The WG2E All-For-Indies Anthologies: Winter Wonderland Edition

A CUT ABOVE CRAZY

(The Prequel to Cozy Cash Mystery #3)

By D. D. Scott

Chapter One

There’s crazy.

Then there’s a cut above crazy.

And when your parents are two of the world’s top gemologists, you not only learn to deal with cuts – brilliant, baguette, briolette and the list goes on - but you also get damn good at dealin’ with the crazies that those cuts bring into your life. And by crazies, I mean the smugglers and thieves who transport gems around the globe.

So yeah, as you can imagine, my life to date has been anything but Mayberry. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I’m Zoey Witherspoon, Designer and Stylist to The Stars, a fairly new PI, and now the Princess of Caserta. And as if that’s not enough of a crazy-packed resume, I’m also the daughter of George and Suzie Witherspoon of Witherspoon & Witherspoon, the world’s premiere gem vault and lapidary.

Not sure what a lapidary is?

My parents are experts on all-things-gemstones, as in diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires and the four thousand other mineral crystals of the earth. They also are expert cutters, polishers and engravers of those same stones.

Seems like a luxurious lifestyle, right?

Well, it is luxurious, in a way.

But the sad thing is...this world can’t responsibly deal with the kinds of wealth my parents cut from rocks. Just like the world can’t deal in a socially moral way with the oil drilled out of our oceans and seas.

Y’all think oil is the only thing breeding and feeding terrorists?

Try handing those same thugs fistfuls of precious gems. Or showing ‘em how and where to get their own rock sacks full of ‘em.

The gem trade breeds an entirely different kind of terror. And I’m about to put an end to it...or at least the part of it I know how to stop.

Now you might think that, in order to do such work, you’d find me in the Middle East or perhaps North Korea or somewhere in Africa.

No dice...I’m in Michigan.

Here along the fabulous shores of Lake Michigan, it may be the end of the holiday season, but deep below the snow-covered earth of our Winter Wonderland, it looks like Christmas forever in my parent’s underground gem vault. Or if not that, it could be the main warehouse for all the high-priced, fancy jewels you see dangling and dripping from every jeweler’s ad on your television screen.

People may think my parents are just a crazy couple who believe they’re Santa and Mrs. Claus. And for those of you who’ve heard about our typical Hullabaloo and Holly Too holidays, the crazy couple bit might, on the surface at least, seem true.

But under my dad’s Santa Claus Workshop, through a secret entrance in the floorboards, lies the Witherspoon & Witherspoon gem vault, which makes The Smithsonian’s stone-stash seem paltry by comparison.

While a lake effect blizzard is blowin’ outside, things are really heating up down there...

Chapter Two

"I just can’t believe one rogue elf could steal anything from this fortress."

Those were the words spoken by my prince and fake husband, Prince Roman Bellesconi Umberto-Vittorio Emanuele Vanvitelli, while stepping through the fourth solid, anti-drilling and cutting, magnesium and concrete-embedded door leading into our vault’s main room.

Let alone The Witherspoon Blue Moon Diamond, and now your Precious Aquamarine too!

I couldn’t believe it either.

But it was true.

What bothers me more, I said, placing the coconut that contained our Blue Moon Diamond on one of my parent’s cutting tables, is why the hell did he give the diamond back?

Are you sure it actually is our diamond?

I heard my mother’s voice before I saw her.

But I couldn’t see her at all now. All the vault’s lights had gone out.

Roman grabbed my hand and used his body to shield mine.

Easy. Everything is fine, my mother’s voice created a much-needed sense of calm.

All at once, our Blue Moon Diamond began to glow with an intense orange-red phosphorescence.

"It’s our diamond all right," I said, sort of relieved and sort of scared even more.

How do you know? Roman asked.

Orange-red phosphorescence is almost exclusively limited to dark blue diamonds, I said, as the lights in the vault came back on.

That said, this effect is never as intense with other stones as it is with our Witherspoon Blue Moon. She’s indeed a rarer-than-rare blue beauty, Mom said, effectively completing Roman’s first gemology lesson.

And you can only see the phosphorescence in a dark room, using exposure to ultraviolet light, my dad piped-in as he joined us in the vault’s main cutting chambers.

You’re right then, Plum Puddin’, Roman said. Why would Stanley give back The Blue Moon?

First, I’m usually right. Second, Stanley has major issues besides his dwarfism, I said, thinking that was as good a place as any to start explaining my theory about our rogue elf. Plus, I couldn’t resist teasing Roman about my golden gut instincts.

What kinds of issues? Roman asked, his Dark Knight aura giving the word ‘issues’ a very sinister undertone.

