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    The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco
    The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco
    The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco
    Ebook91 pages1 hour

    The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco

    By Bert Paul

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    About this ebook

    A couple of odd organizations involving the elderly residents of High Towers in T-Ville are plotting to hoard…something, and store it…somewhere. They think their activities in this regard may be illegal, but necessary.

    Someone falls down an elevator shaft at the towers and dies. Accidentally? Or on purpose? The Bright Lights and Cataract Club and the Presbyopians of America are not necessarily all they seem to be. (And they can't necessarily see all they mean to be.)

    To get the other residents of T-Ville out of town and out of the way the day the "product" is delivered, word goes out about the 75th Annual Flounder Flats Festival being held that day. Most residents attend, even though they've never heard of this festival before. Most are unaware of severe weather headed their way, or that the festival is in a swamp. Swamps are bad places for festivals and parking lots. Things tend to sink.

    For no good reason, everyone starts to worry about being gobbled up by a ravenous space creature. Uncle Bert insists repeatedly that there is NO space creature in the story, but as often happens, the characters in the story may know more than the narrator.

    Breaking the fourth wall once again, it's a Strange Uncle Bert story that will be sure to keep you laughing!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherUntreed Reads
    Release dateSep 23, 2013
    ISBN9781611876161
    The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco

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      Book preview

      The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco - Bert Paul

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      The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco: A Strange Uncle Bert Story

      By Bert Paul

      Copyright 2013 by Bert Paul

      Cover Copyright 2013 Ginny Glass and Untreed Reads Publishing

      The author is hereby established as the sole holder of the copyright. Either the publisher (Untreed Reads) or author may enforce copyrights to the fullest extent.

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold, reproduced or transmitted by any means in any form or given away to other people without specific permission from the author and/or publisher. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to the living or dead is entirely coincidental.

      Also by Bert Paul and Untreed Reads Publishing

      Out of Order Murder Mystery

      The Marauding Walls of Doom

      The Plaid Memorandum

      http://www.untreedreads.com

      The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco: A Strange Uncle Bert Story

      By Bert Paul

      Chapter 1

      Voyage of the Befuddled

      Good morning! Remain calm! said the ever-cheerful cabin steward as he pulled the door to the Vladivostoks’ stateroom closed behind him.

      Byron and Vladexa Vladivostok, who had just awakened to unfamiliar surroundings a few minutes earlier, possibly due to the large bump or thud they felt, looked at each other quizzically.

      They had been on ocean cruises before, so they knew a cabin steward when they saw one. But there was something different about this situation.

      So…we’re on a cruise? asked Byron.

      Apparently, said Vladexa. "But I don’t remember booking it. Or getting to the ship. Or even where the cruise started, or where we’re going."

      Me, neither, said Byron. Maybe we should look around for tickets or something.

      The Vladivostoks made a brief inspection of their stateroom but found nothing that could help them figure out where they were bound or their point of embarkation.

      I found a set of chemistry notes that tells how to convert clothes-dryer lint into gold, said Byron.

      I found a brochure that explains the best way to tell your kids you have sold them into slavery, said Vladexa.

      These things are probably from the cruise line. They must want to show the passengers how to make extra money so they can afford to go on more cruises, said Byron.

      Probably, agreed Vladexa. But our kids are too old to sell. She tossed the brochure she found into the wastebasket.

      Yeah, said Byron, pocketing the instructions about dryer lint. It’s really hard to sell them when they get past 21.

      The only other thing the Vladivostoks found while looking around the cabin was a new issue of the popular magazine Science Gone Wild. The feature article, which Byron took time to read to Vladexa, was about a new planet discovered hiding behind the planet Neptune.

      Why do we care about that? asked Vladexa. Could there be anything living on it that would be harmful?

      I don’t know, said Byron. But I bet any creatures living on it would be hungry and maybe even leave their hidden planet to search through the universe for something to eat.

      Maybe, said Vladexa, uninterested. Let’s go wander around the ship. Maybe we’ll run into someone we know. Or we can always ask a staff member what boat this is.

      So Mr. and Mrs. Vladivostok left their stateroom and started to tour the ship and get their bearings. Almost at once, they ran into the steward who had stuck his head in their room a few minutes earlier.

      Hi, there! said the steward cheerfully. He smiled wider than ever. "You know, our life boats are very well-appointed. And comfy. Our lifejackets are snug and fit well. And they are a solid color that goes with anything. The last bit, about the color of the life jackets going with anything, was a bit of an exaggeration. He added, And above all, remain calm!"

      Er…yeah…we always like to remain calm, said Vladexa. She and Byron sidled away from the overly cheerful steward and resumed their tour around the ship.

      Byron asked, Does the ship seem to be slanted a bit?

      Vladexa said, No, seems okay to me. They went out on deck and there they encountered some people they knew.

      Hi, Mom and Dad, said Vladimir Vladivostok, their son, a psychologist. So you’re here, too. He turned away from his parents and called out. Vladetta! Mom and Dad are here.

      The Vladivostoks’ youngest, Vladetta, a nurse, walked up. Oh, good, somebody else we know. I’ve been all over the ship and haven’t seen Vladerina and Codeine. They must be back in T-Ville. Vladetta was referring to Vladerina, the Vladivostoks’ middle child, and her husband.

      Do you know how we got here? asked Byron.

      No, said Vladimir. We were going to ask you the same thing.

      Just then, Mrs. Plaid walked up. What is going on here? Why are we all on this cruise?

      Mrs. Plaid was Vladexa’s boss at High Towers, the 425-story high rise in T-Ville with apartments for the elderly. It was partially funded by HUD, the acronym for the government agency, Housing in Unusual Dwellings. Mrs. Plaid was Supreme Commander, and Vladexa Vladivostok was second in command.

      And who’s running High Towers while we’re here? asked Mrs. Plaid.

      The residents’ committee, I suppose, said Vladexa.

      Oh my God, it’ll all be a shambles, groaned Mrs. Plaid. By the way, do any of you remember getting here? I just woke up this morning…and I was here. I don’t remember what happened before that.

      Vladetta and I don’t remember either, said Vladimir. I think we must have passed through the Amnesia Tunnel in downtown T-Ville and then started on our trip.

      What Amnesia Tunnel? I don’t remember any Amnesia Tunnel, said Byron.

      Well, we probably wouldn’t, would we, if we went through it, said Vladimir.

      But how do we know it exists? asked Vladexa.

      It’s just a hypothesis, said Vladimir. But it would explain this situation.

      Or… began Vladetta.

      Everyone’s eyes opened wide in dismay. Story! they all yelled. They had all been trapped in Uncle Bert stories many times before, and the stories usually started out with the Vladivostoks and others in

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