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    Nonsense
    Nonsense
    Nonsense
    Ebook59 pages38 minutes

    Nonsense

    By Nick Angelis

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Have you ever felt nervous around casseroles or had complex relationships with snowmen? If so, this eclectic collection of short stories will hinder your healing process and is probably not for you. For anyone else, it will increase your character and cash flow while serving as an excellent gift idea for people you were previously too cheap to buy anything for. Lastly, this book will remind you to never end a sentence with a preposition.

    Here's a new sample story for #ReadanEbookWeek. "Tears of Death" isn't in the actual book because no one likes to read a story twice.

    Heather's eyes brimmed as he entered the room. Trevor moved to brush the coming tears away with a gentle hand when the first drop trickled down her face. "You're bleeding out of your eyes!" he gasped, as more tears splashed onto the floor to form an angry red smear. They both simultaneously stifled a sob as she motioned for him to go.

    "It's contagious", she whispered. "Save yourself."

    The room blurred. Trevor hastily rubbed his eyes as he stumbled out of the room, relieved that only harmless, clear liquid dripped out of them. This could have been it. Heather was so beautiful, so practical, constantly gracious yet transparent. Everything you wanted in a girl with none of the eerie baggage that usually accompanied seemingly perfect people. They could have been like one of those Hollywood power couples with reality TV shows following their dinner choices and vacation plans. A world of possibilities, now reduced from a stunning socialite to a frail form buried under blood-streaked mounds of blankets, patiently waiting for the end to come. He'd have to start all over, because dating a woman with Ebola certainly did not lead to more star power and prestige in life.

    With a heavy sigh, Heather looked down at her clenched fists. She released the left one, revealing a small bottle of Red 40 food coloring. It was so hard to say no, but there had to be a better way to let shallow guys know she really wasn't that into them.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNick Angelis
    Release dateNov 23, 2011
    ISBN9781465844514
    Nonsense
    Author

    Nick Angelis

    I held a book signing the day after Valentine's Day. Everybody got mad because now they can't read their ebooks through my signature. Next time bring an erasable marker, because I come with Sharpie. I intend my books to be mildly ridiculous. They haven't matured with age. When I grow up, I want to be just like you, except for the psychotic neuropathies. You'll notice that cross-promotion is impossible for my three titles dealing with vastly different subject matter. Naturally, the only viable solution is to buy all of them. Any resemblance to people living or dead is entirely coincidental, with the exception of that one person modeled after YOU. My first book best displays my eccentric silliness in short story form, and the second my various attempts at theater and drama. My newest works are partly based on the blogs, magazine articles, and interviews I've contributed to "Advance for Nurses", "New Physician", and similar publications about career advancement (without losing your soul) in the health care system. I'm currently working on two collaborative projects: a helpful guide for prospective nurse anesthetists and a collection of medical satire stories. Check out my latest interviews about writing and medicine on http://survivinghealthcarepodcast.com/2015/01/08/ep-14-patient-expectations-medical-schools-and-the-marketing-of-healthcare-with-nick-angelis-crna-msn/ or my latest research, in case you're in desperate need of continuing education credits: http://nursing.advanceweb.com/Continuing-Education/CE-Articles/Robotic-Surgery.aspx You can also see me present about that topic this February in Orlando, but I'd recommend visiting Mickey and Minnie instead.

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      Book preview

      Nonsense - Nick Angelis

      Nonsense by Nick Angelis, author of Christian Skits & Such, Choosing a Healthcare Career, Anthology of the Pensacola Writing& Critique Group and the non-fiction series Career Kevlar

      Copyright 2011 GG Press

      Smashwords Edition License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, you are a very bad person. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      My friends and family all politely refused to have this book dedicated to them. That leaves you, the hapless reader; unless you are friends and family, in which case I must confess that your refusal is probably still a wise decision.

      Table of Contents

      Introductory Ramblings

      Greek Ice

      Impromptu Stories

      Essays on the Evils of Ice Cream Truck Drivers

      About the Author (and Irrelevant Pictures)

      Introductory Ramblings

      Frederick had a dream. The sort of dream all children have when they want to be astronauts but years later settle for being bitter bag handlers at their local airport instead. Frederick's dream was a strange dream, and wholly unrelated to his desire to be trim and agile as a young gazelle traipsing about the golden fields of the African savanna. Don't giggle children, and stop poking your chubby friends. You should admire their fortitude in turning down milk fortified with steroids and calcium in favor of Twinkies and similar treats.

      Every day after school, Frederick would sneak into his dad's closet and try on his brown suit. You see, his dream was to be the postmaster general of Ontario, but he was greatly misinformed. Through a horrible turn of events, a soap opera aired instead of the postmaster's speech on TV last week, so Frederick thought he had to wear a suit and his underwear if he was to be postmaster. The suit had quite a plunging neckline but almost covered his kneecaps. It was a small price to pay for the power. Why, letters from all over the territory needed his seal to reach their destination! As his mind churned with the possibilities and his toes wiggled with the thrill that comes from daydreaming about absolute power, he felt something soft and squishy and heard a mournful gasp. There on the floor dodging Frederick's plush pink toes was a rare talking raisin, this one obviously French and from Quebec!

      The raisin, which went by the inexplicable name of Jimbo the Clown (he wore mascara but I wouldn't really call that clown makeup), doffed his beret in respect and bent on one wrinkled knee. Put your hand down child, I know what you're going to ask and I don't want to answer it! Jimbo the Clown explained that there was only one way to become Postmaster General of Ontario--you must eat a blue pumpkin, and those only grow along old landing strips hidden in Manitoban cornfields.

      Well, that's enough of that story. Maybe I'll finish it in

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