The Mourner's Book of Courage: 30 Days of Encouragement
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The Mourner's Book of Courage - Alan D. Wolfelt
978-1-61722-154-5
Introduction
If you are reading this book, someone you love has died. There is no greater pain in life than the pain we feel when we are separated from someone we love. You might be unable to imagine how you can make it through the day, let alone move into the future. Your will and your spirit have been wounded. You are in the deep, inhospitable wilderness of grief. The only way out is to enter, to feel your grief with your whole, raw, open heart and soul. If you do this, and stay true to your unique journey through grief, you will be transformed—experiencing a change in form
—and come out of the dark and into the light. Along the way you will need courage—courage to face your feelings, trust your instincts, travel your own path, and discover renewed meaning in your life and in your living.
What is Courage in Grief?
Courage stems from the Old French word for heart—coeur. Courage can be a small action or a large undertaking. Grief demands courage at almost every turn. It takes fortitude to rise and face the day when you know it will be filled with the pain of missing the person who died. It takes tenacity to take on a challenge alone, without that special person’s assistance or insight. It requires backbone and integrity to let tears fall without immediately wiping them away. It takes boldness to accept a caring friend’s shoulder or a relative’s offer for help. Finally, it requires audacity to let grief and mourning come without trying to deny them or numb yourself with distractions. My hope is that these ideas on courageous grieving will buoy you up, each and every day, and help you authentically mourn in ways that relight your divine spark—that which gives your life meaning and purpose.
About This Book
This book is one in a series of three books for mourners. I wrote The Mourner’s Book of Hope first, with the intent to help relight the divine spark in those who are deep in grief and mourning. Its purpose is to help people hold on to hope in dark moments and help them come to believe they will survive their grief. The purpose of this book is to not only companion people in grief and mourning while they walk their difficult journey, but to infuse them with courage and the will to continue on—to not only survive, but eventually thrive.
While this book is written in a linear fashion, please remember that your grief is not linear. It is very courageous to befriend your grief, to let it direct you rather than you trying to direct it. If you read a day’s entry and you can’t relate, turn to another one that better fits where you are in your grief journey. The book follows a 30-day format, but the acute phase of grief and mourning will take much longer, depending on the circumstances of the death and your relationship with the person who died. Grief can’t be put on a schedule. My intent of making this a daily guide was simply to reflect that grief is a journey, and that it does change from beginning to end.
I wish you courage, grace, and comfort as you journey through your grief. Please view this little book as an encouraging friend who takes your hand and walks with you, by your side. As good friends do, let it fill you with strength and a belief that you can not only face your grief, you can be transformed by it.
My Prayer for You
May you discover courage in places both obvious and hidden along the way. May you face the emotions of your grief, which may include feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, fear, and loneliness. May you stay present to your grief and not turn away, but be filled with a commitment to see what it has to say. May you hold hope high like a candle in the dark and bravely walk forward, even when everything inside you urges you to turn and run.
May you find the fortitude to reach out when you are in trouble—at times when the pain is greatest and you need help from someone who cares about you and loves you, to regain the strength, hope, and courage it takes to continue on. May you, and you alone, decide what grief is like, and accept it for what it is, having the fortitude to look misconceptions in the face and set your own course—myths like, Stay busy,
Let go,
and Get over it.
It takes stoutheartedness to say no and set your own compass. It also takes bravery to know when you need to stop and rest, allowing yourself to embrace your grief in small doses rather than trying to tackle it all at once.
May you dedicate yourself to authentically mourn. May you release your grief through action—crying, sobbing, screaming, laughing, sharing rituals, talking with others, etc. Doing so honors the person who has died, acknowledges that love goes on, and manifests her spirit through action.
Finally, may you, over time and when you are ready, come to reconcile your grief. May you allow it to be a part of you but not let it control, or own, you. May you feel lightness and a sense of new freedom. May you embrace a new way of being and move with purpose. My final prayer for you is, through courage and determination, that you regain your footing and a belief that life is not only worth living, but worth celebrating and filling with meaning. With this new quiet strength, I pray that you march into the future—stronger and wiser, softer and sturdier—than ever before. Journey on, and choose life!
Day 1
Open to Loss
Whatever you