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    Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies
    Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies
    Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies
    Ebook170 pages1 hour

    Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies

    By Alan D. Wolfelt

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    About this ebook

    Helping widows and widowers learn how to cope with the grief of losing their helpmate, their lover, and perhaps their financial provider, this guide shows them how to find continued meaning in life when doing so seems difficult. Bereaved spouses will find advice on when and how to dispose of their mate's belongings, dealing with their children, and redefining their role with friends and family. Suggestions are provided for elderly mourners, young widows and widowers, unmarried lovers, and same-sex partners. The information and comfort offered apply to individuals whose spouse died recently or long ago.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIndependent Publishers Group
    Release dateNov 1, 2003
    ISBN9781617220494
    Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies

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    • 5/5
      In this short book, the author offers 100 suggestions to help you deal with the loss of a spouse. What I liked about the book is that the suggestions are practical and concise; they are doable. I also like the way the author recognizes that everyone is unique and affirms that you must grieve and mourn, and it's okay to do it your way. Also, the book is inclusive of same-sex relationships, which I find comforting even though I am a cis gendered heterosexual person.My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly. For me, this was a book I could only read in small doses at this time and it is written to enable you to dip in and out and take what you need when you are ready for it.

    Book preview

    Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart - Alan D. Wolfelt

    Also by Alan Wolfelt:

    Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies:

    A Guide for Families

    Healing a Child’s Grieving Heart:

    100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends

    and Caregivers

    Healing a Friend’s Grieving Heart:

    100 Practical Ideas for Helping Someone

    You Love Through Loss

    Healing a Teen’s Grieving Heart:

    100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends

    and Caregivers

    Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids:

    100 Practical Ideas

    The Journey Through Grief:

    Reflections on Healing

    Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential

    Touchstones For Finding Hope

    and Healing Your Heart

    Companion Press is dedicated to the education and support of both the bereaved and bereavement caregivers.

    We believe that those who companion the bereaved by

    walking with them as they journey in grief have a

    wondrous opportunity: to help others embrace and grow

    through grief—and to lead fuller, more deeply-lived lives

    themselves because of this important ministry.

    For a complete catalog and

    ordering information, write or call:

    Companion Press

    The Center for Loss and Life Transition

    3735 Broken Bow Road

    Fort Collins, CO 80526

    (970) 226-6050

    www.centerforloss.com

    © 2003 by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.

    All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publisher.

    Companion Press is an imprint of the

    Center for Loss and Life Transition,

    3735 Broken Bow Road, Fort Collins, Colorado 80526

    Companion Press books may be purchased in bulk for sales promotions, premiums or fundraisers. Please contact the publisher at the above address for more information.

    Printed in the United States of America

    11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04 03

    5 4 3 2 1

    ISBN: 1-879-651-37-8

    Table of Contents

    Also by Alan Wolfelt:

    Title Page

    Copyright Page

    Dedication

    INTRODUCTION

    1. - UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GRIEF AND MOURNING.

    2. - KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    3. - BE COMPASSIONATE WITH YOURSELF.

    4. - ACKNOWLEDGE THE UNIQUENESS OF YOUR WIDOWHOOD.

    5. - ALLOW FOR NUMBNESS.

    6. - EXPECT TO HAVE A MULTITUDE OF FEELINGS.

    7. - BE AWARE THAT YOUR GRIEF AFFECTS YOUR BODY, HEART, MIND, SOCIAL SELF AND SPIRIT.

    8. - EMBRACE YOUR SPIRITUALITY.

    9. - LET GO OF DESTRUCTIVE MYTHS ABOUT GRIEF AND MOURNING.

    10. - TELL THE STORY, OVER AND OVER AGAIN IF NECESSARY.

    11. - START EACH NEW DAY WITH A MEDITATION OR PRAYER.

    12. - WALK SIDE-BY-SIDE WITH YOUR GRIEF.

    13. - ACKNOWLEDGE ALL THE LOSSES THIS DEATH HAS WROUGHT.

    14. - ALLOW FOR FEELINGS OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS.

    15. - FORGIVE YOURSELF.

    16. - COMBAT THE LONELINESS.

    17. - REACH OUT TO OTHERS FOR HELP.

    18. - IDENTIFY THREE PEOPLE YOU CAN TURN TO ANYTIME YOU NEED A FRIEND.

    19. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

    20. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

    21. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

    22. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

    23. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

    24. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

    25. - KNOW THAT GRIEF DOES NOT PROCEED IN ORDERLY, PREDICTABLE STAGES.

    26. - TURN OVER THE FINANCIAL REINS FOR NOW.

    27. - RECOGNIZE THAT YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WILL PROBABLY CHANGE.

    28. - LET OTHERS TAKE CARE OF YOU.

    29. - IF YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED, CONSIDER THIS:

    30. - IF YOUR WIFE HAS DIED, CONSIDER THIS:

    31. - IF YOUR SPOUSE DIED AFTER AN EXTENDED ILLNESS OR DECLINE, KNOW THAT FEELINGS OF RELIEF ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL.

    32. - IF YOU HELPED CARE FOR YOUR ILL SPOUSE, GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO RECUPERATE.

