Double Trouble

The Halleys are a close, successful, loving family. But when identical twins, Nicholas and Michael, fall for the same girl relationships become increasingly complex. An unplanned pregnancy and a surrogate arrangement reveal darker secrets and discoveries which challenge their moral values and jeopardise their happiness. And lurking unseen is an even greater danger than anyone knows.

'There are very few novels which deal with the issues of contemporary medical ethics in the lively and intensely readable way which Hazel McHaffie's books do.' Alexander McCall Smith

'Medical, ethical, romantic. Absorbing and fascinating. An entirely new genre for fiction.' Fay Weldon

DOUBLE TROUBLE

HAZEL McHAFFIE

First published in 2005

Available in print at most online retailers

Smashwords edition

Copyright 2011 Hazel McHaffie

Licence Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal use only. If you enjoy it, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support and integrity.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

About This Book

Licence Notes

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Acknowledgements

About me

My Website

My Other Novels

ONE

Roberta lay perfectly still in the darkness. Beside her, out of sight beneath the duvet, Dick breathed with the evenness of untroubled sleep.

Every instinct urged her to wake him, to seek solace in sharing her worries. Years of training and habit stopped her. But her thoughts would not respond to the same discipline.

Nicholas was already standing at the altar.

The minister was intoning: 'Wherefore if anyone can show any just cause why these two persons may not be lawfully joined together in holy matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.'

In the token pause, Roberta held her breath. She knew a just cause. Could she sit there and forever hold her peace? No, as his mother, she owed it to Nick to save him from disaster.

She slithered forward to the edge of the pew. The bride turned in slow motion, seeking the source of the sudden disturbance. Puzzled dark eyes scanned the Halley rows, focusing finally on her intended mother-in-law. Roberta cringed from the innocence of her gaze. How could she spoil this day? How could she wreck the happiness of two young people, one of them her own son?

No, the time for declaration would be past by then.

She emerged from the dream with a heavy sense of foreboding. Taking care not to wake Dick, she slid out of bed and shrugged into her dressing gown. Now uncomfortably awake, she was still struggling to banish the images as she paced restlessly, waiting for the kettle to boil. She told herself sternly to take a tighter grip on her common sense.

It was absurd to be so concerned. The chances of Nicholas continuing this romance were slim. Donella was certainly not his first and almost as certainly wouldn't be his last. There was no point in needlessly anticipating trouble.

It had been a shock though, seeing them together. Nicholas didn't usually bring girls to his parents' home. His own flat in town was a much more conducive environment. Roberta, reliving that moment of introduction, wondered if she had betrayed anything of her inner turmoil.

The girl standing beside Nicholas was tall with chestnut hair and a shy smile.

'Mum, this is Donella.'

'Hello, Donella. What a pretty name. Unusual, but pretty.'

'Thanks.'

'I've only known of one other Donella. Years ago.'

'Judy Robertson's little girl,' Dick chimed in, memory stirred.

Donella and Nicholas laughed simultaneously.

'In that case you've only known one! She is Donella Robertson.'

The exclamations drowned out Roberta's sudden silence.

'One of twins?'

'Yes, that's right.'

'Brother Graeme?'

'Yes.'

'Live in Roslin?'

'Yes.'

'Then I held you in my arms when you were just hours old,' Dick said, smiling broadly at her.

'You knew my parents?'

'Your mother, yes. We worked in the same hospital. Is she still a midwife?'

'Yes. Part time. I didn't know she knew you. So are you a doctor?'

'Sorry, Donella.' Nicholas looked sheepish. 'He's head of the Centre for Reproductive Medicine. You know? Richard Halley? Professor Richard Halley?'

Donella looked from father to son. 'Why ever didn't you tell me?'

'I don't want people knowing. Don't want them treating me differently just because he's my dad.'

'People?' Donella repeated with a quizzical look at Nicholas.

Roberta watched her son.

'No, I don't mean you,' he said, reaching out suddenly to take her hand. 'I don't mind you knowing. Sorry. Force of habit, I guess. I just didn't think to say.'

Donella was looking at Dick again, but differently now.

'Wow. I'd no idea. I suppose I never thought to make the connection. Sorry.'

'No need to be. And here I'm just Nick's old dad, OK? The butt of heartless jokes and endless criticism.'

'Mum's a doctor too,' Nicholas added apologetically. 'Dr Roberta Mansfield. GP in Melrose.'

'Gosh. A real medical dynasty. You're a dark horse, Nick, ' Donella said. 'What else haven't you told me?'

He shrugged.

'Keeping my powder dry.'

Donella's frown wasn't entirely erased by the wry smile.

'Are you a medical student too, Donella?' Roberta chipped in.

'Yes, but not in Nick's year. He's ahead of me. Very useful early on when I was struggling with some of the epidemiology.'

'Hmm,' Dick said.

Roberta couldn't resist a grimace at her son.

'Nick hasn't always been the exemplary student, Donella. Well, to be honest, there have been times when he's been rather an embarrassment to Dick amongst colleagues who did know of the family connection. So it's reassuring to know he's picked up enough to pass on some of his wisdom.'

'Mother! Please. It's the medical equivalent of showing photos of me when I was six, sticking a finger up my nose.'

'Oh, I daresay we can rise to that too.' Dick grinned.

The easy banter and shared context had helped them all relax, but during the evening Roberta had noted the unspoken messages, the stolen touches, and fear had crept through the cracks in her reasoning.

It was that shapeless dread that churned her thoughts now, the more invidious because it remained unspoken. But she and Dick had agreed, early on in their relationship: they wouldn't divulge confidential medical information even to each other.

It must be over thirty years since that messy case involving Annabel, her friend from medical school days. There'd been nasty talk, snide comments about 'pillow-talk', 'old boys' networks', 'double standards'. All because Annabel had confided in her boyfriend, second son of the Dean of the Medical Faculty. Offspring of the exalted he might be, but it hadn't stopped him from blabbing during a surgical operation. Unfortunately for him – and the Dean – the patient, not fully under the anaesthetic at the time, had remembered it, and reported his indiscretion. It had all come out. A bright future was suddenly extinguished.

Roberta had watched with horror two promising careers disintegrating. Years later she'd recognised the potential for something similar happening to herself and Dick. They made a conscious decision to avoid trouble. Friends periodically teased them about their notion of trust, colleagues occasionally sniggered about paranoia, but their resolve remained strong. What they didn't know they couldn't let slip, even inadvertently. It grew easier as time went on, and their individual burden of patients' confidences increased. It soon became habitual.

Roberta had suffered momentary qualms of conscience at the time knowing about Dick's friend, Judy. But somehow it had seemed even more imperative that she kept her own counsel. Until now. Now Dick's own son was involved. Did that alter her allegiance? Did that give him the right to know?

Involved ... ah yes, just how involved was Nick? If he moved on, the fear would evaporate. Donella's problem would pass to some other unknowing family. But, try as she might, Roberta couldn't dispel the sense of a mutual attraction which went beyond the youthful skirmishes Nicholas had previously favoured.

Self-reproach added to her unease. If only she'd given Judy's GP other advice. 'Leave well alone' had been a mature response to an impersonal problem all those years ago, before the Robertson twins were even conceived. But now, when Donella was not only a lovely young woman, but a danger to her own son, Roberta cursed her earlier naïvety.

If only she'd had the time to stay in touch with Judy Robertson. They'd met twice at parties given for twins involved in an ongoing study of multiple births at the university when the children were at primary school. They had enough in common to sustain a friendship. Pressure of work had made her decline Judy's invitations to maintain social contact. What did work matter? Perhaps if the children had seen each other at their most obnoxious in the early years it would have been enough to prevent any other feelings emerging. Perhaps if Donella had befriended Nicholas' younger sister, Alexandra, then, these two would have become more sparring partners than lovers. Perhaps if Graeme Robertson had been allowed to follow through his fiercely protective brotherly instincts, Nicholas would not have had the opportunity to grow close to his twin sister.

But it was too late for regret. Now she could only cling to the hope that this embryonic relationship would not survive the period of gestation.

TWO

Nicholas glared from one to the other of his parents.

'But I don't want to go to Brazil.' Mature anger hovered alongside childish petulance.

'You'd be a fool to turn down an invitation as good as this. Opportunities like these don't grow on trees,' Dick told his son sternly.

'I can do other things. I don't want to go abroad at all.'

