her mother, and about her mother's death. Can Jade learn to control her new abilities, or are pool parties going to be off-limits for the rest of her life?This was a fun light read. I appreciate reading about a heroine who is overweight and generally okay with that (swimsuit shopping drama aside). I'm not sure if I will continue with the series, but I'd certainly recommend it to teens who like mermaids and chick lit.
    • 4/5
      This is a light-hearted story of a girl coming to terms with not only normal teenage angsty things, but also with a big something that makes her VERY different. I always enjoy stories that start with an impossible "what if?" and this certainly fits the bill with the mermaid story line. I really enjoyed Jade's voice - funny and straight forward, but also innocent. And I really liked Cori - she's the kind of friend every teenage girl needs to have AND to be.
    • 5/5
      I LOVED THIS BOOK. This is probably my favorite of the mermaid-related books I've read.When thirteen-year-old Jade gets her first period, it also triggers her transformation into becoming a mermaid. I really enjoyed the "becoming a mermaid" concept as a metaphor for adolescence.I also appreciated that the father in this novel was not one of those distant/crappy/negligent parents that exist in almost all YA lit. He and Jade have a great relationship (despite him embarrassing her by googling "menstruation" on his phone in order to help Jade through her first period.)Until another mermaid comes along and steals my heart, Jade has it for now. She is such a refreshingly real protagonist. She's extremely capable, a good friend and daughter, as well as being very self-effacing and witty. She's got boy drama, but it doesn't envelop her entire life. She lies to her best friend (with good reason!) yet hates herself for doing it. She was such a joy to read, and I can't wait to take a swim with her again in the sequel.
    • 3/5
      Poor Jade is having a rough day... first, she can't find a bathing suit that fits her full figure, then when she does, the designer's name is the same as her late mother's, her period has started for the first time, and then she bumps into a cute boy while buying pads with her Dad. When she gets home, all she wants to do is relax in the tub, but she's so exhausted that she falls asleep... and wakes up with a mermaid tail!And that's where the story really starts. It's cute, realistic (a full-figured heroine!), and features a loving, healthy relationship between a teenager and her parents. It's a book about friendship, coming-of-age, first crushes, and forgiveness. While I'm obviously not the target market for this book, I do think it would make an excellent read for the 9-12 crowd on the verge of puberty (and all the physical changes that come with it) and that awkward "parents aren't cool anymore" transitional phase.
    • 3/5
      Fourteen year old Jade knows things are changing. Her mother drowned the year before and she really misses her, especially as she undergoes the changes that come with puberty. Things get wierd when Jade grows a mermaid's tail and discovers what is going on under the surface of the nearby lake.
    • 5/5
      The Good Stuff * Absolutely positively one of the most delightful pieces of tween fiction I have ever read * Heroine is a very real and refreshingly honest * Strong opening grabs your attention and you are hooked into the story * Sort of reminded me of a hipper Judy Blume book (This is a compliment) * Snappy witty dialogue * Love the relationship between Jade and her Dad * Positive relationships between Jade and her friends and boys * Very unique storyline * Author really remembers what its like to be a 13 yr old girl * Author's CanadianThe Not so Good Stuff * I wanted more -- there better be a sequelFavorite Quotes/Passages"Pleasantly plump girl bumps into cute (but evil) boy. A few polite words were exchanged. Girl and boy from parallel universes part ways, never to speak again.""Geesh! They really should invent a brain implant with a drop-down menu of witty comebacks because right then, I had nothing.""Hey Jade?' He called out holding two packages of maxi pads.I shook my head violently to stop Dad from talking, but from where he stood, I doubted he could see I was talking to a boy. A mildly annoying, but nonetheless cute boy.'Do you want wings or no wings?'It was official. This was shaping up to be the Most. Embarrassing. Day. Ever." "I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist." Who should/shouldn't read * Perfect book for the middle school or tween girl5 Dewey'sI picked this up at the OLA Conference and didn't have to review it, just loved it and wanted to pass it on to you guys too
    • 4/5
      Tween and young teenage girls will love this. A sweet coming of age story with a mermaid twist, RMDWTR covers a lot of ground: a girl's first period and first crush, death and grieving, father-daughter relationships, body issues and self esteem, mean girls, mermaid mythology and personal power. It's a slim volume and a quick read, so it doesn't delve too deeply into any of these issues, but the pacing and tone is perfect for middle-school attention spans and sensibilities. And the ending is super cute. A satisfying little feel-good go-girl book
