Up and Under

Copyright

Prologue

The main character in this tale is Kevin Myers. He’s ill tempered sometimes but has a kind heart underneath his gruff exterior. When he told his old college roommate about his new job as a music teacher at a private school in Las Vegas, Nevada; his friend was relieved that Kevin had gotten a job anywhere in this dreadful economy. The friend was then overcome by a sense of shock after he hung up the phone since Kevin had shown unusual talent as a performer in college. He had been an outstanding brass player, participated in all the ensembles and won numerous awards for his conducting and playing abilities.

Everyone went their separate ways after college and they assumed Kevin was going on to bigger and better things. There was no social media to speak of in 2001, no notices on your cell phone that a message was waiting, no mundane posts to reply to. People lost touch. And what did these former students think of Kevin? Would he go to New York or Chicago? Would they see him conducting a major symphony orchestra one day? These were expectations that had surrounded Kevin daily during those college years, in truth; he had basked in the attention.

Then, in what seemed to be a bad divine joke, everything fell apart for Kevin after his college days. He no longer had freshmen and sophomores nursing crushes on him. He didn’t have the professors gushing over him anymore. Kevin was onto the next chapter of his life. He was certainly afraid to venture out on his own; a bird collecting the courage to take its first flight but Kevin was ready now. He knew he had to move on and this is where our story begins…

1.

Las Vegas, NV

We’ve called you here today, Mr. Myers, to clear up concerns we have over some of your decision-making and how those decisions affect our students. The lady was well dressed in a suit with her hair up. Kevin would have thought her an attractive woman were he not sitting in front of the school board from the local church diocese. He had an uncomfortable lump in his throat and he felt queasy. He was annoyed to feel this way; he hated himself that he was letting this lady get to him.

I have called the meeting this morning to discuss your actions at the annual PTA football tournament. Do you recall the event that took place on this date? asked Louise Hamilton.

Dr. Louise Hamilton placed her hands formally under her chin as if she were trying to keep her huge head from falling to the floor. This mother of two was president of the school board, one of Kevin’s supervisors and a bona fide pain in the butt. She had been lobbying against him since the position opened. They had gotten off on the wrong foot and she wanted him out but not only because she loathed him; she wanted the position to go to her cousin from Salt Lake City. Now she had him by the proverbial balls and was going to do her best to make sure he was relieved of his duties.

Kevin looked at this specimen and knew that if it weren’t for the construction companies her husband owned; she would be one of the numerous emotionally walking wounded of Las Vegas looking for a job. She wouldn’t be sitting across from him with her perfect make-up and designer women’s suit. She stared at him like a python. She had the ability to squeeze the life out of him and Kevin knew she wanted to. Aside from the failure to procure a position for her nephew she didn’t like him personally. Dr. Hamilton was used to soft-spoken teachers who gracefully acquiesced to every demand she made, but Kevin was not going to let this lady get to him. He had only finished his first year of teaching, but his students had grown to respect him in that short time.

Yes, Dr. Hamilton I am aware of the incident. My act of self defense was handled as an internal matter between myself and school administration, Kevin stated as fact as he made eye contact with the administrator in question.

Well, there were parents and children present during the incident and the board feels we need to bring to light your indiscretion since the children are the primary concern here.

If you are referring to the fact that a man they have come to respect defended himself then, yes, let’s discuss this event. I regret that the incident took place but I do not intend to be punched in the face while trying to enjoy a friendly game of football.

Kevin was staring right at her while saying these things. He didn’t want to come off as brazen but he wanted to show an air of confidence in what he was saying. This lady was setting him up for a removal and he knew it. He couldn’t rely on the other, more reasonable board members. No, he was going to have to go toe-to-toe with this lady and he intended to fight for his job.

2.

It was one of those beautiful Sunday afternoons in Las Vegas that somehow has disaster written all over it. The PTA had scheduled an intramural teacher-parent flag football tournament. There were fourteen schools competing and the field was comprised of private, charter and public schools. The team Kevin was on was made up of everything from teachers who wanted to get a suntan to overzealous parents who seemed to be living out some sort of unfulfilled fantasy of playing in the NFL.

Things were tense right from the beginning. There were blocks that were too high, arguments between opposing players and referees in flip-flops.

Oh my God, I have a bad feeling about this, stated Kevin.

Just relax! You’re always overreacting, replied Kerri.

Kerri Caudell had come to The Holy Trinity Episcopal Academy two years earlier. She had taught for one year in New York and was ready to embark on a new adventure in Sin City. Kerri had been married when Kevin first met her but she had had an abusive husband. Kevin felt very vulnerable moving to a new city and Kerri was there for him right from the start. Even though Kevin had known many women in the past, Kerri was different, somehow. She was very self confident and didn’t have the time or patience to put up with any crap from anybody.

During the past year, he frequently thought she wanted something from him. All his life, people were overly nice to Kevin because they sought something in return. He enjoyed the attention he received from people around him, but it always seemed to come at a price. Please come with us to the mall and by the way…do you mind driving? Kevin, you are so welcome to have Thanksgiving dinner at our house next week since your family is on the east coast. Would you be willing to direct our church choir? Kevin could go on and on with these examples. But, somehow, he could not figure Kerri out. What did she want from him? Was he thinking about this too much or just paranoid? Ultimately, he decided to just relax and try to enjoy life as she seemed to.

Then the stress of the game came back to him.

I heard a couple of men on the other team broke somebody’s nose, said Kevin.

That’s ridiculous Kevin. Where did you hear that? replied Kerri.

I heard from some of our teammates. What is with this weekend warrior crap? Would it look bad if I left and went to the gym instead?

Kerri gave him a disapproving look.

If that’s what you want to do, then go ahead but don’t complain that you don’t know any of the staff when you run off after making a commitment to play.

Damn Kerri, you’re not going to be my favorite person if someone breaks my nose. You might have to drive me to the emergency room, said Kevin as he looked at the opposing players across the field.

Can’t…have a lunch date, she replied without hesitation. Now get in there! she said as she pushed him onto the field.

The team Kevin was on consisted of four teachers and six parents. The first flag football game was against another charter school Kevin had to report to once a week. There were no women on this team and the men looked mean and ugly. Hell, most of them had ripped shirts and blood spatters on their faces from the game they just finished.

Jesus, is this American Gladiators? Kevin remarked to the teacher next to him.

3.

The opposing team kicked the ball off and it was received by the P.E. teacher. He was short of stature but swift of foot. He ran almost half the length of the field before his flag was pulled. There were no set plays designed on offense, understandable for a rag tag group that had only met and practiced for an hour after school once last week. The parent who had a penchant for misplaced energy slapped Kevin on the butt and told him to split out wide as a wide receiver. Kevin wanted to scream at these parents for taking the game too seriously but these people paid his salary.

Like this? All the way out to the side? asked Kevin.

Yeah, that’s good, replied the parent.

Kevin tried to engage the opposing player standing in front of him.

Hello said Kevin as he stuck his hand out for a handshake. Are you a parent or a teacher?

The man looked to be in his mid forties. He was a little shorter than Kevin but certainly more stout. He was half muscle and half saturated fat. If it weren’t for the blood dripping from his head and severely short polyester cutoffs, Kevin might have thought him a normal person.

Hey, this game is getting out of control don’t you think? said Kevin.

The man, whom Kevin would call The Toad, again ignored his inquiry. At that moment Kevin officially gave up on polite conversation.

New trouble was brewing between the two sides as the next three plays became more physical and Kevin could see that things were getting out of hand. Kevin and The Toad began to get more aggressive as tempers started to flare. After another failed offensive play, Kevin took a deep breath because he realized he was about to body slam his opponent if the provocation continued.

Kevin was given a respite by one of the parents and he took opportunity to search for the cooler with cold water to drink. Kevin stood on the sidelines as he watched the pitiful defense his team was displaying. Kevin laughed as he saw the referee, who was a P.E. teacher at the host school, trying to run across the field to make a call while wearing flip flops. It would have been a hilarious scene except that the arguments were heating up, and Kevin could see that the physical contact was becoming ever more conspicuous.

Excuse me, ref, Kevin said with a smile as he walked back onto the field for offense. Are you noticing the play is getting a little rough for intramural flag-football?

This is football and there is going to be a little contact, said the referee. If you don’t care for it then you may want to sit out.

Kevin was incensed at the daftness of the response since a fight was brewing between the two sides. He made his way into the improvised huddle.

C’mon, let’s hit these guys! yelled the parent as the team was in their offensive huddle.

Kevin, you’re on the line now and you’ve got to hit those jerks!

Kevin just looked at him in shock. He was speechless at how stupid this whole event had become. Teachers and parents alike looked a battered and weary. This was not how Kevin wanted to spend his Saturday.

Break! said some of the parents as if everyone all knew what the hell that meant. Most of the team just stood up straight and limped to a random spot on the line of scrimmage.

Kevin! Kevin! shouted the overzealous parent

Kevin looked over and saw him motioning him to hike the ball. Kevin was not used to people ordering him around with the flick of the wrist so he could feel tension build up behind his eyes. Kevin looked up and again saw The Toad. Is this guy following me? he thought. Kevin made one more obligatory request for polite conversation with the man across from him but was again rebuffed.

The quarterback yelled hike! and Kevin was doing his best to keep himself between the rusher and the quarterback. Kevin made sure to remain calm and keep his hands below the shoulder area. What he realized was that the person across from him was a madman. The ball was thrown into the air and caught for a first down by another teacher from Kevin’s school.

Whoo hoo! yelled Kerri as she sat in her lounge chair. She had made sure to position herself to get the full benefits of the sun as it started to beat down onto the field.

Get to the quarterback you jack-ass! yelled the players from the opposing sideline.

Shut up you jerks! screamed The Toad.

Kevin could see the veins popping in his neck. This man’s jersey was ripped beyond recognition and his face was full of blood, sweat and dirt.

Hike! yelled the quarterback

The Toad tried to bull-rush Kevin. He was a little bigger but Kevin was no pushover. People had mistaken Kevin’s kindness for weakness and he was not opposed to putting his foot up someone’s butt when the situation called for it. The Toad began to come at Kevin but this time his hands were near Kevin’s head.

Is this guy trying to kill me? thought Kevin, whose temper was reaching the boiling point.

He was jamming his arms and hands into Kevin’s upper body like he was in a street fight.

OK, third down. Keep your cool Kevin, he muttered to himself.

Kevin hiked the ball as The Toad came at him, swinging his arms like a boxer. He connected with Kevin’s face and neck which made Kevin back away. The man kept coming and Kevin used the player’s momentum against him. As The Toad passed Kevin, he pushed the attacker’s away and grabbed him in a headlock.

How does it feel? Kevin whispered into his ear as the pass went through the hands of a parent who was on a fly pattern to the end zone.

The play was over and both teams stood in shock as two grown men were standing in front of a playground field entangled. All the parents, teachers and children watched as the music teacher used his weight to bring down the bigger man. Members of both teams separated the two as The Toad shrieked obscenities. Kevin was then guided by one of the PTA mothers to the side, still calm and collected.

4.

So you admit to taking another teacher by the head and throwing him to the ground? asked Louise Hamilton.

I admit to being in a scuffle with another adult and if I am not mistaken we both hit the ground. Everyone and their brother was there to witness it so there is no denying that, replied Kevin.

This is one of the reasons why we are here Mr. Myers. Do you think that someone who has come from Texas to be here in our fair city can act this way? I was told that it looked as if you were going to rope him up like they do at the rodeo. Do you feel that this is appropriate behavior for a person on my staff ?

I don’t presume to ask you personal questions about how you spend your husband’s money so I would appreciate if you would oblige me in not insinuating things I would do since I moved from Texas, Mrs. Hamilton, Kevin replied coldly.

This was part of Kevin’s charm or lack thereof. He could hear the right thing to say in this head but the wrong words generally came out instead. Kevin looked across the table and could feel the eyes of Mrs. Hamilton boring into him. He had embarrassed her and himself, but he would never apologize.

