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    1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking: Fresh, Timely, and Compelling Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Speakers
    1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking: Fresh, Timely, and Compelling Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Speakers
    1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking: Fresh, Timely, and Compelling Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Speakers
    Ebook1,099 pages7 hours

    1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking: Fresh, Timely, and Compelling Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Speakers

    By Michael Hodgin

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    About this ebook

    Experienced speakers know the value of humor for adding punch to their point and muscle to their message. That's why 1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking belongs in every pastor's and speaker's library -- including yours! Like its rib-tickling predecessor, 1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking, this volume is a gold mine of one-liners, jokes, and humorous anecdotes for almost any situation or subject. Pick your topic: Attitudes, Evangelism, Romance, Weddings . . . you'll find what you're looking for, conveniently alphabetized, numbered, and indexed for instant referencing. There's even a space for you to record the times and places you use each illustration, so no one will hear you tell the same joke twice. Most of these humorous gems have already been tested by preachers and other speakers. And the huge variety ensures you'll find something to tickle any congregation's funny bone -- and grab its attention.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherZondervan
    Release dateSep 21, 2010
    ISBN9780310871248
    1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking: Fresh, Timely, and Compelling Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, and Speakers
    Author

    Michael Hodgin

    Michael E. Hodgin is the author of 1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking and 1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking. He edits The Pastor's Story File and Parables, Etc., two newsletters for pastors and public speakers. He lives in Platteville, Colorado.

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      Book preview

      1001 More Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking - Michael Hodgin

      Illustrations Topically Arranged

      1 TOPIC: Acceptance

      The Lady Said Pew

      A cowboy went to church for the first time in his life. He enthusiastically told a friend about his church experience. He recalled, I rode up on my horse and tied up my horse by a tree in the corral.

      The friend said, You don’t mean ‘corral’; you mean ‘parking lot.’

      I don’t know, maybe that is what they called it, he said. Then I went in through the main gate.

      You don’t mean the main gate; you mean the front door of the church.

      Well, anyway, a couple of fellows took me down the long chute.

      You don’t mean the long chute; you mean the center aisle.

      I guess that is what they call it. Then they put me in one of those little box stalls!

      You don’t mean a box stall; you mean a pew!

      Oh yes! Now I remember! said the cowboy. That’s what that lady said when I sat down beside her!

      2 TOPIC: Accidents

      Duck Turkey

      The man on the scaffold was painting the building when he dropped his paintbrush. As he leaned over the rail to watch his brush fall, he yelled, Quack, quack, gobble, gobble.

      Below a man walking under the scaffold was hit by the brush.

      Why didn’t you warn me? the man yelled up at the painter.

      I did, the painter replied. I yelled ‘Quack, quack, gobble, gobble.’

      What does that mean? the man hollered angrily.

      Duck, turkey!

      3 TOPIC: Accomplishments

      Make Your Own Butter

      An effective speaker gets milk from many cows, but makes his own butter.

      4 TOPIC: Accomplishments

      An Even Account

      The senator was quite full of himself. At every occasion he took the opportunity to remind everyone how important he was. On one such speaking opportunity he extolled, All that I now am I owe to my fine parents.

      An anonymous voice from the back of the room spoke the sentiment of the crowd: Then why don’t you give them twenty cents and pay off your debt?

      5 TOPIC: Actions

      Learning to Duck

      A Sunday school teacher told the class the story of David and Goliath. He embellished the story with great detail. He animated with gestures and movements, concluding with all the details of how little David killed Goliath with a rock from his sling.

      At the end of the story he asked the class what lesson they had learned. One of the little boys popped up and said: Duck!

      6 TOPIC: Actions

      Actions Better

      Well done is better than well said.

      7 TOPIC: Actions

      No Place for Worry

      The source of this illustration is unknown, but the philosophy of this soldier applies to many of us:

      One of two things is certain: either you’re mobilized, or you’re not mobilized.

      If you’re not mobilized, there is no need to worry; if you are mobilized, one of two things is certain: either you’re behind the lines, or you’re at the front.

      If you’re behind the lines, there is no need to worry; if you are at the front, one of two things is certain: either you’re resting in a safe place, or you’re exposed to danger.

      If you’re resting in a safe place, there is no need to worry; if you’re exposed to danger, one of two things is certain: either you’re wounded, or you’re not wounded.

      If you’re not wounded, there is no need to worry; if you are wounded, one of two things is certain: either you’re wounded seriously, or you’re wounded slightly.

      If you’re wounded slightly, there is no need to worry; if you’re wounded seriously, one of two things is certain: either you recover, or you die.

      If you recover, there is no need to worry; if you die, you can’t worry.

      8 TOPIC: Actions

      What’s Happening?

      People can be divided into three groups:

      Those who make things happen

      Those who watch things happen

      Those who wonder what happened

      9 TOPIC: Advertising

      Limited Stocking Up

      From an ad for color film in the Akron Beacon Journal: "Stock up and save. Limit ONE."

      10 TOPIC: Advertising

      Priced to Not Sell

      The man pulled into a service station in the deep south, walked to a soda machine, and stared at the sign, which said $2.00.

      Two dollars for a soda, he said. That’s incredible.

      Wall, it ain’t really two dollars. The machine’s broke. I put up an outa-order sign, but people kept puttin’ their money in anyways, and I had ta git it out again, so’s I put that sign up and ain’t had no trouble since, the friendly serviceman said.

      We keep putting our money, time, and efforts into worldly things, instead of investing in God’s love, and find we lose our money. When the price of living without God gets too high, we will quit trying to buy the goods.

      11 TOPIC: Advertising

      Let Them Know

      Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you’re doing, but nobody else does.

      12 TOPIC: Advice

      Umpires and Catchers

      Veteran American League baseball umpire Bill Guthrie was working behind the plate one afternoon, and the catcher for the visiting team was repeatedly protesting his calls. Guthrie endured this for a number of innings, and then called a halt.

      Son, he said softly, you’ve been a big help to me in calling balls and strikes today, and I appreciate it. But I think I have got the hang of it now, so I’m going to ask you to go to the clubhouse and show whoever’s there how to take a shower.

      13 TOPIC: Age

      Pushing Eighty

      When the doctor asked what I did for exercise, I said pushing eighty is exercise enough!

      14 TOPIC: Age

      Did She Start at One?

      Some children who were touring a retirement home were asked by a resident if they had any questions.

      Yes, one girl said. How old are you?

      I’m ninety-eight, she replied proudly.

      Clearly impressed, the child’s eyes grew wide with wonder. Did you start at one?

      15 TOPIC: Age

      Age Changes Things

      Who changed everything when I wasn’t looking? I’ve noticed lately that everything is farther away than it used to be. It’s even twice as far to the corner now, and they’ve added a hill!

      I’ve given up running for the bus; it leaves much earlier than it used to. And it seems to me that they are making the stairs steeper than in the old days, and have you noticed the smaller print the newspapers are now using? And there’s no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore, as everyone speaks so softly that I can hardly hear them.

      The material in clothes is so skimpy now, especially around the waist and hips, and the way they size the clothes is much smaller than it used to be. Why, I have to buy clothes two sizes larger than what I wear just so they will fit me right!

      Even people are changing. They are so much younger than they used to be when I was their age. On the other hand, people my own age are much older than I am. I ran into an old classmate of mine the other day, and she had aged so much that she didn’t recognize me! I got to thinking about my poor dear friend while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection in the mirror…Really now! They don’t even make good mirrors

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