Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts
    The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts
    The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts
    Ebook132 pages1 hour

    The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts

    By Arnold Bennett

    ()

    Read preview
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateNov 27, 2013
    The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts
    Author

    Arnold Bennett

    Arnold Bennett (1867–1931) was an English novelist renowned as a prolific writer throughout his entire career. The most financially successful author of his day, he lent his talents to numerous short stories, plays, newspaper articles, novels, and a daily journal totaling more than one million words.

    Read more from Arnold Bennett

    Related to The Title

    Related ebooks

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Letter Boks

      Feb 4, 2021

      I READ that Christopher Columbus was 41 years old when he went to America, and as a consequence everyone celebrates him to this day. I was 25 when I first landed on the East Coast of the USA, and yet not one book has been written about me despite the

      18 min read

    • Article

      Jonathan Coe: ‘People Say, Where’s The Anger? It’s Still There’

      Aug 19, 2023

      In a career spanning more than 35 years, notable for novels such as What a Carve Up! and The Rotters’ Club, author Jonathan Coe has established himself as one of the UK’s keenest satirists. His works have become bestsellers in translation, and he’s b

      4 min read

    • Article

      Around The World With Maggie

      Jul 27, 2022

      Is there anything you can’t leave home without? A book and a pen. Is there something you really miss? The right cup of tea. I know how to make the tea I want at home. I don’t like tea bags. Do you travel light? I’ve got better. I used to be terrible.

      3 min read

    • Article

      LeTtERbOCKs

      Mar 7, 2024

      letters@viz.co.uk | toptips@viz.co.uk Your correspondence to VIZ editor HAMPTON DOUBLEDAY I HAVE never once seen an advertising campaign encouraging people to eat radishes, and yet there they are on every supermarket shelf in the country, just quietl

      10 min read

    • Article

      LeTteR Bocks

      Aug 4, 2022

      ◻PLEASE find attached this trademark from a box of eggs, which appears to show a chicken lifting its leg to crack off an eggy one. Susan Butcher, Australia ◻FORMER Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been criticised for meeting an ex-KGB agent without h

      13 min read

    • Article

      Tc Boyle Profile

      May 15, 2019

      BECAUSE WE’RE ANIMALS: Seven conversations from an afternoon with T. C. Boyle By Peter Nowogrodzki T.C. Boyle is standing at the front gate entrance to his Montecito home—an imposing Frank Lloyd Wright structure clad in long horizontal slats of redwo

      26 min read

    • Article

      Cruel Means, Bitter Ends

      Nov 10, 2021

      “In order for this speech to mean anything to me, I’ll need to dispense with the usual demagoguery and, instead, make an attempt at honesty. With this in mind, there is one thing I have to make clear. I’m not in this race to serve your interests, but

      12 min read

    • Article

      In the Event

      Sep 1, 2019

      In the Event
      28 min read

    • Article

      Nugrybauti

      Apr 24, 2019

      Nugrybauti
      8 min read

    • Article

      Clive Myrie I REMEMBER…

      Oct 17, 2023

      Clive Myrie I REMEMBER…
      6 min read

    • Article

      Queen of Coronation Street

      Mar 6, 2024

      Is there anything you can't leave home without? My Rosa Mosqueta skin oil, a heated appliance for my hair and Nytol. Do you travel light? I travel heavy. I've never mastered packing. I hate packing. That's why I don't travel that much. My PA is a ver

      3 min read

    • Article

      A Night With a Bouncer

      May 8, 2019

      A Night With a Bouncer
      6 min read

    • Article

      Readers' Letters

      Oct 19, 2022

      Readers' Letters
      6 min read

    • Article

      LeTteR BOcKs

      Jun 23, 2022

      LeTteR BOcKs
      11 min read

    • Article

      Readers' Letters

      Feb 8, 2023

      Readers' Letters
      4 min read

    • Article

      Clive Myrie

      Feb 28, 2022

      Clive Myrie
      5 min read

    • Article

      Letter Bocks

      Jan 7, 2021

      Viz Comic, P.O. Box 841 Whitley bay, NE26 9EQ letters@viz.co.uk ■ HAVE ANY of your readers ever been bitten on the arse off a snake? George Dirtcrumbs, Tring * Well, we have a lot of readers, Mr Dirtcrumbs, so it’s entirely possible that one or more

