Dealing with Divorce Leader's Guide

YOUTH SPECIALTIES

DEALING WITH DIVORCE LEADER’S GUIDE: FINDING DIRECTION WHEN YOUR PARENTS SPLIT UP

Copyright 2009 by Elizabeth Oates

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ePub Edition June 2009 ISBN: 0-310-86161-6

Youth Specialties resources, 300 S. Pierce St., El Cajon, CA 92020 are published by Zondervan, 5300 Patterson Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49530.

ISBN 978-0-310-27887-0

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, Today’s New International Version™. TNIV®. Copyright 2001, 2005 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

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EBOOK INSTRUCTIONS

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CONTENTS

Ebook Instructions

Introduction

Week One Road Trip: Identifying Your Feelings about Divorce

Week Two Crimes and Misdemeanors: Exploring Reasons for Divorce

Week Three Switching Drivers: Life Changes after Divorce

Week Four Driver’s Education: How to Effectively Communicate with Your Parents

Week Five Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right: Choosing Forgiveness after a Divorce

Week Six The End of the Road: Growing Closer to Christ

Sample Student Sign-In Sheet

Sample Letter to Parents

Suggested Reading Lists for Students and Parents

Notes

About the Publisher

To Brandon

INTRODUCTION

Children of divorce reach a crossroads—a point in time when they must choose how they’ll live. Will they choose rebellion, self-destruction, and self-satisfaction? Or will they choose the peace and forgiveness found only in Christ Jesus?

Here’s what the prophet Jeremiah has to say: This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls’ (Jeremiah 6:16).

The goal of this curriculum is to help students work through the emotional and spiritual issues of divorce, address their specific needs, and enable them to trust in God’s plan for their lives.

WHO WILL BENEFIT FROM THIS CURRICULUM?

Dealing with Divorce is beneficial for middle and high school students, ages 12-18. The curriculum addresses questions, issues, and emotions they might wrestle with whether their parents divorced when they were very young, a year ago, or are currently going through a divorce.

IDEAS FOR FORMING A GROUP

So you want to host a Dealing with Divorce group at your church but not sure how to do it? Here are a few guidelines:

Start by getting the word out.

• Mail flyers to your youth group and include visitors. Many students from divorced homes don’t have a church home but tag along, visiting their friends’ churches. Send letters to all students on your roster, because even if a student comes from an intact home, she might have a friend whose parents are divorced, and she could pass on the information.

• Next, post flyers at your church with the start date and time listed.

• Also, set up an information table a few weeks prior to starting the program. This will allow students and parents to ask questions and look through the curriculum. It’ll also give you an approximate headcount for the group.

• Keep the parents informed. We recommend hosting a parent information meeting about two weeks prior to the program starting. Offer them an outline of the program and let them look through the curriculum. Be open and honest about your intentions for the program—that this is designed to bring about healing and forgiveness for each student. Give parents time to ask questions.

Who should lead a group?

• The number of leaders depends on the size and make-up of your group. If you host a small group of five to 10 students, one leader should suffice. If your group is larger, you’ll need more leaders. Plan on one leader for every 10students.

• You also want to consider gender. Guys generally open up more for male leaders, while girls might be more comfortable talking with a female leader. Anticipate the needs of your group and plan accordingly. If you’re not sure what your group will look like, plan for one male leader and one female leader. On the first day of your meeting you can decide if you want to stay in one large group for the discussion time, or if your group would benefit more by breaking into gender-specific groups.

• A leader doesn’t need to have experience with divorce or be a professional counselor; however, if you can find leaders with such backgrounds, that would certainly help them identify and talk with students. But remember, this curriculum is designed for a small group format, not a counseling session—students will appreciate a leader’s compassion more than a professional degree.

Keeping students involved.

• We all know today’s students are involved in many activities in addition to school. Our desire is not to cram one more thing into their already overloaded schedules. One way to make this program easier to attend is to schedule it an hour and a half prior to your Sunday night or Wednesday night youth group times. Students generally set this time aside for church anyway, so arriving 90 minutes earlier should be much less disruptive to their schedule.

• Asking students to sign a covenant is also beneficial. The covenant should include their intention to attend each week of the program and also a statement of confidentiality.

PROGRAM DESIGN

The Student Guide includes a six-week Bible study for students to work through independently, followed by a Group Session you’ll lead during your youth group or small group meetings. However, as the group leader, you have some flexibility in designing the Group Sessions as either a six- or 12-week program. Advantages exist in both formats.

The advantage to a six-week program is that it fits well into students’ schedules. Most likely they’ll be cramming this program into an already packed week of cheerleading practices, baseball games, and drama club meetings. So a six-week program will seem less intimidating and require less of a time commitment, which means teenagers will be more likely to stick with it.

