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    So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)
    So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)
    So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)
    Ebook79 pages1 hour

    So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)

    By Laynee Gilbert

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    About this ebook

    In “So What: A Single Mom’s* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)”, author Laynee Gilbert provides a narrative of her journey of surviving the stress of raising a child as a single parent. She confronts the “perfect parent syndrome” and enforces the need to lighten up and forgive one’s imperfections in order to foster the essential bond between parent and child.
    The “So What” approach empowers parents to respond to their children authentically by first identifying their own “buttons and hooks” that can magnify challenging situations. Through this self-reflection, parents are released to do what they feel is right in the present moment and not let guilt or perceived judgments from others bring them down or add to an already stressful situation. “So What” helps parents discover and embrace their own style, not just as parents but as multi-faceted individuals.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLaynee Gilbert
    Release dateNov 11, 2011
    ISBN9780967896649
    So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)
    Author

    Laynee Gilbert

    Laynee Gilbert, M.A., is a mom, counselor, manager and writer. Since her initial publication in 1992, her books have reached thousands of individuals, counselors, hospices and other care-giving organizations.

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      Book preview

      So What - Laynee Gilbert

      So What

      A Single Mom’s* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century

      *Not just for single moms

      Laynee Gilbert

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright 2012 by Laynee Gilbert

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      *

      For Liana, my joy

      *

      Table of Contents

      * Introduction

      1. The Art and Heart of So What

      * So, What is So What?

      2. Buttons and Hooks

      * Piles * The Pack Rat * Listening * Procrastination * Television * Instant Messaging and Instant Gratification

      3. Learning to Just Say Yes

      * Wrong reasons to say Yes * Good reasons to say Yes

      4. When No Means No

      * Wrong reasons to say No * Good reasons to say No * Rescuers become Victims * Promises vs. Intentions * Decide Not to Decide

      5. Taming the Control Freak

      * Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans * Letting Go of the Outcome * Bracing for the Fall

      6. Let It Be

      * Bedtime * When Right is Wrong

      7. The Good-enough Factor

      * The Perfect Parent Syndrome * Divorce * Imperfection and Forgiveness * The Replay Button * Not Buying Into Bullying

      8. Embracing Today

      * Spontaneity * No Day But Today * Being There

      9. Going the Distance

      * Ask for Help * Take Time without Guilt * Write It Out * Come to Your Senses * Tackle the What-If’s * Engage an Ally

      Reprise

      *

      Introduction

      I’d had quite a year. Depending on what day you started counting, in the course of one year I divorced my husband, packed up and sold our house, bought and moved into another, lived in a small hotel room for three weeks in between homes with my then 7-year-old daughter and our three cats, grieved the loss of a dear family friend, lunged into life as a single mother working full-time both outside and inside the home, and then topped it all off with emergency surgery to replace a couple of disks in my neck (but not in time to prevent nerve damage to my left arm).

      Breathe.

      The whole time, I barely missed a beat. Life goes on, have to take care of my daughter first. Get her up and going in the morning, make sure there’s ample food for breakfast and healthy food in her lunch bag, drive her across town to school and then another half hour in traffic to work, juggle appointments with doctors and dentists between management and meetings, pick her up and take her to karate or music lessons, enter the night-time routine of dinner, dishes, homework, bath, bedtime. Oh, and be sure to have lots of quality time with her.

      Although I said I barely missed a beat, at one point near the end of that year something snapped inside. In a good way. One evening, during the usual fourth or fifth ugly battle with my daughter about something gravely important like brushing her teeth, suddenly the words So What popped into my head. So What if she doesn’t brush her teeth tonight. So What if she sleeps on the couch instead of in her bed. So What if she doesn’t complete every single page of her homework. So What. I stopped mid-stream in our battle and just… wait for it… gave in. Yes, that’s right, I said OK to her not having to brush her teeth, OK to her sleeping on the couch, and even OK to her watching one more television program before she went to bed (and I actually sat down and watched with her). And you know what? The earth didn’t stop revolving. She didn’t turn into a monster. Instead, we shared a very pleasant rest of the evening together, the best we’d had in a long time.

      I learned something deeply profound that night, and I’ve been consciously practicing it ever since. It’s no great theory of enlightenment that will take years of study. It’s simply the power of these two words: So What.

      Now, it’s important to understand the intended meaning of these two words as used in the context of this book. Stated with a cynical edge in the voice and a drop in pitch, "So What implies, Who cares? But when stated with an upward shift of tone after a nice deep breath, So What suggests, Is this really such a big deal? What awful thing will happen if I let go of trying to control this and allow it to just be? Anyone who knows me knows I would never adopt a negative attitude of who cares". I care so deeply about people and animals and the home we call planet earth, caring is not part of the equation.

      It’s not about Caring; it’s about Controlling.

      When I apply the So What attitude, I am not caring any less, I’m merely surrendering in a positive way and letting go of trying to control all outcomes. My daughter doesn’t question for a moment my level of caring. She knows I care desperately about her health, happiness and well-being. I’ve just found a new way of doing so without driving us both nuts.

      The more I practice this fresh approach to parenting and self-preservation, the stronger our relationship becomes. And that’s what this book is all about.

      **************

      Before moving on, I feel compelled to say that I’m fully aware of the relative good fortune I have in my life, as compared to many other single moms who have it so much harder. There was a woman I once worked with at a highly demanding startup company, a single mother of four ranging in age from teen to toddler. Each child had medical and/or social challenges that required a great deal of attention. Nevertheless, this woman still managed to come to work each day and get the job done. She was incredibly stressed and it leaked out occasionally, but from my perspective she was Wonder Woman.

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