The Gift of Forgiveness

Copyright © 1987, 1991 by Charles Stanley

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, © The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, and are used by permission.

Scripture quotations noted NIV are from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan.

Scripture quotations noted NKJV are from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. © 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Publishers.

ISBN 978-0-7852-6415-6

09 10 11 12 13 QW 24 23 22 21 20

Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook

Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

EBOOK INSTRUCTIONS

In this ebook edition, please use your device’s note-taking function to record your thoughts wherever you see the bracketed instructions [Your Notes] or [Your Response Here]. Use your device’s highlighting function to record your response whenever you are asked to checkmark, circle, underline, or otherwise indicate your answer(s).

CONTENTS

Ebook Instructions

Preface

Introduction

1. Forgiveness and Freedom

2. The Big Picture

3. The Only Solution

4. Faith and Forgiveness

5. Our Forgiving Father

6. Forgiveness and Confession

7. Handling Our Hurts

8. Forgiving Others

9. Forgiving Ourselves

10. Bitterness

11. When a Brother Stumbles

Conclusion

Appendix A: The Unpardonable Sin

Appendix B: Steps to Forgiving Others

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Preface

Forgiveness is a pivotal issue in the Christian walk, and The Gift of Forgiveness is just one of the books in the newly revised Charles Stanley Discipleship Series. Other books include Eternal Security, How to Handle Adversity, Winning the War Within, and How to Listen to God. This special series was created to support the building of a biblical foundation of faith and to lead to greater spiritual maturity. We encourage you to use these books as Bible study and witnessing tools.

When you have completed the Discipleship Series, we have more good news for you. In Touch Ministries has more ongoing study for you on-line. We would like to invite you to explore our Web site at www.intouch.org. The pages of our site are filled with inspiration and exciting Bible study tools for the whole family. Take time today to browse the pages of our topical Scripture index, learn more about the heroes of the Bible in our Mighty in Spirit feature, or begin your quiet time with our daily on-line devotions. Also visit our Prayer Touch pages containing quick reference tips on prayer, quiet time aids for praying the Scriptures, and our monthly prayer-focused newsletter.

Children of all ages can grow in godliness with the tools in Generation Next—an area containing Kids Corner Bible lessons and printable activity pages, and Teen Connection age-specific Bible studies and encouraging daily devotions. This portion of the site also hosts Parents Café, a priceless resource of godly inspiration for moms and dads.

May God bless you as you seek to grow in the disciplines of His Word and to pursue the goal of Christlike character.

—In Touch Ministries

In Touch Ministries is the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles F. Stanley, pastor of the 15,000-member First Baptist Church of Atlanta, Georgia. In Touch currently has a staff of more than 200 people in the United States and numerous affiliate staff throughout its international offices.

The real story of In Touch, however, is not statistical. It is the story of penetrating the human soul with the Word of God so that all who view or listen can grow to spiritual maturity and make a godly impact on the world in which they live.

Introduction

It was Sunday morning. As I drove toward the church, I rehearsed in my mind the events of the past months. I had been filling the pulpit as an associate pastor at the First Baptist Church of Atlanta while a committee searched high and low for a senior pastor to replace the man who had resigned. It was not long until the people began taking sides. One group wanted me as the pastor; another group wanted an older, more experienced, more well-known man. I was caught in the middle. My responsibility was simply to preach while the congregation battled it out among themselves.

The internal struggle that ensued left my family and me emotionally drained. I had been asked to leave on several occasions, and I would have been glad to go except for one reason: God said, Stay. As my wife, Anna, and I prayed, we knew God was making it clear that we were to trust Him and remain where we were.

Now, after twelve months, it appeared that the end was in sight. In a very turbulent business meeting that lasted three hours, I had been elected the pastor of the church. It seemed as if we had hurdled all the major obstacles. Little did I know, however, that the greatest obstacle—the obstacle of forgiveness—was yet to come.

The following pages flow from my struggle to forgive people whom I trusted and loved as my friends, yet they proved otherwise. More than anything, this book is simply an invitation to deal with the poison of an unforgiving spirit. It is a poison capable of ruining not only your life, but the lives of those around you as well. It is my prayer that in these pages you will discover the freedom that comes from putting behind you once and for all the hurts and injustices of yesterday.

One

FORGIVENESS

AND FREEDOM

Forgive him? Are you kidding? After what he has done to me? I can never forgive him!"

