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    No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children
    No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children
    No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children
    Audiobook10 hours

    No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children

    Written by Paul Coughlin and P.J. Ochlan

    Narrated by P.J. Ochlan

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    About this audiobook

    Revised and Expanded Edition of a Life-Changing Book Recovering nice guy Paul Coughlin points the way for all men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using anecdotes from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from our culture, Coughlin shows how men can say no to the "nice guy" syndrome and yes to a life of purpose, passion, and vitality. In this revised and expanded edition, Coughlin adds vital insights on the changes he's seen in churches and the greater culture in the decade since No More Christian Nice Guy was first published. This radical and hopeful message elevates the true biblical model of manhood and now includes testimonials from men and women whose lives have been altered by this book. Coughlin also looks at the shifting expectations men face in relationships and in the workplace, and how younger Christians, in particular, are subject to harmful views about masculinity. Part inspiration, part instruction, and part manifesto, this book gives men the courage to move from passivity to assertiveness.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherChristianAudio.com
    Release dateJul 5, 2016
    ISBN9781633899575

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    Reviews for No More Christian Nice Guy

    4/5

    56 ratings20 reviews

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    • 4/5
      Interesting book, easy read, and will be useful for some.Even the strongest Christian woman with excellent self-esteem will sometimes allow herself to be stretched too thin, unable to say no, and the resentment can build until an explosion happens. This book identifies key ways in which women commonly allow themselves to be taken advantage of by a situation or person, and then goes on to demonstrate that it's actually not Christ-like to always turn the other cheek. Each section is ended with some thought-provoking study questions (ideal for group or pair study), and some scriptures to get one's mind thinking.Helpful parts: a "quiz" in the early stages that help one identify if she suffers from "Nice Girliosis."
    • 5/5
      If possible I would give this book a six star review. There is amazing truth spoken by this author. It has the ability to be life-changing!
    • 5/5
      An extremely important book worth acting upon. Great revised edition.
    • 4/5
      This is a good book for women who feel they have to do all they are asked by anyone and everyone. It's for mom's who spend their days trying to make their kids happy; for wives to try to meet all their husband's needs; for friends who are always the one to jump into situations to help. So many women get stuck in the nice trap and then become angry at all the demands being placed upon them, this book shows you how to go from nice but angry to God's good woman, more fulfilled because she obeying God.
    • 3/5
      This is a very great read for any gal who feels like a doormat in her daily relationships. This book offers some unusual but practical advice to help women put themselves and their family first in life, and not wear themselves out helping others. I do think that the book has some ideas that need to be taken with a grain of salt to temper them out, but it's best if women make that call for themselves.The only other thing that disappointed me about the book was the intense focus on fixing the life of the married woman. Single gals struggle with saying no to people as well, and without a family we don't have a "real" reason in people's eyes to refuse to do anything. So, there were quite a few elements in the book that were unhelpful in that respect.However, the basic premise of the book is sound, the insights are quite revealing, and the advice is good. Definitely worth reading!
    • 4/5
      No more Christian nice girl is interesting point of view on Christian behavior. It is true that we as Christians confuse how we should act according to Biblical definitions of Christian behavior and how people think Christians should act. This book takes away the veil of being nice and shows women how to be good people but true to whom they are. The lesson in this book is very simple: being a Christian woman does not make you a doormat for others to walk on. With Clear and easy to understand lessons through scripture to back it up, this book is helpful for women with low self-esteem. I recommend this book to any Christian woman wanting to relate modern life to the life of Jesus.
    • 3/5
      Solid advice from a rather biblically-based perspective. It's a good book, but it's hard to believe this hasn't been done before. There's a lot of mixed messages that Christianity sends out to women, and I'm afraid that whatever is good in this book will be lost in the generic message. It has a pretty good "Don't be a doormat" message. So on the whole good, just not ground-breaking. However, what I will take away from it is this little twist. Don't mistake the Golden Rule for the Pyrite (Fool's Gold) Rule. "Do unto others..." is not a quid pro quo game. Christianity is not about treating others nicely so that they will treat you the same way. It's about treating others as children of God wholly and dearly loved just like you are. They might not realize that and thus treat you differently, but that's not your problem.
    • 3/5
      “No More Christian Nice Girl” was written in a similar vein as Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s best-seller “Boundaries”, except that Paul Coughlin and Dr. Jennifer D. Degler lend a decidedly feminine slant to the topic of setting healthy, Christ-like limits in our relationships. This book would be great for any woman who finds herself saying “yes” when she means “no”, who acquiesces to the demands of others in the name of “niceness”, and who struggles to find balance in her everyday life.Always writing with an eye on what the authors call the “360-degree Jesus”, they dole out practical advice on issues from dating and marriage to career and children. The first four chapters lay the groundwork for Coughlin and Degler’s premise: “God likes [H]is women with a firm will that aligns with [H]is will.” Examining Jesus’ life, we are shown both His “sweet” and His “salty” sides, including examples when He simply angered and offended others. (Indeed, this book comes complete with an appendix titled “’Not No Nice’ Jesus in the Gospels”.) For those church-going women who only know of Jesus’ tender kindness and gentle spirit, the shift in perspective will quite freeing. This book teaches there is a big difference between “good” and “nice”. And it does a sufficient job of showing us where from our misconceptions may have sprung in the chapter “Harmful Childhood Experiences”, though others’ work may provide deeper insight and help on this topic.The remainder of the book walks its readers through a thoughtful series of topics, intended to demonstrate how “God’s Good Woman” walks. The authors cover relationship