Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain
    Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain
    Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain
    Audiobook9 hours

    Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

    Written by Portia de Rossi

    Narrated by Portia de Rossi

    4/5

    ()

    Switch to ebook

    About this audiobook

    “An unusually fresh and engrossing memoir of both Hollywood and modern womanhood.” —Los Angeles Times

    In this searing, unflinchingly honest memoir, actress Portia de Rossi shares the truth of her long battle to overcome anorexia and bulimia while living in the public eye, and details the new happiness and health she has found in recent years—including her coming out and her marriage to Ellen DeGeneres.

    In this groundbreaking memoir, Portia de Rossi reveals the pain and illness that haunted her for decades, from the time she was a twelve-year-old girl working as a model in Australia, through her early rise to fame as a cast member of the hit television show Ally McBeal. All the while terrified that the truth of her sexuality would be exposed in the tabloids, Portia alternately starved herself and binged, putting her life in danger and concealing from herself and everyone around her the seriousness of her illness.

    She describes the elaborate rituals around food that came to dominate hours of every day and explores the pivotal moments of her childhood that set her on the road to illness. She reveals the heartache and fear that accompany a life lived in the closet, a sense of isolation that was only magnified by her unrelenting desire to be ever thinner, ever more in control of her body and the number of calories she consumed and spent.

    From her lowest point, Portia began the painful climb back to a life of health and honesty, falling in love and marrying Ellen DeGeneres and emerging as an outspoken and articulate advocate for gay rights and women’s health issues. In this remarkable, landmark book, she has given the world a story that inspires hope and nourishes the spirit.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSimon & Schuster Audio
    Release dateNov 1, 2010
    ISBN9781442336407
    Author

    Portia de Rossi

    Portia de Rossi is an Australian-born actress best known for her roles in the television series Ally McBeal, Arrested Development, and Better Off Ted. She lives in Los Angeles with her wife, Ellen DeGeneres.

    Related to Unbearable Lightness

    Related audiobooks

    Personal Memoirs For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Facing The Demons

      Nov 1, 2018

      Facing The Demons
      7 min read

    • Article

      A Kind Of Magic

      Oct 2, 2022

      The first thing I notice about my new therapy appointment is that I’ve worn the wrong shoes. I’ve done everything else correctly: washed my hair, used deodorant, selected an age-appropriate shirt, practised my calm and knowledgeable voice. But thongs

      5 min read

    • Article

      Something Is Bru-ing

      Mar 23, 2023

      Something Is Bru-ing
      4 min read

    • Article

      30 Days to the Same Old Me

      Jun 19, 2018

      30 Days to the Same Old Me
      10 min read

    • Article

      Crazy Or CREDIBLE?

      Mar 24, 2022

      Crazy Or CREDIBLE?
      7 min read

    • Article

      The Hardest Lesson

      Sep 29, 2020

      The Hardest Lesson
      4 min read

    • Article

      Dead End

      Sep 16, 2021

      Dead End
      3 min read

    • Article

      Letting Go

      Oct 30, 2021

      Letting Go
      7 min read

    • Article

      Letting Go

      Oct 29, 2021

      Letting Go
      7 min read

    • Article

      Double Trouble

      Dec 2, 2021

      Leading side to side and stretching my body ready for my dance show I couldn’t wait to get going. I was 13 at the time and I spent as much time as I possibly could swirling and leaping around. Dance was my passion – in particular Modern and ballet. I

      4 min read

    • Article

      Behind The Scenes

      Sep 3, 2020

      Behind The Scenes
      5 min read

    • Article

      Can Habits

      Sep 15, 2022

      Can Habits
      4 min read

    • Article

      Feed me!

