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You Suck: A Love Story
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You Suck: A Love Story
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You Suck: A Love Story
Ebook314 pages5 hours

You Suck: A Love Story

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

4/5

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Currently unavailable

About this ebook

Being undead sucks. Literally.

Just ask C. Thomas Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody, is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too. For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues.

But word has it that the vampire who initially nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherHarperCollins
Release dateOct 13, 2009
ISBN9780061801983
Author

Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore is the author of seventeen previous novels, including Shakespeare for Squirrels, Noir, Secondhand Souls, Sacré Bleu, Fool, and Lamb. He lives in San Francisco, California.

Read more from Christopher Moore

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Reviews for You Suck

Rating: 3.7776357891373804 out of 5 stars
4/5

1,565 ratings90 reviews

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  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I was laughing so hard I was crying!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Great book! I love Christopher Moore. I think he is a brilliant writer. I had no idea when I originally picked this book up that it was the second book of the set. There were some questions to some of the characters, but the book could stand on its own. I am reading the first one now. Amazing book! Very funny!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This was the first Moore novel and i was hooked after my first bite. Rarely does a book catch me off guard and make me laugh out loud. Moore did. Afterwards I had to buy the rest of Moore's books. After reading them all, this was one of my favorites.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Highly entertaining, an excellent sequel, and a good palate-cleanser after the more complex and daunting "Little, Big". Recommended for a quick read and a fun time.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Loved this - very funny story. Especially loved the character of Abby Normal, minion to the Nosferatu.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    A little on the light-side--something expected for comedies. If you want a dark and heavy novel about Anne Rice vampires, then this isn't it (actually it's a slight jibe at them). I wouldn't say he's the best author. Like I said, it's light. If you want a day-book or something on the train, then this would be a good book for that.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is the second book in the soon to be trilogy of Moore's world of vampires. The series started with [Blood Sucking Fiends] and continues with [Bite Me] which hits stores on Tuesday March 23rd. All three stories follow the trials and tribulations of Jody and Tommy both newly turned vampires. Jody was first and then decided to turn her minion (Tommy) as well, just so she wouldn't be alone, and oh ya she kinda likes the guy or now undead being. Written in classic Moore style, with more than a few laughs with an enjoyably outlandish cast of characters. A lot of Moore's characters cross over into different books where reading order doesn't really matter, but this series will be best enjoyed by being read in sequential order.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Following on Moore's hilariously warped Bloodsucking Fiends, this novel takes up where that one ends. Opening with Tommy chastizing (probably too polite a term, incidentally) his girlfriend, Jody, for turning him into one of the undead himself, this is really a long and twisted look at Tommy and Jody's evolving relationship and the mundane details of life as vampires. For instance, it is incredibly important, when a vampire, to have a minion to whom you can delegate your daylight hours tasks. In Tommy and Jody's case, now that Tommy is himself a vampire, they recruit the cheerful and therefore inauthentic goth girl, Abby Normal. She is to do their bidding and protect them from the vampire hunting Animals, former Safeway night stockers and pot heads with whom Tommy used to work. Many of the characters from the first book make appearances in this one with the addition of some completely new kooky folks. There's Blue, the money hungry and completely sadistic prostitute who has dyed herself entirely blue. There's a homeless alcoholic with a fat cat who provides a reasonably stable blood source for Tommy and Jody as long as they keep him supplied with alcohol (nevermind that his blood makes them beyond tipsy). There are more twists than in a bag of pretzels as the vampire population in the Bay area explodes with unintended consequences and a completely original resolution.In true Moore fashion, there are giggles and nuttiness and entertainment galore in the pages of this one. I will say that I didn't love You Suck as much as I did Bloodsucking Fiends, but I have high hopes for the third (Bite Me) as not only was the end of this one left gapingly wide open but it was also a bit rushed. I was slow to warm up to Abby Normal herself and found her early journal entries ridiculous and overwrought but as the novel progressed, I realized that they were written this way intentionally and that her fawning over the whole concept of vampirism making way for cool appraisal and steely nerves was itself a major plot development. In the end, I enjoyed the book and will be curious to see where the madcap vampire series careens next. Moore has a very warped sense of humor and he's not for everyone but I think he's a kick. More discerning and sensitive folks will want to know about the profanity, graphic vampire sex, and complete crassness that dots the pages of the book. But if this sort of thing doesn't bother you, you're in for a ride.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Yes, I enjoyed the sequel enough to power through it already. The story picks up right where Bloodsucking Fiends left off, literally. All your favorite characters are back, but several new ones join in the fun. There's Blue, a dyed-blue hooker that the Animals picked up in Vegas, who dreams of leaving the business; Abby aka Allison, an angst-ridden yet incorrigibly perky goth chick that Tommy decides will make an excellent minion; Jared, Abby's gay (and creepy) companion in the vale of shadows that are SF's night clubs; and several more. Obviously, hijinks are in order.ATTENTION: If you are, or ever were, a spooky person, and take your spookiness seriously, do not read this book, for fear of mortal offense. If, on the other hand, you are/were spooky but are aware of how ridiculous you are/were, go get this book now. Oh, sweet fanny adams. Mr. Moore has clearly done some solid research on the goth scene, because his portrayal of goths in SF was spot on, and I know what I'm talking about here. All my old haunts were parodied brilliantly and I felt compelled to read particularly clever bits aloud to my boyfriend with some regularity. For someone not into, or not knowledgeable about, the goth scene, this might be less hysterical, but for me, it was a laugh riot.The story itself is standard comedic stuff- nothing too amazing. I feel like Moore got his really interesting ideas about vampire fiction covered in the first book, and spent his time here more on parodying goths, dorks, and teenagers. I might have to buy my own copy of this eventually, if only to flip to the best parts from time to time. And I really want one of Steve's UV coats, to wear once I move back to SF and once again frequent the Glas Kat, where I like to hover near the door smoking cloves. (All in the book and all too true.) Bwahahaha.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Not as good as "A Dirty Job", but still plenty of laugh-out-loud moments.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Another winner by Christopher Moore. I think he has one of the best voices in American literature at the moment. I think this was a very valid continuation of the Bloodsucking Fiends. I am looking forward to seeing what happens in the next book, Bite Me. I will be adding that to the to be read pile very quickly.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    At about the midpoint in this mildly entertaining work, it dawned on me. I was deriving the same kind of mindless pleasure experiencing Moore's work as I used to derive from watching Scooby Doo cartoons on Saturday mornings.The difference, of course, is that the animated pooch's antics lasted only 15 or 20 minutes (not to mention the fact that I was 30 years younger.)My guess is that this tome would make for a more effective light-hearted cinematic romance romp (but keep it under 80 minutes, producers.) Despite the intriguing concept, "You Suck" just doesn't cut it as "must read" fiction. Still, there are some memorable -- even hilarious moments. I especially enjoyed the insights and antics of Abby Normal.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    The story of You Suck continues directly from the previous novel, Bloodsucking Fiends. Jody, one of the mature suckers and newly minted vampire, has remained in San Francisco despite her promise to the police to move away after the previous incidents. Tommy, her boyfriend, is shocked at the beginning of the sequel to discover that Jody has "turned" him (i.e., made him a vampire)—hence the title of the novel, although she explains that she did it so that they could be together forever. They struggle to survive and to maintain their relationship despite the efforts of others to eliminate them..Naturally, several other characters from Bloodsucking Fiends appear in this sequel, including the vampire who originally "turned" Jody, "The Animals"—Tommy's co-workers at the grocery, police detectives Rivera and Cavuto, and "The Emperor". Abby Normal, who was a minor Goth character in A Dirty Job, here provides much of the narration from the diary of her adventures as a "minion" of Tommy and Jody. In addition, the plot briefly intersects with that of A Dirty Job, at the point where Jody visits Charlie Asher's store one night to deliver the "soul vessel" of a dying old man whom she has just consumed. Although many of Moore's books feature appearances by characters from his previous novels, this is the first instance of the same scene being shown in two different books, from two different characters' perspectives.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Not the best that I've ever read from Christopher Moore. But a nice light read, nonetheless.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Read a long time ago. The author is funny and most of his books are entertaining and have a very unique writing style that is bound to make you laugh. Nothing too profound though.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I don't usually read books that border on the obscene, but this guy is such a terrific writer. He's hilarious and surreal and realistic all at the same time. It was such a unique reading experience. Although I'd be a bit disturbed if my tween were reading it...
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    For Halloween this year, I went as a bad standup-comedian vampire. I wrote some jokes that followed typical standup subject matter but entirely without punch lines. My style was Steven Wright minus the payoff. I dressed as a vampire, wore realistic fangs, too, and performed the routine at two parties with a plant in the audience each time directed to shout, after four jokes, “You suck!!!”