      12 min read

    • Article

      Letterbocks

      Nov 19, 2020

      I HAD my septic tank emptied by an engineer called Thomas Moore. I was about make a very clever play on words by remarking “who will rid me of this turbulent piss,” when I remembered that was Thomas Becket, not Thomas More, and so narrowly avoided a

      9 min read

    • Article

      Letters

      Aug 13, 2020

      Richard George ends his article “The ‘roll-off’ factor” [FT394:57] by offering an apparently unlikely role reversal: “Inspector Morse and MR James. Indeed, healthy scepticism may be more fortean than an uncritical acceptance of the supernatural. Mors

      14 min read

    • Article

      Knowing Me, knowing You

      May 20, 2022

      Knowing Me, knowing You
      7 min read

    Reviews for The Title

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Title - Arnold Bennett

      The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Title, by Arnold Bennett

      This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

      almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or

      re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

      with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

      Title: The Title

      A Comedy in Three Acts

      Author: Arnold Bennett

      Release Date: June 22, 2004 [EBook #12687]

      Language: English

      *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TITLE ***

      Produced by Jonathan Ingram, David McLachlan and PG Distributed

      Proofreaders

      The Title

      A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS

      BY

      ARNOLD BENNETT

      LONDON

      CHATTO & WINDUS

      MCMXVIII

      CHARACTERS

      ACT I

      An evening between Christmas and New Year, before dinner.

      ACT II

      The next evening, after dinner.

      ACT III

      The next day, before lunch.

      The scene throughout is a sitting-room in the well-furnished West End abode of the Culvers. There is a door, back. There is also another door (L) leading to Mrs. Culver's boudoir and elsewhere.

      ACT I

      ACT I

      Hildegarde is sitting at a desk, writing . John, in a lounging attitude, is reading a newspaper .

      Enter Tranto, back .

      TRANTO. Good evening.

      HILDEGARDE ( turning slightly in her seat and giving him her left hand, the right still holding a pen ). Good evening. Excuse me one moment.

      TRANTO. All right about my dining here to-night? (Hildegarde nods .) Larder equal to the strain?

      HILDEGARDE. Macaroni.

      TRANTO. Splendid.

      HILDEGARDE. Beefsteak.

      TRANTO. Great heavens! ( imitates sketchily the motions of cutting up a piece of steak. Shaking hands with John, who has risen ). Well, John. How are things? Don't let me disturb you. Have a cigarette.

      JOHN ( flattered ). Thanks. ( As they light cigarettes .) You're the first person here that's treated me like a human being.

      TRANTO. Oh!

      JOHN. Yes. They all treat me as if I was a schoolboy home for the hols.

      TRANTO. But you are, aren't you?

      JOHN. In a way, of course. But—well, don't you see what I mean?

      TRANTO ( sympathetically ). You mean that a schoolboy home for the hols isn't necessarily something escaped out of the Zoo.

      JOHN ( warming ). That's it.

      TRANTO. In fact, what you mean is you're really an individual very like the rest of us, subject, if I may say so, to the common desires, weaknesses and prejudices of humanity—and not a damned freak.

      JOHN ( brightly ). That's rather good, that is. If it's a question of the Zoo, what I say is—what price home? Now, homes are extraordinary if you like—I don't know whether you've ever noticed it. School—you can understand school. But home—! Strange things happen here while I'm away.

      TRANTO. Yes?

      JOHN. It was while I was away they appointed Dad a controller. When I heard—I laughed. Dad a controller! Why, he can't even control mother.

