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    Prisons without walls
    Prisons without walls
    Prisons without walls
    Ebook140 pages2 hours

    Prisons without walls

    By Yvette Kanarick

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Prisons Without Walls identifies the causes and reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship. The book deviates from the traditional models that explain abusive behavior and victims' relationship. Understanding the total man, this book intertwines the bio-psychosocial and spiritual perspectives on domestic abuse and intimate partner violence. It introduces a novel, holistic, body, soul and spirit approach, relating each aspect in a personal way that will empower victims to break the cycle of abuse. Written from a survivor's perspective, the author bears all and tells her story and the road to recovery and success. This book reaches the heart and soul of the reader that is experiencing abuse and gives practical solutions for a way out of abuse.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherYvette Kanarick
    Release dateJan 23, 2012
    ISBN9781466185937
    Prisons without walls
    Author

    Yvette Kanarick

    Education: Yvette Taylor Kanarick holds a Ph. D in Counseling Psychology. She is a Ph.D. candidate in a second doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology. She holds a Masters degree in Business Administration, a post- graduate degree in Education and has also pursued a Masters degree in History. She holds certification in Florida Educational Leadership and certification training in the Malcolm Baldridge – Criteria for Performance Excellence. In addition to state certification in education and Educational leadership, the author has also been trained in Project Management, Total Quality Management, Lean Sigma, Six Sigma- Green Belt and Six Sigma – Black Belt for Business Administrators. Experience: She is an educator with many years of experience, as a college instructor and has worked and taught at all levels in the public and private school system. Her varied portfolio as an educator includes teaching, curriculum design and development, academic and administrative leadership. She has experience as an examiner. She has been a CEO of Chayel Inc., a Florida not- for- profit organization, for the past several years. She ran a successful publishing company and is registered as a literary agent and publisher. Accomplishments: The author has produced six historical volumes provide an in-depth, comprehensive analysis of New World history, Caribbean, Indigenous and Native American, World and European history that spans the Pre- Columbian era to the present, that have been reviewed and widely accepted internationally. In addition to her educational works, she has also authored over ten inspirational and motivational titles. She has authored several books and training manuals on the dynamics of sexual relationships, intimate partner violence and abuse. She teaches, lectures, provides counseling and conducts workshops, seminars and training in areas of family and marriage, interpersonal and relationship skills, and abuse and violence in intimate relationships. She is a grant writer and provides business development and consulting, publishing and writing consulting services. The author is also a poet with works published in several anthologies and was named Editor’s Choice in America at the Millennium: Best Poets and Poems of the Century (2002).

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      Book preview

      Prisons without walls - Yvette Kanarick

      Prisons Without Walls

      By

      Yvette Taylor- Kanarick (Ph.D.)

      Smashwords edition

      Copyright 2002 Yvette Kanarick

      All rights reserved by International Copyright Laws. No part of this book content or cover is to be reproduced in any form without written permission from the Publisher.

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Than you for protecting the work of this author.

      ISBN 978-1- 4661-8593-7

      Contact Information

      Chayel Inc.,

      Tel: (561) 247 2712

      Email: Ytaylorkan@chayel.com

      ******

      Prologue

      My inspiration for this book came one day as I was walking down the streets of Miami. It was a few months after I fled my home. I was still a visitor to this country. There I was walking the streets, the tears were still in my eyes and the pain was still in my heart, but I was free. They say this is the land of the free and I felt free.

      For the first time in fifteen years, I walked the streets without being afraid. I still jumped every time, I heard a car pulling up behind me and I still felt the instinctive urge to run whenever I saw a tall dark figure looming ahead of me. And I asked myself, when did this madness begin? At what time in my life did I begin to learn fear and accept it as part of my existence? It had grown on me so long that I had taken it in and accepted it as normal.

      Now, here I was in this strange land where I was being called an alien. People looked at me strangely when I spoke because they knew that I am different. But, was I really different from the rest? How many others walked the streets like me, living in fear, because they chose to love? They love their children, their homes, their country, their jobs, their insecure securities.

      ******

      Shaken by violence

      I learned fear, I lived fear; I walked in fear. I walked in fear for my life until that day that I found that if my life is all that I have, then I have to rise above my fears so that I can keep my life. I placed the stakes on my life, so that I could save the lives of those I loved most.

      And now, I was free in the land of the free. I had no job, no money, willing to accept that which was beneath what I truly deserve, just so that I could be free. I was free.

      And so, I looked back and I asked myself about the things that imprisoned me; my thoughts, my insecurities, my soul, my religion, my principles, my beliefs; tools in the hands of the abuser to wield his power over me. And well did he wield it, until I became the warden of my prison. I built protective walls around my heart, around me and those walls kept in the fear and fed the fear that kept me a prisoner in my Prison Without Wall.

      ******

      The Empty Chase

      Searching but never finding

      Hoping but never seeing

      The better day I had planned

      Trusting but always losing

      Playing and never winning

      The games of life you played

      Believing without faith

      Dreaming without a vision

      Of the desert I call home

      This barren empty prison

      Built with shackles of promises

      And hopes that never come

      Running and always staying

      Weeping but never laughing

      As life flies by before me

      Maybe one day,

      I’ll break through these hollow walls

      And rise beyond the bounds of thoughts

      Maybe one day,

      I’ll find the strength to stand

      And leave these prisons without walls.

