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    My Life as a Screaming Skydiver
    My Life as a Screaming Skydiver
    My Life as a Screaming Skydiver
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    My Life as a Screaming Skydiver

    By Bill Myers

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    About this ebook

    Only master of mayhem Wally McDoogle can turn an innocent game of laser tag into international espionage. From the Swiss Alps to the African plains, Agent 00 1/7th bumblingly employs such top-secret gizmos as rocket-powered toilet paper, exploding dental floss and the ever-popular transformer tacos (don't laugh, they get great gas mileage) in a desperate attempt to stop the dreaded and super secret . . . Giggle Gun. It isn't until Wally finally takes responsibility for his actions (which unfortunately involves leaping out of a jet fighter traveling 1.2 gazillion miles an hour), that he is finally able to save his life. . . And while he is at it, the entire free world.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateMar 20, 1998
    ISBN9781418535056
    My Life as a Screaming Skydiver
    Author

    Bill Myers

    Bill Myers (www.Billmyers.com) is a bestselling author and award-winning writer/director whose work has won sixty national and international awards. His books and videos have sold eight million copies and include The Seeing, Eli, The Voice, My Life as, Forbidden Doors, and McGee and Me.

    Read more from Bill Myers

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      Book preview

      My Life as a Screaming Skydiver - Bill Myers

      MY LIFE

      as a

      Screaming

      Skydiver

      Books by Bill Myers

      Series

      SECRET AGENT DINGLEDORF

      . . . and his trusty dog, SPLAT t1

      The Case of the . . .

      Giggling Geeks • Chewable Worms

      • Flying Toenails • Drooling Dinosaurs •

      Hiccupping Ears • Yodeling Turtles

      The Incredible Worlds of WallyMcDoogle

      My Life As . . .

      a Smashed Burrito with Extra Hot Sauce • Alien Monster Bait

      • a Broken Bungee Cord • Crocodile Junk Food •

      Dinosaur Dental Floss • a Torpedo Test Target

      • a Human Hockey Puck • an Afterthought Astronaut •

      Reindeer Road Kill • a Toasted Time Traveler

      • Polluted Pond Scum • a Bigfoot Breath Mint •

      a Blundering Ballerina • a Screaming Skydiver

      • a Human Hairball • a Walrus Whoopee Cushion •

      a Computer Cockroach (Mixed-Up Millennium Bug)

      • a Beat-Up Basketball Backboard • a Cowboy Cowpie •

      Invisible Intestines with Intense Indigestion

      • a Skysurfing Skateboarder • a Tarantula Toe Tickler •

      a Prickly Porcupine from Pluto • a Splatted-Flat Quarterback

      • a Belching Baboon • a Stupendously Stomped Soccer Star •a Haunted Hamburger, Hold the Pickles • a Supersized Superhero . . . with Slobber •

      1s

      The Portal • The Experiment • The Whirlwind • The Tablet

      Picture Book

      Baseball for Breakfast

      the incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle

      MY LIFE

      as a

      Screaming

      Skydiver

      BILL MYERS

      WMcD14-skydiver_INT_0003_001

      MY LIFE AS A SCREAMING SKYDIVER

      © 1998 by Bill Myers.

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts in reviews.

      Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Tommy Nelson. Tommy Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

      Tommy Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

      Scripture quotations identified as (NIV) are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Myers, Bill, 1953–

         My life as a screaming skydiver / Bill Myers.

           p. cm. — (The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #14)

         Summary: When Wally becomes involved in international espionage, rocket-powered toilet paper, and exploding dental floss, he ends up having to become a skydiver to save his life and the entire free world.

         ISBN 978-0-8499-4023-1

      [1. Spies—Fiction. 2. Skydiving—Fiction. 3. Christian life—Fiction.

      4. Humorous stories.] I. Title. II. Series: Myers, Bill, 1953– .

      Incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #14.

      PZ7.M98234 Myi 1998

      [Fic]—dc21

      98-11458

      CIPP

      AC

      Printed in the United States of America

      10 11 12 13 14 EPAC 21 20 19 18 17

      To Cathy Glass—

      for her love and faithful service to

      children over these many years.

      "Therefore confess your sins to

      each other and pray for each other

      so that you may be healed. . . ."

      —James 5:16 (NIV)

      Contents

      1. Just for Starters. . .

      2. A Scummy Swim

      3. Spy Guy

      4. The Gang’s All Here

      5. Mush, Fido, Mush!

      6. Midair Detour

      7. Don’t Forget to Floss!

      8. Africa!

      9. Going Up?

      10. Wrapping Up

      Chapter 1

      Just for Starters . . .

      Don’t blame me! It wasn’t my fault!

      Blame my best friend, Opera, the human eating machine. After all, it was his birthday.

      Or blame Wall Street, my other best friend (even though she is a girl). After all, it was her idea to throw a party at Destructo Lasers. It was her idea for us to play laser tag.

      I was just an innocent victim. It wasn’t my fault I didn’t know how to put on the laser vest.

      No, Wally, it goes over your shirt, not your pants.

      And it wasn’t my fault I got stuck.

      No, Wally, those holes are for your arms, not your legs!

      After the local paramedics swung by and cut me out of the vest with their Jaws of Life, I tried on another one.

      No, Wally, now you’ve got it on backward.

      (Fortunately the paramedics were still around.)

      After the third one, I finally got it right. At last things were getting back to normal. (But, as we all know, normal for me isn’t exactly normal for anyone else.)

      At first, it was great fun running around the maze of futuristic walls, firing our lasers at each other and scoring points. Well, Opera and Wall Street were running around firing lasers and scoring points. I was too busy getting hit to score anything. It seemed every time I fired my laser, someone was hitting me.

      Phring Phring Phring

      BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

      Phring Phring Phring

      BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

      It was getting pretty frustrating, until Wall Street stopped by and offered a suggestion. You’re holding your laser backward, she shouted over the noise.

      What? I yelled.

      You’ve got it turned around! You’re shooting yourself!

      I glanced down and saw her point. Thanks! I shouted.

      Don’t mention it! she yelled and then stepped back to fire a few good rounds into me.

      Phring Phring Phring

      BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

      (Hey, we’re good friends, but not that good.)

      Before I could fire back, she’d dashed around the corner and disappeared.

      I tore after her and probably would have gotten her, too—if it wasn’t for the six-foot, three-inch, blond man who raced around the corner from the other direction. Even that wouldn’t have been so bad, if I hadn’t leaped out of his way. Actually, the leaping was pretty good. It was the smashing into the wall that was the problem.

      Oaff!

      K-THUDD

      The Oaff! was my muscle-challenged body hitting the hard wood wall. The K-THUDD was my newly broken body hitting the even harder concrete floor.

      The blond guy hadn’t done much better. By trying not to trample me to death, he also stumbled and fell—just as two other men, a tall guy and a short guy, came barreling around the corner and started firing at him.

      As I lay there, flat on my back, counting how many bones I’d broken, I thought how unfair it was that they let grownups play with kids. I mean, I was living proof (well, now semi-living

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