      HILDEGARDE ( without looking round ). Oh yes he can.

      JOHN ( pretending to start back ). Stay me with flagons! ( Resuming to Tranto.) And you're something new here since the summer holidays.

      TRANTO. I never looked at myself in that light. But I suppose I am rather new here.

      JOHN. Not quite new. But you've made a lot of progress during the last term.

      TRANTO. That's comforting.

      JOHN. You understand what I mean. You were rather stiff and prim in August—now you aren't a bit.

      TRANTO. Just so. Well, I won't ask you what you think of me , John—you might tell me—but what do you think of my newspaper?

      JOHN. The Echo ? I don't know what to think. You see, we don't read newspapers much at school. Some of the masters do. And a few chaps in the Fifth—swank, of course. But speaking generally we don't. Prefects don't. No time.

      TRANTO. How strange! Aren't you interested in the war?

      JOHN. Interested in the war! Would you mind if I spoke plainly?

      TRANTO. I should love it.

      JOHN. Each time I come home I wonder more and more whether you people in London have got the slightest notion what war really is. Fact! At school, it's just because we are interested in the war that we've no time for newspapers.

      TRANTO. How's that?

      JOHN. How's that? Well, munition workshops—with government inspectors tumbling all over us about once a week. O.T.C. work. Field days. Cramming fellows for Sandhurst. Not to mention female masters. 'Mistresses,' I ought to say, perhaps. All these things take time.

      TRANTO. I never thought of that.

      JOHN. No. People don't. However, I've decided to read newspapers in future—it'll be part of my scheme. That's why I was reading The Echo . Now, I should like to ask you something about this paper of yours.

      TRANTO. Yes.

      JOHN. Why do you let Hilda write those articles for you about food economy stunts in the household?

      TRANTO. Well—( hesitating )

      JOHN. Now, I look at things practically. When Hilda'd spent all her dress allowance and got into debt besides, about a year and a half ago, she suddenly remembered she wasn't doing much to help the war, and so she went into the Food Ministry as a typist at thirty-five shillings a week. Next she learnt typing. Then she became an authority on everything. And now she's concocting these food articles for you. Believe me, the girl knows nothing whatever about cookery. She couldn't fry a sausage for nuts. Once the mater insisted on her doing the housekeeping—in the holidays, too! Stay me with flagons!

      HILDEGARDE ( without looking round ). Stay you with chocolates, you mean, Johnnie, dear.

      JOHN. There you are! Her thoughts fly instantly to chocolates—and in the fourth year of the greatest war that the world—

      HILDEGARDE. Etcetera, etcetera.

      TRANTO. Then do I gather that you don't entirely approve of your sister's articles?

      JOHN. Tripe, I think. My fag could write better. I'll tell you what I do approve of. I approve of that article to-day by that chap Sampson Straight about titles and the shameful traffic in honours, and the rot of the hereditary principle, and all that sort of thing.

      TRANTO. I'm glad. Delivers the goods, doesn't he, Mr. Sampson Straight?

      JOHN. Well, I think so. Who is he?

      TRANTO. One of my discoveries, John. He sent me in an article about—let me see, when was it?—about eight months ago. I at once perceived that in Mr. Sampson Straight I had got on to a bit of all right. And I was not mistaken. He has given London beans pretty regularly once a week ever since.

      JOHN. He must have given the War Cabinet neuralgia this afternoon, anyhow. I should like to meet him.

      TRANTO. I'm afraid that's impossible.

      JOHN. Is it? Why?

      TRANTO. Well, I haven't met him myself yet. He lives at a quiet country place in Cornwall. Hermit, I believe. Hates any kind of publicity. Absolutely refuses to be photographed.

      JOHN. Photographed! I should think not! But couldn't you get him to come and lecture at school? We have frightful swells, you know.

      TRANTO. I expect you do.

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1