Simple Secrets of a Great Marriage
By Henry Cloud and John Townsend
5/5
()
About this ebook
The marriage of your dreams is just twenty-one secrets away.
In today's mad-dash world, it's easy to lose perspective about what matters most, even when it comes to the most important people in our lives. Award-winning authors and psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend have teamed up to pack their best relationship principles into an easy-to-read twenty-one-secret program designed for today's busy people. Each secret reveals life-tested wisdom, biblical principles, and do-it-today action steps on key topics like building trust, cultivating healthy sexual intimacy, establishing realistic expectations, handling conflict, and much more.
Henry Cloud
Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author whose books have sold over 10 million copies. In 2014, Success magazine named Dr. Cloud one of the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development. He graduated from Southern Methodist University with a BS in psychology and completed his PhD in clinical psychology at Biola University.
Read more from Henry Cloud
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Get a Date Worth Keeping Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/59 Things a Leader Must Do: How to Go to the Next Level--And Take Others With You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related to Simple Secrets of a Great Marriage
Related ebooks
21 Days to a Great Marriage: A Grownup Approach to Couplehood Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How to Get a Date Worth Keeping Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Becoming One: Emotionally, Physically, Spiritually Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do: Sex and Intimacy Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do: Divorce and Lost Love Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Loving People: How to Love and Be Loved Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's Not My Fault: The No-Excuse Plan for Overcoming Life's Obstacles Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Growth Has No Boundaries: The Christian’s Secret to a Deeper Spiritual Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5God Will Make a Way: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do: Discouragement and Depression: God Will Make a Way Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Who's Pushing Your Buttons?: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Raising Great Kids: A Comprehensive Guide to Parenting with Grace and Truth Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/512 'Christian' Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy: Relief from False Assumptions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do: Bad Habits and Addictions: God Will Make a Way Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5People Fuel: Fill Your Tank for Life, Love, and Leadership Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Law of Happiness: How Spiritual Wisdom and Modern Science Can Change Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Leading from Your Gut: How You Can Succeed by Harnessing the Power of Your Values, Feelings, and Intuition Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIntegrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Never Go Back: 10 Things You'll Never Do Again Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The One-Life Solution: Reclaim Your Personal Life While Achieving Greater Professional Success Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Making Small Groups Work: What Every Small Group Leader Needs to Know Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Secret Things of God: Unlocking the Treasures Reserved for You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5No More Perfect Marriages: Experience the Freedom of Being Real Together Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Personal Growth For You
The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Self-Care for People with ADHD: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Think and Grow Rich (Illustrated Edition): With linked Table of Contents Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Personal Workbook Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Four Loves Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unfuck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-outs, and Triggers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Healing the Shame That Binds You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Alchemist: A Graphic Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Mastery of Self: A Toltec Guide to Personal Freedom Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5AM Club: Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life. Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Simple Secrets of a Great Marriage
1 rating0 reviews
Book preview
Simple Secrets of a Great Marriage - Henry Cloud
a gift
For_____________________
From____________________
simple secrets
of a
Great marriage
BY DR. HENRY CLOUD & DR. JOHN TOWNSEND
FIN_LOC_0003_001Simple Secrets of a Great Marriage
© 2006 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP Attorneys and Literary Agents, Orange, CA.
Some of the names used in scenarios in this book are not actual names; identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity. Any resemblance to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental.
Art Director: Kevin Swanson
Designer: Alison T. Bauer
Production Artist: Dan C. Horton
Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®.
© 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
ISBN-13: 978-1-4041-0532-4
Printed in China
08 09 10 11 12 MT 6 5 4 3 2 1
table of contents
INTRODUCTION: How to Get the Most Marriage Mileage Out of This Book
SIMPLE SECRET 1: Grow Your Marriage to Greatness
SIMPLE SECRET 2: Accept Each Other No Matter What
SIMPLE SECRET 3: Focus on Changing Yourself, Not Your Mate
SIMPLE SECRET 4: Set Self Aside
SIMPLE SECRET 5: Grow Out of Your Immaturity
SIMPLE SECRET 6: Practice Humility
SIMPLE SECRET 7: Enjoy Great Sex by Pursuing Healthy Sex
SIMPLE SECRET 8: Lavish Your Partner with Grace
SIMPLE SECRET 9: Focus on Meeting Needs First
SIMPLE SECRET 10: Be Partners, Not Dependents
SIMPLE SECRET 11: Cherish Your Healthy Differences
SIMPLE SECRET 12: Share Your Feelings
SIMPLE SECRET 13: Curb the Communication Stoppers
SIMPLE SECRET 14: Draw Out Your Partner’s Heart
SIMPLE SECRET 15: Take Sex Beyond the Bedroom
SIMPLE SECRET 16: Nudge Each Other to Be More than You Are
SIMPLE SECRET 17: Deal with Hurt as It Happens
SIMPLE SECRET 18: Fight for Win-Win Solutions
SIMPLE SECRET 19: Exercise Trust
SIMPLE SECRET 20: Welcome Rules When Needed
SIMPLE SECRET 21: Always, Always, Always Forgive
introduction
how to
get the most
marriage mileage
out of this book
You may have picked up or received this book for any number of reasons, such as:
• You’re in a good marriage, but you want it to be even better.
• You’re scrambling for answers in your marriage, aware that it’s nowhere near great at this point.
• You and your mate periodically work through a marriage book together to keep your relationship fine-tuned and humming.
• Your spouse handed the book to you with that look in his or her eye that says, Get a clue.
• You’re engaged, and a caring friend or relative wants you to get your upcoming marriage started on the right foot.
• You’re widowed or divorced and intent on getting it right the next time.
No matter how or why you’ve ended up with this book in your hands, we’re glad you’re here. We want you to know that, wherever you’re starting from, you’ve embarked on a twenty-one-secret journey that will, if you stick with us and do the work, make a great, positive difference in your marriage. We have shared these principles with literally thousands of people, and those who diligently worked them into their relationship have become better spouses and are enjoying great marriages. We’re confident it will happen for you too.
But before you hit the road on this life-changing, marriage-improving journey, here are a few tips to help you get the most mileage from your effort.
You will benefit even if your partner doesn’t read this book.
We think it’s ideal that you and your spouse (or spouse-to-be) read the book and work through the exercises together. But if he or she isn’t quite ready for that process, your marriage will still profit greatly if you start the journey alone. Great marriages result as each partner focuses on him- or herself, determined, with God’s help, to be the best mate possible. As you grow through these principles, your marriage will likely improve even if your mate isn’t with the program yet.
You will get the most mileage when you go beyond just reading.
At the end of each chapter you will find an application section headed Think about It, Talk about It, Live It. The questions and exercises we provide there are designed to help you translate principles for a great marriage into the day-by-day expression of your marriage.
If you are taking this journey as a couple, we suggest that you first read each chapter individually. Think through the application section, jot some notes, and decide how you personally will respond to the principle you’ve just read about. Then get together with your partner to share with each other your insights and responses from the chapter. Some couples might want to read chapters aloud to each other and talk through the exercises together instead of doing the work separately. That’s okay, but we think you will find extra benefit from getting inside your own head and heart first, then coming together with some well-considered responses.
If you are taking this journey alone, don’t skip the application section. Work through the questions and exercises as they apply to you, even if you can’t share them with your spouse right now. If the opportunity arises to share with your partner from what you’re reading, make sure it’s about what God is doing in you, not what you think your partner needs to do. A great marriage is about changing yourself, not your mate.
Each chapter ends with a Great Marriage Commitment, crystallized from the chapter’s theme. Consider concluding your discussion of each chapter by