    • 4/5
      When I was asked to review this book, I wasn't sure if I would enjoy it or not. The title of the book really left me wondering about this story. I really love mermaids and the more that I kept pondering about this Middle Grade book, the more I kept leaning towards reviewing it. Helene wrote a wonderful and humorous book about a 14 year old girl who is learning to deal with many "firsts", such as: first period, first crush, and even a first mermaid tail!The story opens with Jade, resting in a bath of Epson salt to soothe her menstrual cramps. She suddenly awakens due to a small phobia of water, that she developed because of her mother's death from drowning. When she tries to get out of the tub, she is shocked and horrified when she realizes that she no longer has legs, but a mermaid's tail!Soon, Jade learns that her own mother was in fact a mermaid! But what makes things stranger is, how could her mother have drowned when she was a mermaid? In this story, Jade not only has to learn how to cope with her physical changes but she also decides to uncover the truth behind her mother's death.This is definitely the type of book that I would have LOVED to read as a pre-teen. Heck, I still enjoyed it even if I'm not a pre-teen! The story was wonderful! Jade is definitely a likable character! She's realistic and the way that she holds on to memories of her mother is both heart warming and sad. But don't worry! You will find yourself smiling and laughing as well when you read this book! Especially when you get to the parts where Jade and her Father are together, they certainly make a wonderful Father and Daughter team!With the way the book ended, there seems to be more to Jade's story! I do hope there will be a sequel because I would definitely want to read it! Mermaid fans, you won't be disappointed with this book! Go and get yourself a copy!
    • 3/5
      Plot:Jade finds out she is a mermaid. Her best friend spends a lot of time with another girl, and Luke, her crush, why would he ever look at her. There is a lot to handle.My thoughts:This was a short cute book, and I loved the mermaid explanation. That was really original and it almost made me believe it could be true. So here the author really thought about how and why there are mermaids.Jade is a nice girl, her mum drowned a year earlier and she is trying to cope. She gets her period and her dad goes all out and buys a cart filled with products, hilarious and funny. Then she finds out she can become a mermaid, and she is really scared. Who wouldn't be since she know nothing at all about being a mermaid. There is also friendship drama since a new girl tries to move into their group, and she is not that nice. And of course then there is the crush, and Luke is a really sweet guy. But the teenage drama is never too drama, instead the focus is more on her coping with this new situation and what that brings.There is also some action, I shall not give any details, but something is going to happen.All in all this was a sweet book. I started to read and read it in one sitting. I was amused, and the mermaid angle, oh so good. I wonder where she got the idea of their origin?Recommendation and final thoughts:A yes there, this is something young girls would enjoy. First there is mermaids, cool, the crush, and issues with friends. The paranormal and the down to earth things all young people go through. It's a 3,5. I enjoyed the book. Reason for readings:Jumped on the mermaid wagonCover: Cute
    • 4/5
      I had a great time with this. Jade is one fantastic girl and the humor portrayed in this book had me shaking with laughter at the time. If I were still 14 and knew Jade, she probably would have been one of my best friends growing up. She is just that kind of girl!

      The book starts off with what would top any girl's list as one of the worst days Ever. i both laughed, was mortified and sympathetic toward Jade. Often all at once. From period disaster, to crush humiliation, all a girl needs is to sprout a fin to top off the day, right? Yep!

      It is just Jade and her father and she is about to learn that, while her mother has passed away, she also passed along a genetic trait to Jade. She is a mermaid! And Jade is far from happy about it! One thing I do wish though, is to get a better feel for her crush and her father. the focus was very tunneled for the story.

      This is just book one in the series and I am eager to see where it goes. Quirky, cute and full of fun, with just enough drama to set things in balance, I really enjoyed it. This book is aimed more a the younger side of the YA genre to middle grade. But even as an adult, I got a few kicks out of it. Medium paced story, with a few surprise twists and if you don't laugh at least once, get your sense of humor checked! :)
    • 3/5
      A good, fast-paced middle-grade novel about (whee!) mermaids. I am a huge mermaid fan and this book had an interesting take on them to be sure. A lot of mermaids, a little puberty stuff, and boys. A.K.A. the trifecta of a good older kids' chapter book. The pacing was a little quick which made things hard to follow, but it wasn't all bad. A solid "liked" from me, though ten-year-old me would've loved the heck out of it.