      Yvette Taylor - Kanarick (Ph.D.)

      ******

      Prelude

      I was a victim of domestic violence. I was a battered wife. No one ever told that I had the right to be free, to live free. No one ever told me, that I had the right to live without abuse.

      ******

      Each year, an estimated 5.3 million women in the United States are abused by their male partners. (American Institute on Domestic Violence, 2001)

      Every 9 seconds a woman is beaten

      Every 6 hours a woman is murdered by her husband or boyfriend

      Every year 2,000 - 4,000 women die as a result of abuse

      Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women

      Children are present during 80% of the assaults against their mothers.

      63 % of boys between the ages of 11 -22 imprisoned for murder killed the man that was abusing their mother

      Approximately 900,000 men in the US are abused each year

      (Based on FBI figures and estimate)

      ******

      Another Scar

      When I was a child,

      My mother told me about her friend

      When I was a child, I met that friend

      And that friend showed me her scars

      When I was a girl, that friend showed me a lump that had grown from the scars from the kick that she received from her lover

      When I was a girl, that friend of my mother died from the lump that was caused by the scars from the kick that she received from her lover

      When I was a girl, I knew a man who murdered a woman with a kick that he gave her that turned into a scar that became a lump that caused the death of his lover.

      Now I am a woman, I know a man who kicked his lover and it turned into a scar

      I know a woman threatened by a scar from a kick that she received from her lover

      Now I am a woman, I know a man living free to kick another woman to cause a scar to turn into a lump to kill that woman

      She would live with the scars that could turn into a lump that could take her life; and her lover would go free to kick another woman to cause another scar.

      ******

      I Have the Right

      …not to be abused

      …to be free from intimidation and fear of abuse

      …to be angry because I’ve been beaten

      …to have friends

      …to be able to share my thoughts and feelings

      You do not have the right

      …to isolate me from others

      I have the right

      …to privacy

      …to a safe place call home

      …where I am treated with respect

      I have the right

      …to be treated like an adult

      I have the right

      …of choice

      …to want better for myself

      …to have a good role model for my children

      I have the power

      …to choose to change my situation

      …to leave the battering environment

      I have the Right

      …to protection

      …to ask for support from friends and family

      …to request and expect assistance from police and social agencies

      …to legally prosecute my abuser

      I have the right

      …to a peaceful environment

      I have the right

      …to be me

      …to be free

      …to be the best that I could be

      You do not have the right

      …to make me feel ashamed

      You do not have the right

      …to abuse me

      I have the right

      …not to be perfect

      I have the right

      … to happiness

      (Expanded Version: Yvette Kanarick (2001)

      Adapted from: Victimology: An International Journal, Vol. 2 1977-78, No. 3-4, p.550)

      ******

      I am not to be blamed

      …for your shortcomings

      I am not responsible

      …for your insecurities

      I do not have to be

      …the brunt of your anger

      I do not have to be mistreated

      … Because you are hurt

      I am not to be blamed

      … Because I am battered

      I am not to be blamed

      … Because I am beaten

      I am not to be blamed

      … Because I am abused

      I am not to be blamed

      … Because I am a Victim

      Intimate partner abuse is like a prison based on a foundation of fear that victims build around their situation. The abuser uses a bundle of insecurities that the victim receives, internalizes and keeps within. As the abuser taps into the victim’s psyche, he recognizes these fears and pounces upon them and so the thing that one fears most becomes a reality.

      As the abuser feeds the fear and the insecurities, the victim begins to build walls that keep the victim trapped within the violence and the abuse. The abuser paints and reinforces these walls until the time comes that even when the abuser walks away the victim continues to live behind the walls.

      Abuse creates emotional imprisonment within the victim’s psyche. After a while, the victim begins to understand that abuse is happening, but the walls keep the victim locked away behind the fortress of fear, and prevents the bid for freedom. The abuser reinforces the victim’s fear and uses this as the key component to perpetuate abuse.

      Most murders in intimate partner violence occur after the victim attempts to leave. In my case, I had taken out a restraining order, but the person that had been abusing me returned to the home. He was armed. He said to me, you are free to go and come, but if you tell anyone that I am here, I will first kill the children, then I will kill myself and you will be responsible. For three days, I kept silent and told the world that everything was all right, because I was afraid of the consequences. The abuser, to me had become larger than life; larger than institutions and seemed even larger than God himself. I could not see beyond the walls that there was freedom that would or could come. I felt trapped. The forceful rage of the abuser instills such a level of fear that the victim comes to think that the quality of life, the individual’s existence and circumstances are determined by the abuser’s actions.

      Even though I am a survivor, there are still things that I carry as a result of being abused. My world would be falling apart and I would still say that I am all right. I had come to distrust the world. No one reached out a hand to help me when I needed it. I had come to think that I was alone in this world, I still think that way, and I do not let people in.

      But, one thing I have learned over the years that I am the only one who holds the key to free myself

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