Forgive me? How could God forgive me? You don’t know what I have done.

How could I have done such an awful thing? I can never forgive myself.

These are the confessions I hear every day as a pastor. Confessions from people who have grown up in churches, grown up with godly parents, and yet grown up without ever fully understanding God’s forgiveness and its intended effect on every level of their lives.

The tragedy of all this is the bondage people find themselves in when they do not grasp the immensity of God’s forgiveness. It is a bondage that stifles their ability to love and accept those they know in their hearts most deserve their love. It is a bondage that cripples marriages from their outset. It is a bondage that is often passed from generation to generation. It is a bondage that chokes out the abundant life Christ promised to those who would believe.

That is why I felt compelled to write this book on forgiveness. Only by truly understanding God’s forgiveness and making it a part of their lives will people be delivered from this bondage. Only then will they be able to enjoy the freedom that ensues and be able to live the Christian life to its fullest.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

Forgiveness is the act of setting someone free from an obligation to you that is a result of a wrong done against you. For example, a debt is forgiven when you free your debtor of his obligation to pay back what he owes you.

Forgiveness, then, involves three elements: injury, a debt resulting from the injury, and a cancellation of the debt. All three elements are essential if forgiveness is to take place. Before we look in more detail at this process, however, we need to trace the sequence of events that lead to bondage when this process is abandoned. This is important because I believe most people who suffer from an unforgiving spirit do not know that unforgiveness is the root of their problem.

All they know is that they just can’t stand to be around certain people. They find themselves wanting to strike out at people when certain subjects are discussed. They feel uncomfortable around certain personality types. They lose their temper over little things. They constantly struggle with guilt over sins committed in the past. They can’t get away from the ambivalence of hating the ones they know they should love the most. Such feelings and behavior patterns often indicate that people have not come to grips with the forgiveness of God and the implications of that forgiveness.

TAKING HOSTAGES

We are all painfully aware of what it means for somebody to be taken hostage. We are outraged when the news of such an atrocity reaches us. And yet when we refuse to forgive others (or ourselves, for that matter), there is a sense in which we hold them hostage. Let me explain.

When a person is taken hostage on the international scene, the abductors usually want something; it may be money, weapons, or the release of prisoners. The message they send, in essence is, If you give us what we want, we will give you back what we have taken. There is always some type of condition, a ransom of some sort.

When individuals refuse to forgive others for a wrong done to them, they are saying the same thing. But instead of holding people hostage until they get their demands, they withhold love, acceptance, respect, service, kindness, patience, or whatever the others value. The message they send is this: Until I feel you have repaid me for the wrong done to me, you will not have my acceptance. If we go back to our definition, we can see that the element missing from this scenario is cancellation of the debt. Persons who refuse to forgive refuse to cancel the debt.

THE REAL LOSER

A person who has an unforgiving spirit is always the real loser, much more so than the one against whom the grudge is held. This is easy to see when we take a closer look at the things most people withhold from those they feel have wronged them. Unforgiveness, by its very nature, prevents individuals from following through on many of the specifics of the Christian life and practically necessitates that they walk by the flesh rather than by the Spirit.

Think about your own experience for a moment. Think back to the last time someone really hurt you or wronged you or took something that belonged to you, whether it was a possession or an opportunity.

Immediately following the incident, did you feel like running out and doing something kind for the person, or did you feel like retaliating? Did you consider responding in gentleness, or did you think about letting loose with some well-chosen words? Did you feel like giving in and accepting the situation, or did you feel like fighting for your rights?

If you were honest, you probably identified more with the latter option in each case. These are the normal responses to being hurt or taken advantage of. But think of these responses in light of what Paul says, and you will begin to understand why an improper response to injury automatically impairs a person’s walk with God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law . . . If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. (Gal. 5:22–23, 25)

In a broad sense Paul’s list here includes all the things we naturally want to hold hostage from the people who have hurt us. We rarely want to give our love to individuals who have hurt us. We certainly have no joy or peace when others have injured us in some way. We are not generally patient with or kind to people who have wronged us. We could go right down the list.

Paul accurately describes the responses of the unforgiving person:

Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are . . . enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, . . . and things like these, of which I forewarn you just as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (Gal. 5:19–21)

An unforgiving spirit prevents a person from being able to walk consistently in the Spirit. The only choice is to walk according to the flesh. The consequences of such a life are devastating, and Paul discusses what will happen:

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption,