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    Mother Daughter Me
    Mother Daughter Me
    Mother Daughter Me
    Audiobook9 hours

    Mother Daughter Me

    Written by Katie Hafner

    Narrated by Katie Hafner

    4/5

    ()

    About this audiobook

    The complex, deeply binding relationship between mothers and daughters is brought vividly to life in Katie Hafner's remarkable memoir, an exploration of the year she and her mother, Helen, spent working through, and triumphing over, a lifetime of unresolved emotions.

    Dreaming of a "year in Provence" with her mother, Katie urges Helen to move to San Francisco to live with her and Zoe, Katie's teenage daughter. Katie and Zoe had become a mother-daughter team, strong enough, Katie thought, to absorb the arrival of a seventy-seven-year-old woman set in her ways.

    Filled with fairy-tale hope that she and her mother would become friends, and that Helen would grow close to her exceptional granddaughter, Katie embarked on an experiment in intergenerational living that she would soon discover was filled with land mines: memories of her parents' painful divorce, of her mother's drinking, of dislocating moves back and forth across the country, and of Katie's own widowhood and bumpy recovery. Helen, for her part, was also holding difficult issues at bay.

    How these three women from such different generations learn to navigate their challenging, turbulent, and ultimately healing journey together makes for riveting listening. By turns heartbreaking and funny-and always insightful-Katie Hafner's brave and loving book answers questions about the universal truths of family that are central to the lives of so many.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTantor Media, Inc
    Release dateSep 2, 2013
    ISBN9781452686196
    Mother Daughter Me

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    Reviews for Mother Daughter Me

    4/5

    61 ratings17 reviews

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    • 4/5
      For book club but I actually really liked it.
    • 2/5
      Somewhat interesting memoir although I did wonder what dramatic scenes she had left out. They seemed so quietly (for the most part) unhappy/angry. But maybe that's how it mostly went? Glad to see they finally started therapy. Felt like an honestly told story. Hope all is well with them today.
    • 4/5
      Great book with a slow pace. Has many problems to tackle. I will return to review after I have let the emotions run their course. I will be back!!

      Next day...OK. This was a great read. It did have a slower pace than I am used to reading but that did NOT prevent it from being well written and entertaining. The author did a wonderful job of expressing herself, opening up, and letting the reader in.

      Three generations of women. Mother and 16-yr. old daughter make the decision to move into a large home in San Francisco with mother's mother. Disaster ahead? You betcha. Especially when one is dealing with issues from childhood, compounded with alcoholism. The women involved are forced to confront these issues and many more. The living arrangement between mother, daughter, granddaughter is tested beyond boundaries and instead of experiencing a "year of Provence", it quickly becomes clear that they have made a mistake, one that cannot even be helped with family counseling.