    I killed.

    Hahahah. Well, I kill me, anyway.

    So a while back a friend loaned me the novel, You Suck because he said it was hilarious. When I realized it was part two of a trilogy, the OCD completist in me couldn’t read it without buying part one Bloodsucking Fiends and part three Bite Me. This review will cover all three installments.

    All three books have a delightfully whimsical, campy quality. Occasionally, there are moments of pseudo-profound introspection, but these are some of the least satisfying elements in the books. The Vampire Trilogy, as Moore calls it, at its finest puts a few hilarious characters in embarrassing situations. And he’s got some brilliant lines sprinkled throughout to season the meal.

    Bloodsucking Fiends is by far the least funny and least satisfying of the three. I would describe it as fun without being all that funny. There were several plot twists, especially toward the end, that were quite unconvincing. I also found one of the two main characters, the 19-year old writer wannabe, to be rather annoying and far too naïve-country-boy-comes-to-big-city while the other main character was a bit too bland. Nonetheless, Moore sustained my interest through a barreling plot and amusing characters. I was definitely a bit disappointed and almost didn’t continue, but the OCD side took control, and I’m glad it did.

    You Suck upped the hilarity quotient exceedingly through the introduction of two characters of comedic brilliance, the sick-and-twisted, uber-snarky goth girl Abby Normal (I wonder if Moore stole that name from Young Frankenstein. Or more accurately, did the character steal it because her “real” name is Allison Green while Abigail von Normal is her goth name) and her gay goth bff Jared. Apparently, Abby has a small role in one of Moore’s other novels, but she becomes much more significant in You Suck, and Bite Me is really more of her novel than the two hero vampires, Tommy and Jody. Good call, I say. because she is way damn funnier and smarter than either of them. She really steals the show with her wit and attitude. I could read Abby Normal all day.

    I wouldn’t be surprised to see these novels as movies some day. The late-shift supermarket stockers/vampire-hunting stoners featured practically beg for a screenplay to be written for them. And surely some starlet needs to be Abby Normal in order to break from her goody-two-shoes casting. And plus … vampires. Nobody’s done a good vampire comedy since Love at First … okay, since ever. This could work.