Excuse me, but to whom do you think you are talking? exclaimed Mrs. Hamilton. I can assure you that none of us in here are impressed by your lack of professionalism. This goes right to the heart of the issue. We don’t believe things have worked out for you here and we all wish to move on to another suitable replacement. We object to the way your principal hired you over the phone and how you have conducted yourself as the boys’ basketball coach this year. Your teaching skills have improved over the year but that is just not enough for you to stay.

The verbal assault paused briefly as several board members whispered into her ear.

No! No! I don’t need a short recess! Kevin could hear her say as she shrugged them off. She regained her composure and said, Do you have anything to say in front of this board to help your cause or will you continue to spew obnoxious insults?

What could Kevin say about his comments or his predicament? He didn’t agree with her assessment of his job as a teacher and coach. What did she know about how he was coming along as a teacher? Had she seen his immaculate teacher appraisal reports he had received that year? Had she seen the way, in just one year, he had transformed the choir and percussion groups? What was this charge with his basketball team? No, she didn’t know any of those things as Kevin rose in his chair to defend his right to the music position.

5.

Austin, TX

It was 2001 and Kevin was excited to finally move out of his parent’s house in Pennsylvania. He had packed everything he owned into a 1990 Ford Tempo he’d bought from his mother. It was scary going to a city where he only knew his aunt and uncle. Kevin had no friends or even a job set up, and he was anxious. He drove from Pennsylvania to Austin, TX in two days, a pretty good trip, he thought. The drive was easy but he needed to sleep after the long journey. He had stayed the night in Nashville, TN and vowed to come back one day to visit since everyone was extremely nice and the food was amazing. Kevin had adored the blue grass of Kentucky and abhorred the roads of Arkansas.

Who in their right mind would ever live here, he thought as he drove the highway past Little Rock.

He finally arrived in Austin in one piece. As he maneuvered into the driveway next to his uncle’s van, Kevin said a little prayer thanking the good Lord for a safe arrival. He was fortunate that his aunt and uncle would allow him to stay for a few months until he got on his feet financially. After settling in for a couple of days Kevin got in his car, drove the Mopac Expressway and applied for a graduate assistant position at the University of Texas in person. He had not come to Texas to teach in a public school or try and pick up a job playing piano in one of the numerous dive bars on Sixth Street. The plan was to go to school as a graduate assistant and eventually teach at the university level. After waiting several days, Kevin received a phone call while raking leaves at his uncle’s house.

Kevin, phone call! yelled Aunt Linda as Kevin’s heart began to beat a little faster.

After a brief conversation with someone at the School of Music, Kevin got an audition with a professor of low brass instruments. Kevin was prepared since he had spoken to this professor over the phone not six days earlier. He made sure to bring his playing repertoire and an audio copy of his senior recital.

I’m going to knock his socks off! Kevin thought.

Why wouldn’t he be that confident? Ever since he picked up an instrument in middle school, music teachers had treated him differently. He tried not to let that go to his head but had to admit he loved the attention.

6.

The day of the audition, Kevin got up and his Uncle Kelly had made him some breakfast. Their house was very welcoming and Aunt Linda had set a place at the table for him. Both of them were now retired so it was uncommon to see them up at an early hour. After the breakfast with generous portions of breakfast burritos and fruit Kevin bade them farewell as he went to the car.

We’ll be here when you get back! yelled Aunt Linda as he pulled out of the driveway.

Kevin was confident as ever as he drove the twenty minutes to the university. He had the common sense to contemplate that it might not work out, but anything that had to do with music had always worked out in his favor. He parked and unloaded his tuba bag from the backseat as he looked with awe at the colossal buildings that surrounded him.

I’m in the big leagues now, he said to himself as he walked up the steps of the concrete staircase.

He knew immediately that he was in the right place; there were undergraduate students littered everywhere. The mélange of laughing and musical notes rang out in the air as he followed the campus map he had printed out before leaving his aunt and uncle’s house. Up the stairs he went, smiling, comfortable. Kevin could see himself already teaching introductory classes and tutoring students for exams. He finally made it to the third floor where it became suddenly silent. Behind the doors to these offices were professors who lived the good life which Kevin desperately wanted. He made his way down to the end of the hallway and knocked on the door with confidence. The door opened and the man who would make or break Kevin stood in front of him.