      What did I get out of this memoir? For starters, I am so grateful that I had a normal childhood. Thank you, Mother AND Father. I cannot thank you enough for such a normal, wonderful childhood. However, this story made me think very hard about my relationships with my mother, my own daughter, and my sister. Have I been a good enough daughter, mother, sister, ME? Well, as Hafner learns, perhaps I could've done so much more or maybe I did the best I could with the tools I was given but, Gosh Doggit, I sure am going to appreciate "my girls" and whole heartedly enjoy every moment we spend together. Forgiveness, whether it's forgiving your loved ones or yourself, will set one free.
    • 4/5
      Katie Hafner's memoir is an engaging, straightfoward look at her relationships wwith her mother, daughter, sister and husbands;, however, as the title suggests the dominant narrative tracks her relationship, past and present, with her mother and daughter.Hafner's mother, beautiful and charming, is a the self absorbed alcoholic daughter of successful but disengaged parents. When her marriage fails she moves with her daughters, Katie and her older sister, across the country where her descent into more serious binge drinking creates an environment which causes her to lose custody of her children. Things get better for Katie, but not as well for her sister.Hafner marries, finds career success as a journalist, has a daughter and is widowed at a young age. She maintains a cordial but on-and-off relationship with both her mother and her sister, until circumstances, both hers and her mother's, seem right for them to share accomodations - she has lost her job and her mother's husband is entering a care facility.In spite of friends' misgivings and well intentioned advice Hafner, her mother, and daughter embark on an "experiment" in living together that they refer to as a "year in Porvence."In spite of their best efforts the three generations encounter predictable inter-generational conflicts exacerbated by long held feelings of guilt and abandonment. The very nature of a memoir is, of course, one version of the story, but Hafner never assumes a "poor me" persona. She writes with both humor and candor and rather than being depressing, the outcome is, instead hopeful. Memoir is not my "go-to" style of writing, but Mother Daughter Me is well writen and extremely readable.
    • 4/5
      More commonly known for her books about technology, journalist and author Katie Hafner has written a gem of a memoir in Mother Daughter Me. The book starts out as Hafner is moving her elderly mother from San Diego, where she has lived for most of her life, to share a house with her and her young teenage daughter in San Francisco. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? Hafner does not gloss over her situation and writes honestly about her life. Her relationship with her mom has never been easy, considering she was an alcoholic when she "raised" Katie and her sister, Sarah. The author is also coping with her own life as a single mom, due to the tragedy of her husband's massive heart attack several years earlier. Add to the mix, that Hapner's daughter Zoe, who, as a teenager had her own issues, is still dealing with her father's death and the transition to the new dynamics of the household and sharing her mother's attention-- who is torn between the two of them. Read this wonderful authentic memoir if you like books about interesting family dynamics, particularly, if you are a child of an alcoholic.
    • 3/5
      I received an early copy of this book for review from Library Thing.I would give this book 3.5 stars.Katie Hafner grew up with an alcoholic mother. For a large portion of her childhood, she was removed from her mother's custody. Her memories of her mother are not pleasant. Yet, as an adult, she decides to invite her elderly mother to move into her home with Katie and her teenage daughter Zoe. The resulting "experiment" brings up issues and memories long buried in the past. Katie's story explores the complex relationships between mother's and daughters through multiple generations.As a mother of two young daughters, I always find books about mothers and daughters to be interesting. Especially as I look to the future and wonder about my relationship will be like with my grown daughters. I enjoyed reading Katie's story about both her mother and her daughter and the relationship between the three of them. While not always pleasant, I felt like this book was a testimony to the enduring relationships between mothers and daughters, overcoming even the most difficult moments of the past.While this was an enjoyable read, I felt like it was a little too long. There didn't quite seem to be enough content to necessitate the length of the book, and I was a little restless during the last half of the book, being eager to finish and move on to something else.But I am glad I read this book. Katie's story is worth telling, and her writing is worth reading.
    • 4/5
      In this memoir, journalist and author Katie Hafner describes the emotional fallout that occurs when her alcoholic mother moves in with Hafner and her teenage daughter.I chose to read this book because I enjoyed Hafner's earlier work, A Romance on Three Legs: Glenn Gould's Obsessive Quest for the Perfect Piano (2008). When I was reading that earlier book, it never occurred to me to wonder about the personal life of the author. Now I know more about Hafner and her family than perhaps I should. I had mixed feelings about this book. Parts of it are beautifully written and engrossing. Hafner is at her best when describing the long-lasting, toxic effects of her parents' divorce and their indifference to Hafner and her sister Sarah. The book is less effective when Hafner provides excerpts from family therapy sessions and gushes over her new boyfriend. If you like memoirs of familial dysfunction, you will probably appreciate this book. Hafner's honesty and willingness to forgive her mother for years of neglect are remarkable. But you may also find yourself wanting to ask the author, "why are you telling me all this?"--especially since Hafner's mother is still alive and finally building a healthy life of her own, as is Hafner's now-adult daughter.
    • 5/5
      Katie Hafner’s MOTHER DAUGHTER ME; a memoir is her poignant recounting of her life as a happy little girl living in Rochester to the present. Her world fell apart when her parents divorced. Her mother was an alcoholic whose daughters were left to fend for themselves, Katie often blaming herself for her mother’s binges. Katie’s life involved many moves, each one with the promise that things would be better, but as a child, not understanding that the problems move with you. Years later while living in San Francisco with her daughter Zoe, Katie’s desire to have a loving relationship with her mother led her to invite her mother to come live with them. Unable to let go of her childhood memories, this turned out to be a disaster for Katie, her mother, and Zoe. What would it take for a loving relationship to emerge from so much bad history?Katie Hafner writes with a sprinkle of humor and complete honesty while revealing both the joys and the wounds of her relationship with her mother. MOTHER DAUGHTER ME is a totally engrossing retelling of how a person’s actions, beliefs (whether right or wrong), and memories shape who she becomes, and what it takes to mend the fences built. I highly recommend MOTHER DAUGHTER ME.
    • 3/5
