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    My Life as a Bigfoot Breath Mint
    My Life as a Bigfoot Breath Mint
    My Life as a Bigfoot Breath Mint
    Ebook104 pages1 hour

    My Life as a Bigfoot Breath Mint

    By Bill Myers

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    About this ebook

    Look out California, here comes Wally McDoogle! Our boy blunder gets his big break to star with his Uncle Max in the famous Fantasmo World stunt show. Unlike his father, who Wally secretly suspects to be a major loser, Uncle Max is everything Wally longs to be. . . Or so it appears on the surface.

    Unfortunately, Fantasmo World will never be the same, as in typical McDoogle Mayhem, Wally discovers the truth and learns who the real hero in his life is.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateJan 31, 1997
    ISBN9781418535032
    My Life as a Bigfoot Breath Mint
    Author

    Bill Myers

    Bill Myers (www.Billmyers.com) is a bestselling author and award-winning writer/director whose work has won sixty national and international awards. His books and videos have sold eight million copies and include The Seeing, Eli, The Voice, My Life as, Forbidden Doors, and McGee and Me.

    Read more from Bill Myers

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      Book preview

      My Life as a Bigfoot Breath Mint - Bill Myers

      MY LiFe

      as a

      BIGFOOT

      BREATH MINT

      Books by Bill Myers

      Series

      SECRET AGENT DINGLEDORF

      . . . and his trusty dog, SPLAT Il_WMcD12_Breath_Mint_INT_0002_001

      The Case of the . . .

      Giggling Geeks • Chewable Worms

      • Flying Toenails • Drooling Dinosaurs •

      Hiccupping Ears • Yodeling Turtles

      The Incredible Worlds of W

      ally M

      c

      Doogle

      My Life As . . .

      a Smashed Burrito with Extra Hot Sauce • Alien Monster Bait

      • a Broken Bungee Cord • Crocodile Junk Food •

      Dinosaur Dental Floss • a Torpedo Test Target

      • a Human Hockey Puck • an Afterthought Astronaut •

      Reindeer Road Kill • a Toasted Time Traveler

      • Polluted Pond Scum • a Bigfoot Breath Mint •

      a Blundering Ballerina • a Screaming Skydiver

      • a Human Hairball • a Walrus Whoopee Cushion •

      a Computer Cockroach (Mixed-Up Millennium Bug)

      • a Beat-Up Basketball Backboard • a Cowboy Cowpie •

      Invisible Intestines with Intense Indigestion

      • a Skysurfing Skateboarder • a Tarantula Toe Tickler •

      a Prickly Porcupine from Pluto • a Splatted-Flat Quarterback

      • a Belching Baboon • a Stupendously Stomped Soccer Star •

      a Haunted Hamburger, Hold the Pickles

      • a Supersized Superhero . . . with Slobber •

      WMcD12_Breath_Mint_INT_0002_002

      The Portal • The Experiment • The Whirlwind • The Tablet

      Picture Book

      Baseball for Breakfast

      the incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle

      WMcD12_Breath_Mint_INT_0003_001

      MY LiFe

      as a

      BIGFOOT

      BREATH MINT

      BILL MYERS

      WMcD12_Breath_Mint_INT_0003_002

      MY LIFE AS A BIGFOOT BREATH MINT

      © 1997 by Bill Myers.

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts in reviews.

      Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Tommy Nelson. Tommy Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

      Tommy Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

      Scripture quotations are from the International Children’s Bible®, New Century Version®, © 1986, 1988, 1999 by Tommy Nelson®, a Division of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Myers, Bill, 1953–

          My life as a bigfoot breath mint / Bill Myers.

         p. cm. — (The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; bk. #12)

          Summary: Wally’s visit to the Fantasmo World amusement park, where his Uncle Max works as a stuntman, turns into a disaster involving computer errors, runaway rides, and other outrageous mistakes.

          ISBN 978-0–8499–3876–4 (pbk.)

          [1. Amusement parks—Fiction. 2. Stunt performers—Fiction. 3. Uncles—Fiction. 4. Christian life—Fiction. 5. Humorous stories.] I. Title. II. Series: Myers, Bill, 1953– .

          Incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #12.

          PZ7.M98234Myd 1997

          [Fic]—dc20                                                                96–32349

      CIP

      AC

      Printed in the United States of America

      10 11 12 13 14 EPAC 27 26 25 24 23

      For Roberta Sanford—

      who taught me how to read.

      "‘Honor your father and your mother.

      Then you will live a long time. . . .’ "

               —Exodus 20:12

      Contents

      1. Just for Starters . . .

      2. Action!

      3. Fantasmo World

      4. The Ride of a Lifetime

      5. Dad to the Rescue . . . Almost

      6. Breakfast Acrobatics

      7. Rehearsal

      8. It’s Showtime, Folks

      9. Unlikely Hero

      10. Wrapping Up

      Chapter 1

      Just for Starters . . .

      Jump! my little sister Carrie screamed. Jump, Wally, jump!

      I can’t. My shoelace is stuck!

      Then unstick it, Mom shouted.

      If I could unstick it, I wouldn’t be stuck!

      Ah yes, welcome to another not-so-minor McDoogle mishap. . . .

      Just a few seconds earlier I’d been playing tugof-war with one of Mom’s suitcases. I had been trying to pull it off the luggage carousel at the airport. And it had been trying to pull me on.

      Unfortunately, it won.

      It’s not that I’m a wimp or anything. It’s just that my older twin brothers, Burt and Brock, got all the muscle DNA in the family. But that’s okay; there’s more to being a seventh-grade guy than just having muscles. There’s . . . there’s . . . well okay, maybe there isn’t. At least not when you’re battling with your mom’s overstuffed luggage.

      Of course I had tried to jump off the luggage carousel. But as I’ve so carefully pointed out, my shoelace was caught and—

      Wally, look out!

      I glanced up. Directly above me a gazillion suitcases tumbled out of the overhead chute. They bounced down the ramp heading directly toward . . . you guessed it, the one and only me.

      Great, I sighed, just great. I finally get to go to California, and I don’t even get out of the airport before I become Samsonite road kill.

      But, being the inventive type of genius I am, I turned to my family and quite calmly screamed my head off.

      SOMEBODY HELP ME!

      My brothers were the first to ignore my request. It’s not that they’re insensitive or anything. I’m sure they wanted to help. It’s just hard to help someone when you’re falling on the floor laughing.

      But not Mom. No sir. With the courage and dedication only a mother can have for her child, she turned to Dad and said, So Herb, shouldn’t you be doing something?

      To which Dad heroically muttered, I suppose. (I sometimes get the feeling that Dad would love me more if I had followed in Burt’s and Brock’s footsteps as All-School Superjocks. Instead I’m the All-School Punching Bag.)

      By now everyone in Baggage Claim was staring. If my best friend Wall Street had been around, she’d have charged admission. It looked like I was performing this one for my favorite charity . . . The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dork-oids.

      But not to worry, good old Dad had promised Mom that he’d save me. And if there is one thing he’s learned over the years, it’s not to disappoint good old Mom.

      Anyway, he heroically leaped to my rescue.

      Unfortunately, his leaper isn’t as heroic as it used to be. Actually, the leaping was okay. But the landing part got kind of messy.

      Oww! he cried as he landed beside me. My back! My back!

      Normally I would have offered him words of sympathy. But since those suitcases kept tumbling toward us, and since he wouldn’t have back pain in heaven,

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