snares in many areas: friendships, the workplace, marriage, and family, and they offer clearly biblical guidelines in response. For women who are struggling specifically with their significant other, a full three chapters are dedicated to dating, marriage, and sex. As the mother of adult children, I was disappointed Coughlin and Degler didn’t spend more time discussing boundaries with our offspring, both young and old. There were a couple of things that distracted me a bit as I was reading. The first was the authors’ constant use of acronyms, such as “CNG” (Christian Nice Girl) and “CNWife” (Christian Nice Wife). In one chapter they even referred to “SADTWITs” (Self-Appointed Deputies of all That is Wrong in the Throng)! The labels were a put-off for me. The other annoyance was their use of asterisks pointing the reader to mostly useless dribble such as “We never said reading this book would help you stay on your diet” and “It’s a fact: creative sex can lead to better scrapbooking.” The attempt at humor felt a little condescending and was more of an interruption than it was worth.Each chapter of “No More Christian Nice Girl” ends with a short story of “Christian Nice Girl Nicole”, and the reader gets to see her grow and discover truth as she moves from a frazzled “nice” girl into becoming more like “God’s Good Woman”. Women interested in leading or joining a small group with others will also be delighted to find a list of probing study questions at the end of each chapter. Overall, this book provides a practical, biblical look at responding to others with loving truth.
    • 3/5
      I had mixed feelings about this book. While it had some great advice and insights, I was expecting more. Though the book has lists of things Jesus did that weren't "nice", His motivations were not explained. Jesus wasn't always nice, so you don't have to be either. But that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to see more of how to live as a Christian, to see how our call to be Christ-centered and not "nice" pushovers combine. There's a great chapter about how being nice and fake prevents you from developing real and deep friendships. And overall I thought the advice and concepts were not bad, but not particularly Christian. But the chapter on careers, telling you to treat your career as a game and not get close to co-workers, rubbed me the wrong way.I guess "No More Christian Nice Girl" is not for me, as I didn't score as much of a nice girl at all. But for the women who have a hard time saying NO, maybe this book can help you.
    • 3/5
      Sadly, this book just didn't grab me the way other similar books have done. Plus my copy felt unfinished, like it wasn't quite copyedited enough. Maybe the final edition was better. I ended up giving my copy away...
    • 5/5
      A much needed book in the state of the church today.
    • 4/5
      No More Christian Nice Girl is a companion volume to No More Christian Nice Guy. It focuses on helping "nice" (weak, over-submissive) Christian women be "good" (strong, assertive) rather than "nice." The book is written in a very readable style and includes a narrative with each chapter illustrating a woman's progression from nice to good. There are ten chapters, each ending with study questions and two appendices on the "not so nice" Jesus and on abuse in marriage. The book is roughly comprised of two sections. The first explains why Christian women are nice and the second looks at areas of life where nice can become good.I think the book will be helpful for those women who recognise that they have issues in their relationships that stem from a lack of assertiveness and false humility. However not all women will appreciate being labeled in this manner and may object to this book's portrayal of good women vs. nice women.Because this book is aimed at a Christian audience everything is framed around the Bible although many of the ideas originate in the realm of psychology. This may be why "cattiness" is blamed on women being nice rather than on sin. If your best friend makes out with your boyfriend at a party that's because of their sin, not because you are too nice. If you forgive him and act like nothing's happened - then you have a problem.I trust that women will be able to use the study questions in discussing the ideas in this book with one another for mutual benefit.
    • 3/5
      I received this book for free as part of LibraryThing's Early Reviewers program.I was a little nonplussed to receive No More Christian Nice Girl in the mail. I had not really expected to receive a self-help book directed primarily at women, but there you go. I did actually put it on the list however, because the premise did resonate with me: being nice and being good are not the same thing.The general idea of this book and its predecessor, No More Christian Nice Guy, is that being nice, meaning trying to accommodate everyone, suppressing unpleasant thoughts, and avoiding conflict, is destructive of our selves and our families. Superficially, being nice seems to be the calling of a Christian, especially in this age. This trend was brilliantly parodied by Dogma's Buddy Christ.However, when you get down to it, Our Lord really wasn't nice, in the sense most people mean it. One of the best features of this book is its Appendix A, which documents instances in the Gospels where Jesus had something sharp to say to someone.Christ had a rather sharp sense of humor indeed, one that was on display when something needed to be said to more than one purpose: one immediate, one eternal.However, this is not to say that we ought to tear out all the existing art and replace it. G. K. Chesterton noted that even though Christian art is rather one-sided in its depiction of Christ, the instinct nonetheless sound, because there is just something wrong about decorating your church with a statue of Christ in wrath.This book was not really intended for me, but I think it is basically sound. Charity in truth is really the best for everyone, even if it is easier to be nice.
    • 4/5
      This book will be a help for women who think being submissive means being passive about everything. There are many confusing and conflicting ideas in Christian circles about what it means to have a gentle, quiet spirit. It doesn't mean that you are supposed to be a passive wallflower, with a false niceness. Nor does it mean that you can't be a vibrant, enthusiastic woman. A false niceness brings with it resentment. Instead of being falsely nice, Christian women should be speaking the truth in love and standing for righteousness. I wish the authors had mentioned more about how being a submissive wife played into the idea of being good. Women really want to see what this is supposed to look like in real life. How does speaking the truth and love and standing for righteousness fit together with submission? After all, we are supposed to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord and in everything--so that the word of God will not be dishonored. I believe they can fit together, but the authors really left the answer to that question up to the reader.
    • 5/5
      One powerful book. It smashes the various ideas which have been raised up by the fallen world about a Christian and a Christian man in particular. Walk in here with a mindset for your idol and like King Josiah let this book pee on, smash and destroy that idol to smithereens. STRAIGHT TALK!!