      So many books, so little time. That maxim guides my reading habits and I'm afraid this memoir was a casualty. The writing is fluid and Hafner's story is compelling, but I just couldn't engage and ended up setting the book down a third of the way through. I'm sure those that stay the course are rewarded with insight-- Hafner certainly comes across as reasoned and insightful. Sandwiched as I am between my mother and daughters I could probably put that insight to good use, but too many other books beckon from my night table. This one will remain on my shelf, and if my mother threatens to move in, it will be the first book I reach for.
    • 5/5
      Loved this book from the very first page. It could have been one of those acrid, blaming memoirs, where the author has not yet transformed painful history into art, and instead uses the genre to blame. But Hafner, while recounting in page-turning detail many difficult, if not horrific, scenes with her mother (and between her mother and her daughter), manages to retain her perspective of having come through it, learning from it. Just a wonderful read from beginning to end - and because I came to care about her and Zoe (if not the mother), I'm so glad it worked out for everyone in the end.
    • 4/5
      This memoir by Katie Hafner starts out slowly as the author concentrates on the rather prosaic details of why she is picking up her seventy seven year old mother Helen, and driving the two of them to San Francisco to attempt an inter-generational living arrangement including herself, her 15 year old daughter Zoe and her mother. At this point the narrative was rather ordinary, and I began to wonder if this was going to make an interesting story. Gradually however, the author engages the reader in the background to this turn of events and we began to see why this is going to be such a difficult thing to accomplish and why Katie chose to attempt it.First of all there is a close bond between Zoe and her mother and bringing grandmother into the equation upsets the balance of their relationship. In addition and most importantly, Helen had been an alcoholic when Katie and her sister were young and was almost always unable to fulfill her role as a nurturing mother to the point where the young girls were removed from her care and sent to live with their father and new stepmother. Katie had thought her feelings of resentment were long past, but it turns out this was not so. The rest of the memoir is a skillful interweaving of the lessons the three have to learn, the background of their childhood, and also interesting information that Katie discovers on how alcoholism affects a family. I was definitely drawn into this memoir, if a little slowly, and would recommend it to others.
    • 4/5
      This is a wonderful memoir. It reads more like a novel. The writing is excellent (to be expected from a Newsweek and NY Times writer). I knew it would be good with Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone, gave it a top notch review. The book revolves around Katie as she decides to have her 70 year old mother move in with her and her teenage daughter despite all the warnings of her friends. Her mother was a terrible alcoholic who lost custody of Katie and her sister Sarah when they were 12 and 8. Throughout their multi-generational living together experiment you see all involved deal with communication and misunderstood memories of the past.
    • 4/5
      This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.As a grandmother, mother and daughter, I related in so many ways to this brave and intelligent memoir. Katie Hafner describes her experiment in sharing her home with her mother. Her expectations are skewed by a view of her childhood and of her relationship with her mother that she has created in denial of the abusive reality. The book details a voyage of discovery, pain and ultimate healing for the author, her teenage daughter, and her mother. The honesty and emotion kept me engaged and caring about the individuals from beginning to end.
    • 3/5
      A memoir written by Katie Hafner, a 50ish widow with a teenage daughter, Zoe, and a mother in her late 70s who is suddenly alone and looking for a new living space. After some deliberation, Katie offers to her mother to share a home in San Francisco with her and her daughter. Complicating things is that Katie's mother was an abusive alcoholic who lost custody of Katie and her sister when they were children. The memoir covers the next year as three generations try to co-exist and negotiate a working peace that includes forgiveness and peace. This proves a more difficult journey than any of them had anticipated, but by the end of this affecting memoir a sort of equilibrium has been established.
    • 5/5
      An extremely well written book by a widowed mother trying to extend a kind hand to her own mother. The grandmother was a terrible parent, but the daughter has so much empathy that she wants to create a true relationship with her, both for herself and for her own teenage daughter. Quite possibly the best memoir I have ever read. This book had my interest by the 2nd page. In addition to her own story, the author includes explanations on a variety of topics such as psychology and alcoholism, and she backs up all of this with research and facts. I enjoyed all of this information, as it always fit perfectly in the chapter. The author was/is an editor and journalist, and her writing skills are evident.
    • 4/5
      A page-turner that makes you want to know what's next, this book will be enjoyed by young adults and everyone on up who's still reading or listening to books. While it's a memoir, Katie Hafner, who is an experienced writer and journalist, has made this book read like a novel. She starts each chapter with a quote from a well-known person that is a tie-in to what the chapter will be about. But it's Katie's own thought-provoking, insightful and enlightening statements that make this story come to life in a meaningful way. She had me completely on page 13 when she wrote "With a transcendent eye, I now see that it's far easier to imagine a future we can invent than to reckon honestly with a painful past." A simple statement with much wisdom which is exactly what takes place between the pages. Each of the three people involved in her memoir has had to deal with dramatic life-changing events, and we see them through her eyes with flashbacks to her own childhood. But it isn't until her only daughter is starting to reach out for her own life, which will take her away from Katie, that Katie finds documents and letters written by both her father and mother during her childhood and discovers how she manipulated her view of her life, and with new clarity and understanding into the lives of her parents and sister she becomes free to live her life with a sense of wholeness. Katie is a well-educated professional, a doting mother and a daughter who has been seeking her mother's love all her life. All the twists and turns of family life will radiate with every reader on some level, and for me personally it was good to know what can go wrong, and right, when adult children and their elderly parents attempt to live together.
    • 5/5
      A very insightful, honest, and enjoyable memoir about a family trying to create a multi-generational household. The household includes the author, her teenage daughter, and her mother. The author's mother was an active alcoholic for most of her adult life and was separated from her children when the author was about 10 years old. It was a difficult situation to undertake and all thee members of the family contributed to the joys and pains of trying to create this multigenerational household. The prose is great and keeps you engaged from beginning to end. This is one of the top 5 memoirs I've read in the past few years.