      Dec 21, 2021

      Feed me!
      4 min read

    • Article

      Diary Of An EARLY RISER

      Mar 17, 2020

      Diary Of An EARLY RISER
      4 min read

    • Article

      Frank By Hillary

      Sep 11, 2019

      Nine years ago, during the last storm of the snowiest winter in Philadelphia history, my stomach began to gurgle loudly like a draining bathtub. It took about an hour to realise what this meant: my daughter finally wanted out. Toward the end of my pr

      5 min read

    • Article

      Sylvie Baumgartel

      Jun 15, 2018

      I walked in the door, took off my coat, took off my sunglasses, set them down with my keys, took off my shoes and socks, my jeans, my shirt, my bra and underwear, set them all on the chair by the door, walked into the house naked, went to the fridge,

      10 min read

    • Article

      I'm A Real-life SLEEPING BEAUTY

      Jul 21, 2021

      Sitting in front of my computer at work, I felt my eyes start to droop again. Then, I nodded off into another mini-sleep, before quickly shaking myself awake. I’m exhausted! I thought, feeling confused. A single mum to my two beautiful kids, Kati, t

      3 min read

    • Article

      The Last hang Over

      Jan 18, 2024

      The Last hang Over
      7 min read

    • Article

      Sweet Treat

      May 26, 2022

      Sweet Treat
      6 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Unbearable Lightness

    4/5

    379 ratings38 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 4/5
      I hadn't planned on reading this book in one night. I intended to read a chapter or two and then go to bed, but Ms. de Rossi tells her story well and with a degree of honesty, authenticity, that grabbed and held me.

      Looking back, the book is a notable for what it leaves out as for what it puts in. It's not a story that trashes -- or even comments on -- other Hollywood denizens. She blames nobody but herself for her choices; she's not looking to lump blame on others -- and that's refreshing.

      It's an important book about how "normal" our cultural obsession with dieting has become, and it's a powerful story about how fear of not being accepted can start with something like sexual preference and later extend to many other aspects of one's life.

      I thank de Rossi (now De Generes) for her honesty and for writing this book. Even though I've never had bulimia or anorexia, reading about her journey may very well help me to have a better relationship to diet, exercise and weight. It's a gutsy book that I highly recommend to others.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      I love to play armchair therapist. Books about addiction and recovery are a personal favorite of mine. It's fascinating to hear what drives others to the decisions they make, and to try to figure out what caused it all. In Portia de Rossi's case, it seems to be a destructive cocktail of her father dying at an early age, her drive for acceptance through modeling and acting, and hiding the fact that she is a lesbian, with a side dish of her feeling her mother wanted her to be perfect, pretty, and straight. Whether this is actually true or just what she heard internally, we can't really be sure, but she seems to have worked through most of it. I found myself wanting to sit her down and tell her that who she is will be enough, and to just enjoy life.