      1 person found this helpful

    • 5/5
      Just a very good analysis of how being "nice" can and does hold significant consequences for men in their faith lives.
    • 4/5
      I don't agree with everything in the book, but it is still worth reading as it is rather thought provoking.
    • 3/5
      I am skeptical of the every developing syndromes of the modern Western world. Perhaps we have syndrome syndrome (book idea!). So I was a bit suspicious when I saw the title but I was intrigued by a cursory glance through the book and decided to read it.

      Whether there is a "Nice Guy Syndrome" or not I'll leave for others to judge (Robert Glover wrote "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which speaks from a secular perspective). However, it does address a problem among some men which is the passive-aggressive way of dealing with fear and anxiety. In the book, Coughlin encourages men to not assume that others are aware of the deals that we have made with them (especially the spouse) of which they are ignorant. The frustration comes when he doesn't get what he wants even though he did what he was a good boy.

      The book has good advice for men who work from this anxiety-based condition. The contribution that this book makes that is different from Robert Glover's book is the impact of passive-aggressive behaviors in Christian men and the detrimental affect in the church.

      It is a decent book but the real meat is in the last several chapters on how to deal with the behaviors. Early chapters establish the problem of modern culture minimizing the manliness of Jesus (Jesus the Bearded Woman concept popular in many religious circles) and he makes the case to consider the whole masculinity of Jesus in the scriptures and consider Him as the example to follow.
    • 5/5
      No More Christian Nice Guy was another reminder of how Christian men have passed over the mantle of leadership to anyone else. For years, I have felt that the church was full of passive, wimps. Coughlin's book basically says the same thing.The book is written in an easy-to-read manner. However, that does not downplay the message of the words. The truth Coughlin wishes to portray in No More Christian Nice Guy is that Christian men have been taught from childhood to be nice, not good. Sometimes being "good" is not nice. It is reminiscent of C.S. Lewis' comment about Aslan in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. When asked if Aslan is safe, the response is, "He is good, but he is not safe." Coughlin reminds us that all too often we trade what it means to be good for what it means to be nice.This book had opened my eyes to the extent of the problem. Although I had seen it in my own life and had been working it myself, this book inspired me to push harder and make the change to good from nice complete.
    • 5/5
      Recommended for all depressed Christian guys! In his recent newsletter, Paul Coughlin point out a common problem with Christian Nice Guys, which is exactly who I was... wrong church teaching that turn me into a passive depressed christian.Q: You write in your Study Guide that Christian Nice Guys behave as if they have no rudder in life. Why is this true?A: Christian Nice Guys feel and are rudderless for a few reasons. They believe inside that it's wrong and selfish to have goals, dreams, and desires. Some have religious traditions (not to be mistaken for revealed truth) that fail to make the important distinction between being willful and being willing. They often come from homes that tell them that all they need to do is to give their troubles to Jesus and he'll take care of the rest. This is dangerous advice to men who are prone toward passivity and who are told that it's selfish to exert their will.People have normal wants, needs, and desires, but in order to obtain them and maintain them, they eventually run into conflict. But conflict bothers Christian Nice Guys so much that they stop trying to obtain these parts of their lives. Christian Nice Guys think all conflict is wrong. If so, then Jesus was wrong plenty.Making matters worse is that many weren't given the skills to obtain their desires (perseverance, assertiveness, and so on). Many CNGs go into adult life without the skills necessary to fare well and bring God glory.