    Occasionally, the plot seems to get away from Moore and it requires more exposition than it should, but when he focuses on character, the story kills. Overall, worth reading … good comedy is bloody hard to do.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    This was a pretty enjoyable read. It could have been a lot better, though. I didn't realize going into it that it was part of a series, so maybe I missed something by not reading the first novel in the series.It was quite a humorous novel, and I liked that it didn't take itself too seriously. Like I said, it could have been a lot better. It was very, very boring at the beginning. There were also certain chapters (the Abby Normal ones) that I felt could have either been better or just scrapped completely. Those chapters were annoying and just felt like filler.There was also a problem with how the story was put together. There were so many plot and subplot lines and they, again, just felt like filler. It was hard to keep up with what was going on sometimes. And some of the story was not developed enough.I wish that this had been better. I really wish I could give it a better review than I've given it, but this is what it really deserves.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Fun light hearted vampires story. It actually is a love story. Was my first foray into Christopher Moore's books and apparently this one is a sequel. Still a good read in it's own right but they make numerous references to what has happened before. This one has the two lead characters who are vampires both recently turned exploring there new lives together. The "Animals" who have also come into a lot of money have spent there time in Las Vegas where they have hooked up with a prostitute named Blue as she has colored her skin blue. The Animals learn that their former leader has been turned into a vampire and go on the hunt for him. Blue on the other hand has other ideas for him in mind. She wants the gift of eternal life. This leads to a number of new vampires being created which causes problems with the old vampire who has been resurrected after being mistaken for a living statue in a big city plaza.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This was okay, but not nearly as good as A Dirty Job.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    i didn't quite find this as entertaining as the first book in the series (bloodsucking fiends), but it did pick up in the end and make me laugh out loud on several occasions. If you read the first, read this....it's not a waste of time, but it won't be the best you're read.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Part two of a 3 (so far) is again a hysterically funny book by Moore. You can not help byt laugh at almost every page
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    I must admit that I did buy this book for its cover. I also must admit that I was disappointed. I suppose I was expecting it to be less kitschy than it was. I found myself doing mental eye rolls all throughout the novel.The plot for me fell apart in a lot of places. I was surprised because I have heard such good things about Christopher Moore. The characters seemed to bumble about without much direction. I understand that he probably wanted to surprise the reader a bit in the ending, but he sacrificed the story quite a bit in that respect.Jody, a sultry redheaded bloodsucker decides to turn her boyfriend Tommy into a bloodsucker so they can be together forever. She didn't however ask him first and he is none too thrilled to be thrown into this position.Trouble is near as Jodi is being hunted by Elijah, an ancient Vampire that is pissed off because she broke the rules and turned Tommy. Tommy's crones from his warehouse job suspect Tommy of being a Vampire now and are trying to hunt him down.Jodi and Tommy have to find a lamb to be a personal assistant for them and find them new housing, also occasionally providing them with blood. They find a little goth girl Abby Normal. She is about the funniest character in the book. Without her added to the mix I might have quit halfway through.If anyone knows of any Christopher Moore books that are actually good, I might give him another chance. Overall I would say pass on this book.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    This story of vampires in San Francisco and their minions was curiously disappointing. I never developed a sense of empathy for the characters, and in fact by the end I was rooting for the "bad guy" of the book, the elder vampire. Definitely not one of Moore's better works, it felt like he was just phoning this one in. Avoid this book and pick up one of his better works, like Lamb, or the Stupidest Angel, either one of which was much more entertaining.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Sequel to the Bloodsucking Fiends this book although not as great as the first, is an excellent and funny light read. The adventures of Jody and Tommy continues along with the return of the Animals and a blue hooker who ends up dead.... or not.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    One of my all time favorite Moore books. Great, fun read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    You Suck is the continuation of the vampire love story begun in Blood Sucking Fiends. Of course there are complications, including an 800 year old vampire who is really pissed and blue hooker. I like Christopher Moore. It is nice to discover a new author, although you need to have a slightly sick, twisted mind to appreciate his humor. I have already bought another of his books.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I think I started this on the wrong foot... You Suck was recommended to me, but I've never read anything by Christopher Moore, so I didn't realize that this was a sequel until about halfway through. It works just fine as a stand-alone story, but I'll definitely be picking up Bloodsucking Fiends.This was one of the funniest books I've heard in a long time. It's vampires, it's romance, it's San Francisco. Abby Normal, the perky goth, makes this book worthwhile on her own. Moore clearly knows his setting and I got pretty nostalgic for the Bay Area. I've read some reviews complaining that there's a lack of plot for the book... and it really is more of a character piece. Of course, these are incredible characters with well-developed backgrounds, personalities, and voices.I'd have to recommend the audio version of this - Susan Bennetts is the best narrator I've ever heard for an audiobook (that includes Tim Curry, which I feel guilty about). She can go from naive, midwestern Tommy to gangsta to goth to refined vampire, without you ever feeling that it's a stretch for her. This book will make you want to steal a homeless guy's huge cat. And maybe shave it. And give it a sweater. Fair warning.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    I thought this book was funny. It was quirky, like most of Moore's books. I did not realize that this book picks up where "Bloodsucking Fiends" leaves off. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it without knowing much of Jody's background. I especially enjoyed the parts with Abby Normal. I always found myself cracking up aloud when I read the chapters that were from her perspective. The story overall was ok for me...nothing really special or standout about it. However, it was an enjoyable, quick, and funny read which is what I needed at the moment.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    After reading Bloodsucking Fiends, I could not wait to get my hands on this one. I just had to know what was going to happen. Hence the title of this posting, that is exactly how this book starts. Had me laughing right from the start. The story of Jody and Tommy continued, but I must admit this one was funnier. Some of the stuff that happened (remember no spoilers here)