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    Paperweight
    Paperweight
    Paperweight
    Audiobook8 hours

    Paperweight

    Written by Meg Haston

    Narrated by Mandy Siegfried

    4/5

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    About this audiobook

    This emotionally haunting and beautifully written young adult debut delves into the devastating impact of trauma and loss, in the vein of Laurie Halse Anderson’s Wintergirls.

    Seventeen-year-old Stevie is trapped. In her life. In her body. And now in an eating-disorder treatment center on the dusty outskirts of the New Mexico desert.

    Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at meal time, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.

    Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn’t plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she, too, will end her life.

    Paperweight follows seventeen-year-old Stevie’s journey as she struggles not only with a life-threatening eating disorder, but with the question of whether she can ever find absolution for the mistakes of her past…and whether she truly deserves to.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateJul 7, 2015
    ISBN9780062398208
    Author

    Meg Haston

    Meg Haston is the author of How to Rock Braces and Glasses and How to Rock Best Friends and Frenemies. She lives in Jacksonville, Florida, where she writes and works as a counselor in an independent school. Paperweight is her first young adult novel.

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    Reviews for Paperweight

    4/5

    147 ratings15 reviews

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    • 5/5
      This story was a roller coaster of emotions about an teen girl with a death wish. The author did a great job at making you root for and not root for the MC. I appreciate it. I appreciate when she finally understood that she needed help and didn’t need to die
    • 4/5
      Stevie was too wasted to remember exactly how she ended up at an eating disorder rehab center in the middle of the desert, but she's angry she's there. After fighting for so long, bring so strong, and no one at home even noticing or saying anything... NOW they want to ruin her progress? She's so close to the end - the date she chose to kill herself. The one year anniversary of the day she killed her brother. She wants to waste away to nothing, a sacrifice to honor his death, but Stevie isn't sure she'll be able to starve herself with people forcing her to eat. If she doesn't maintain her weight, they'll put her on a feeding tube, and that will make her blimp up. Plus Anna, the shrink at the rehab clinic, is getting inside Stevie's head, causing her to forget who's right and who's wrong in this whole mess. All Stevie knows is that she can't go on this way - harming herself out of guilt while missing her brother.
    • 5/5
      The characters felt so real it was freaky. It’s almost like the author is the character when though all of that.
    • 3/5
      For a YAFIC this surpassed my initial expectations. The writing flowed beautifully at times and the plot explored a less generic snowball into an ED than has proved to be the norm within this genre. I admire the authors willingness to lend more complexity to EDs and incorporate the intricacies of interpersonal relationships, grief, and the lines between lust and love. My complaints include the plot holes, and, the occasionally frustrating, messy pace. However, I appreciate the cautiously hopeful endnote. Overall a better experience than I’d hoped for!
    • 5/5
      Very VERY heart wrenching; emotion invoking. I resonated heavily with this and it sheds very sufficient insight
    • 2/5
      spoilers ahead because i accidentally ranted

      my god. the main character, stevie, was SO unlikable it was almost a chore to finish this. while i’m sure she’s very real and complex, she’s just plain mean.

      she’s rude to her roommates, who are nothing but sweet and patient with her, while she spent weeks pushing them away. it was as if she took pride in being uncooperative and just a bully to her roommates and therapist. she even drugs one of her roommates whenever the roommate in question has a manic episode, which is just… wow??? i would have preferred something from the pov of ashley, or even multiple povs of ashley and the other roommates, and their recoveries along with how they feel about their new roommate stevie joining them.

      i almost feel that the story would have been better if she was in a different treatment center where she wasn’t immediately thrown in with other patients. like she needed time with herself and a therapist before staying with others. the treatment facility she was staying it felt almost like a resort, and it was very low security, due to the fact she was easily able to run away, purge, obtain and collect sleeping pills, and hide contraband such as her phone and a razor. out of that list, the only thing she was caught for was running away, only because she left her hospital bracelet on and the waitress as the restaurant she visited noticed and called the facility.

      i understand some of her thinking when it came to her ED, such as wishing it were worse so she could have a different diagnosis, and feeling like she was failing herself.

      i also was not a fan of how open the ending was, with her father coming to visit about a month (?) early, and them beginning a family therapy session. just when she starts to redeem herself and become a likable character, her story ends.

