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    The Ex-Factor: Finding Freedom to Heal, Forgive & Love Again
    The Ex-Factor: Finding Freedom to Heal, Forgive & Love Again
    The Ex-Factor: Finding Freedom to Heal, Forgive & Love Again
    Ebook125 pages2 hours

    The Ex-Factor: Finding Freedom to Heal, Forgive & Love Again

    By JL King and Brenda Stone Browder

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    About this ebook

    After years of estrangement, J.L. King, author of the explosive New York Times bestseller, "On the Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men," and his ex-wife, Brenda Stone Browder, author of the Essence Magazine bestseller, "On the Up & Up: A Survival Guide for Women Living With Men on the Down Low," and the one who outted King for sleeping with men during their marriage, overcome scandal, hurt, and deception to share their very personal story of moving past the pain, and learning how to heal and forgive -- in their most revealing book yet.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateApr 1, 2013
    ISBN9781626758087
    The Ex-Factor: Finding Freedom to Heal, Forgive & Love Again
    Author

    JL King

    J.L. King is a national bestselling author, philanthropist, publisher, and producer. He has appeared in publications such as Newsweek, Time, and The Washington Post and on programs such as The Oprah Winfrey Show and Inside Edition. He has two adult children and lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

    Read more from Jl King

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      Book preview

      The Ex-Factor - JL King

      Published by

      BJS Books

      Copyright © 2013 by Stone, King, Neal

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      ISBN: 978-0-615-77285-1

      eISBN: 9781626758087

      Manufactured and Printed in the United States of America

      http://www.theexfactorbookandtour.com

      We dedicate this book to the men and women who are examples of real love.

      Foreword

      Introduction

      Chapter 1: Oprah

      Chapter 2: How Do You Forgive an Ex?

      Chapter 3: The Measure of a Man

      Chapter 4: When the Signs Are There But You Miss Them

      Chapter 5: Secrets?

      Chapter 6: No Longer on the Down Low

      Chapter 7: When Family Gets Caught in the Middle

      Photos

      Chapter 8: After the Breakup, Then What?

      Chapter 9: Looking For Love on the Internet

      Chapter 10: Don’t Give Up on Love

      Chapter 11: How to Fit In With Your Ex’s New Partner

      Chapter 12: Blending Families: Yours, Mine & Ours

      Chapter 13: Holidays: Breaking Bread with Your Ex & Your Kids

      Chapter 14: Reunited

      Author Q&A

      Author Bios

      It’s been nearly ten years since a controversial appearance on Oprah where JL King (author of the explosive New York Times best-seller, On The Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of ‘Straight’ Black Men Who Sleep With Men), broke his silence about being on the Down Low, during what became one of Oprah’s most powerful episodes.

      Today, King and his ex-wife, Brenda Stone Browder (author of the Essence best-seller, On the Up & Up: A Survival Guide for Women Living With Men on the Down Low, and the one who exposed King for sleeping with other men during their marriage), have moved past the pain of their very public divorce, and now devote much of their time and resources aiding couples who seek relationship advice.

      Having received countless emails, texts, letters, and other queries, King and Browder answer men and women’s most pressing relationship questions and concerns, here in their most personal book yet.

      Dear JL,

      I’m not on the DL, but I’ve been unfaithful to my wife. How did your journey of coming forward with the truth begin?

      How can I leave him when I’m trapped?

      How do I tell my kids that their daddy is on the DL?

      Dear Brenda,

      How could you forgive him after what he did to you?

      How can you become friends with your Ex?

      How is it that you didn’t know your man was cheating? Or worse—on the DL?

      How did you explain your separation to your kids?

      How did you trust men after what he did to you?

      The Ex-Factor is the only book where JL King and Brenda Stone Browder address these and other questions through their journey of finding the freedom to heal, forgive, and love again.

      We would like to thank our children, Ebony, Brandon, and Loren III, for loving us unconditionally, and allowing us to share our family publicly as an example of that unconditional love.

      We want to thank all the men who have done the right thing by being honest about who they are and not continuing to hide on the DL. Men must continue to be the head of the house and community, but can't, if they are a part of destroying our sisters.

      Thank you, Shirley Neal, for your diligence and dedication to this book and its message.

      By Loren Browder

      I don’t like it!

      People always ask me how I feel about my wife becoming friends with her ex-husband, JL King, who was unfaithful to her by having sex with other men during their marriage. I don’t like it, but I’ve never said that publicly—at least not until now.

      In addition to writing this book, Brenda and JL are organizing a speaking tour; developing a reality TV show; and appearing on another Oprah show called, Where Are They Now? They’re scheduling radio and TV appearances to promote the book and the tour, and spending a lot of time together. I really don’t like it.

      But, how I feel personally, and what I say publicly are two different things.

      No, I’m not a hypocrite. JL, knows how I feel. And so does Brenda.

      I don’t say what I really feel about JL’s relationship with my wife when people ask me because it’s personal. I also don’t want those who want to establish a friendship with their Ex, to use my feelings as a deterrent.

      In spite of how I feel, I always tell people how well JL and I get along. I raised his two kids—the son and daughter that he had with Brenda. And he publicly gives me credit for that. We’re cordial at family gatherings, and he even brings me gifts—things he appreciates that he also knows I appreciate—like cowboy boots.

      Here lately, we’ve started to spend family holidays together. We’re truly a blended family: Brenda and JL’s kids, Brenda’s and my son, their girlfriends and boyfriends, JL, me and Brenda. The only one missing at these gatherings is a partner for JL.

      I will tell anyone that it’s possible to blend estranged families and accept your partner’s Ex into your new family circle. I did it. But what I can’t do and will not allow JL (who is now openly gay) to do, is to disrespect my house by bringing his gay boo into our home. He’s welcomed if he comes alone.

      Maybe my attitude is wrong, but it’s how I feel. And the one piece of advice I’ll give to all couples is to be honest about how you feel.

      JL and I take baby steps with our relationship. He hurt my wife, and I can’t overlook that. And since he’s a self-proclaimed hustler, who rushed to publish his tell-all book before Brenda could get her story out, I never know when and if he’ll betray her again.

      Now that they are planning to go on tour again, I feel a need to tag along on some of the engagements just to be sure that Brenda is not being taken advantage of, in my absence.

      On a more positive note, I can say that Brenda and JL seem to be in a good place right now. Writing this book and planning the tours and reality show—there’s a lot of respect between them, and a genuine spirit of caring. Perhaps because they’ve both evolved since their nasty and public divorce. Brenda is tougher. JL is more sensitive. And together, they really practice what they preach in terms of healing and moving on.

      What I love most about this book is that it offers advice for estranged couples to move past the pain of a broken relationship, which I fully endorse. And I’m very proud of Brenda and JL for recounting their own experiences, however painful, in order to help others.

      Their attempt to be friends is very real, and I respect that. My one caution though for anyone who reads this book is to see it as advice and not as the gospel. What works for one doesn’t work for all, and this book isn’t intended to be a definitive book on healing, but one that offers hope, advice and tried and true experience on how to the find the freedom to heal, forgive, and love again.

      I

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