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    8 Bits of Wisdom: Video Game Lessons for Real Life's Endbosses
    8 Bits of Wisdom: Video Game Lessons for Real Life's Endbosses
    8 Bits of Wisdom: Video Game Lessons for Real Life's Endbosses
    Ebook178 pages2 hours

    8 Bits of Wisdom: Video Game Lessons for Real Life's Endbosses

    By Andy Schindler

    3/5

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    About this ebook

    Ever since I was in diapers, I've been playing video games. You read that correctly. Before I could control my own bodily functions, I was controlling virtual heroes and expertly guiding them through intense levels fraught with vicious enemies and bottomless pits. Turns out that video games come naturally to me.

    Throughout the years, I've never had any trouble dominating whatever title I've popped into a console system. But what about real life? I'm not quite so great at that. I’ve often wondered how much easier life would be if I had a controller and a set of extra lives to guide me through it. Eventually, this led to an epiphany: video games have taught me everything I need to know about succeeding in life. In fact, they’ve taught me everything I need to know about EVERYTHING. My extensive history with video games has prepared me for nearly every situation, from how to arrange blocks to how to save the universe. I just had to search my 8-bit soul and figure out what each game was trying to prepare me for in the real world.

    I've poured all of my “scientific” research and soul-searching into this book, drawn exclusively from the video game classics of the 1980s and early 1990s. So open up this book and start leveling up. Diapers are optional.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAndy Schindler
    Release dateSep 30, 2011
    ISBN9781466168114
    8 Bits of Wisdom: Video Game Lessons for Real Life's Endbosses
    Author

    Andy Schindler

    Born in Kansas City, Missouri during one of the worst icestorms anyone can remember, Andy Schindler came into this world with guns a'blazin'. Literally. To say that baby Andy had a gas problem would be extremely generous. In fact, he was sending a well-seasoned veteran crew of nurses away screaming. Since the beginning, Andy has been full of hot air. Though the hospital staff turned him away, his mother has loved him since day one. His papa, too. Not bad. Through careful nurturing and with a steady diet of GI Joes, Coca Cola Classic, and video games, Andy used his formative years to be somewhat of a counter-culture connoisseur. Or, as others lovingly put it, a huge nerd. His first written work was a fictional account of a space adventurer named Seymour Butts, who traveled the universe avoiding capture from aggressive aliens. He has been writing truly magnificent and artistic think-pieces like that one ever since. After graduating from the University of Kansas (2006) with a degree in Film Studies, Andy quickly realized that the film industry is an unforgiving destructor of souls. He slinked into the corporate world, but he has maintained a true love of writing and film. Recently married to the girl of his dreams and enjoying his days with his daughter and two dogs, he hopes to live out the rest of his existence as a full-time writer.

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    Reviews for 8 Bits of Wisdom

    3/5

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    • 2/5
      This is a self-help book that operates through old video games designed for the western heterosexual male working an office job. There are slightly amusing bits, mostly in which games the author picks to compare to certain life lessons. I actually found the most amusing part to be the foreword and afterword, which are based directly off the author’s life. I also found descriptions about the games were far more interesting than the tongue-in-cheek life lessons.There are quite a few generalizations throughout the text which I found grating. Schindler tends to divide people into ready made categories, which is probably more of a result of it being a self-help book. There was also a rather odd piece of advise for raising children- that of using bribery to make them behave. To have someone so blatantly inclined towards only doing what directly and short term-wise helps them, doesn’t sound like the foundation of someone I’d want to be remotely friendly with. As a warning there is coarse language in this book, and it came off as natural but unnecessary.I would recommend this book to a male who’s not offended easily, is looking for some guidance and enjoyed video games as a kid.I received a free electronic copy of this book from the author via LibraryThing.
    • 4/5
      This one made me giggle quite a bit. It was pretty great to reminisce on all the old video games that I grew up playing, and take a lesson from those games that I would not have thought about without this book. The stories were funny, and this was a quick and easy read. Good for a lazy day laugh.
    • 2/5
      This is a self-help book that operates through old video games designed for the western heterosexual male working an office job. There are slightly amusing bits, mostly in which games the author picks to compare to certain life lessons. I actually found the most amusing part to be the foreword and afterword, which are based directly off the author’s life. I also found descriptions about the games were far more interesting than the tongue-in-cheek life lessons.There are quite a few generalizations throughout the text which I found grating. Schindler tends to divide people into ready made categories, which is probably more of a result of it being a self-help book. There was also a rather odd piece of advise for raising children- that of using bribery to make them behave. To have someone so blatantly inclined towards only doing what directly and short term-wise helps them, doesn’t sound like the foundation of someone I’d want to be remotely friendly with. As a warning there is coarse language in this book, and it came off as natural but unnecessary.I would recommend this book to a male who’s not offended easily, is looking for some guidance and enjoyed video games as a kid.I received a free electronic copy of this book from the author via LibraryThing.