Good morning Mr. Myers. My name is Dr. Robin, and I am the low brass instructor here at The University of Texas. I’ve heard many great things about you and look forward to our session today. Am I to believe you have a audio copy of your senior recital?

Oh. yes sir! here it is, exclaimed Kevin as he reached into his briefcase.

Kevin was extremely nervous now but kept his composure since his future depended on this meeting. He had a sense of familiarity here: Dr. Robin’s office looked eerily similar to the cramped but cozy spaces he played in when he was going to school in Pennsylvania.

Well, let’s hear it! said Dr. Robin enthusiastically as he took the tape from Kevin and placed it into the player.

Dr. Robin pressed the play button and listened intently. His face didn’t betray any emotion, which was a concern since Kevin would have loved for him to lower his anxiety by showering him with the usual accolades. He only listened to about a minute and a half and pressed the stop button. Kevin didn’t know what to make of the premature recess and felt like his life was over. Had he been disgusted or elated?

Mr. Myers, do you happen to have the sheet music with you that were playing on the recording? asked Dr. Robin.

Yes, sir. I have it right here, Kevin responded without hesitation.

Well, get it out please and let’s start from the beginning.

Kevin was literally shaking in his shoes. He had moved out of his parent’s house and embarked on a journey that brought him to this audition. If he was accepted as a graduate assistant he could go to school at the University of Texas and eventually earn his doctorate. Maybe one day he could become a tenured professor at a major university and have eager young faces come into his office and have them audition, in turn, for him. However, if Kevin screwed this up; his hopes would be dashed and there was no plan B. Kevin got his tuba out of his bag and prayed Dr. Robin would not ask him to play any melodic or harmonic scales to warm-up with since he could hardly think straight.

OK Mr. Myers, take it from the beginning, said Doctor Robin.

Kevin was surprisingly calm once he started to play. He played those notes as if he had written them himself. The staccatos were crisp, the phrasing was song-like and Kevin was able to play through the first section of the concerto with relative ease.

Kevin, how do you think the composer wants you to play the next section? Dr. Robin said.

Kevin relaxed as he and his professor in Pennsylvania had the same conversations when he was sitting in rooms that looked just like this one.

The composer wrote this second section like an aria. There are terraced dynamics and long soulful phrases, Kevin replied.

Not bad, Mr. Myers, Dr. Robin said. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

The second section of the concerto was tricky in that it required a bit more technical playing. For the next several minutes, Kevin did his best to describe the overall mood of the music but Dr. Robin was constantly interrupting while giving his own advice and interpretation. This was fine by Kevin. As long as the good professor was interested in his performance, that was a good sign. The worst thing that could have happened would be the professor letting Kevin play uninterrupted, then politely kicking him out of his office.

Kevin smiled when Dr. Robin gave suggestions and he followed them the best he could. It was a relief when Kevin realized that Dr. Robin was encouraging him as if Kevin had been given the apprenticeship already. After a full hour of playing, Dr. Robin, smiling, asked if Kevin would put his tuba away and walk with him. Kevin lugged his tuba through the building as the two men passed by those same practice rooms Kevin had gone by the first time as they exited the staff elevator. Dr. Robin was peppering Kevin with questions about his trip from Pennsylvania as students passed the other way out of the music building and into the parking lot. There was a bench under a tree and Dr. Robin asked Kevin to sit down. Kevin wondered how many people had sat in just this space as Dr. Robin spoke.

Kevin, you came all the way from Pennsylvania to be with me today. I want to thank you for making the effort to come. I hope this experience has not been too taxing on you as I understand getting this scholarship is important to every young student who comes in and out of this office every year. I actually know some of the professors at your school in Pennsylvania and they have taught you well. We get many applicants every year and I have to say that you have been a pleasure to work with. It is with regret though, that I have to decline your scholarship here at The University of Texas. Competition is high as you know and there is maybe one spot for every thousand every year.

Dr. Robin stood up and straightened his tweed sports coat before waiving to some co-eds as they walked into the music building. After the girls in tight jeans were out of view; his attention was again on Kevin.

