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    Pessimism for Beginners
    Pessimism for Beginners
    Pessimism for Beginners
    Ebook72 pages35 minutes

    Pessimism for Beginners

    By Sophie Hannah

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    About this ebook

    Full of enchanting humor and intimacy, this inventive collection of poems is designed to engage and delight. Rhymed metrical forms are masterfully handled to produce highly amusing effects and traditional prose is manipulated in order to handle contemporary subjects. Moving yet lighthearted, these poems are a complicated brew that poetry lovers of every stripe will enjoy.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIndependent Publishers Group
    Release dateDec 1, 2007
    ISBN9781847778017
    Pessimism for Beginners
    Author

    Sophie Hannah

    Sophie Hannah is a UK-based beauty and fashion content creator sharing creative, experimental looks to inspire her audience. Sophie shares step-by-step makeup and hair tutorials as well as outfit styling ideas for occasions to her 3 million + following. She's most known for changing up her hair colour and her eye catching festival looks.

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      Book preview

      Pessimism for Beginners - Sophie Hannah

      I

      On Her Tiredness

      after ‘On His Blindness’ by John Milton

      When I consider how my night is spent,

      Either awake or waiting to be woken

      From my leased sleep, and never an unbroken

      Ten solid hours, I wonder: was I meant

      For gigs like this? Somebody should invent

      Sleep substitutes, maybe a sleep gift token.

      Suddenly it’s as if a voice has spoken,

      As if this next advice were heaven-sent:

      ‘It’s not essential to be sleep-deprived.

      Everyone has her limit; you’ve reached yours.

      To struggle on would not be right or fair.

      The Lord is quite impressed that you’ve survived

      This long. Invest some cash in a good cause:

      They also serve who hire a Swiss au pair.’

      Mary Questions the Health Visitor

      He never seems to close his eyes.

      All night he wants to feed.

      If I give in each time he cries,

      Will that encourage greed?

      How much, exactly, bottles-wise

      Does a Messiah need?

      I’ve read Your Child’s Sleep Problems Solved

      And wonder what I’ve done

      To make things worse. Now I’ve resolved

      To cut night feeds to one,

      But are more calories involved

      In being God’s only son?

      They say a mother’s milk is best.

      I’m sure it must be true,

      But this one wouldn’t take the breast,

      Screamed till his face was blue.

      Gabriel says it’s not a test

      And Cow & Gate will do

      And I should simply smile and nod

      At all the smug and trite

      Advice I get. My child’s not odd;

      He’s full of love and light,

      But how soon will the son of God

      Start sleeping through the night?

      No doubt you’ll think I’ve got a cheek

      For nagging but, dear Lord,

      I bore your child – I didn’t freak –

      Sleep is a fair reward.

      And if this lasts another week

      I’m phoning Gina Ford.

      ‘No Ball Games etc’

      sign outside a London block of flats

      Honestly, do we have to spell it out?

      No tents, space-hoppers, orgies, Brussels sprout

      enthusiasts, no sponsored squirrel fights,

      no Ayurvedic quacks, no woolly tights,

      no weeping for the joy you think you’re owed,

      no winking at the house across the road,

      dividing rainbows into seven strands

      of single colour, no quick show of hands,

      no pastry-cutting, origami, chess,

      no taking pleasure in your own success,

      no sand, no shark impressions, no culottes

      no Christmas pantomimes, no liver spots,

      no lurking in the shadows by the shed,

      no improvised salutes, no olive bread,

      no weightless floating with an auctioneer

      in the small pond. No ponds. Hope that’s now

      Enjoying the preview?
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