Actually, Stanley’s size was a benefit in this biz. He could get away with a lot that the rest of us couldn’t, but more on that later.

Let’s just say there’s a major connection to our Blue Moon being contained in this packaging, I said, knocking my knuckles on top of the coconut’s hard shell.

Go on, Roman said.

As his protection mode kicked into high gear, his sentences always got more and more staccato, which meant I didn’t have much time left to evade his questions.

Stanley giving back our Blue Moon Diamond is probably a sign that it’s small potatoes. Or rocks, I guess, compared to what’s still left for him to steal, my dad said, having a seat on one of he and my mom’s work stools.

I didn’t like the worried glances passing back and forth between my parents, but they were right to be worried.

What’s left for him to take? And from where? Roman asked, again using his preferred short, very pointed and spot-on interrogation-style questions.

Our Blue Moon Diamond is small compared to what’s left in Brazil, I said, knowing I could no longer put off what was at stake or where it could be found.

Brazil? And coconuts? Roman asked.

Along with natural beryl crystal, my mother added to the mix.

We don’t just mine diamonds in Brazil. We also mine natural beryl crystal. What you know as emeralds and aquamarines and the even rarer still pink morganite, yellow heliodore and the rarest-of-rare, red beryl.

Ahhh. Thus the reason for the missing Precious Aquamarine as well, Roman stated, his mind beginning to sort through what was still missing from our vault inventory and why it was gone.

But why the Blue Moon in the coconut? Brazil has coconuts?

Brazil has much more than coconuts, my mom said, the normally robust color of her cheeks draining away to match the blizzard howling outside. They have The Coconut Highway.

It’s a coastal road lined with coconut palms, leading to our largest mine, Dad added, supplying the final piece for Roman’s mind puzzle.

Thus, Stanley’s inside joke of mixing carats with coconuts, I said, holding up the now empty coconut shell as my parents began examining our Blue Moon Diamond with their loupes.

While my parents got lost in their precious rock, I pulled Roman aside and out of their earshot.

Stanley will stop at nothing to gain control of our mines.

How do you know that? Roman asked, his espresso-colored eyes now darker than a ride down one of our mine car shafts.

Trust me. I just do.

Well, one of these days, you’re going to have to trust me, and tell me everything, Zoey. And I mean everything, my prince said.

And I knew he was right.

But how could I tell him everything, if telling him meant I could lose him forever?

Chapter Three

Color is the most sought-after and recognizable of gem traits. The more intense the color, the more valuable the stone.

These days, the most valuable stones on the black market, as well as the open international gem markets, come from our mines in the Brazilian states of Bahia, Minas Gerais, and Mato Grosso.

No, no, no. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. My parents are totally legit. They do everything they possibly can to guarantee our stones are legally traded.

But unfortunately, you can’t control what happens to the stones people steal from your mines.

No Kimberley Process Certificate determines whether or not a gem is obtained legally to begin with.

Here’s another interesting tidbit...

Do y’all know what gives a gem its color?

It’s the impurities and defects. The more imperfections a gem has, the more intense its color, and the higher its value.

Kind of gives the saying colorful people a whole new meaning, right?

Except...in the gem world, people’s imperfections don’t make them more colorful and entertaining. They make them that much more deadly.

I was walking a tightrope here, without a net.

Roman needed to know enough to be able to help me stop Stanley and his Brazilian smuggling partners. But if I told him too much, he’d become a target, just like I was.

Walking hand-in-hand with my prince, we silently took in the rows and rows of plate glass table-like exhibition cases displaying my parent’s meticulously cataloged gem collections. I pondered what he needed to know...and what he didn’t.

I hadn’t a clue how I was going to pull off this operation. But I’d best be thinking of something halfway intelligent to at least get us started.

I stopped in front of the 15,256-carat natural beryl crystal from which my family’s 1,000-carat Precious Aquamarine had been cut. Exceptional for its size and clarity, its extraordinary shape and few internal flaws meant it could only have come from the near perfect conditions of our Brazilian mines.

Aquamarines of this size are rarely preserved. They’re normally cut into brilliant gems. This hunk of rough crystal, weighing in at around 7 pounds, had enough of a Technicolor green glow that it could be used as a dazzling set piece in The Wizard of Oz’s Emerald City.

The beauty of these stones is that they never diminish with age, I said, finally summoning the courage to get this show on the road. That’s what my mom once told me, when I was a little girl and she was taking me on my first tour down here. She said that she and her curator colleagues used to say that...yesterday, these were kings’ and queens’ stones, today they could be someone’s cocktail ring, but ten thousand years from now, the stones themselves will still have this same sparkle.

Then it sounds like we’ve got some stones to save, Roman said, his arm now around my shoulders as we stared into the case containing the giant glistening green rock.

This is very dangerous, Roman, I said, then thought, who was I trying to fool, that wasn’t exactly the whole of it and so I continued, not just dangerous...deadly.

Roman laughed.

For the life of me, no pun intended, I couldn’t begin to fathom what was so freakin’ funny about what I’d just said.

I come from an Italian mob family, who also happens to be Italian royalty. I know a few things about gems and the smuggling of them.

Oh. I guess I’d forgotten about that part of my prince’s past.

So maybe we could handle this.

There was only one way to know for sure...

And just like that, we left behind our Lake Michigan Winter Wonderland and were off on a journey taking us to the beautiful beaches of Brazil, and nothin’ but carats and coconuts.

Chapter Four

My parents may have been collecting and bequeathing gemstones for the world’s grandest museums for almost fifty years now, but the Brazilians have been dealing with ‘em since the early 1700’s. That’s when the Portuguese colonists who settled Brazil enjoyed their first diamond rush.

Although enjoy isn’t the word either the indigenous people of Brazil or I would use to describe the rush to pilfer the natural treasures on which their homes and lives were built.

I’ve always thought one local Indian Chief said it best when he told me, I used to think that money was good, and that I wanted to be rich, but now I don’t. A little might be good, but a lot is not. It only brings problems and suffering, when what we really want is tranquility.

So much for tranquility, Chief.

When you’re sitting on top of the largest untapped source of gem wealth known to exist on Earth, no one is gonna give you peace.

How do I know this?

‘Cause my parents have been trying for decades to bring about that kind of peace through socially responsible mining. And yeah, socially responsible mining is a total oxymoron.

I clicked through the pages of one of the Smithsonian’s gem books my parents had co-written. I’d downloaded it onto my tablet for our flight to Brazil. I couldn’t help but notice Roman was doing the same.

Gems versus jewelry, Roman said, perhaps out loud to himself, but I capitalized on it.

That’s nature versus people and history right there.

Not always the best mix, right? He asked.

I thought about my parents’ collections of both fine rough and cut gems and gem-quality crystals. They’d done so much good with their holdings, but I knew their good-will-based and socially responsible study of mineral crystals was indeed more rare than the stones they collected, studied, traded, sold, and bequeathed.

You got that right, I answered Roman. In the world we’re about to enter, it’s nothing but carats in the form of conflict gems, basic survival, civil wars, genocide and international terrorism.

So much for our honeymoon, he said, squeezing my hand tight as he looked out the window to catch a glimpse of the Amazon Rainforests, which we were now flying over.

My heart ached, effectively blocking my ability to form the right words to respond.

It’s okay. It’s not like we’re really a couple, he said.

The pain in his eyes must have been mirroring mine.

I don’t know about that. But I do know I’m having an awfully good time as your pretend princess, I said, shielding my heart with humor, just like I always did when the situation called for it.

I guess all good relationships start that way, right? He asked, with a hint of insecurity in his voice I wasn’t used to hearing and one that unsettled me to my core.

So I’ve heard.

As our pilot told us to prepare for landing, Roman took my seatbelt and re-buckled it. After fastening his, he captured my cheeks between his strong hands.

"You’ve got to trust me down here. I know this world. You and your family are in a ton of danger. You’ve got to listen to me, and my family, and let us help you."

I wondered what all he’d managed to find out this time. And although I was a wee bit tired of all his top-secret background searches, I did trust him with all my heart, and knew he had our family’s best interests guiding his actions.

It still felt funny to consider us all one big happy family. But, we certainly were starting to act like one. Sometimes I wondered if there wasn’t actually more to our public charade than just a simulated relationship for the paparazzi to capture. And yeah, sometimes I hoped our show would soon become our reality.

I managed a small gulp before asking, "Your family is already in Brazil?"

They’ve been here a few months now, he said, taking his turn to swallow what I was sure was his own nervous gulp. I sent them down here before the holidays.

But...

I asked you to trust me.

And I did trust him, so there wasn’t a need for any more questions or explanations now.

Besides, we had a good seventeen-hour drive along the scenic Coconut Highway coming up, and that would be plenty of time to build our trust.

Chapter Five

Driving along the coastal road of Linha Verde is one of the most National Geographic photo-perfect routes in Brazil. Lined with coconut trees the entire way, it’s more than earned its nickname The Coconut Highway.

Dotted with fishing villages, patches of rainforest and miles of white sand beaches, it was hard to imagine we were only passing through and not on our honeymoon.