      I first discovered Portia de Rossi on Arrested Development, one of my all-time favorite shows. I was never a fan of Ally McBeal so I had never watched her on it, and had only heard with half an ear about her struggles with her weight in the tabloids. To me, she will always be Lindsey Bluth. It was interesting to read about her descent into the depths of her eating disorder and how she finally came to terms with being who she really is, although hopefully she understands that's a journey that never ends, and she will be in recovery for the rest of her life. A well-written account of the struggles with an eating disorder. WARNING: some of her stories may trigger behaviors if you have struggled with ED in the past, so be careful.
    • 4/5
      If you're a fan of Portia de Rossi, this is a great book to read. Unbearable Lightness deals with her struggle with an eating disorder and her homosexuality early on in her career (when she played on Ally McBeal). It was heart-wrenching to read through her troubles, and while nothing new if you have read about or know anyone with an eating disorder, anyone who can openly admit their disorders in hopes of helping others is wonderful. Reading her journey and how she finds what she needs in the end brought a tear to my eye. And inspirational read about a beautiful, talented actress.
    • 4/5
      Sad, powerfully sad the way anorexia can change the way a person thinks about herself and see herself completely different from the world. I was just shocked at the lengths to which she starved and hated herself. I think De Rossi is very brave to write so honestly about her struggle with anorexia and hopefully her ultimate acceptance of herself and the disease will help others facing the same situation. When I think back what stuck with me most was the way she would break up her morning commute with running the streets.
    • 5/5
      This was painful to listen to at times. I admire your strength and vulnerability Portia❤️
    • 4/5
      In this two-part memoir, actress Portia de Rossi describes her descent into, and recovery from, anorexia and bulimia. Her story begins with her childhood as a teen model in Australia, where she develops a habit of dieting before photo shoots (and rewarding herself with food afterwards), a habit that evolves into more extreme bingeing and purging over the years. The cycle becomes increasingly severe after she lands a role on Ally McBeal. A heartbreaking moment at the end of Part One ends with Portia on the floor of the parking garage at the Four Seasons, having a complete meltdown in front of her unsympathetic manager. As I read it, I assumed that this was her "rock bottom" scene, and that Part Two would narrate her recovery. I was wrong. These binge-and-purge cycles looked almost sane in comparison to what came next. Part Two documents her deliberate and systematic starvation; in less than a year, she loses nearly half her body weight. Her storytelling is unflinchingly honest as she shares her eating and exercise practices, and the logic and emotional undercurrents that accompany and magnify them. It is both horrifying and enlightening. I'd give this a full five stars, except that the first half could have used better editing, and the epilogue is too short. Her recovery is discussed only briefly, which makes me concerned that a reader with an eating disorder will be more inclined to copycat Portia's anorexic practices rather than her journey through therapy and recovery. But unfortunately, that's the risk with any narrative about anorexia: that pro-ana readers will subvert a cautionary tale into a how-to manual.
    • 5/5
      A must read to understand eating disorders. It is sometimes uncomfortable but so needed.
    • 4/5
      The audiobook is horribly edited - it isn't organized by chapters which makes it difficult to plan your reading.
    • 3/5
      Great insight into the mind of this anorexic woman, but it was torture reading about it.
    • 4/5
