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    If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation
    If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation
    If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation
    Audiobook8 hours

    If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation

    Written by Janine Latus

    Narrated by Shelly Frasier

    3/5

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    About this audiobook

    In April 2002, Janine Latus's youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer. "Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved," it read, "but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his criminal past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me..."

    That same spring, Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage-a marriage to a handsome and successful man. A marriage others emulated. A marriage in which she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong. A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped.

    Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy. Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing.

    Helicopters went up and search dogs went out. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder.

    Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own-and her sister's-victimization with unflinching candor. This beautifully written memoir will move readers from the first to the last page. At once a confession, a call to break the cycle of abuse, and a deeply felt love letter to her baby sister, Amy Lynne Latus, If I Am Missing or Dead is an unforgettable read.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTantor Media, Inc
    Release dateMay 15, 2007
    ISBN9781400174010
    Author

    Janine Latus

    Janine Latus is a freelance writer, radio commentator, and regular speaker on domestic abuse issues. She has also taught writing and journalism at several universities and is on the board of directors of the American Society of Journalists and Authors. She lives in Virginia. If I Am Missing or Dead is her first book.

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    Reviews for If I Am Missing or Dead

    3/5

    29 ratings20 reviews

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    • 3/5
      After reading many reviews that sharply criticized the author for making this book more about her story than the story of her sister, I was prepared to hate it, but I was surprised that I enjoyed reading it. The story is sad, but Latus does a great job of telling the story of an entire lifetime (hers) and the correlations between the two relationships (hers & her sisters). The book was easy to follow and thought-provoking... I feel like I know both of these women. I hope many women read this book and find the strength to get out of their abusive relationship. And I hope abusers read this story & realize they need to change.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 2/5
      An autobiographical account of growing up in a sexually abusive home, her subsequent marriage to a husband who turns out to be very possessive and controlling man as well. Parallel to her story is the story of her younger sister who also ends up in a abusive relationship that ends in her murder.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 2/5
      This book was marketed as a book about the disappearance and murder of the author's sister, however that was very little of the actual story. I felt cheated. I didn't want to read a book about a woman's self esteem issues and pathetic marriage. It wasn't interesting, emotional, or thought- provoking. I wish i could get my money back and the hours i wasted reading this.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 1/5
      I could not wait to read this book. The title suggests that this book is going to be about the author's sister who was murdered. It's not. Only the last few chapters are about her missing sister and her murder. And they aren't even very long chapters. The bulk of this book is about the author, Janine, and her life. From growing up with a creepy dad, to rape, to her abusive husband and boyfriends. Her sister is only mentioned in passing, like "today I talked to Amy on the phone" and only once in a while.I did not like this book. I was angry that the author used her sister's murder almost as a way to get herself published. There really should have been a different title for this book. Janine was so wrapped up in her own life that she didn't even seem like she cared much about her sister. I don't recall one part in the book where she talks about calling her just because. I feel like Janine wanted us to feel sorry for her about her abuse and horrible marriage but yet I couldn't. I just didn't like her and I could not connect with her. She did nothing to better her situation and just took whatever was thrown at her. I just didn't like it. That was not what I signed up for when I bought this book. I thought it was going to be about a sister's love for her sister and wanting justice. Not a pity party.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      It seems from the title and reviews that this novel was supposedly about the sister Amy and her abusive situation and subsequent murder. However, the bulk of the narrative is about the author and her own abusive situation. I wonder if it was the publisher who made the decision to make this book seem like it was more involved with Amy, or the author herself. Or if it was to be more about domestic abuse in general.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 2/5
      The title suggests this is a book about Amy Latus. In fact, it is the story of her sister, Janine, and I found it exhausting and overwhelming. It reads like a therapy session covering all of Janine's marital woes, problems with her father, issues with sex and other personal struggles. I wish her well - but I so did not want to read any of this (and indeed I often found myself skipping passages). I never felt like I got to know Amy. There are plenty of the generalities that invariably come with death (she was wonderful, funny, thoughtful, etc.) but Amy - presumably the subject of this book - seems mostly like a visitor here. The author manages to offer hundreds of minute details about her own life, yet provides very few that would give readers a full picture of Amy.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      I'd like to hear her ex-husbands side of things. Is that terrible to say? While her sister should have never died at the hands of that piece of shit, the author is somewhat whiny/self-centered/insecure. Kind of like me....but I digress.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 2/5
      Very good memoir; somewhat disturbing though... delves into the topic of abused women (physically & verbally). I have never had to deal with some of the situations discussed, Thank God. I just can't believe how people can treat each other sometimes.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      A fascinating memoir that offers insight in the cycle of abuse. I have to agree with one reviewer that the book becomes a bit disjointed in spots. But overall, Latus has penned a well-written and riveting account.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      A very strange book, in that the sister's murder of the title is only dealt with in the last few chapters. The bulk of the book details every bit of abuse the author ever received, it seems, including being made to walk in high heels when she had bunions. This was a victim-type memoir - while she was horrifically abused, she hasn't transformed her experiences enough to give the reader a sense of redemption or even understanding of how so many women remain in abusive situations.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 2/5
      This is a true story written is a choppy journalistic style. The author is abused as a child and grows up to have more than one abusive relationship. Juxtaposed to this story is that of the author's sister who is also struggling in abusive relationships and is eventually murdered by an abusive boyfriend. The point of the book is to start a dialogue about abuse and to get women to stop making excuses and remove themselves from these horrific relationships.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      Just finished this book.
      I for one did not read the back so I did not start to read with expectations. On the other hand, because of the cover i thought it was about 2 small children and one of them died because of abuse. Glad that was not the case.
      The author did annoy me sometimes. she continually made the same mistakes. One thing I am very disappointed about is, what happened to her sister? I still do not know , and if I do a google search I do not get any results about the killing, only about this book.