    33. - IF YOUR SPOUSE DIED SUDDENLY, LOOK FOR WAYS TO EMBRACE THE REALITY OF THE DEATH.

    34. - CONJURE UP YOUR SPOUSE.

    35. - ASK YOUR SPOUSE FOR ADVICE.

    36. - KEEP IT REAL WITH YOUR CHILDREN.

    37. - IF YOU ARE ANGRY, FIND APPROPRIATE WAYS TO EXPRESS YOUR ANGER.

    38. - IF YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT THE MEDICAL CARE YOUR SPOUSE RECEIVED, EXPRESS THOSE FEELINGS.

    39. - TURN TO YOUR FAMILY.

    40. - DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT WITH YOUR SPOUSE’S BELONGINGS.

    41. - RELEASE ANY BAD FEELINGS OR REGRETS YOU MAY HAVE ABOUT THE FUNERAL AND BURIAL.

    42. - PREPARE FOR YOUR OWN EVENTUAL DEATH.

    43. - CRY.

    44. - REACH OUT AND TOUCH.

    45. - READ OLD LETTERS.

    46. - WRITE A NEW LETTER.

    47. - BE MINDFUL OF ANNIVERSARIES.

    48. - TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.

    49. - UNDERSTAND THE ROLE OF LINKING OBJECTS.

    50. - KEEP A JOURNAL.

    51. - ORGANIZE A TREE PLANTING.

    52. - PLAN A CEREMONY.

    53. - ORGANIZE A MEMORY BOOK.

    54. - CONSIDER WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR WEDDING RINGS.

    55. - SUBSCRIBE TO HEALING.

    56. - DON’T BE CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY GRIEFBURSTS.

    57. - THINK YOUNG.

    58. - TALK TO YOURSELF ABOUT DATING AGAIN.

    59. - TALK TO YOURSELF ABOUT SEX.

    60. - LISTEN TO THE MUSIC.

    61. - PRAY.

    62. - LEARN SOMETHING NEW.

    63. - PICTURE THIS.

    64. - VOLUNTEER.

    65. - VISIT THE GREAT OUTDOORS.

    66. - SURF THE WEB.

    67. - WATCH FOR WARNING SIGNS.

    68. - SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE.

    69. - ESTABLISH A MEMORIAL FUND IN THE NAME OF THE SPOUSE WHO DIED.

    70. - OR CHOOSE TO MEMORIALIZE YOUR SPOUSE IN OTHER SPECIAL WAYS.

    71. - PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

    72. - FIND A GRIEF BUDDY.

    73. - BE YOU.

    74. - IGNORE HURTFUL ADVICE.

    75. - MAKE A LIST OF GOALS.

    76. - BUT AVOID MAKING ANY MAJOR CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE FOR AT LEAST TWO YEARS.

    77. - COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

    78. - ASK YOURSELF TWO QUESTIONS: WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT IS WANTED OF ME?

    79. - DO SOMETHING YOU’RE GOOD AT.

    80. - IMAGINE YOUR SPOUSE IN HEAVEN.

    81. - PRACTICE BREATHING IN AND OUT.

    82. - TALK OUT LOUD TO YOUR SPOUSE.

    83. - DRAW A GRIEF MAP.

    84. - TALK TO A COUNSELOR.

    85. - LOOK INTO SUPPORT GROUPS.

    86. - HELP OTHERS.

    87. - SAY NO.

    88. - TAKE A MINI-VACATION.

    89. - REARRANGE OR REDECORATE YOUR LIVING SPACE TO SUIT YOU.

    90. - IF YOU REMARRY, KNOW THAT YOUR GRIEF MUST BE GRANDFATHERED IN.

    91. - REMEMBER OTHERS WHO HAD A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE.

    92. - SCHEDULE SOMETHING THAT GIVES YOU PLEASURE EACH AND EVERY DAY.

    93. - TEACH OTHERS ABOUT GRIEF AND MOURNING.

    94. - SPEND TIME ALONE.

    95. - CREATE A SANCTUARY JUST FOR YOU.

    96. - VISIT THE CEMETERY.

    97. - GET AWAY FROM IT ALL.

    98. - CHOOSE TO LIVE.

    99. - UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF RECONCILIATION.

    100. - BELIEVE IN YOUR CAPACITY TO HEAL AND GROW THROUGH GRIEF.

    A FINAL WORD

    THE MOURNER’S CODE - Ten Self-Compassionate Principles

    SEND US YOUR IDEAS FOR HEALING A SPOUSE’S GRIEVING HEART!

    ALSO BY ALAN WOLFELT

    In loving memory of the soulmate relationship of my

    Aunt Helen and Uncle Bob, and in gratitude for the

    model they provided for a loving relationship with

    another human being.

    Helen and Bob Mansfield were married

    on December 26, 1943.

    Helen died on July 28, 2001.

    This couple loved each other deeply and with

    passion. To them I dedicate this book.

    "Bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love. It follows marriage as normally as marriage follows courtship or as autumn follows summer. It is not a truncation of the process but one of the phases; not the interruption of the dance, but the next figure. We are taken out of ourselves by the loved one when he is here. Then

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