Nixon: Perfectly Clear. How Richard M. Nixon, in Death, in Love, Saved the Universe, and Himself. Maybe.

Nixon: Perfectly Clear

or

How President Richard Milhous Nixon, in Death, in Love,

Saved the Universe and Himself, Maybe.

A phantasmagoria in three acts with

Devilishly Delightful Songs,

featuring the First Lady of the Love Song

Miss Thelma Catherine Pat Ryan Nixon

accompanied by the World Famous

Dr. Wilhelm Reich

Copyright 2011 Jackie TwoSticks

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Production Rights

Any person or group wishing to stage a reading or performance(s) of Nixon: Perfectly Clear must secure permission, in writing, from the author, who reserves all rights and is a most pleasant collaborator, especially when it comes to Art and the Search for Meaning.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Act One

Act Two

Act Three

Notes: Nixon, the Avocado and the Orgone

How to Act Good without Knowing Nothing - Nixon’s long opening monologue is concatenated from numerous Nixon speeches. Many of the lines of dialogue spoken by Nixon (and Ola and Pat) are verbatim quotes from various sources….

About the Author

"Can you imagine what Nixon would have been like had somebody loved him? He would have been a great, great man had somebody loved him"

-Henry Kissinger.

Let there be no mistake in the history books …. Richard Nixon was an evil man–evil in a way that only those who believe in the physical reality of the Devil can understand it. He was utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency. Nobody trusted him….

– Memo from the National Affairs Desk, June ¹⁶, ¹⁹⁹⁴, quoted from Rolling Stone.

Whatever they do, whether they are honest or dishonest, hypocritical or sincere, they cannot escape theater: they will be judged on the effects of their performance, not on the truth of their statements.

- Henrik Ibsen and the Birth of Modernism, Toril Moi

THE PLACE

Hell and an alternate reality.

THE SETTING

Essentially a bare stage. Projections of historical persons and newspaper headlines might be used to good effect during the play, especially at the beginning of Act 2, when the Nixon Performer sings the rehash on Nixon’s career.

THE TIME

Later.

THE CHARACTERS

PRESIDENT RICHARD M. NIXON – could be played by an actor 30 to 40 years old, keeping in mind that our Nixon, here, has died at age 84 –a very long time to wear the Nixon character armor. The unique Nixon speech patterns (part of the character armor) should be strong during Nixon’s opening speech but fade afterwards; creating not a caricature but a human being. Nixon wears his usual blue suit and tie throughout, with a costume change for Act 3, into a well-worn suit, and casual period clothing in the final scene.

OLD NICK – the Devil’s right claw; a mignon of the Big Guy. Played by an older man with white hair so as to resemble Clarence the Angel, in It’s a Wonderful Life.

PAT NIXON – roughly the same age as the Nixon actor, though younger would do nicely. One might easily think that Dr. Reich conceptualized character armor after studying Pat. But again: not caricature. The contrast between the old Pat and Dick and their beginnings as a young man and young woman is a terrifying vision. The actor and actress playing Dick and Pat should find the gestus [see Brecht: in Wikipedia] that connects the mature Nixons to their youth and vice-versa.

THE PULLING MAN – played by a Stagehand. He pulls the Cart of Deeds. His job can only be filled by once-powerful lawyers. He wears a tattered business suit with a new, bright red neck tie.

THE SITTING MAN – played by a Stagehand. He sorts stones, deeds, judging each as good or bad. This job is reserved for former leaders of once-great nations. In this case, the Sitting Man, except for wearing tattered, once-white underwear, and a too-large cowboy hat, is naked and dirty.

THE LOST SOUL – a grotesque, played by a stagehand.

DR. WILHELM REICH – early 50s. At the start of the performance the actor portraying Dr. Reich might inject some of the Mad Scientist into Reich. Indeed, any person who can manipulate Orgone Energy may become the master of the world; we can all be thankful that Dr. Reich was a trustworthy human being. The actor would do well to show that tightrope that Dr. Reich must have stepped upon at some point in his life. May we all enjoy joyous and healthy sex-economies.

THE SOLDIER – a young doughboy; died in the War to End All Wars, the Great War, the War to Make the World Safe for Democracy. Played by a Stagehand.

JULIE and TRISHA NIXON – played by Stagehands as the Nixon children.

PAT RYAN’S GIRLFRIEND – played by a Stagehand

PAT RYAN’S DATE – played by a Stagehand

THE NIXON PERFORMER – played by a Stagehand

OLA FLORENCE WELCH – Nixon’s first love. Ola and Dick were 16 when they met in their Latin class at Whittier High School. Played by a Stagehand.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS/REPORTERS – played by the Stagehands

THE OLA TROLL – Ola’s true Hell form; exceedingly ugly though she wears a pretty bridal gown.

THE STAGEHANDS – besides taking on the roles of various other characters, the Stagehands act as black-clad puppet masters, not only placing and manipulating props and set pieces but also lifting and manipulating Pat and Dick as required.

