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    All Feathers and No Meat
    All Feathers and No Meat
    All Feathers and No Meat
    Ebook37 pages36 minutes

    All Feathers and No Meat

    By Mary Kitt-Neel

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    About this ebook

    A non-fiction collection of Mary's take on pressing topics like "What would Jesus do with the records the cat peed on?" Stoned music festival attendees at the Krystal drive-thru, and what may be the best reason ever to keep your car registration up to date.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMary Kitt-Neel
    Release dateSep 10, 2010
    ISBN9781452345338
    All Feathers and No Meat
    Author

    Mary Kitt-Neel

    I am a full-time freelance writer, writing website content and blogs for my clients. I also enjoy writing fiction, both novels and short stories. In addition to being a writer, I spent over a decade as an engineer at an Air Force facility, and I have also worked as a newspaper journalist.

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      Book preview

      All Feathers and No Meat - Mary Kitt-Neel

      All Feathers and No Meat

      Mary Kitt-Neel, Smashwords Edition

      Copyright 2010, Mary Kitt-Neel

      License Notes

      Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

      ***

      Answers to the pressing questions of: Are Scotsmen crazy? and Does this make my butt look big?

      When I was in London last fall, everyone told me that Scotsmen are crazy. I had plans to meet Jedi, the artist, musician, and Scotsman extraordinaire, with whom I’d e-mailed, and gotten to know through my blog.

      Whenever I mentioned I was meeting a Scotsman, the eyebrows of the person I was talking to would shoot skyward in alarm. They couldn’t have seemed more scandalized had I said I was going to meet a crack dealer in a remote copse in Hyde Park at 3 a.m.

      My prior contact with Jedi had been through e-mail and text messaging, and I wasn’t anticipating any language barrier. Therefore I was surprised to find that our opening conversation went something like this:

      ME: Hi, Graeme, nice to meet you. It’s awfully early. How are you?

      JEDI: Nae-Borra, Awright hen hows it gawn?

      ME: (polite noises and nodding of head)

      JEDI: Amfairscunnert, ‘n maheidsburstin. Whit you aw aboot today?

      ME: Mm, you know, this and that …

      JEDI: Gawn intae the toon?

      ME: OK, sure …

      JEDI: Chokinfurra-bus. Ah, Awnawthebus’scummin. Geesa-fag.

      ME (without the faintest idea what I’m responding to): Yah. Uh-huh. Me too.

      It wasn’t until he left and I received a farewell text message from him that I was certain I hadn’t just accosted a random Scotsman off the streets of London and dragged him around for half a day.

      I take responsibility for my part of the language gap, too. Although I try very hard to keep it under control, I am told that I have a drawl. So, even though Jedi and I read and write the same language, it would appear that we don’t SPEAK the same language. But it didn’t dampen my affection one bit for the Big-Man. (That’s Glaswegian for, ahem, big man, as opposed to Wee-Man.)

      Although my personal experience tells me that Scotsmen aren’t crazy, they just speak in secret code, the Internet reveals that this concept of the feral, red-haired, hard-drinking, kilt-wearing wild man is quite widespread.

      But perhaps the best evidence that the Scots are actually a sober people with an eye to benefiting humanity is the fact that researchers in Edinburgh are finally trying to find a definitive answer to a question that has vexed mankind for decades, i.e. the question Does this make my butt look big?

      I found three on-line newspapers that addressed this exciting new research, one in Pakistan, one in the United Arab Emirates,

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