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    My Life as a Busted-Up Basketball Backboard
    My Life as a Busted-Up Basketball Backboard
    My Life as a Busted-Up Basketball Backboard
    Ebook100 pages1 hour

    My Life as a Busted-Up Basketball Backboard

    By Bill Myers

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    About this ebook

    Slicko-Ricko's Advertising Agency claims they can make the dorkiest human in the world the most famous. And of course, no one qualifies like our boy blunder. Soon he starts in his own "A Day in the Life" TV series, and he's endorsing everything from denture cleaners to lingerie. Every cool person in the world is dyeing their hair and wearing glasses just like Wally McDoogle, but it isn't until he becomes the star player for his junior high school basketball team that things get really out of hand, and our hero finally learns that being famous isn't all it's cut out to be.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateApr 30, 2000
    ISBN9781418535087
    My Life as a Busted-Up Basketball Backboard
    Author

    Bill Myers

    Bill Myers (www.Billmyers.com) is a bestselling author and award-winning writer/director whose work has won sixty national and international awards. His books and videos have sold eight million copies and include The Seeing, Eli, The Voice, My Life as, Forbidden Doors, and McGee and Me.

    Read more from Bill Myers

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      Book preview

      My Life as a Busted-Up Basketball Backboard - Bill Myers

      the incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle

      1

      BILL MYERS

      WMD_18_TXT_0003_001

      MY LIFE AS A BEAT-UP BASKETBALL BACKBOARD

      © 2000 by Bill Myers

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

      Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

      Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

      Scripture quotation is from the HOLY BIBLE, New International Version (NIV). ® 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Myers, Bill, 1953–

      My life as a beat-up basketball backboard/ Bill Myers.

      p. cm.—(The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle; #18)

      Summary: Misadventures abound when the Ricko Slicko Advertising Agency arranges popularity and fame for clumsy Wally McDoogle, young writer of superhero stories.

      ISBN 978-0-8499-4027-9

      [1. Popularity—Fiction. 2. Self-acceptance—Fiction. 3. Authorship—

      Fiction. 4. Christian life—Fiction. 5. Humorous stories.] I. Title

      PZ7.M98234 My 2000

      [Fic]—dc21

      00-025058

      CIP

      Printed in the United States of America

      09 10 11 12 13 14 QW 20 19 18 17 16 15

      For Carl and David . . .

      Thanks for the neat title, guys!

      "Before I formed you in the womb I

      knew you, before you were born I set

      you apart."

      —Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

      Contents

      1. Just for Starters . . .

      2. A Day in the Life of . . .

      3. On the Ball (or under it . . . )

      4. Rockin’ and Rollin’

      5. The Fame Game

      6. Willard Weirdness

      7. Reality Pays a Visit

      8. Blame the Fame

      9. Let the Game Begin

      10. Wrapping Up

      Chapter 1

      Just for Starters . . .

      All right, all right . . . maybe wanting to be the most popular kid in the world was a bit of a stretch. Still, I do have a certain reputation. Need somebody to trip over his shoelaces and fall flat on his face every time he gets in front of the class? I’m your man. Need someone for the eighth graders to turn upside down, stick his head into the toilet, and flush? Here I am.

      So, when Ricko Slicko’s Advertising Agency claimed they were so good that they could take the biggest loser in the country and turn him into the most popular guy on the planet, I knew I qualified. Quickly, I fired off a letter to them saying that they had to pick me. Unfortunately, every kid I knew fired off a similar letter. This might have made the competition a little tough except for one minor detail . . . all their letters recommended me, too!

      Now Ricko Slicko himself was downstairs talking with Mom and Dad to see if I really was the world’s biggest klutz, while I was upstairs in my bedroom praying hard that I would be chosen:

      Please, God, I’ll do anything You want. You want me to empty the cat box for life? Done. You want me to change my socks more than once a week? Deal. You want me to eat my little sister’s cooking without coughing, gagging, and calling 911? Um, er, can I get back to You on that?

      Wally? Will you come down here a moment? It was Mom! I could tell from her voice that a decision had been made.

      All right! Great! And I didn’t even have to agree to eat my sister’s cooking!

      But she wasn’t finished. I’m afraid we’ve got some disappointing news for you.

      Okay God, how ’bout if I just eat the stuff that hasn’t been charcoal-ized?

      I finished the prayer and quickly opened my door. A simple task for most human beings. Unfortunately, I’d forgotten the part about moving my head out of the way. (Hey, I can’t remember everything.)

      K-FWAMP

      K-THUD

      shatter, shatter, shatter

      The K-FWAMP was the hard door hitting my soft nose.

      The K-THUD was that same hard door hitting my glasses.

      And the shatter, shatter, shatter was the lenses to those glasses cracking into a hundred pieces, which would explain the hundred versions of the world I now saw, which would also explain . . .

      WHOA!

      not seeing my sister’s Barbie convertible sports car when I staggered into the hallway. No problem— except for the part where I stepped into the toy’s front seat, couldn’t get my foot out, and began to

      roll, roll, roll, roll

      down the hall. It’s not that I couldn’t remove my foot; it’s just that I wasn’t sure which one of the hundred feet below was my real foot.

      Even that wouldn’t have been so bad, if it wasn’t for our cat, Collision, who, as you may recall, did not get his name by accident. At the moment, he was sitting on a table beside the giant aquarium at the end of the hall next to the steps. He was staring at Dad’s tropical fish, obviously dreaming of sushi, when

      roll, roll, roll, roll

      LOOK OUT! I cried. COLLISION, LOOK OUT!

      K-RASH

      MEOWRRRRR!

      glug, glug, glug, glug

      In sheer terror he sort of attached himself to my chest. Meanwhile, the aquarium toppled over, turning our stairway into a miniature water park—complete with five tropical fish and one boy shooting the rapids with his foot stuck in a Barbie sports car.

      After watching my life pass before my eyes (scary all by itself) and telling God I’d even eat my sister’s charcoal-style cooking, I finally

      Ouch!" K-"

      hit the bottom of the stairs.

      As far as crashes went, it wasn’t bad. On the McDoogle Scale of Mishaps, it only registered a 6.8, which explains why Mom and Dad weren’t too concerned. (It’s only when I break through the wall and into the neighbor’s house that they start to get nervous.)

      Wally, Dad calmly said as he helped me to my feet, I’d like you to meet Mr. Slicko of Ricko Slicko’s Advertising Agency and his Lovely Assistant, Doris.

      As I stood, I did my best to pry Collision off my chest. Finally, he released his claws and

      MEOWRRR . . .

      went flying across the room. Well, actually not across the room, more like directly on top of Lovely Assistant Doris’s head.

      She screamed and hollered, then did a little

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