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    Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
    Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
    Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
    Audiobook8 hours

    Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

    Written by Adam Rex

    Narrated by Kirby Heyborne

    3/5

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    About this audiobook

    Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it's just not the same.

    Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it's not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . .

    Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateJul 27, 2010
    ISBN9780061995255
    Author

    Adam Rex

    ADAM REX is the author and illustrator of PSSST!, TREE RING CIRCUS, FRANKENSTEIN TAKES THE CAKE, and The New York Times bestseller FRANKENSTEIN MAKES A SANDWICH. He lives in Tucson, Arizona. www.adamrex.com

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    Reviews for Fat Vampire

    3/5

    25 ratings21 reviews

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    • 2/5
      The main character, Doug Lee, is White. The author doesn't make this clear until 2/3 of the way through the book.

      I wasn't thrilled with the choose-your-own-ending scenario.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 2/5
      Fallacious FatThis book gets a 2 out of 5 gnomes, It has a brilliant premise for pretty much the first half of the book but then it kind of throws that right out the window towards the end and the main character becomes unlikeable. This book was really kind of disappointing. I was drawn in by the cover and the synopsis. I was the first person to even request it from the library. Ok, first the premise, Doug is fifteen and now a vampire but he wasn't good looking when he became a vampire hence the title Fat Vampire. The only other person he tells about being a vampire is his best friend Jay. The have some very funny escapades in the beginning of the book that involve going to Comic Con and a blood mobile. Doug usually gets his blood from cows but they have quite the trip to the zoo that involves a panda mom, a baby panda, and a video camera. Doug escapes but is seen on tape by the camera.Then comes in the other very entertaining part of this book, the Vampire Hunters TV show. The host of this show is seen as being pretty much certifiable by his staff. All they usually do is track down European guys with bad accents and lately have shows of them shooting dummies with stake guns. Then they see a video and he's sure that there is a real vampire out there aka Doug.There is humor to be found in this book, the beginning is chock full of funny. My favorite part is when Doug is trying to transform into a bat but gets stuck halfway thus looking pretty horrifying. Another great part is the story that Doug tells and the true story about who actually made Doug a vampire. The love interest of the book, Sejal, seems like she is going to fit well into the book but she just doesn't. She has the Google, which is portrayed like severe internet addiction. When you find out here whole story it just makes her unlikeable. She seems like a character that didn't even need to be added to the book.Overall I really wish the book would have continued along like the first part where it was just Doug and Jay and the Vampire Hunters TV show that is after Doug. When you bring in a love interest who is not interested, and a group or new and old vampires that are supposed to mentor the new vampires, things just kind of fall apart.The minute Doug starts taking blood from a human he turns into a well to put it nicely, a jerk. Technically though he should have been changing into a jerk earlier/become better looking from the blood that he stole from a blood mobile earlier in the book. He even acts like a superhero at one point but nothing ever comes of that part of the story.The ending, wow, it made me really mad I won't spoil it for you but I hate when endings make no sense or just seem lazy.This had the creative potential to be truly awesome but alas the author did not put the pieces together in a pleasing way.
    • 3/5
      I loved this book for the first half. It was laugh out loud funny and engaging. Then it started to slide and the ending was a let down. Too bad. If it had continued like the first half, it would have been a 5/5. Still, some clever lines.
    • 3/5
      It's been almost a day since I finished this book and I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it. It starts out as a funny read with a strong focus on nerdy/geeky humor. Doug is an overweight high school kid that gets turned into a vampire. He's into comics and computers and the book opens with him at Comic con in San Diego. It's smart humor that maybe only a person that's really comfortable with their own nerdiness could appreciate.
      Then about three quarters of the way through the book, it suddenly gets super dark and serious. Friends are lost, personalities suddenly darken and the ending is extremely heavy. Additionally the last page felt kind of unnecessary, like it should have ended but the author was afraid to leave it with such a dark ending.
      I loved the beginning of the book and I liked the ending of the book. It was a very strong and definitely interesting. I'm just not sure I felt like they went together.
    • 4/5
      It started out rather aimlessly, giving me the impression that the whole book was going to be aimless and rather humorous, but without much of a plot or storyline. Every once in a while random new things would happen and I would wonder why. Eventually though, I really got into the story. Doug became more than just an awkward, kind of mean vampire, and Sejal... well, I guess she's cool. Not my favorite, but cool. I love Cat though.