ACT ONE

As the audience enters they are able to see, on the darkened stage, the PULLING MAN and SITTING MAN who, until curtain, do what they do, i.e. the PULLING MAN grumbles frequently, adjusts the harness that binds him to the Cart of Deeds, and once in a while struggles as his red tie tightens about his neck. Meanwhile, the SITTING MAN keeps busy examining the stones in the Cart of Deeds, frequently switching from sitting to standing and back.

At curtain, the house begins to dim, OLD NICK, dressed in a traditional devil costume, ENTERS, runs to the wagon, yells at the two men and points his finger at them. The PULLING MAN hurriedly EXITS with the wagon and the SITTING MAN who is now cursing his partner and throwing stones at him.

At the exit of the two men, an ambulance siren begins to scream, joined by others and soon, mixed with the noise, the sound of thunder and a Navy Band playing Hail to the Chief.

Two STAGEHANDS, dressed in Devil costume, ENTER running. One is pushing a hand truck and on this hand truck is human figure draped in black cloth with red rope wound about the covering. The non-pushing Stagehand dances about the hand truck, clapping hands, excited.

Impossible to resist the momentum, the STAGEHANDS travel to the far side of the stage, slowing, and then start back, crossing upstage and begin to spiral in towards downstage center.

During this the SOUND grows in volume [a good effect would be to treat this sound mix as an homage to Charles Ives] and, at last, the STAGEHANDS deposit their man, on his feet, and the SOUND stops suddenly. We can see that this –the silence- has some importance to each of them. They begin to remove the red rope and black wrapping.

STAGEHAND #1: Who is this soul?

STAGEHAND #2: Who cares?

STAGEHAND #1: Must be important. Nick took us away from the Baptists.

STAGEHAND #2: And he wants us back there! Hurry!

STAGEHAND #1: Do you think this might be the King of the Baptists?

STAGEHAND #2: I heard Nick say that this one was a Quaker.

STAGEHAND #1: A Quaker! What’s a Quaker?

STAGEHAND #2: Hell if I know. I think it’s like Baptist. Or Republican. Who cares? Ready?

STAGEHAND #1: Ready!

The STAGEHANDS unveil their package and the STAGEHANDS EXIT, running.

A SPOT ILLUMINATES RICHARD M. NIXON. After a deer in the headlights moment he thrusts his arms up, two fingers on each hand making his ‘trademark’ V for Victory sign. He holds the pose a moment, a tight smile on his face.

A STAGEHAND ENTERS, RUNNING, drops to her knees to slide to a stop a few feet from Nixon, directly in front of him. The Stagehand holds up a hand with 5 fingers out, begins a silent countdown. NIXON drops his arms, assumes a serious yet friendly expression. THE STAGEHAND, on the 1, POINTS AT NIXON and EXITS.

THE LATE PRESIDENT RICHARD M. NIXON is ready for the camera.

NIXON.

My fellow Americans. In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for....I pledge to you that as long as I have a breath of life in.... My fellow Americans. There is one cause above all to which I have been devoted and to which I shall always be devoted for as long as I....

Ever since the Hiss case, you’ve had a lot of fun – a lot of fun. If you’re against the candidate, give him the shaft...I’ve given as good as I’ve taken. But as I leave you I want you to know – just think what you’re going to be missing. You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore – because, gentlemen, this is my last....

[NIXON appears confused, frightened. He looks to his left then to the right. He steps out of the light, into the darkness, gingerly, groping his way in the dark. A STAGEHAND ENTERS and with gentle touch guides NIXON in a wide circle, so that NIXON ends up back in the spotlights, once more in front of the camera. STAGEHAND EXITS.

NIXON:

My fellow Americans. I shall continue to work for the great causes to which I have been dedicated throughout my years as a Congressman, a Senator, a Vice President, and President. This house, for example. This is the best house. Because it has something far more important than numbers of people who serve or how big it is, far more important than numbers of magnificent pieces of art. This house has a great heart, and that heart comes from those who serve. I was rather sorry they didn’t come down. We said goodbye to them upstairs. And I say to them, there are many fine careers. This country needs good farmers, good businessmen, good plumbers...there are so many deserving stenographers and secretaries in Washington that I just didn’t feel it was right to put my wife on the payroll–My wife sitting over...

[Nixon looks into the darkness].

NIXON:

She is a wonderful stenographer. She used to teach stenography and shorthand in high school. That was when I met her. And I can tell you folks that she has worked many hours on Saturdays and Sundays in my office, and she has done a fine job, and I am proud to say that Pat Nixon has never been on the government payroll. Every dime that we have got is honestly ours. Pat doesn’t have a mink coat. But she does have a respectable Republican cloth coat, and I always tell her she would look good in...She would look good...

[A STAGEHAND ENTERS, wheeling a serving tray, on top of which is a single drinking glass, a silver ice bucket and a bottle of whiskey. The STAGEHAND wheels the cart to NIXON, who looks at it with disapproval and gives a wave of his hand, as if to dismiss the offering. The STAGEHAND takes the top off of the ice bucket, takes the tongs and looks at Nixon. NIXON raises two fingers. The STAGEHAND