      she is a very real character, and there are no doubt people like her in the world, they are just not characters i personally like to read about.

      also it felt like a stupid joke that the therapist she was seeing bc of her ED was named ana
    • 5/5
      PAPERWEIGHT is an excellent story of a young woman dealing with tragedy and a life-threatening illness. It begins when she is taken to rehab to deal with her eating disorders. She has a plan. She plans to die on the anniversary of her brother's death. She feels that she deserves to die because she feels that she killed him.Through flashbacks we learn what brought Stevie to this place and we begin to understand why she has made the decision that she intends to accomplish. We also see how she begins to interact with her fellow housemates and with her therapist Anna - who she first thinks of as Shrink.I think one of the things I noticed as she begins her first tiny steps toward recovery is that people become more real to her, that they have their own names, rather than what Stevie has named them. I liked the friendship that she developed with her roommate Ashley. I liked that she recognized how toxic her relationship with her friend Eden was. The style of the book - with each Chapter marked by Date and Time - added to the tension in the story and kept me wondering if she was going to be able to fulfill her plan and die on the anniversary of her brother's death.This book was an engaging story about a real and serious problem. I will be adding it to my High School Media Center when our new school year starts.
    • 4/5
      *Thank You Harper Teen for an Advanced Copy*

      This book caught me off guard with it's deep rooted emotion and addicting storyline. I'm not usually keen on switching from past to present, but with this one, it worked. It added depth to the story and made me truly empathize with the lead character. Now I will warn you... Stevie is a tough character to like. She is selfish, troubled, and confused. Give it time though... Let the story progress and get ready to be surprised by many twists. In the end my heart was filled with Stevie love.

      The writing in this book was great. I applaud the Author for tackling such an intense theme with poise and charm. Most of the scenes were intense, but she did throw in some witty parts that put a smile on my face. I particularly loved the swimming scene. It was the turning point for me... At that point, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

      Overall, Paperweight is a story I recommend to all teen readers. It opens your eyes to a tough subject and shows you that in the darkest of times there is always a sliver of light.
    • 4/5
      This book hits a lot of heavy spots and is definitely not a book to take lightly as the title may suggest otherwise. I think that this book will speak to a lot of people. The force of guilt is so strong and it's so heartbreaking to see that it causes some people to get on a downward spiral.
    • 2/5
      Even though this book gave an interesting insight into eating disorders, I found the plot slow and I did not like the main character, Stevie, at all! She was extremely self-centred and did some stupid things including drugging her room-mate with sleeping tablets, not once but on a number of occasions. I would have preferred to have had the story narrated by Ashley or Cate, two other girls living at the ED treatment centre - they were much more likeable and interesting.
    • 4/5
      This is the story of teenager Stevie who blames herself for her brother’s death in a car accident. She finds herself in a treatment center for eating disorders closed to the first anniversary of his death. It is her intent to honor him and punish herself by committing suicide on that date. While her original plan involved starving to death, the treatment facility has made that impossible, so she searches for other ways. However, she ends up bonding with her therapist and roommate, making such an ending impossible. While some of the action is contrived, see relationship with Eden, the insights are credible.
    • 4/5
      I received an advanced reader's copy from Epic Reads in return for an honest review.

      Paperweight packs an emotional punch that has you feeling for Stevie and all the other girls in the treatment center. It touches on such an important subject, eating disorders, and shows how people and events can affect a person and create overwhelming atmospheres. It is a stark reality that eating disorders consume one's life, and Stevie's need for control manifests itself in this form.

      Stevie is forced to go to a treatment center after her eating disorder spirals out of control. While at first determined not to progress, Shrink (Anna) and the other girls there help Stevie process her past and start to move forward. The flashbacks to Stevie's life before add depth and complexity to her story. The supporting characters play such intricate rolls in Stevie's life and it is clear to see how each has impacted her.

      My heart hurt for Stevie as her story unfolded. While at first she comes across as cold (and maybe even unfeeling?), it is soon evident that she is broken, hurting, and full of self-hate. How can she love herself when her own mother doesn't and (according to herself) she is the reason her brother is dead?

      This is a great book that deals not only with mental health and eating disorders, but also with grief and the healing process. Haston doesn't sugarcoat anything and for that I am grateful as what Stevie went through is all too real for too many.