      Awww, Cat and Jay. Just makes me squee inside.

      Anyway. Everything came together quite nicely. I was actually kind of impressed.

      Doug kind of got old. I just got tired of him and Sejal.It also had me chuckling out loud a few times, which is always a plus. I just kind of wished the humor had kept on going throughout the whole thing, because the tone of the book changed rather dramatically somewhere in the middle. It almost made sense... but now that I think about it I'm not so sure.

      But honestly? I'm actually pleased with the ending.
    • 5/5
      OK. I hate the vampire book craze. I couldn't make it past the first paragraph of Twilight which is nothing but a romance novel with fangs. But Adam Rex, author of The True Meaning of Smekday, has turned the genre inside out and made it quirky, funny, geeky and human with Doug--a fat fifteen year old geek who'll probably remain that way for eternity now that he's been "bitten". Add an exchange student from India afflicted with "the Google" (you'll have to read the book to find out what THAT is--unless you have it . . . so sad for you) and you've got a twistedly truthful coming-of-age novel that you won't be able to put down.
    • 3/5
      very funny, young just in puberty kinda chubby boy accidentally becomes a vampire and is stuck that way forever! Young foreign exchange girl from India secretly suffers from "The Google," a disease that strikes those lost to the Internet/social media which is real and real life no longer exists.
    • 1/5
      Grades 10 and up. A vampire that is fat??? Doug is an outcast overweight who is accidently turned into a vampire by one of the popular kids at school. When he becomes a vampire Doug faces the reality that he will be fat and unattractive forever. However, Doug has a very unlikable personality and he is hard to really root for in the book. At first Doug is only drinking animal blood but as he becomes more confident in being a vampire he drinks blood from an unknowing female and becomes obnoxious. Doug is interested in Senjal an exchange student from India and a vampire hunter from a reality TV show is hunting him. Can Doug stop the Vampire hunter and win the girl?? Who cares??The book had a good idea but the book goes nowhere and the character Doug is unlikable.
    • 4/5
      Doug is having a hard time getting the hang of this whole vampire thing. First of all, he is only about 5’5 and overweight. He’d been meaning to workout and lose some weight, but he was bitten before he could do that, so now he is eternally damned to be forever fat. It’s not exactly an ideal situation for a vampire. To make matters worse, he has no idea what he is doing. There’s no manual, he has no mentor, and everything that Bram Stoker wrote in Dracula seems to be wrong. He is afraid of turning other people into vampires, so he feeds on cows and other unsuspecting animals. When he and his best friend Jay attend Comic-Con in San Diego, Doug attempts to feed on a panda in the San Diego zoo. Unbeknownst to him, there is a live panda cam recording his attempt. Soon, the video is on YouTube and the people behind a fake reality series titled “Vampire Hunters” get ahold of the footage in hopes of finding their first real vampire and upping their ratings.When Doug returns to school he is immediately smitten with Sejal, the foreign exchange student from India. Sejal has been sent to America by her parents who hope to cure her of “The Google” (an internet afflicted disease). He also runs into his maker and eventually they are introduced to a group of older vampires who agree to mentor them. As the reality TV hounds begin honing in on Doug’s location, Doug begins to wonder if he can maybe be cured of his vampirism. He remembers a movie where the newly created vamps were able to kill their maker and return themselves to true human form. But is he ready to go back to being a regular, dorky dude and lose these cool new powers? If he does, will he stand any kind of chance with Sejal?For the most part I really enjoyed Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story. The premise is genius. Doug is the anti-Edward. He and his friend Jay are funny and lovable. Adam Rex’s writing is wicked and clever and the characters are all engaging. My only problem with this one was that the storyline seemed to be too big for the length of the book. I felt a lot of plot lines fell flat, some of my favorite characters just disappeared, and some of the scenes felt rushed. Had this book been longer the multiple plots would have had more room to breathe and these characters could have grown more. Still, the book is worth reading, especially if you want a fresh, funny new take on vampires.
    • 3/5
      This book is great for teens sick of the vampire freak-out happening in young adult literature. The story's vampire Doug is kind of a jerk, making it difficult to sympathize with his situation. Instead, the reader identifies more with the "normal" teens in the book, including the quirky Indian exchange student, Sejal. My favorite part is the "Choose Your Own Adventure" ending, pointing out that any number of things could happen but it isn't really that important what happens to Doug in the end...does he die...does he live....do we really care? This story wasn't as LOL as I thought it would be, but upon further reflection, I really appreciate the treatment of the vampire characters in this book. They are almost secondary to the real-life problems of the other characters.
    • 5/5
      This book was interesting and hilarious. I love how it was written, from a male point of view, which you don't see much. Also it was written by a male author.I knew from the moment I layed eyes on this book that I would enjoy it immensely and that I did. Right from the beginning, you were thrown into this geeky, fat boys world of trying to make it as a fat vampire. I felt for him during his hardships. He struggle in feeding, as well in other areas. I was glad to see he go help through a mentor. Through this he was able to learn more and of course become a better vampire. He also took a chance and finally step up to the plate, becoming the true vampire that he his. But in doing this, his ego went straight to his head and all of the sudden he was "BAD" He end up getting a girlfriend and used her badly. I was disappointed in his choice. While I was glad that he finally came who he was, he made a poor choice in it as well.In the end, Doug hardships paid off. He went off the find he friends attacker, dubbing him my knight and shining armor. I admit that the ending was a little confusing for me. I'm still not sure what to make of it.Mr. Rex, did a great job writing this. The plot, drama and suspense was written perfect. I enjoyed reading each and every page of it. Mr. Rex did a great job capturing the voice of a real teenage boy. I was happy as a reader to get a good insight on the character. Doug was not your typical teenage boy and for that I was grateful to see someone who was not popular, or cute from the start.
    • 3/5
      The first half of this book is seriously funny. Doug never really fit in at school, and getting girls to give him a second glance was impossible, and when he’s made into a vampire, he’s forever stuck with his awkward teenage body. Some of the funnier moments in the book are when he discovers that, though he’s a vampire – typically thought of as sexy and mysterious – people still see him as the loser fat kid nobody wants on their team in gym class.As for critiquing the book, there’s a lot that could be picked apart. There are a few different stories being told in the book, and jumping around can be confusing at times (especially in the beginning). At certain points in the story there are things discussed in detail that don’t really seem necessary to any part of the story. Though the characters aren’t flat, they could definitely be better developed. But this isn’t really the kind of book that’s about delving into the heart of a character and watching him grow into a self-actualized person/vampire. The characters deal with some big issues but the book doesn’t turn them into Big Issues. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it doesn’t take itself too seriously.
    • 3/5
      Better than most teen vampire books. Yeah, that's setting the bar pretty low but I would have given it 3 1/2 stars if the author didn't totally cop out on the ending so only 2 1/2 stars.
    • 3/5
      I started to like this book a lot, it was hilariously funny and puts a whole new twist to the vampire theme. However there were just some parts of the book that did not sit well with me and the book suddenly became something that I did not expect. Perhaps it was the author’s intention. Perhaps not. At first I thought Doug was comical. He was certainly someone you could either relate to (as being a social outcast in the school class system) or someone you made fun of (oh come on, I’m sure there are times you DID laugh at them for some reason or another don’t be so high and mighty thinking you didn’t). Then as the book progresses, you realize some of the reasons why Doug isn’t well liked. Turns out, Doug is...a jerk. His comments towards minorities and other groups aren’t that funny at all and it may offend some readers. His treatment of Jay is also why he’s a jerk. For a best friend, Jay tends to take a lot in, and although he may seem like a loyal sidekick, Doug treats him like dirt and likes to openly make fun of him in front of other friends to make himself look better. As the book progresses, at first, Doug may seem all right, but then as you turn the pages, you see more of his true colors show, and they’re not what they seem. He turns out to be not very likable at all.The plot in itself is pretty good. At first. Then it just flatlines throughout the second half of the story. I’m not sure why there was such a big mystery behind Sejal and her case of ‘The Google’. I don’t know why the explanation of it took such a long time to be revealed. In fact that rather annoyed me because she kept on mentioning it and I’m asking each time; ‘WTF is that?!’ when it was revealed I almost just about gave up trying to figure it out. Werewolves, and vampire hunters are then added into the plot, but none of that really makes it stand out or makes the plot move forward. A lot of the time I felt some things were definitely rushed and some characters just disappear. Then the ending has somewhat of a Donnie Darko flavor to it and this is where I wonder if I really liked the book, or I didn’t. It was, all right I suppose. It had a great potential to be an excellent book, but then the plot stops, characters disappear, and you’re left with a rather mediocre read. Yes, Doug is a jerk and that may turn some readers off from this book but I was more concerned with the plot itself. There were just too many loose ends to let me fully enjoy the story.
    • 3/5
      Funny and a bit sad; an unusual contribution to the vampire genre. I loved the first half (ie the premise), but wasn't quite so thrilled about where the second half went (the focus of the story seemed to shift).
    • 3/5
      I had no trouble getting into the book, and I finished reading it. . . but I can't honestly say that I liked it at all. I've been a fan of vampire novels for years. However, this book felt very flat and the characters seemed very underdeveloped. I wanted more about why Doug is really very mean. I wanted to know more about Sejal, too, as well as most of the other characters, especially Jay, Cat and Abby. Why do they do what they do? I got to the end of the book and felt like I really knew none of the characters - they all seemed quite one dimensional.
    • 3/5
      Its a pretty good book, just not a great book for me.

