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    The Mourner's Book of Hope
    The Mourner's Book of Hope
    The Mourner's Book of Hope
    Ebook130 pages1 hour

    The Mourner's Book of Hope

    By Alan D. Wolfelt

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    About this ebook

    Addressing the inevitable grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one, this encouraging and supportive reference provides comfort in the midst of overwhelming sadness. Preventing mourners from becoming tangled in a web of despair, this guide shows how the smallest amount of hope can be nurtured into a confident sense of being, lighting the path towards a future of love, joy, and meaning. Featuring a series of reflective passages and quotations, this handbook makes it possible to roll up one's sleeves and make healing a reality.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIndependent Publishers Group
    Release dateAug 1, 2010
    ISBN9781617221033
    The Mourner's Book of Hope

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      Book preview

      The Mourner's Book of Hope - Alan D. Wolfelt

      WOLFELT

      Introduction

      Today...

      I open my heart’s hand to allow...

      the touch of hope.

      ~ Julia Cameron

      Someone you love has died. In your heart you have come to know your deepest pain. Your grief has brought challenges that seem beyond your own capacity to survive. Grief creates chaos, and your soul cries out. You naturally experience a sense of helplessness and, at times, you feel the depths of hopelessness. It all feels so incredibly overwhelming. And as you live in this painful place, you come to learn that you must surrender to your grief, sit in your wound, and make space for your lost self.

      If your experience is in any way like my own and those of the thousands of mourners I have had the honor to walk with and learn from, you are feeling abandoned and alone right now. You may instinctively be questioning the meaning and purpose of life. You recognize that so many things in your daily life have changed—your plans, your dreams, your concerns, and your roles. You may discover yourself searching for a reason to go on living in the face of this loss and asking countless How? and Why? questions.

      How can this be happening?

      How am I going to make it through this?

      Why did this happen now, in this way?

      Why am I feeling so lost?

      When we experience a loss—whether it is the death of someone loved, a divorce loss, the loss of a job, or a significant change in health—loss reminds us of how little control we really have over some things about life and living. Naturally, these kinds of losses (among many others) can leave us feeling incredibly powerless, seemingly helpless, and deeply hopeless at times.

      When we lose someone we love, it changes us. The person who died was a part of you and part of your life. This death means you must mourn a loss not only outside yourself, but inside yourself as well. At times, overwhelming sadness and loneliness may be constant companions to you on this grief journey. You may feel that when this person died, part of you died with him or her. And now you are faced with finding some sense of meaning at a time when you may be feeling empty and alone.

      Your loneliness and emptiness are often present, even when you are in the midst of family and friends. When others try to help by saying, I know just how you feel, they usually do not. They cannot. They are not walking this walk for you. Your pain, your questions, your doubts, and your fears are unique. No one can know exactly how this feels for you.

      While your grief is unique, some of the questions you may be asking are universal. The fears, doubts, and questions that come when we experience grief have been with us since the beginning of our awareness that loss is part of the cycle of life. Loss truly is an integral part of life. You are asking questions that others before you have raised. Questions that have been raised to God. Questions that have been asked about God. Like others who have been where you are, you may be feeling distant from God, perhaps even questioning the existence of God. These kinds of questions have been preserved in time because they belong to and are asked by most everyone who experiences the pain of loss.

      So, like your fellow travelers on this grief journey, you are faced with sitting in the wound of your grief. When you sit in the wound of your grief, you surrender to it in recognition that the only way to the other side of the pain and hopelessness is through the pain and hopelessness. You acknowledge that you are willing to do the work that mourning requires. Paradoxically, it is in befriending your wound that eventually you will restore your life and reinvest in living.

      Loss of Your Divine Spark and the Role of Hope in Your Healing

      People in grief often come to see me on the sacred grounds of the Center for Loss and Life Transition. When they begin their grief journey, they often start by expressing their sense of hopelessness by saying, I feel so hopeless, or, I am not sure I can go on living. Like you, the losses that have touched their lives have naturally muted, if not extinguished, their divine spark. Their divine spark is that internal energy that gives meaning and purpose to life. Your divine spark or life force is the keeper of your mind, your body, and your soul.

      I discovered some time ago that a central part of my helping role is to gently and quietly bring hope to those in grief. Hope that encourages them to discover a renewed divine spark and a desire to reenter life with meaning and purpose. Each and every one of us as humans has a divine spark. We are each the keeper of our own spark or life force. My personal life losses and my role as a caregiver to others have taught me that hope is the vital ingredient that helps us reignite our divine spark after loss breaks our hearts and touches our souls.

      The more I reflected on the role of hope in healing from life losses, the more compelled I was to write a user-friendly, easy-to-read book that would help mourners invite hope into their lives. This book of hope is anchored in reflections and my favorite quotes on the role of hope in healing. Because quotes often capture the essence of certain life experience, I’ve included many throughout this book for you to reflect on when you need to be reminded of the importance of hope. This book invites you to find and experience the hope that you will need to slowly, over time, and with no reward for speed, mourn well so that you can go on to live well and love well. My wish for you is that these pages help you nurture your divine spark back toward light and life. This book, directed from my heart to your heart, is an invitation to come out of the dark and into the light.

      Hopelessness and Depression

      Before I go any further, I must clarify the difference between the natural, intermittent hopelessness that mourners often feel and the unyielding hopelessness that is depression. If you are experiencing grief that is so debilitating and severe that you cannot function or that is causing you

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