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    I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots (and other everyday essentials)
    I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots (and other everyday essentials)
    I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots (and other everyday essentials)
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots (and other everyday essentials)

    By Doreen Porter

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    About this ebook

    Welcome to France. It's only about 90 minutes from London by plane, but it is most definitely Abroad. Moving there is not without its problems, not least the language. From calling a handyman to report a Musketeer in your bedroom, to offering to clean all the shoes in a shoe shop, there are pitfalls for the unwary.

    You can watch British TV and listen to British radio; you can buy Heat magazine, the Radio Times and day-old copies of the Daily Mail at three times their cover price. You can subscribe to which? or the Spectator. You can order from the Boden catalogue or have knickers delivered to your door courtesy of your M&S. But you can’t find a decent curry, fish and chips or proper sausages in the supermarket and you are banned from using BBC iPlayer (except for selected bits on an ipad).

    Thinking of moving to France or even just visiting? Don't worry, this book offers you an A to Z of how to life in the Hexagone. Meet the hitchhiking Belgian family having a bad day, the tradesmen who know how to handle a "big problem" and the people who always like to say "non". Come with me for a swim, a drive or a visit to the cinema. All French life is here.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDoreen Porter
    Release dateSep 17, 2011
    ISBN9781465774927
    I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots (and other everyday essentials)
    Author

    Doreen Porter

    After a career in journalism in both the public and private sectors, I moved to SW France in 2007 with my husband and two cats. I wrote the A to Z of Life in France as an appreciation of all that is good (and sometimes not so good) in our new home.

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      Book preview

      I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots (and other everyday essentials) - Doreen Porter

      I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper Pots

      (and other everyday essentials)

      An A to Z of Life in France

      Published by Doreen Porter at Smashwords

      Copyright Doreen Porter 2011

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase a additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Table of Contents

      Introduction

      A is for Abroad

      A is for Adverts

      B is for Bottles and Bread

      C is for Communication

      C is for Chocolate and Curry

      C is for Coypu

      C is for Computers

      D is for Driving

      D is for Driving (Part 2)

      D is for Deliveries

      E is for Everyday Conundrums

      F is for Food

      G is for Gone Swimmin'

      H is for Hypermarkets (and shopping in general)

      H is for Hitchhikers, Hobbies and Happiness

      I is for Illuminated Salt and Pepper pots (and other everyday essentials)

      J is for Joining In

      K is for Kissing (and generally being polite)

      L is for Loos

      L is for Lunches

      L is for Life in the Car Park

      M is for Mind your Language

      N is for Neighbourhood

      N is for Non

      O is for Oops!

      P is for Paris

      P is for Peace and Quiet

      P is for Protests

      Q is for Quiz

      R is for Really?

      R is for Roadworks and Roundabouts

      S is for Spam

      S is for Shopi

      S is for Self-sufficiency

      S is for Summer's Almost Over

      T is for Tradesmen (and anyone else who helps you)

      T is for Television

      T is for Trees

      U is for Ulysse (and other Animals)

      V is for Vendu [Sold]

      W is for Weeds

      X is for Xtras

      Y is for You're Missed

      Z is for Zebra Crossings

      Introduction

      Little did I know when I made my first visit to France that I would end up living there. I was 14 and went with the family next door on a day trip to Boulogne. I was clutching my Post Office-issued visitor’s passport (valid one year), and it was also my first ever trip abroad.

      We sailed from Southend Pier on the pleasure steamer, the Royal Daffodil. Even the ice creams in Boulogne seemed exotic to me then. And as we made our way home, I knew that I would return…

      A is for Abroad

      Je ne peux pas etre au four et au Moulin — I can’t be in two places at once

      Welcome to France. You can watch British TV and listen to British radio; you can buy Heat magazine, the Radio Times and day-old copies of the Daily Mail at three times their cover price. You can subscribe to which? or the Spectator. You can order from the Boden catalogue or have knickers delivered to your door courtesy of your M&S. But you can’t find a decent curry, fish and chips or proper sausages in the supermarket and you are banned from using BBC iPlayer (except for selected bits on an ipad).

      You get excited when you see mint sauce, cream crackers or fresh coriander in the supermarket. And forget perfume; you beg your friends to bring you Oxo cubes and oatcakes when they visit. (On second thoughts, you can bring the perfume too, please.)

      It’s more than just using Euros, driving on the right and trying to be understood in French.

      The news, as read by Laurence Ferrari or Claire Chazal, is more relevant to you than that broadcast by Huw Edwards or Fiona Bruce. You read more about Johnny Hallyday than Jordan, yet somehow Susan Boyle has become a national heroine. No one has heard of Ant and Dec, let alone Nick Clegg. Big Brother is Secret Story; Midsomer Murders has become Inspecteur Barnaby and The X Factor is — OK, it’s The X Factor.

      You go to the local cinema and watch Mama Mia in English with French subtitles, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in Swedish with French subtitles, and the very funny Odette Toulemonde in French with no subtitles.

      There is a saint for every day of the year. Today it’s the somewhat obscure St Tanguy. I looked up my birthday, but sadly am not that inspired by St Gladys, despite the fact that she did various good deeds and suffered dreadfully in Wales in the 5th Century.

      Christmas goodies don’t appear in the shops until well into December, and Boxing Day is not a public holiday. Don’t feel too sorry for the French, though, they do get extra days off on 14 July (Fete Nationale), 15 August (Assomption), 1 November (Toussaint) and 11 November (Armistice).

      You dial 18 or 112 for the Fire Brigade. If you want to cook by gas it’s likely to come in a bottle. Post is delivered to a box outside your gate; junk mail arrives in a bundle every Tuesday and newspapers and milk aren’t delivered at all.

      You need a medical examination before you can pull a trailer or take part in aqua aerobics, but the Pharmacie will sell you any number of potent potions over the counter.

      You may be less than two hours from London, courtesy of Ryanair or Easyjet, but you most definitely do live abroad. Vive la France!

      A is for Adverts

      Il faut de tout pour faire un monde — It takes all sorts to make a world

      Ad agencies obviously like saving money. A lot of the TV ads you see in the UK are just dubbed for France (or vice versa). Some don’t even bother with the dubbing, so you get ads for cars and perfumes in their original language. The hope must be that the product sells itself. There also seem to be an awful lot of ads for ham in France.

      My favourite ad here is for the supermarket chain Casino. It comes on most evenings, just before the news. It features two members of the public who live near each other, but apparently have never met. One goes round to the other’s house to cook a meal. The cook has to lug all the ingredients to the

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