      If anyone knows a site where i can find more about what happened to Amy please I would appreciate if you'd let me know. thanks :)

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      From the title and the inside jacket information, I assumed that this book would focus on events surrounding the death of the author's sister, Amy. And you know what they say about assuming things: by the end of the novel, I felt like I had fallen for a bait-and-switch. This story is, instead, primarily about the author and her own struggles with abusive relationships and insecurity issues. I suppose that Janine's story can be seen as running parallel to Amy's -- both sisters struggled with poor relationship choices and verbal and physical abuse in those relationships. Thankfully, Janine was eventually able to escape the marriage that was making her miserable. Amy, unfortunately, was not so lucky, and was murdered by her live-in boyfriend.Janine Latus writes well, and her story is alternately horrifying and compelling. It was so strange to sit and read about this otherwise strong, accomplished woman taking this hellacious abuse for years -- all because she craves the love and affection of her husband, and will do whatever she can to please him, at her own expense. Janine moved out of her house at 18, put herself though school while working various lousy jobs, raised three children, and became an accomplished journalist -- all while putting up with abusive behavior that she thought she deserved. It just doesn't compute, but it's an honest look into the mind and life of a battered woman, and it might help to answer the question that anyone may ask of such a woman: 'well, why did you stay with him so long?'After Amy's death, Janine wonders why there was so much that Amy didn't tell her, then realizes that there was so much about her own abusive relationship that Janine had been covering up from her friends and family. It's a telling moment.But something just irks me about this book, and I can't really figure it out. Maybe it's frustration at seeing women such as Janine and Amy give up their lives -- figuratively and literally -- for the men who treat them badly. Maybe it's just annoyance at the thousandth description of the demeaning outfits that Janine's now ex-husband picked out for her to wear in public. And I think part of me certainly wanted to hear about Amy. If I Am Missing Or Dead is a good read, but I think it could have done with a little extra tweaking.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      SPOILERS. Whew, this was overwhelming, raw, disturbing. It didn't bother me that most of the book told more of Janine's (the author) experience as opposed to her sister who wrote the note (if I am missing or dead...). Just seeing life through Janine's eyes gave insight to what Amy's life with her father must've been like, and why both girls made poor choices. I know situations of abuse are complicated, but it really bothered me that their mother moved to another city to work & left a house full of daughters with an abusive father. She had to know enough to realize how she put them at risk. The book was well written but I don't know that I can recommend it.
    • 3/5
      This book is well written. It tells the story of Janine Latus, and her sister's death.

      This book will leave you numb and broken.
    • 5/5
      This is an incredible yet often told story in today's society. The title tells of the author's sister who is murdered at the hands of her boyfriend, but the book tells the author's own story of abuse. Riveting from beginning to end this book captured by heart.
    • 4/5
      After Janine Latus' sister, Amy, goes missing, a note is found taped to her desk drawer that relates her fears that her live-in boyfriend might try to kill her. Her body is found later, strangled to death by the man she suspected might do her harm. At the time, Janine is moving on from her own abusive relationship, only one of many. In this book, Janine recounts their lives as sisters and attempts to understand what lead each, otherwise successful, woman to become knowingly involved in abusive relationships.This is a deeply personal and moving story. The author is honest and compelling as she traces the life and abuse of herself and that of her sister. She describes instances of both tremendous physical and mental abuse at the hands of significant others. She also relates her struggle to leave and rise above a long-term abusive relationship. It is compelling throughout and shapes into a story that will stay with the reader long after.
    • 3/5
      Janine Latus chronicles the story of her life of abuse from early childhood, through her teen years, and into adulthood. Every relationship she experiences is abusive or horribly dysfunctional in some way. Woven throughout Janine’s story are glimpses of her sister Amy’s life and relationships which are equally abusive leading up to her murder. This book is sad but kept my interest. The writing style was different but I didn’t have any trouble following the story. I kept turning the pages hoping to read that something grand and joyous might happen in the midst of all of the sadness but that never happened. It was depressing from the first page to the last.
    • 3/5
      This is an emotional, raw book of how insecurity leads to believing that emotional and physical abuse in relationships is warranted and deserved. Knowing that its based on a true story, it is a very difficult book to read. I am so sad for what happened to Amy. There were many times that I just wanted to scream at all the characters in this book to just stop,, stop stop this craziness. I hope this family has found peace. The resolve is that they have each other. That always should have been enough.  
    • 2/5
      I read this for Jill Kidder to see if it could be a read-alike for Glass Castle as a BCE.Janine Latus’ memoir is both compelling and annoying at the same time. She does a fairly good job of describing the many insecurities and low self-esteem issues that drive her and her sister, Amy, to choose poor relationships, but the repetitious chapters of the volatile relationship she continues with Kurt, her mercurial, physically abusive, jealous, domineering husband become annoying considering that the title of the book leads one to believe that the story really is about her sister’s murder. At least the book is a fast, easy read and the author did pull herself out of her bad relationship and move toward independence – something that really is much harder to do than to talk about. She also offers support to others that might feel alone and mired in an abusive relationship in her two page afterward. I did recommend it, but with the idea that I don’t think it will be as popular as Glass Castle.