    • 3/5
      When I read the synopsis, I knew I had to request this book. Some personal issues in my life, which some of you have read about previously on this blog, have led me to love these types of books so I went in with high hopes. That’s the thing, guys. You cannot go in with high hopes or it is a very high chance you will be disappointed.Stevie can be described as a very complex character whom I thought I would love as the story progressed, yet I didn’t. I didn’t feel any emotional pull towards her. I tried to like her and would even forgive things she would do but she still irked me a lot. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on through her head, which to be honest happens quite a lot with real life people. There were two characters I loved in this story and they are Ana, the shrink and Ashley, the roommate. Ana is what every aspiring Psychologist should look up to. Yes, she did quite a few minor things that are not okay by the APA (American Psychological Association) but she did everything she could to help Stevie. There are times where you even see her shedding a tear for Stevie because she truly cares. Do you know how hard it is to find a psychologist who truly cares about you? You’d be surprised how difficult it is to find one. The ones that are lucky to have one like Ana, should treasure them 110%. Then there is Ashley, another character who is a bit complex but is easy to love. In the beginning, Stevie didn’t quite like Ashley, which even led me to dislike her a bit but then I realized I was being stupid since Ashley is probably the best friend Stevie could have asked for in a place where she is. Ashley looks out for Stevie like no one has ever done, besides her brother. She is another character that cares for Stevie and is there for her.Now let’s talk about the characters I didn’t like and one of them is Eden. Eden is Stevie’s friend from before she went into treatment and let me tell you, I wasn’t fond of her at all. While reading about her, I felt like she thought she was above everyone else and she would toy around with people’s emotions. I also didn’t like Stevie’s mom. She abandoned Stevie and her dad after the funeral and they hadn’t heard from her in a while. She also didn’t care about anyone but herself, or at least that’s how she was portrayed to me. It shows why Stevie has the behavior she has when it comes to her body image. Yes, it is Stevie’s mind and it was her choice, but sometimes the people that surround us play a role in how we act. In this case, Stevie didn’t receive love from her mom—only from her brother and father. This could lead to many negative thoughts running through ones head and in this case, it leads Stevie to take a negative action.I have to warn some of you. This book has some triggering parts to those that suffer from Anorexia and/or Bulimia Nervosa and those who Self-Harm or have suicidal thoughts. I want to put that out there because people do get triggered by these things, even if it tries to portray a positive message in the end. With that said, even with my rating, I recommend teens to read this book—the reason being that it deals with many things that sometimes teens tend to be ignorant about, even adults. This book could serve as a learning material to some and even on how to deal with someone who suffers from the subjects mentioned above. These subjects are very serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly. It was inspiring to read that this story was based on the author’s experiences at a treatment camp, which makes you realize that these things do happen in real life, no matter how frustrating a person can get. This book shows that you don’t give up on someone who suffers from this. You give them your support until the end.
    • 4/5
      Review courtesy of Dark Faerie TalesQuick & Dirty: Terrifyingly authentic, this book is raw, gripping, and devastating.Opening Sentence: Twenty-seven days to freedom, and I am caged.The Review:Stevie is trapped. Her life has became hell as she descends closer and closer to death. Every day she mourns the loss of her brother, the brother whom she grieves for and carries guilt for. She counts calories as a desperate way to grasp control on her life, but now even that is slipping away, in the treatment center where girls like her with eating disorders go to heal. Stevie doesn’t think she needs healing — in fact, she doesn’t want it. Because the anniversary of her brother’s death is approaching and she has a plan for that day. She plans for it to be her last. Stevie’s journey towards recovery is raw and gritty in this novel about forgiveness and regret.I didn’t know much going into Paperweight. I knew vaguely that it was about a girl with a bad eating disorder who is faced with a treatment center, but I didn’t realize just how painful this book would be. It’s very hard reading from Stevie’s perspective. She’s in so, so much pain and is teetering on the edge of a cliff. There are so many different interconnecting things that took a part in this pain — her guilt, her anger towards her mother, her confused feelings towards her “best friend”. Sometimes I would have to stop reading, take a deep breath, and remember that happy things existed.The development of Stevie was the most important element of the story. She starts off super bitter and angry all the time. She sets up a wall of hatred, for herself and others, in order to block out