I knew the route by heart, but this time, my heart was a tad bit distracted.

Quartermaster R, who we affectionately call R, was back on the job and now chauffeured us south, past many sugarcane plantations, to Porto Galinhas, where we planned to rest-up for a day, while Roman and R tied-up some loose ends of their plan.

The translation of Porto Galinhas is ‘chicken harbor.’ For that reason, you see a bunch of chicken images around the town, along with totally funky-fun and quirky-to-the-max souvenir shops. Porto Galinhas has its own kind of unique charm.

Every time I pass through here on my way to our mines, I think of the rooster ornaments my mother insists we keep on all of our Christmas trees, one rooster for each tree. Why? The Legend of the Rooster is all about the triumph of light over darkness or good over evil. By including one on each Christmas tree, it’s thought to ensure that goodness will be victorious in the year ahead.

Let’s hope we have the chicken harbor - and all its roosters too - on our side.

After seeing to it that we were tucked safely into our pousada by the beach, Roman had arranged for a relaxing day of soaking up the sun on our patch of brilliant white sand. And mind you, my prince does not skimp on the details.

He’d thought of everything...including a huge white umbrella with a fancy canopy fit for the royal he was, plus super-comfy teak chaise lounge chairs with plush white cushions. A food table underneath a second large canopy was filled with every luscious tropical treat you could imagine.

He’d even placed on my lounge chair a gorgeous white floppy sun hat with the most beautiful of hand-beaded designs circling the stock, along with a pair of to-die-for Prada sunnies in a daring red color.

I’d just settled into my chair and he into his, when I heard the roar of an engine that sounded like it was from some sort of all-terrain vehicle.

I gazed over the top of my new sunnies toward the sound and then at Roman, who had a what are you lookin’ at me for? look on his face, which meant he damn well knew why I was looking at him. I then turned back to the approaching vehicle.

Why was I not surprised to see Roman’s grandparents – The King and Queen of Caserta - riding toward us?

Seeing them make their way to our grander-than-grand beach picnic in a dune buggy, however, was a bit of a surprise.

So much for horse-drawn carriages or motorcades being the preferred transportation for royals.

And so much for any chance of getting some much-needed R&R.

Chapter Six

Welcome back to Brazil, Roman’s Granny Veruschka said, smothering me with larger-than-life Italian kiss-kisses.

But that was Granny V’s style. Nothin’ but larger-than-life everything, which I suppose was second nature to a woman born into the Russian oligarchy, who became a world-famous runway model then married an Italian mob boss who also happened to be the King of Caserta.

Looking at her and then at her King, I marveled at how I was often more afraid of her than him, even though he was the mob boss of the family.

That probably had something to do with the fact it was she who’d, not too long ago, held me at gunpoint before drugging me and plopping me on a private jet bound for their Italian kingdom and castle.

But that was then. This was now.

And it did turn out that she had a good reason to kidnap me. She needed to use me to save her grandson. And what can I say? I like the guy...a lot.

Fast forward about a year, and thanks to the same grandson, the Duke to my Duchess, Granny V and her King Vitto were up to their necks in my family’s gem world smuggling fiasco.

How ironic to be welcomed back, by my in-laws, to a country I could probably consider my second home. Actually, more like my third home, since these days I’d basically adopted Italy as a close second.

From the looks of things, my Granny-in-laws must feel at home here too.

Now, that observation right there...did scare the hell outta me. They brought their own brand of trouble every where they went.

So are you two lovebirds enjoying your honeymoon? Granny V carried on with her all-social, cover-up conversation.

Too bad her cover was blown by first, my understanding of the danger that always followed her and her Godfather, and second, by the fact that I counted six bodyguard-filled dune buggies strategically stationed around us.

And to think in my life as a Stylist to The Stars, my clients freaked out about the paparazzi always being in sight. I wonder how they’d react to an entourage of their very own personal hit teams always at the ready to shoot off much more than their cameras?

No honeymoon yet, Roman said, while like his grandfather, never losing focus of our surroundings and the dangers we all knew were somewhere close by.

Why don’t we sit and enjoy all this beautiful food? Granny V suggested, practically shoving Roman and I into chairs around the feast-filled table.

What is it with Italian mobsters?

Every time they want to talk about the dangers of the family biz, they have to either be in a kitchen or a restaurant, the latter of which they secretly own. Or hell, now a super-sophisticated and regal seaside picnic station.

The mob thrives on food and foul play.

Apparently, satisfied his hit men were able to do their jobs without him long enough that he could eat with us, Vitto joined us for lunch.

We brought you a little welcome back gift, Granny V said.

I looked at Roman, who, judging by the intense look