'Why not? It's the best use of your elective. It'll broaden your horizons.'

'Lots of reasons why not.'

'Name one,' Dick challenged him.

'Donella.'

Roberta's heart sank. The very reason for her 'interference'.

'Nick, you've got to think long term. You can't let a student relationship stand in the way of your career prospects.' She tried to inject a reasonable tone, to make it seem like a casual reference to a casual relationship.

'She's important to me. And besides I owe her.'

'Owe her what?'

'She helped me get down to studying seriously. If it wasn't for her I'd probably have been thrown out of med school.'

'OK. Fair enough. If she was the reason for your improved grades.'

'She was.'

Dick seemed to have forgotten their strategy. Roberta sidestepped him to take up pole position.

'But if she's serious about studying and wants you both to get on she'll understand,' she coaxed.

'Huhh.'

'And if she's that important, she'll still be waiting for you when you get back. It's only a year,' Dick chipped in.

Roberta clenched her teeth. That wasn't the line she wanted.

'And that's another thing – why a year? Why not four months like everybody else?'

'Because it's a special offer. Much more in-depth experience than you'd get in a few months.'

'A year's a long time out of my course,' Nicholas replied sulkily. 'Anyway, Donella's not the only reason I don't want to go.'

'Oh?'

Both parents looked at him, waiting for the other excuses.

'No. I don't want you two pulling strings for me. Either of you. I want to get there on my own.'

'Fair enough again.' Roberta heard her voice, the epitome of reason. Good. Stay cool. 'I can understand that. And we've been proud of you making your own way. And we'll stand back and let you do it your way when you get back. But this is too fantastic an opportunity to miss. You'd be mad to let a little scruple like that stand in the way of a brilliant invitation. Dr Leonard is the best authority in tropical diseases you could ever meet, and he's promised to personally show you the ropes and make sure you learn heaps.'

But in spite of their combined entreaties, despite the uniqueness of the offer, Nicholas remained adamant. He was not going to Brazil.

Roberta struggled for three weeks before resorting to the action she'd been doing her best to avoid.

If Nicholas was suspicious of the motive for an invitation to coffee in the Rochester Hotel, he gave no hint of it. Indeed he seemed disarmingly pleased to see her.

Roberta was loath to spoil the moment, almost grateful for the slow service and the incompetence of the waitress. But the delay only added to her sense of urgency and when she did finally launch into her subject it was with less than her usual circumspection.

'Nick, I've got to talk to you.'

'Isn't that what we're doing, Mother?'

'Seriously talk.'

'Oh dear. Why don't I like the sound of this?'

'I'm going to tell you something in confidence, but unfortunately I can't give you chapter and verse. You'll just have to trust me.'

'OK. I trust you.'

'And you know I only have your best interests at heart.'

'Blimey, Mum. Sounds like you're going to deliver some ethics lecture.'

Her brief smile was half-hearted.

'Why don't you come straight out with it? ' he asked, eyes suddenly narrowing. 'It's not like you to shilly-shally.'

'It's delicate. And you're not going to like it.'

'Try me. I've had lectures before. Many a time and oft!'

'But this concerns Donella.'

His smile died. He was suddenly very still.

'What about her?'

'See. I told you you wouldn't like it.' Roberta stalled.

'OK. Go on.'

'You're going to think I'm interfering.'

'And aren't you?' There was a slight edge to Nicholas' question, but she could only sympathise.

'No. Not in the way you mean. Only because I love you and want to save you future heartache.'

'Hmm.' He made no attempt to disguise his scepticism.

'I know something ... about her. I can't tell you what it is. It's confidential stuff. But it makes her unsuitable ... as a partner. Long term, I mean.'

'What on earth are you talking about?'

'In my professional life, I learned something. Something that concerns Donella. And if you knew it, you would agree there's no future for you with her.'

'For goodness’ sake, I'm not about to elope with her or anything.'

'But you are romantically involved with her, aren't you?'

'Yes, of course. You know I am.'

'I don't know how far it's gone ...'

'With all due respect, Mum, it's none of your business.'

'I know. But you seem to be more interested in her than the other girls you've dated. And your future is my business. And if it's in my power to prevent you making a huge mistake. Isn't it?'

'Maybe.'

'And better to say something now, before it's too late. One thing leads to another and, before you know it, it's the real thing. The longer you're together, and the deeper the relationship, the harder to call a halt. I think you ought to know this now before you get in too deep.'

'So you're telling me really to drop her?'

'I suppose I am. More or less. But only because there can't be a happy future for you with her.'

'Happy for me? Or her?'

'Both.'

Nicholas was clearly completely bewildered.

'Don't you like her?' he asked in a boyish voice.

'Oh yes, Dad and I both thought she was charming. And I can quite see why you fell for her. She's lovely.'

'Noble of you!'

'You know what I mean.'

'Yes. She's a stunner. And she's bright. And she's a high-flier. And she's conscientious. And she's kind and generous. And she's the sort of perfectly behaved creature you can safely bring home to meet the parents.'

'Nick ...'

'And she saved me from ruining my career.'

'But ...'

'But you think I should throw it all back in her face. On your say-so.' His tone was biting.

'That's not fair, Nick.'

'That's what it feels like from where I'm sitting. I'm surprised at you, Mum. You always told us boys we should respect girls' feelings and emotions and all that jazz. Treat them gently.'

'And so you should. Believe me, I wouldn't be saying any of this if I didn't have to. And I still want you to be gentle about it.'

'Nothing much gentle about being dumped in full flight,' Nicholas said with feeling.

'Is this so serious already that you see your future with her?'

'I haven't a clue. I'm not thinking of settling down for ages yet. Maybe it's for the long haul, maybe not. We've never talked about it. But I know she's different. That's not to say I'm hearing wedding bells, Mother, so don't read too much into it. I haven't had a relationship this long or this intense before. That's all. But Donella's that kind of girl. She's not the superficial kind.'

His look and tone gave her all the insight she needed to make her redouble her efforts.

'Nick, I wouldn't be saying any of this if I didn't have a compelling reason to do so. And believe me, even from our parental point of view, on the surface Donella seems perfect for you. But this thing ... I can't not warn you. I mean, put yourself in my shoes. If I said nothing so as not to annoy you now, and you got deeper and deeper in this relationship, and ended up making it permanent, and then things went horribly wrong, and you found out I'd known all along and I could have prevented it – you wouldn't think I was much of a mum if I didn't tell you. Would you?'

'But I can't think of anything that bad. Not that you couldn't tell me about.'

'But this is ... not exactly bad. Not the sort of thing that makes for happiness.'

'So, let's say I believe you. I can't dump a girl who's done nothing to deserve it – nothing that I know about anyway. I'd have to know why, have a reason.'

'Oh, I'm not suggesting you should dump her, exactly. Not unkindly, I mean. That'd be quite wrong.'

'So do I just say, Mum says I've to stop seeing you?'

'Of course not.'

'She deserves better than that. And even if I wanted to – which I don't – I can't drop her for no reason.'

'Wouldn't going to Brazil make the break easier? On you both.'

Nicholas' eyes flashed with anger. He drew back from her with a look which shocked her.

'If this is a ruse to get me to change my mind on that subject then no! I will not do it.'

Roberta looked around anxiously, but his suddenly raised voice didn't seem to be attracting unwelcome attention. She leaned across to speak in a low tone.

'It's no ruse. Come on, Nick. You know me better than that.'

'Do I? Since Donella came on the scene I'm not so sure.'

'Fair enough, I'll come clean. Listen to me. Without interruption, yes? Please?'

'OK. But this had better be good.'

'Please don't hate me for this. You know I – neither Dad nor I – have ever tried to use our connections to get you on. Neither of us approve of that sort of thing. And I know you haven't wanted it, either.' Nicholas nodded his assent vigorously. 'But because this thing – this thing that I know about that concerns Donella – is so serious, I did something. Something I found very hard to do actually. I broke the habit of a lifetime and traded on my friendship and long association with Jed Leonard. I rang him up and asked him if he could take you for your elective. I hoped you'd go, and the thing with Donella would simply fizzle out, and no one need be hurt.'

'Talk about conniving!'

'Nick, I love you. And I wanted to protect you. I wanted to spare you the knowledge that there was something about Donella you wouldn't like, and to make it less hurtful for you to part. It had nothing to do with me wanting to force you into a career path of my choosing. I was desperate. I couldn't think of any other way to get you out of a predicament you didn't even know existed. But you were stubborn. You wouldn't listen. That's the only reason I've had to tell you now.'

There was a long silence.

'Must be very serious information to make you do that, I guess.'

'It is, Nick. It is.'

'Then you should tell me what it is.'

'I can't.'

'Not even on a need-to-know basis? I mean, it affects me personally, so I need to know in order to make up my own mind about the risks.' The appeal tugged at her heart.

'No. It wouldn't be right.'

'Can you not tell me what sort of a risk it involves? I mean, if it's medical, criminal, or ... I don't know. What sorts of risks are there?'

'It's a combination of things. But I can't be more specific without betraying confidences.'

At that moment the waitress appeared with a pot of coffee. They accepted a top-up without looking up at her. She withdrew from the tense atmosphere as rapidly as she could, spilling the milk as she placed it between them.

'Does Donella know?' Nicholas asked, as soon as she was out of earshot.

'I don't know for sure, but I suspect not.'

'Who else does know?'

'I really don't know. The only person I know for sure knows is the family GP – the one who talked to me about it.'

'Does Dad agree with you that it's serious stuff?'

'He doesn't know about it. I wish I could talk to him about it. Get his advice. But it was confidential information given to me in my professional capacity. And because Dad knows Donella's mother there's a double reason not to tell him. I never told a soul at the time. Nor since. I didn't even tell Dad why I was trying to organise your elective away from here. Apart from our strict rule about medical confidentiality, I wanted to protect Donella from curious thoughts as well as avoid questions I'm not at liberty to answer. No, I haven't told a soul till now, when I told you.'

'What in reality amounts to nothing. Except that Donella's got a skeleton in her cupboard.'

He looked hard at her. She held her breath. The silence felt interminable.

'There are times when I wish I wasn't so rigid on medical confidentiality. I'd give a lot to be able to share this particular thing with someone else. Dad anyway. But it wouldn't be fair. For your sakes. Not mine. But, believe me, Nick, it's a heavy burden to carry alone.'

Nicholas looked at her closely. She was surprised at the hand suddenly extended to cover her own.

'Thanks, Mum. I know you're only wanting the best for us. But I'm an adult now. I have to make my own decisions, my own mistakes. It's too big a step to take in the dark, so to speak.'

'I know ...'

'I don't want to do it – for myself. But worse than that, I don't want to hurt Donella. What would it do to her? I mean, if I don't give her any explanation. It could wreck her trust in men.'

'I see that. But if all she sees is you moving on, getting immersed in work in Brazil, isn't that kinder than her knowing it's because of something about her?'

'Lesser of two evils maybe, but still I come across as an irresponsible, insensitive thug who drops a girl when something more exciting comes along.'

'I'm sorry, Nick. I'd give a lot to spare you this.'

'I can tell you, I hate the idea. Totally. And at this precise moment I can't see myself doing it. But I can see it's something pretty awful for you to go to these lengths.'

'It's not a reflection on Donella herself,' Roberta hastened to reassure him. 'I should have said that. She's an entirely innocent part of this whole thing.'

'That doesn't surprise me. She's a real innocent – in lots of senses. But thanks, Mum. Nice to hear that. In one way. Doesn't make it exactly easier to even contemplate dropping her, though.'

'I know. She's a lovely girl. And normally I'd be so happy for you that you'd found such a super girl. Whatever the outcome long term. And I know she's been a stabilising influence in your life.'

'She has.' Nicholas was turning his spoon over and over in the saucer, staring at it unseeingly. 'Like I said, if she hadn't come along when she did I'm not sure I'd still be in medicine.'

'Nick, I hope ... you're not in this too deep already.'

He shrugged his shoulders, telling her nothing. Roberta watched him, waiting, afraid to press her point further.

He suddenly braced himself, looked up and said in an expressionless voice, 'OK. I hear you.'

'And Brazil?'

'I don't know.'

'But you'll have to make arrangements.'

'I know.'

'And I'll need to tell Jed Leonard.'

'OK. OK. OK! I'll let you know by the end of the week if Brazil is on. Or off. But even if I do go, doesn't mean I'm dropping Donella. They're different things. And that's personal.'

'Fair enough. I understand.'

Realising the subject was closed, Roberta did her best to return the conversation to a more mundane level, but they soon abandoned the attempt and she drove him back to the university on her own way home with a heavy heart.

THREE

Nicholas' thoughts were chaotic.

He had to admit to himself, he was tempted by the Brazilian offer. Travel, adventure, new experiences – it was exactly the sort of package to appeal to him under normal circumstances. A welcome break from the sameness of student life here. But it stuck in his throat that his mother had pulled strings. Curious that. She was normally so strongly averse to any form of nepotism. She must have had a compelling reason to break her own rule. But what could there possibly be about Donella to make her feel such an urge to separate them? It had to be serious – at least in her eyes. She didn't normally interfere. So, it was important in her estimation, but would he share the same opinion? Impossible to say without more facts. If only she wasn't such a stickler for the rules of ethics.

On the other hand it was precisely because she was so principled that he trusted her. If only he knew what it was that she feared. But did he really want to know something unwelcome about Donella?

Donella. Something inside him thrilled at the mere thought of her. She aroused in him such a welter of emotions, feelings that he hadn't really stopped to analyse before. They enjoyed each other, being together. They were young. They had years ahead of them before they had to ask serious questions, make permanent sorts of decisions. Both of them were determined to do well in their degrees and careers. She would understand if he decided to go. He could encourage her to do something similar for her elective.

But would he? The thought of her being on her own for a year while he was away was bad enough. No, he had to admit he didn't like to imagine her without him for so long. There'd be plenty of other young men only too ready to fill his shoes.

So did he want to commit himself to her? No, he knew he wasn't ready for anything that serious. So why not go then? But if he went, on what terms did he leave Donella? He couldn't in all fairness ask her to put her life on hold while he went swanning off to an exciting new life.

Round and round the questions spun. Serious introspection was a novel experience for Nicholas. But he'd promised his mother an answer by Friday. Four days. He had four days to make up his mind. Less, in reality, because he was having dinner with Donella on Wednesday. She deserved to know first.

But as he prepared to meet her, he found he was still frustratingly undecided.

Preoccupied with his dilemma, Nicholas was unaware of his own intense scrutiny. He only knew that with Donella sitting opposite him in the little French restaurant, his thoughts were chaotic.

'Have I got food on my nose? Or blotched mascara? Or something?' In spite of her light tone he sensed her embarrassment.

'I'm sorry. Was I staring? No, you look lovely. As always.'

Under normal circumstances he would have injected intimacy into the compliment but today he dared not. She did indeed look enchanting tonight. Her shining chestnut hair was caught up high on her head, with curls escaping loosely down one side. A string of amber beads twisted through a silk scarf around her throat exactly complemented her colouring and made him want to kiss the hollows on either side of her neck, the creaminess above the scooped neckline ...

He dragged his eyes away. Not tonight. This was dangerous thinking. He must stay in control. He must concentrate.

The perplexed frown, the confused glances, told him she was picking up his abstraction. So the tension was palpable.

'Are you OK? Is it your results?'

He didn't want her to be sympathetic. Not tonight. It was unnerving.

'Sorry. No, it's not the exams. I'm not good company tonight. Something on my mind.'

'D'you want to talk about it? Or do you need distraction more?'

'Both, I guess. Well no, I need to talk about it, but I want distraction.'

'Listen first, distract later?' she asked with a teasing smile. 'I'm happy to listen, if it's something you can share with me.'

Nicholas plunged before he could procrastinate again.

'I've been offered the chance to go to South America – to Brazil – for my elective.'

He kept his eyes lowered, watching his restless fingers occupied with the pepper mill on the table.

'Brazil!'

He felt her stare, knew she was willing him to look up. He didn't. He daren't.

'Yeah. Once in a lifetime offer. Working with some top notch guy out there. Into tropical diseases.'

'And are you going to go?' She was forcing herself to speak evenly.

'I'm thinking of it.'

He glanced up briefly but instantly looked away from the expression in her eyes.

'When would you go?'

'As soon as I get all the paperwork and injections and everything sorted out.'

'How long for?'

'The offer's for twelve months.'

There was a long silence. Nicholas dragged his eyes up to her face. It was veiled, expressionless. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he couldn't go, not if it meant leaving her behind. He told