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    My Life as a Splatted Flat Quarterback
    My Life as a Splatted Flat Quarterback
    My Life as a Splatted Flat Quarterback
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    My Life as a Splatted Flat Quarterback

    By Bill Myers

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    About this ebook

    In his newest, original outing, bungling hero Wally McDoogle runs into trouble by unfairly judging others and gossiping behind people's backs. But it's not until he tries to see people through the eyes of God that he realizes it's better to love than to judge.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateOct 29, 2006
    ISBN9781418553425
    My Life as a Splatted Flat Quarterback
    Author

    Bill Myers

    Bill Myers (www.Billmyers.com) is a bestselling author and award-winning writer/director whose work has won sixty national and international awards. His books and videos have sold eight million copies and include The Seeing, Eli, The Voice, My Life as, Forbidden Doors, and McGee and Me.

    Read more from Bill Myers

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      Book preview

      My Life as a Splatted Flat Quarterback - Bill Myers

      the incredible worlds of

      WallyMcDoogle

      1

      BILL MYERS

      00_01_WMD_24_0003_025

      MY LIFE AS A SPLATTED-FLAT QUARTERBACK

      Copyright © 2005 Bill Myers.

      Cover illustrations by Jeff Mangiat.

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts in reviews.

      Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Tommy Nelson®, a Division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. Visit us on the Web at www.tommynelson.com.

      Tommy Nelson® books may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please email SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

      Scripture quotations in this book are from the International Children’s Bible®, New Century Version®, © 1986, 1988, 1999 by Tommy Nelson®, a Division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Myers, Bill, 1953–

              My life as a splatted-flat quarterback / Bill Myers.

                  p. cm.— (The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; 24)

              Summary: When Wally teases or judges someone unfairly, from his school's janitor to a quarterback playing in the Super Bowl, he suddenly becomes that person, and soon realizes the importance of trying to see others through the eyes of God.

              ISBN-10: 0-8499-5995-0 (HC)

              ISBN-10: 1-4003-0906-9 (TP)

              [1. Empathy—Fiction. 2. Teasing—Fiction. 3. Christian life—Fiction. 4. Humorous stories.] I. Mangiat, Jeff, ill. II. Title.

      PZ7.M98234Myld 2005

      [Fic]—dc22

      2005003500

      Printed in the United States of America

      06 07 08 09 10 RRD 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

      For Peggy Patrick Medberry:

      One of God’s great masterpieces.

      "Don’t judge other people,

      and you will not be judged."

      —Matthew 7:1

      Contents

      1. Just for Starters

      2. Trading Faces

      . . . and other body parts

      3. Stinking Rich

      4. Grand Ol’ Operaland

      5. Wally McDoogle, Please Meet . . .

      er, uh . . . Wally McDoogle.

      6. Wally McDoogle:

      Super Jock? Super Not!

      7. A Taste of SuperstarDUMB

      8. No Pain, No Game

      9. My Big Break!

      . . . actually, several of them

      10. Wrapping Up

      Chapter 1

      Just For Starters

      The next time I start making fun of someone, do me a favor . . .

      —throw me out of a 747 without a parachute.

      —strap antlers to my head and put me in the forest on the first day of deer hunting season.

      —make me eat my little sister’s cooking (without the dog under the table to slip it to).

      Because anything would be better (and less hazardous to my health) than judging some other guy (or guyette).

      It all started when Opera, the human eating machine, and I left the toxic waste site (more commonly referred to as our school cafeteria). We’d just climbed the stairs to the third floor and headed down the hall to Mr. Finglesnorker’s class.

      That’s when I spotted the most clueless person on the face of the earth . . . Megan Melkner.

      Megan was clueless for one reason and one reason only: She thought I was cute. (I know, go figure.) Of course, I tried to help her out by suggesting that she see an eye doctor. (And when that didn’t work, I suggested a brain doctor.) But the poor thing wouldn’t listen to reason.

      Anyway, Megan just got some new braces— complete with all that neck and head gear. So, of course being me, I did the real mature thing by sneaking up behind her and walking like Frankenstein’s monster.

      Grrrr . . . Arrrr . . . Roarrr . . .

      Yes sir, a real crowd pleaser (especially for kindergartners).

      Opera sadly shook his head. That’s nothing, he burped. Opera always burps after eating, which means he burps all the time. Check this out.

      He snuck up behind another kid, Herman Hackalung. Ol’ Hermie holds the record for having the most allergies of any one human being. You name it, he’s allergic to it. And not just normal kid allergies like schoolwork or cleaning your room. No sir, Herman Hackalung is allergic to everything—which explains his constant sniffling, sneezing, and, you guessed it, . . . hacking.

      So Opera started walking behind him sniffling, pretending to wipe his nose, and gasping for breath. (By the looks of things, Opera had just raised the humor level to about first grade.)

      I knew I could top that. No sweat. But where? How? Who would be my next victim?

      I scanned the hallway. Everybody around us was normal. Well, as normal as middle-schoolers can be. Everyone except our all-school bully . . . Gary the Gorilla. I don’t want to say Gary’s brain voltage is low, but the guy has flunked so many times that he’s the only seventh grader I know of who is old enough to have his driver’s license . . . and will soon be eligible for Medicare.

      Gary was one guy you didn’t want to mess with. ’Cause if he messed with you back, you could really get messed up . . . in a broken-body-parts-scattered-throughout-the-school kinda way.

      But time was running out. Mr. Finglesnorker’s class was just ahead. Who else could I make fun of before I get there?

      And then I saw him . . . Old Man Clyde the janitor. He was cleaning up something on the floor with a mop and bucket on rollers. Something that looked an awful lot like what we’d just eaten down at the toxic waste site. (I guess some people’s stomachs aren’t so strong.)

      Nobody knows how old Mr. Clyde is, but rumor has it that he still has his first car, a dinosaur, in his garage. (Don’t laugh, rumor also has it that T. rexes get great gas mileage.)

      Anyway, the old guy was stooped over the floor, mopping away like there was no

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