21 Days to a Great Marriage: A Grownup Approach to Couplehood
By Henry Cloud and John Townsend
4.5/5
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About this ebook
In a mad-dash world filled with long to-do lists and too many commitments, it's easy for one to lose perspective of what matters most-even with the most important person in one's life. It gets even more complicated with all of the distractions that seem to keep our attention away from sources of help and renewal. That's why Cloud & Townsend have teamed up to pack their very best relationship principles in a powerful 21-day program designed for today's busy couples. Each short chapter has to-the-point wisdom and do-it-today action steps on issues like committing to personal growth, breaking the pattern of trying to change one's spouse, building-and restoring-trust, cultivating healthy intimacy, establishing realistic expectations, learning to handle conflict without damaging the relationship, and much more.
Henry Cloud
Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, pastor to pastors, and New York Times bestselling author. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold over 20 million copies worldwide. Throughout his storied career as a clinician, he started treatment centers, created breakthrough new models rooted in research, and has been a leading voice on issues of mental health and leadership on a global scale. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.
Read more from Henry Cloud
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Book preview
21 Days to a Great Marriage - Henry Cloud
21 Days
to a
Great
Marriage
A Grownup Approach to Couplehood
21 Days
to a
Great
Marriage
A Grownup Approach to Couplehood
DR. HENRY CLOUD & DR. JOHN TOWNSENDA
21Days_INTERIOR_144_0003_001© 2006 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ thomasnelson.com.
Helping people worldwide experience the manifest presence of God.
Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP Attorneys and Literary Agents, Orange, California.
Some of the names used in illustrations in this book are not actual names; identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity. Any resemblance to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental.
Unless otherwise marked, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®. © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Cover Design: Andrew Brozyna, ajbdesign.com
Interior Design: VisibilityCreative
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cloud, Henry.
21 days to a great marriage : a grownup approach to couplehood / by Henry
Cloud and John Townsend.
p. cm.
Summary: Relationship principles in a powerful 21-day program designed for today’s busy couples
--Provided by publisher.
ISBN-13: 978-1-59145-481-6 (hardcover)
ISBN-10: 1-59145-481-6 (hardcover)
1. Marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Man-woman relationships--Religious aspects--Christianity. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952- II. Title.
BV835.C591 2006
248.8’44--dc22
2006023078
Printed in the United States of America
06 07 08 09 LBM 6 5 4 3 2 1
Contents
Introduction: How to Get the Most Marriage Mileage out of This Book
Day 1: Grow Your Marriage to Greatness
Day 2: Accept Each Other, No Matter What
Day 3: Focus on Changing Yourself, Not Your Mate
Day 4: Set Self Aside
Day 5: Grow Out of Your Immaturity
Day 6: Practice Humility
Day 7: Enjoy Great Sex by Pursuing Healthy Sex
Day 8: Lavish Your Partner with Grace
Day 9: Focus on Meeting Needs First
Day 10: Be Partners, Not Dependents
Day 11: Cherish Your Healthy Differences
Day 12: Share Your Feelings
Day 13: Curb the Communication Stoppers
Day 14: Draw Out Your Partner’s Heart
Day 15: Take Sex beyond the Bedroom
Day 16: Nudge Each Other to Be More Than You Are
Day 17: Deal with Hurt as It Happens
Day 18: Fight for Win-Win Solutions
Day 19: Exercise Trust
Day 20: Welcome Rules When Needed
Day 21: Always, Always, Always Forgive
Introduction
How to Get the Most
Marriage Mileage
Out of This Book
You may have picked up this book for any number of reasons, such as:
• You’re in a good marriage, but you want it to be even better.
• You’re scrambling for answers in your marriage, aware that it’s nowhere near great at this point.
• You and your mate periodically work through a marriage book together to keep your relationship fine-tuned and humming.
• Your spouse handed you this book to you with that look in his or her eye that says, Get a clue
.
• You’re single or engaged, hoping to get your upcoming marriage started on the right foot.
• You’re widowed or divorced and intent on getting it right the next time.
No matter how or why you got to this point, we’re glad you’re here. We want you to know that, wherever you’re starting from, you’ve embarked on a twenty-one day journey that will, if you stick with us and do the work, make a great, positive difference in your marriage. We’ve shared these principles with literally thousands of people, and those who diligently worked them into their relationships have become better spouses and are enjoying great marriages. We’re confident it will happen for you too.
But before you hit the road on this life-changing, marriage-improving journey, here are a few tips to help you get the most mileage from your effort.
You will benefit even if your partner doesn’t read this book.
We think it’s ideal that you and your spouse read the book and work through the exercises together. But if he or she isn’t quite ready for that process, your marriage will still profit greatly if you start the journey alone. Great marriages result as each partner focuses on himself or herself, determined with God’s help to be the best mate he or she can be. As you grow through these principles, your marriage will likely improve even if your mate isn’t with the twenty-one day program yet.
You will get the most mileage when you go beyond just reading.
At the end of each chapter you will find an application section headed, Think about It, Talk about It, Live It. The questions and exercises we provide there are designed to help you translate principles for a great marriage into the day-by-day expression of your marriage relationship.
If you are taking this journey as a couple, we suggest that you read each chapter alone as individuals. Think through the application section, jot down some notes, and decide how you personally will respond to the principle of the day. Then get together with your spouse to share with each other your insights and responses from the chapter. If you are taking this journey alone, don’t skip the application section. Work through the questions and exercises as they apply to you, even if you can’t share them with your spouse right now. If the opportunity arises to share with your partner from what you’re reading, make sure it’s about what God is doing in you, not what you think your