    • 5/5
      I LOVED THIS BOOK. This is probably my favorite of the mermaid-related books I've read.When thirteen-year-old Jade gets her first period, it also triggers her transformation into becoming a mermaid. I really enjoyed the "becoming a mermaid" concept as a metaphor for adolescence.I also appreciated that the father in this novel was not one of those distant/crappy/negligent parents that exist in almost all YA lit. He and Jade have a great relationship (despite him embarrassing her by googling "menstruation" on his phone in order to help Jade through her first period.)Until another mermaid comes along and steals my heart, Jade has it for now. She is such a refreshingly real protagonist. She's extremely capable, a good friend and daughter, as well as being very self-effacing and witty. She's got boy drama, but it doesn't envelop her entire life. She lies to her best friend (with good reason!) yet hates herself for doing it. She was such a joy to read, and I can't wait to take a swim with her again in the sequel.
    • 3/5
      Fourteen year old Jade knows things are changing. Her mother drowned the year before and she really misses her, especially as she undergoes the changes that come with puberty. Things get wierd when Jade grows a mermaid's tail and discovers what is going on under the surface of the nearby lake.
    • 5/5
      Omfg I loved this, didn't want to take my earbuds out. It was such a stupid premise - girl falls asleep in bathtub, wakes up with mermaid tail? REALLY? That's just idiotic. But really, this was a book about a girl going through a lot of physical changes (and no, I don't mean just the tail) with no mother to help her, and a best friend who she's lied to about said changes... therefore, a girl who feels like she's totally alone in the world and can't talk to anyone about her problems except her dorky dad, and HE'S only in the loop because he saw her standing, confused, in the tampon aisle trying to decide what to get before the napkins stuffed in her underwear stopped working. And if the mermaid tail transformation (and subsequent sobbing fit & re-humanization) weren't enough, one day Jade sees her mother in the lake... Mom is alive! Surprise! She didn't drown... evil criminal mermaids wanting Mom's secret about turning human dragged her under in order to get the secret from her and become human themselves, in order to escape from their freshwater lake prison. So, of course, alone and sometimes mermaid-y, Jade has to go save Mom and bring her back to the human world. Dad's in the loop, of course, since he busted down the bathroom door during The Bath after hearing Jade's ear-piercing "holy crap, I have a mermaid tail!" scream. This book was so much more than the silly mermaid story; I loved Jade as a budding teenage girl, a pudgy klutz who doesn't see how her crush could ever like her (reminds me of Mia from the Princess Diaries in a lot of ways). I loved her best friend, Corey (Cori? I listened to this on audio.), who never shook from her place at Jade's side, despite treatment by Jade during the whole fish-tail fiasco. Loved Dad, loved the humor, wit... I was extremely pleasantly surprised at the quality of this book, and I will be recommending it *often.*
    • 4/5
      REAL MERMAIDS DON'T WEAR TOE RINGS, by Hélène Boudreau, is an absolutely charming book. I went out of my comfort zone reading a lower YA book, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I sat down to start the book and finished it about two hours later!I think one of the reasons I was not phased by it being a lower YA age group was because Jade was so wise for her fourteen years. She had issues with her self-confidence and was still dealing with the drowning death of her mother, but her 'voice' was well articulated, strong, and often comical. Each step of the way, Boudreau unraveled a new possibility or barrier for Jade to make her way through. I was surprised at where the book took me and I enjoyed every minute.Adults and children alike will enjoy this book. Boudreau created her own myth about mermaids and by the end of the book I wanted to believe in them too. Jade is definitely relatable to everyone. She is a dreamer that wants to believe there is something more out there, and just needs the simple things in life to be happy.