      This book is brutally honest, with nothing held back. For someone with an eating disorder, it’s not the book to read because more time is spent on how she accomplished the weight loss than on her recovery. For someone who has a loved one with an eating disorder this is a great book, because it shows the thinking process behind the disorder and why the loved one can’t or won’t understand the worry other people have for them. De Rossi didn’t just write about being anorexic, she writes about what she was thinking while it happened and her thoughts for hiding it. Anyone who has had even a small eating disorder can relate to the mind frame De Rossi was in. It really brought to mind for me how society creates problems likes this with the way they try to portray images. Designers freak out when the model or actress isn’t smaller than a size eight, in the process making said actress or model believe they have to be smaller. And when they get praise for losing the weight, they believe they’d look even better with less weight. And so the cycle begins. This is a powerful book so prepare yourself before reading it.
    • 5/5
      Really well written, and honest as hell. She is very relatable.

    • 3/5
      "Unbearable Lightness", by Portia De Rossi is a very raw autobiography of a woman who battles with self imagine and acceptance. The author is very honest with intimate details of the struggle she has with an eating disorder.I enjoyed the style the book was written in. It was a very easy book to read. I definitely have a new perspective about eating disorders. I think as women we all struggle with self image at one point in our lives and this book is relatable on that front.I would recommend this book and would read this author again.
    • 5/5
      I really enjoyed this autobiography by Portia De Rossi, where she openly and honestly discusses her battle with anorexia. It was an easy book to read, and one that I would highly recommend for others to read.
    • 4/5
      I found myself crying towards the end of the book. I could not believe how similar my experience with being gay was like in comparison with Portia. I just never imagined I would be thinking the exact same things a "celebrity" would be thinking. She inspires me to be myself. Even though I don't have issues with my weight and I happen to love my body I am still able to take away from her book the core message I think she is trying to convey: Everyone is beautiful but YOU have to believe it to be true and not rely on the acceptance of others.
    • 3/5
      Not as good as I had hoped.
    • 5/5
      I love books. With fiction ones each is its own world, if you're feeling good you, the reader can play the hero. If you're pissed, play the villian who wants to destroy the world. With non-fiction you can be let in on real life experiences and places that you could never physically be allowed in by yourself.I have read so many different sorts of fiction and non-fiction and things in between books, I chuckled and laugh at some, get pissed at others, but I have never, not even reading a book like 3000 Degrees (about the Worchester Warehouse Fire of 1999) gotten anywhere near tears. Guess there's a first time for everything.I will say that at the beginning, part of the reason I wanted to read this book was because I Think Ellen DeGeneres is a very cool woman. The thing is, but the end of the book I Realized, nope, DeGeneres is cool, but de Rossi is so much cooler (and then if, as she said in the interviews, it's true that she wrote the book herself, her coolness just broke the coolness meter).One part I really thought was interesting was how right before the epilogue they combined the pictures of de Rossi and the text. I also found the tone interesting. A lot of times 'celebrity' memoirs seem self-aggrandizing or they seem like large apology tomes. This didn't seem like either to me, just a memoir by a person (who happens to be sorta famous in most circles) who wanted to perhaps help other people who are going through something like she went through or at least plant a seed in the family or friends of people in trouble as she was. Six stars out of five for sure. Mostly because aside from the amazing narrative it was outstandingly written.
    • 3/5
      I appreciated the brutal honesty with which Portia wrote, and I can't think of another celeb bio I've read written with as much candor. However, I found it way too detailed about her anorexia and not nearly detailed enough about her recovery. The one is written as she thought as an anorexic, even though she has recovered, and it is sort of jarring that her disordered thinking is written as fact, but then she never really addresses just how wrong that thinking was. I found it weird to go into details of insults that others had leveled at her about her appearance, but then not to say later 'So who cares if that person thought that about me? Just because some idiot has an opinion it doesn't mean it's a fact'.