      I really enjoyed the beginning of the book. I loved the characters and the development, and the issues. There is really nothing about the first half I didn't like. Admittedly I found the whole teenage love/lust stuff really hitting a bit too close to home, but I can imagine the author went through the same things.

      Sadly the second half.. I didn't like how mean the main character got. How mean he was to other people. The whole "who turned me" mystery never felt like a mystery to the reader. All clues really lead one way, then near the end it was obvious you were lead astray.

      The book turned out to be more of a thriller than a nice story than I would like (and I like thrillers).

    • 3/5
      I wanted to like this story, but the main character is fairly unlikable and the ending doesn't really seem to offer any redemption.
    • 4/5
      I liked this books a lot. I stumbled across this book and started it just to see what it was all about, and ended up really liking it. I took a little break in the middle and came back liking it a bit less but overall the book was good. I liked that he was tragically fat, and unattractive, and doomed to stay like that. It made me a little sad that he started getting attractive. This book actually reminded me a little bit of the group of kids from The Casual Vacancy. The ending was kind of jarring, and it ended like it started: leaving you with that feeling of uncomfortable, this isn't how it should be, I wish I could fix this, but I can't, feeling.
    • 3/5
      The author had a sense of humor. He does a lovely job of foreshadowing his lame ending by using Neil Gaiman's "Sandman." The adolescent, nerdy kids discuss the self destructive bent of the comic book character which allows the reader to be prepared to understand the behavior of the antagonist and as a plausible meta narrative ending for the protagonist. There are a few meta narrative aspects to this book. The vampires may be subject to change due to the stories humanity spreads about them.
    • 2/5
      It has promise and them lost its way. It really was all over the place and the ending left me cold.