    • 5/5
      It’s not often that I pick up a middle grade that makes me think of Margaret. I’m talking about Margaret of ARE YOU THERE GOD? fame, of course. I mean, there have been many books over the years that deal with coming of age and first periods and first crushes and all the hormonal insanity that is growing into your teen self. And many of these books are awesome in their own right. But none of them touched my heart the way Hélène Boudreau‘s REAL MERMAIDS DON’T WEAR TOE RINGS did.Jade is almost fourteen when she gets her first period in a department store bathroom while trying to find a bathing suit that compliments her “muffin top.” And she can’t tell her best friend, Cori, since she kind of sort of fibbed about getting it back when everyone else did, when they were twelve. She can’t tell her mom, since she died about a year ago — and how Jade wishes she were there more than ever! She doesn’t want to tell her dad, but is forced to when she realizes she spent all her money on the bathing suit post-period-panic and now hasn’t got the cash for “feminine hygiene products.” So Dad comes to the rescue, which unfortunately means loading up a shopping cart — a shopping cart! — with everything on the shelves while reading menstrual remedies aloud from Google results on his smart phone. Jade thinks she can just walk away and deal until Luke shows up. Adorable, evil Luke who has called her Scissor-Lips for years after a spin-the bottle accident that involved Jade’s braces and Luke’s head. Woops. But Luke looks different. And he’s looking at Jade different. If only Dad didn’t choose that moment to price-compare pads.The worst part? The worst part is that the drug store fiasco wasn’t the worst part. When Jade takes an Epsom-salt bath, she falls asleep in the tub. When she wakes up, she’s sprouted a scaly, gross tail where her legs were. It can’t be real, and yet it is. And that’s when her dad breaks down and tells her: Jade’s mom was a mermaid. And Jade is, too.But here’s the thing — if her mom was a mermaid, how could she have drowned? As soon as Jade’s legs have transformed back — thank goodness! — she wants to run to Cori and spill her guts, but sworn to silence she finds herself tangled up in secret after secret. And as the mystery of her mom’s death begins to unravel, the lies she has to tell keep piling up. Jade feels like the worst friend ever as Cori begins to turn to the snotty Lainey instead, and even though she’s starting to have mushy crushy feelings for Luke, she’s got way too much on her plate to even think that he’d be interested in a plus-sized mer-girl anyway.REAL MERMAIDS DON’T WEAR TOE RINGS is an unputdownable adventure, part Judy Blume, part Hans Christian Anderson, and 100% delightful, this fun, fresh tale (tail?) will have girls begging for a sequel. The mer-mythology is solidly constructed around an exciting story, and Jade’s voice is so real, so authentically thirteen, that I feel like she’s the girl next door. And, you know, I remember being that age. Getting your first period, having boobs that you’re dissatisfied with (whether too big or too small), trying to figure out boys — it’s a lot like turning into an otherworldly creature, if you really think about it. Hélène Boudreau‘s REAL MERMAIDS is absolutely the book to share with your favorite pre-teen girl this December.REAL MERMAIDS DON’T WEAR TOE RINGS is available next month on December 1st. Pre-order your jillion copies now, or head to your local bookstore or library STAT and make sure they’ll be getting it in!
    • 5/5
      I read Helene’s first MG novel, Acadian Star, when I interviewed her for All Things Girl. So I knew I can expect another good book, but Real Mermaids really surprised me. It’s got a different tone than Acadian Star and Jade is a very different character from Meg Gallant. In fact, Jade is a terrific character, one that will have you rooting for her from the first page till the very last.Jade has lost her mom so it hasn’t been easy for her for the past year, but she has a great friend in Cori and her dad is doing his best to replace her mom. But when Jade discovers that she’s a mermaid, things become complicated. And all sorts of crises ensue.The characters are all wonderful. Jade especially is such a charming mix of teenage awkwardness, cleverness and her (mermaid) appeal that you want to meet her in person by the end of the novel. Cori and Luke are less complex but still intriguing enough to make them believable and likable characters. The scenes between Jade and Luke are laugh-out-loud funny and cute. The problems of a teenage girl without a mother are real and despite (or because of) them being presented through comedy they evoke sympathy in the readers and offer a glimpse at how hard it is when one loses a parent at such an early age.The town of Port Toulouse seems such a nice, quaint little town from the descriptions that you’d want to actually visit it. The mermaid world, however, isn’t described any less wonderfully. All the history and details make it perfectly plausible. The same goes for Jade’s first few encounters with the mer-people and her reactions to them.I know it’s pointless to say this after the four paragraphs above, but this review could be condensed in a simple sentence: this is an absolutely amazing book that you must read.
    • 5/5
      When I first saw this one on my twitter feed, I wasn't so sure I wanted to read it. I hadn't seen the cover yet, but the title kind of threw me off. I'm not sure why, but somehow, it just did. Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings starts off with Jade (the main character) shopping with her best friend for the perfect swimsuit to fit her muffin-top, plus-sized body. She finally finds one...Then everything pretty much goes haywire from there. She gets a mermaid's tail, while sitting in a salt water tub after a rough day in the mall. Freaky. She finds out she inherited it from her mother. Here's what's bothering her - if her mother was a mermaid, how did she drown? Hurricane Jade is determined to find out. But how can she keep it a secret from her best friend? And all the other questioning eyes in her small city? Everything about Hélène Boudreau's latest release was wonderful. The characters were likable, the plot was somewhat unique, and the outcome, although slightly predictable, was completely satisfying. I was hooked from the first page, and pleased when I flipped over the last one. My only concern about this book was that it recommends it for ages 9 and up, I have siblings around that age, and I think Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings is more suitable for ages 11 and up. Overall, this is one book you just can't miss. Its a fun and quick read, and even comes with Jade's recipe for scrumptious 5-Minute Chocolate Mug Cake in the end!