Thanks again and good luck to you.

Kevin was in a trance after he heard the bad news. Dr. Robin stuck out his hand for a handshake and Kevin took it listlessly as he stared off into space. Kevin was crushed by what had just happened. Had he deluded himself into thinking he could actually pull this off? Maybe he was not as good as everyone told him when he was growing up.

What the hell am I going to do now? he thought as he sat on the bench.

After thirty minutes of staring at the ground his depression was developing into anger. He got off the bench and started to yell at what he thought was Dr. Robin’s office.

Hey! Hey you! Kevin screamed at the window as several students turned the opposite direction. It was so great to work with you! Kevin screamed at the top of his lungs while making a spectacle of himself. You go ahead and get into your cozy office and I will stay…right…here! he yelled as he threw his folder of music to the ground. Kevin threw up his hands in disgust. What am I going to do now! he screamed as he kicked his mother’s car. As he ran out of energy a gust of wind came out of nowhere and his music went everywhere.

Oh my God! Your papers! yelled a freshman as he broke from a pack of onlookers on the concrete steps of the music building.

Kevin was flattered watching this student scramble around the grass for several minutes trying to catch Kevin’s flying debris.

Here! Here! the kid said as he held a disheveled pile of music. I think I got them all. You know some students inside the building called campus police so you better hurry and get out of here.

Thanks buddy Kevin replied as he put his tuba in the back seat and opened the driver’s side door. You make sure that music goes to someone who can actually play it, Kevin said as he calmly handed the music back to the student. Kevin ignored the student’s efforts to return the music and sped off.

7.

After the thoughts of burning the music building down had subsided, Kevin was forced to face reality.

Well, I guess it’s the unemployment line for me, he muttered to himself as he made his way back to the house.

He wanted to drive his mom’s car off a cliff if he could find one. He was going to have to come up with something to survive until the next thing came along.

Well, what about using that degree of yours to teach in public school, Kevin’s dad had suggested when he called home with the bad news.

Kevin had no intention of teaching music to children even though he’d had a blast during his student teaching experience. Why work for a degree in music education and then not want to use it? Kevin got the degree based the ability to provide a failsafe until he could figure out a way to do what he really wanted to do…teach at the university level.

When Kevin went to college, there were three routes a music student could pursue. The first was a degree in music performance. Kevin’s professors in college actually had degrees in their instrument. He thought that was queer even though he would never admit it to anyone. Even the good doctor Robin had a doctorate in tuba performance. Imagine calling yourself a doctor because you can play an instrument, he thought. No, that was never an option for Kevin.

The second avenue was a degree in music in music therapy. This intrigued Kevin as a freshman and he sought out upperclassmen that were in the field. The stories they told were full of passion and frustration. Imagine the magical moment of having a special needs person play an instrument, even for a minute, they would say. Kevin went to a Christmas concert his freshman year at a home for these individuals and they sang carols and played music. He remarked to others that the family members outnumbered the patients by a wide margin. These adults had been dealt a bad deck of cards but nobody was going to stop them from enjoying life. Kevin saw the effort it took to prepare the activities and patience required to deal with the students and their challenges on a daily basis. He respected music therapy but, somehow, it didn’t feel right for him.

The third avenue of study was music education. OK, this was something he could do. Kevin had been in some sort of instrument group since he was in fifth grade, and had started piano lessons even before that. He always had fun in school orchestral and band performances. Even though he loathed marching band while in high school and college, Kevin liked working with older students who had some previous knowledge. This, however, was complicated; Kevin didn’t really care for the typical teenager and his baggage. There was irony in this, since it wasn’t that long ago that Kevin himself had been a teenager with an ego the size of the Goodyear Blimp. Maybe it was, indeed, time for Kevin to consider the little kids. There would be no marching band, at least. But to be constantly starting from scratch? It was certainly something to consider. The original plan to get in with Dr. Robin and eventually work up to fields like ethnomusicology had died that morning. Kevin would become a music teacher in the public schools and that would be that.

8.

The next several days were very dark for Kevin but he had no choice but to keep it together. There was no mom or dad to save the day. He