But beware: Students might feel rushed during a six-week program. For example, they might need or want more than one day to discuss their feelings about their parents’ divorce (Week One topic). You might be surprised how easily students will open up and share their feelings when they’re in a safe environment. If you devote two weeks to work through each chapter, students can take more time to process and discuss what they’re feeling and learning.

The advantage of a 12-week program is that it provides ample time for both the discussion and activity portions of each lesson. This Leader’s Guide contains group activities for each week’s lesson; however, in a six-week group format, time limitations might not permit the activity. If you extend it to a 12-week program, you can spend one week in discussion and the next week devoted to the activity. Spending two weeks on one chapter allows students the opportunity to do the lesson, discuss it in a group format, and take a week to process the information. Students can return the next week, sometimes with a fresh perspective, and adequately engage in the group activity that’s covering the same topic.

But again, beware: A 12-week program might interfere with other activities in the students’ schedules. Also, maintaining the students’ attention for 12 weeks might be difficult. Many students jump in and out of activities, and you could lose some of them halfway through the program. Space is also a concern. Your church might not have enough available meeting space for your group to meet for 12 weeks.

Consider each point carefully and make the choice that’s best for your students’ (and church’s) needs.

SUGGESTED SCHEDULE

The following chart clearly explains how to divide each chapter to suit either a six- or 12week format; all the work has been done for you.

WHAT YOU’LL FIND IN THIS BOOK

This Leader’s Guide contains the same weeklong lessons as the Student Guide. However, the Leader’s Guide includes additional information at the end of each lesson to help you conduct the Group Sessions. Another difference between the two guides is that the Scripture references have been written out in the Leader’s Guide, while students must use their Bibles to look up the passages for themselves.

Part of the reason we provide you with the material the students are covering on their own is so you can easily and readily add your own questions to the ones we offer in the Group Sessions. Because you know your students best and exactly what aspects of their journaling activities need to be emphasized week to week in group times. We provide the basics, but don’t shy away from getting deeper and more specific according to your students’ needs. Add to these questions, expand on them, delete ones you don’t need. Go to whatever extent is necessary to make this curriculum unique and practical for your group.

At the back of this book we’ve included a weekly sign-in sheet for students to fill out. This will provide you with the students’ contact information, which you’ll need should you choose to follow-up with them after the program ends.

You’ll also find a sample letter to parents. You might consider sending this letter to your students’ parents to explain the program and its goals. If you host a parent information meeting, send this letter about two weeks prior to the information meeting and four weeks prior to the program starting.

Finally, we’ve included a suggested reading list for both students and parents. You may pass out this information as needed. We believe these books will help both parents and teenagers as they work through the transition of divorce.

WEEKLY GOALS

The weekly goals of this curriculum include:

Week One—Road Trip: Identifying Your Feelings About Divorce

• Goal: Help students identify how they feel about and understand God’s perspective on divorce.

Week Two—Crimes and Misdemeanors: Exploring Reasons for Divorce

• Goal: Help students better understand why their parents divorced and look at times when God permits divorce.

Week Three—Switching Drivers: Life Changes After Divorce

• Goal: Help students anticipate and deal with any life changes they might experience as a result of their parents’ divorce.

Week Four—Driver’s Education: How to Effectively Communicate With Your Parents

• Goal: Give students healthy, productive ways to communicate with their parents, stepparents, and stepsiblings.

Week Five—Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right: Choosing Forgiveness After a Divorce

• Goal: Help students find peace through forgiveness and explore the ultimate example of forgiveness: Jesus Christ.

Week Six—The End of the Road: Growing Closer to Christ

• Goal: Show students how they can use the tragedy of divorce to grow closer to Jesus Christ.

GROUP FORMAT

This curriculum works well in a group setting with counselors, teachers, mentors, and other adults leading a small group of students. The leaders needn’t be trained, professional counselors.

This curriculum can be administered in either a coed or single-gender group. Determining factors include group size and the students’ ages and comfort levels.

Ideally, students will complete the lesson for Week One prior to the first Group Session. This gives them time to explore and process the topic before discussing it in a group setting. If the program is extended to 12 weeks, leaders should encourage the students to review their lesson and spend the week praying over the information before returning for the second week’s Group Session covering that particular chapter. This helps ensure the information will still be fresh in their minds.

Each weekly session contains various activities and songs to help foster the discussion. However, these ideas are purely optional. If the group discussion is moving along smoothly, the group leader can opt to continue the discussion and skip the activities. Each student’s willingness to share personal experiences varies; therefore the group leader should gauge the need for the activities from week to week.