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    Unavailable
    Why Mummy Swears
    Unavailable
    Why Mummy Swears
    Unavailable
    Why Mummy Swears
    Audiobook11 hours

    Why Mummy Swears

    Written by Gill Sims

    Narrated by Gabrielle Glaister

    4/5

    ()

    Unavailable in your country

    Unavailable in your country

    About this audiobook

    The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks.

    Monday, 25 July
    The first day of the holidays. I suppose it could’ve been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don’t use the flipping National Trust membership – because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don’t really mix with children, especially not small boys.
    Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation’s illustrious past, we instead had me shouting ‘Don’t touch, DON’T TOUCH, FFS DON’T TOUCH!” while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads.
    How many more days of the holiday are there?

    Welcome to Mummy’s world…
    The Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business trips…
    Mummy’s marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always.
    Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, she’s also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesn’t have to run out when the nanny calls in sick.
    Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing ‘comfy trousers’ to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T?
    Probably effing not.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateJul 12, 2018
    ISBN9780008284244
    Unavailable
    Why Mummy Swears

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    Reviews for Why Mummy Swears

    4/5

    29 ratings3 reviews

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    • 4/5
      It was like someone has been listening to my inner monologue. it's a book that makes you as a mother and a woman feel like you have been heard.
    • 3/5
      This book is a bit light for my taste, but I have to admit, there were times it made me laugh out loud. Mummy has a job, two pre-teen kids, a husband who doesn't pull his weight in house and child care and is head of the PTA. Things get a bit much sometimes. Something most of us can identify with, told with great humour.
    • 3/5
      Children: mostly adorable or frequently irritating?I’m sure most parents would admit to finding their own Precious Moppets (never mind anyone else’s) a Bit Much sometimes, so I’m sure most of us can understand Why Mummy Drinks. Now it’s time to find out Why Mummy Swears…What is this?If you haven’t yet discovered the guffaw-inducing delight that is Peter and Jane and Mummy Too then you may want to start there. Gill Sims’ blog about the trials and tribulations endured with her Precious Moppets, Gadget Twat husband and the ever loyal Judgy Dog are genuinely Laugh Out Loud funny. You will snort in public. You may spill precious tea.Following the success of the blog, Sims wrote an extremely popular, fictional diary called ‘Why Mummy Drinks’, about which I had slightly mixed feelings. I’ll be honest: I have similarly mixed feelings about ‘Why Mummy Swears’, but more on that later.What’s it about?Since her previous outing, Ellen has quit her job and is on the hunt for something new and exciting following her previous money-making success. She lands an exciting full-time job…at the same time as she somehow agrees to head up the PTA (after the previous chair quits by ranting about parents’ ingratitude and finally shouting ‘F**K THIS S**T’; there’s more than a hint of ‘Bad Moms’ style action and adventure in this story).As Ellen hires an au pair to try to keep her life vaguely together, Peter demands constant feeding and Jane insists she needs an Instagram account NOW, she also somehow neglects to mention her children and husband to her new work colleagues. How many times can Ellen take time off work to attend school events under the guise of ‘women’s troubles’? Why is Simon (aka Gadget Twat) unable to stick to childcare arrangements? Is it ethically ok to let the au pair have a boyfriend stay over? Can Ellen’s marriage survive under these new pressures?What’s it like?Often very funny. Incredibly familiar for parents with young children (who are old before their time!). Quite ranty.The best bits (for me) were those elements which were most like the blog: infuriating conversations with small children; infuriating conversations with adults; and, obviously, infuriating conversations with adults who behave like children. Sims continues to make highly effective use of strategically placed capital letters and surprisingly placed swear words (‘Isn’t this LOVELY!’ beamed Mrs P. ‘[He’s] so much nicer than that prick Dan she married the first time!’) I enjoyed the slightly exaggerated PTA shenanigans and the ‘quiet’ evenings down the pub that somehow turn into a singalong and then the hangover from hell.I still found Ellen a little hardgoing at times. She can be selfish, judgemental and, most irritatingly, she is completely obsessed with Pinterest. I signed up to Pinterest once upon a time and now I receive notifications, neatly filed in my junk mail, about other people liking random things, but I don’t understand the appeal (I just wanted to gather a few recipe ideas) so I think I’m just not quite the right audience for this obsession! Sometimes, she is just plain odd. (By ‘odd’ I mean obsessed with toilets and their location in workplaces.)However, she is also very real (we can all be selfish, judgemental and odd on occasion, if not frequently!) and certainly throws herself into situations whole heartedly. I particularly enjoyed her holiday with the children.Final thoughts‘Why Mummy Swears’ is a thoroughly modern and delightfully humorous take on the joys of parenting while working full-time while living on social media, replete with swear words, drinking binges and insights into office politics. Sims has a few axes to grind – especially unreformed office worker attitudes towards hardworking mums daring to take time off work to do parenting things – but they rarely get in the way of the entertainment (and are very valid points!) The plot is slim, but it’s a diary, not a deviously plotted murder mystery, and although the ending is – arguably – both saccharine and predictable, it is really quite lovely.So whether you are privileged enough to possess small children, so privileged that they have grown-up and you’ve persuaded them to get out from under your feet, or are contemplating complicating your existence by adding some wilful small personalities to the mix, ‘Why Mummy Swears’ would make a lovely, light read. Perfect for beach holidays, actually, preferably on a beach with nice yellow sand, not that horrid black stuff (‘not very aesthetically pleasing’ says Ellen).Many thanks to the publisher and publicists for sending me a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.