      I think it's a better book to read to understand the thought processes of a person with an eating disorder rather than to look to for answers.
    • 5/5
      Absolutely amazing. This book is so eloquently written, and does such a beautiful job of laying out all the things throughout her life that led her to 82 pounds.

      The discussions of disordered eating are so well written, the absolute mindset that allows you to rationalize dropping from 600 to 300 calories a day.
    • 5/5
      I couldn't put this book down, nor did I want to. This book was a definite page turner. I definitely recommend it.
    • 3/5
      I admired her courage in sharing her story, but she goes from nearly dying to completely fine in about a chapter. The rest of the book was so dark and realistic that the dramatic switch really stuck out, and I wish there were more attention paid to how difficult recovery is, both in this book and out.
    • 3/5
      Portia de Rossi did a wonderful, yet haunting, job writing this book. Sharing her story so honestly made this book a quick read. Her struggle with her eating disorders and her triumph over them is truly amazing and a testament to her will and strength. Definitely an interesting read.
    • 5/5
      I found Portia's book compelling and I became involved in her story. Our inner dialogue - what we think and tell ourselves - plays such a huge role in our everyday lives. I found this book incredibly honest. As young women - weight, beauty, appearance and what is "acceptable" - we are bombarded by our media; it is hard to stand up against what we are told everywhere we look as well as feedback we get from our peers and family. I personally have struggled my entire life with my weight and understand the struggle of "maintaining", the stress and negative voice slapping my hand for eating something I shouldn't have. I could definitely empathize with the feelings of controlling what goes into my mouth - although I have more often cried over not being able to shut my mouth - than starving myself. We look to food as a medication - our choice of "drug". It is not always easy finding "balance" in our lives; I know that is something I strive for. Highly recommend this read.
    • 4/5
      I was initially unsure about reading this book as a recommendation to young adults but after reading it, I would without a doubt recommend it to any girl hoping to enter the modeling or entertainment business. Portia de Rossi is extremely honest but does not become hostile about the environment that she was thrown into. She is writing from the perspective of a fully recovered, healthy woman explaining what she went through and empathizes with the plight of other young women. Not only is she covering self-esteem and body issues but also identifying as gay. This is an excellent issues book for teens to read because it’s not only teenagers who deal with these kinds of social pressures and she is speaking from the perspective of an adult as well as a celebrity. The weight of the material and who is speaking makes a heavy impact and even though it is marketed as an adult book, I didn’t find any of the material to be inappropriate.
    • 4/5
      i would hazard a guess that those with eating disorders might feel compelled to revisit some of their problems after reading this book. i wouldnt be surprise if some relapsed to some degree.nevertheless it was interesting and captured my attention to the end.
    • 5/5
      Unbearable Lightness is Portia de Rossi’s story of her long struggle with anorexia and bulimia, from her teen years and into adulthood. In the preface there is an excerpt from later in the book when she was only consuming a tiny amount – about 300 calories a day. It was shocking to read – one of those things that makes you wonder how in the world anyone could think that was normal, much less a good idea. She then goes on to tell her story from the time she was a teenage model who was being told on a regular basis that she needed to lose weight (never mind that her body shape was just naturally curvy). From that point on hers is a sad and compelling story, tracking her progression from a cycle of dieting and binge eating when she was younger, to full-blown anorexia and bulimia as an adult.The best aspect of this book is that the author really takes you inside her head, lets you see the thought processes she had at the time, and shows how her thinking kept her eating less and exercising more. While I never got to the point where I thought that 300 calories a day was normal, it was easy to see how her thinking had progressed to that stage, and it definitely made me examine my own body image and how I see myself in regards to eating and dieting.The author also discusses how hiding her sexual orientation from the world added an extra stress to her life, especially in a profession that is so driven by image. She tells of her sorrow and frustration as she closed off that part of her life so that it didn’t become public knowledge. While she does talk a little bit about how she met and married Ellen, the majority of the memoir is about her eating disorder and not her relationship.As I was reading the book I kept wishing that there were photos in the center of the book, because I find that I get so much more out of a memoir if photos are included. Imagine my surprise when I was reading one of the later chapters, flipped the page and saw a photo that fit perfectly with the text on that page, and the next page and the next. The images in that section of the book were powerful in that context and I’m so glad that she decided to include them where they were. If you do read Unbearable Lightness, I recommend reading it through in order and not flipping through to find the pictures ahead of time. Reading them in the text when I did carried a strong emotional impact.Unbearable Lightness had a positive influence on me in that I do have a propensity to see my body in a critical light (like most of us probably do), and it reminded me of how damaging that kind of close scrutiny can be. I thought this was a wonderful memoir and I admire the courage of Portia de Rossi in sharing these deeply personal experiences with the world.
    • 3/5
      This was an okay book. It didn't keep me glued to it but it did help me to understand how someone who suffers with anorexia feels and goes thru. It also touches on sexuality and how important it is to be yourself. Good book for someone going through this or knows someone who is.
    • 5/5
      Well, to be honest, I read this one kind of slow. Simply for the fact that the content was very hard for me to read. It made me sad, and heartbroken, and since the writer was so open and vivid with her story, it made it all that more real.I could only read a few chapters at a time before having to put it down because I felt so depressed.However, simply put, I thought the book was amazing. Portia didn't shy away from anything, and really invited anyone who cares into her demons; her eating disorder, her insecurities, her homosexuality.It was beautifully written as well. For an actor, she has a gift with words.The only thing I didn't like was that not much time if any was spent on her recovery. I understand that the point of the book was about her disorder and not her recovery, yet still when it was all said and done, I felt a bit cheated in that we didn't get to see more of how she beat it.
    • 4/5
      An appropriately graphic and personal account of a person suffering with an eating disorder. Portia details her most private and emotional moments of suffering, rarely share by those with an ED - a must read for those with a loved one with Anorexia and/or Bulimia. Would have liked to read more about her recovery though.
    • 5/5
      Portia de Rossi shares her struggle with anorexia and bulemia in this powerful and moving book. Never feeling like she was "good enough" and only wanting to be loved for who she really was, she spent much of her life trying to be something she was not. I think this would be a good read for anyone that has body/food issues.
    • 3/5
      Better written than your average celebrity memoir, Unbearable Lightness takes the reader on a journey through Portia de Rossi's struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Closeted because she was afraid of losing her career if she admitted publicly that she was gay, Portia took control of her life by dieting to the extreme, wasting away to 82 pounds. The book deals almost exclusively with her developing anorexia and obsession with weight loss and I would have been interested in more details about her treatment. That said, it's always interesting to get a glimpse into someone else's life and I think Portia is brave to share all the gritty details. It shows how far she's come in developing her self confidence and I'm rooting for her all the way!