    Book preview

    8 Bits of Wisdom - Andy Schindler

    Foreword

    by Michael Schindler

    For two young brothers, a seven year age difference is damn near an eternity. Common interests and the bonds that come with them have almost no way of taking hold across such a Grand Canyon-esque chasm of time. At least not until adulthood.

    Luckily for the Schindler Bros., a device capable of magically bridging that gap arrived much earlier. On Christmas morning, 1985, it sat in a wrapped rectangular box under the tree, its unassuming shape masking its awesome power. The name of this generational bridge builder? The Nintendo Entertainment System.

    I was eight at the time; my brother Andy was not yet even two. While he was too young to be caught up in Nintendo Mania, I was not. I was instantly and totally hooked.

    Like any true addict, my addiction soon became the center of my life. Allowances and any spare birthday cash were essentially signed over to the Nintendo Corporation. I took personal responsibility for solving Mario’s missing girlfriend problem and tediously leveled up the Dragon Warrior so he wouldn’t embarrass himself on the road to glory. Link may have saved Hyrule, but I was the guy behind the guy.

    I was the self-appointed, happy-to-oblige, unifying force behind the betterment of Nintendo’s 8-bit universe.

    My grade school friends, nearly to a man (okay, boy), were caught up in the same NES-addled world. We swapped war stories and Nintendo Power issues and took turns hosting video game marathons. Yes, we did other things. Played baseball, built forts, rode bikes. But video games ruled the roost.

    Not too long after the NES Christmas of 1985, I began sharing a room with Andy. And looking back on it now, I left the poor kid no chance of avoiding the video game tractor beam. In fact, I shoved him right into it. He was pummeled by the images on our walls, on our shelves, and on our small television screen.

    My female siblings didn’t completely escape the Nintendo bug, either. My older sister Jenny, battle hardened from earlier Atari experiences, would sneak in her Tetris or Spelunker rounds, mostly on her own. My younger sister Susie played too, with a special affinity for Bubble Bobble.

    Susie and Andy would often provide a live audience for my video game exploits. And in time, they evolved into active partners: checking maps, offering verbal support, warning me of dangers around the corner. It was a tenuous and one-sided partnership, of course, with the younger siblings likely to take the blame if things went to shit. They could be banished at any moment, on a whim. But it was a partnership nonetheless. We had found our common interest.

    In the spirit of this benevolent NES partnership (dictatorship?), I once granted Andy the right to start and save his own Legend of Zelda game. And why not? I only needed to use one of the three save-game slots, and the kid had earned his stripes. Let him tool around a bit and knock himself out.

    Within hours of granting him these Zelda privileges, however, Andy managed not to save his own game, but to save over my game. All those weeks of tracking down heart containers, rafts, candles, and swords – gone. Righteous rage ensued. Privileges were put on lockdown. I worked tirelessly to re-trace my steps, compressing weeks worth of work into a matter of days so that I could keep up with my friends’ progress in the game.

    After about a week, my brother had somehow charmed and convinced his way into a second shot at Zelda. I was confident he had learned his lesson, and wouldn’t repeat his egregious offense. Of course, by the end of the day, my saved game was once again replaced by the idiot-level ramblings of an eager but over-matched four year-old.

    As the thoughtful George W. Bush once said, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me [twice] – can’t get fooled again. So, over the next few years, Andy would remain my partner in a number of other missions, from the Zelda sequels to Sega’s Phantasy Star series. But never again was he allowed to save his own game while I was in the middle of mine.

    Over the next few years, the quest for girls began to enter my consciousness, but video games continued to remain a focal point. My friends and I still loved the NES, but we were eventually forced to consider the relative merits of the Sega Master System, the TurboGrafx16, the Sega Genesis, the Super Nintendo, and handhelds like the Game Gear and the Atari Lynx. Though preferences differed, we essentially approved of them all, and teamed up to get access to as many of them as possible.

    By the time I hit high school, my interest in video games had all but been depleted. The quests for princesses and swords were now almost completely replaced by the (mostly unsuccessful) chase of real, live girls and various other forms of trouble. Still, though, those old games held a special, sentimental place in my heart, and deep down I was glad to see my little brother carrying on the tradition.