the brunt of her guilt. She could be kind of bitchy, forgive my language. She mocked the girls that were healing and looked down on them. She only respected the ones that fought getting better — she felt that they were the strongest. That was hard to watch. As the story goes on, very slowly she regains herself. She begins to forge friendships with other girls and is able to consider the possibility of not killing herself. There were a few roadblocks. She was furious at herself for, at one point, eating more than her usual measly amount, and she thought she was showing weakness. For a long time, she truly was hopeless, and it was frightening. Thankfully she grew to be a whole new Stevie after coaxing herself there.There were some side characters as well that I enjoyed. One was the therapist for Stevie, Anna, whom was called Shrink in Stevie’s head. Her approach was gentle and she didn’t push too hard, but I think she played a good part in showing Stevie that there was a possibility for a better future. I also liked watching the other girls in the house grow. They each had individual stories and problems, and each was fighting a different battle. Watching Stevie group together with the others was heartwarming, especially in a book that was so dark and depressing.This book dealt with a very sensitive subject in eating disorders. It really helps you to understand what those who go through it feel. I think that the author executed the painful subject matter with expertise and wasn’t afraid to add lots of raw emotion. If you are looking for a cute contemporary than this is not it; there is no fluff in this book. There wasn’t a romance either. It was about a character’s journey towards forgiving herself and moving on. There was so much grit in this book, it kind of reminds me of Bleed Like Me. Go ahead, read it, it’s wonderfully done. But be prepared to shed more than a few tears!Notable Scene:I imagine myself dead. Cold. Perfect and unbreathing with a still, stone heart. The weight of my useless body rotting in the ground. My soul lighter than paper and drifting far from its fleshy prison.I allow myself a small smile. Death won’t desert me. It’s waiting for me, beckoning. And I’m ready, taking sure steps towards my final act. An intricately choreographed scene that will amaze. I will face the audience: my mother, Eden. My father, Shrink. And with a glittering cloud of smoke – poof!I will disappear.FTC Advisory: HarperTeen provided me with a copy of Paperweight. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.
    • 4/5
      I wanted to read Paperweight because I am drawn to books about heavy issues such as mental illness and eating disorders. As most of you know, I deal with mental illness and I have always had a lot of body image issues and have struggled with not eating, binge eating and purging. Luckily the anorexic and bulimic behaviors are no longer something I personally struggle with, they are such vital topics to talk about. I find it therapeutic when reading books like these, when it is handled realistically, with sensitivity and doesn't hold back on the emotional involvement. Stevie, the main character in Paperweight has just entered into treatment. She is not at the place where she wants help, or believes that she needs it. She actually wants her disorder to kill her, or at the very least, guilt over her brother's death, which she considers her fault, makes her want to die. That aspect, her feeling like her brother's death was her fault is another reason I was curious about this one. I know that survivor's guilt and grief has a way of distorting reality, so I wanted to know what really happened and how that ties into the person she is today, with the struggles she has. I liked the relationships that she formed there, even though she was really reluctant at first. She had a very good therapist who was open with her, and was good at asking the right questions. She realized when she pushed too hard and she was awesome enough to apologize. Her roomie and her got off to a rough start, but I liked the bonds that they ended up forming. They shared parts of their past, and she realized what a non-judgmental and supportive friendship could be like. The flashbacks showing her relationship with her brother were really nice. They of course are colored by her guilt and things she wished she had done differently. This is a great use of sibling dynamics, and I love how he was a big brother and tried to be there for her and also protect her. He was the only one who noticed and addressed her adversarial relationship with food and the weight that she lost. In her memories we also get to meet her friend Eden. They had a complicated relationship, but she is the one who introduced and facilitated Stevie's drinking. Stevie had to realize a lot about that friendship and that it was unhealthy for her. The character growth in this one was pronounced but realistic. It took a lot for her to realize that she was sick and to have the desire to want to change, and beat her illness. Nothing was a miracle or over night cure, which is true to life, but it was a big catalyst that helped her want to change, and realize that she can honor her brother by living, instead of the warped idea that her death on the anniversary would somehow be big enough event for the year anniversary since he died. Bottom Line: Dark and realistic look at a girl in treatment for her eating disorder.