    Soon he was beating me when we’d play a game of the latest Madden (which I blamed on the new systems having too many damn buttons), and annihilating adventure games in a fraction of the time it had taken me. The obsession that had taken me over had done the same to him, only even more so. We had differing philosophies on these games, from the morality of using cheat codes to the best techniques for approaching adventure games, but we shared the same underlying appreciation for them. That bond was never broken.

    As I entered my twenties, the urge to bestow my hard-fought, real-life lessons upon my brother grew exponentially. Whereas in our earlier days, we bonded mostly over games, I wanted to build a more well-rounded relationship. I would play the role of battle-hardened warrior, while Andy would be the young, aspiring hero in need of ass-saving pointers. But by this time, he was in his teenage years, and just as stubborn as me. He’d listen politely to my advice, then proceed to ignore it in its entirety. To his credit, that may have been the right move.

    Thankfully, as you’ll see in this book, that which bonded the Schindler Bros. in our early years also helped impart Andy with a number of life lessons just as good, or even better, than what I had aimed to teach him. Even if he was ignoring my advice, he was forming philosophies that were rooted in many of the same video games I had played, loved, and learned from.

    Today, I like to think that my brother and I have a lot more in common than a deep-seeded desire to kick Mother Brain’s ass, or to put a hit on Donkey Kong. But we owe a lot to those classic characters. They laid some of the crucial early foundation for our strong relationship today.

    That said, I still won’t let Andy around any of my saved games. No fucking way.

    Michael Schindler

    July 19, 2011

    * * * *

    Chapter 1: Friendships

    Lesson 1: Contra & Best Friendship

    Nintendo Entertainment System

    1987 – Age 3

    At face value, Contra is a pretty straightforward game. One guy has Blue Pants. This is you. The other has Red Pants. This is your partner. You are to be friends and allies in a quest to save the world from alien domination.

    Neither of you wears a shirt. Got a problem with that? You start off in the middle of a swelteringly hot jungle, damn it, and you look great shirtless. What better way to intimidate the hostile and invading alien life forms than to strap on your assault rifle and show off your romance novel cover physique? This is what being human is all about: sex and violence, baby.

    I guess there is one other thing, too. A basic drive that exists in every person on this lonely planet: the desire to find and maintain a quality friendship in life. Not just any friend, mind you. This person will always have your back. No matter what, he will be there to help you maintain your sanity in the face of life’s endless barrage of antagonists. This is someone you might call your best friend forever (BFF), but who fits a more specific label in Manland: platonic man partner (PMP). The trick is figuring out a way to turn your standard issue buddy into a PMP. As luck would have it, Contra teaches you exactly how to cultivate this rare and lasting brand of hetero lifemate love.

    From the outset, when you and Red Pants start your journey, Contra shows you that life is not going to be easy. In fact, it’s going to totally kick your ass. It’s going to feel like you’re fighting an entire alien army with an infinite number of murderous extraterrestrial zealots. Sure, you can try to take on this soul-crushing gauntlet of ordeals all by yourself, but you shouldn’t want to or need to. This is why you have your PMP, clad in his fantastically Red Pants.

    Fortunately, the Konami gods and creators of this classic bestowed one miraculous act of mercy upon the two of you: a cheat code to greatly increase your pathetic collection of lives. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select (for two player action), Start. Boom. You have now each been granted 30 lives. And guess what? You will need them all. It’ll take 60 lives, collectively, to get through Contra with even a shred of dignity left over.

    So, now that you and your buddy are maxed out on lives, armed to the teeth, and oiled up… you’re ready to gun down some bad guys. You start your adventure with a simplistic and ineffective single-shooter. Not much time passes before you realize you are going to need to procure some more effective firepower, which floats down with angelic wings along the way. Your survival instincts will plead with you to pick up any and all such power-ups that are even remotely within reach. After all, doing so will enable you to carry the equivalent of Wilt Chamberlain’s legendary man-cannon on your arm. However, this approach will leave your buddy limping around the screen trying to establish his dominance with a pool-shrunken wayner dragging in the grass.

    Contra allows you to bask in the immediate benefit of embracing that me-first attitude, but in the end, it will certainly spell doom for both of you. To experience even minimal success, you must find a way to not just coexist, but to work together so that you become greater than the sum of your parts. This means the same guy doesn’t always get the power-up, which allows you to unleash a

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