The Secrets of Really Good Parents of Teenagers
By Susan Bailey
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About this ebook
Most of the issues that parents of teenagers face have already tested many other parents, and this book gives the reader the opportunity to learn from their experience and wisdom. The author conducted many interviews with parents who have already successfully navigated the teenage years. This book provides down-to-earth, practical advice and real-life examples from Australian parents who have already successfully guided their children through the teenage years. The contents include alcohol and parties, boyfriends, girlfriends and sexual relationships, as well as maintaining good communication between parents and teenagers. It is a book that is easy to dip into when needed, and is written in the words of actual parents. It is definitely not another parenting manual written by an 'expert', but more like a dependable, wise friend in a book!
Susan Bailey
Dr Susan Bailey is a Registered Nurse with a PhD in Bioethics from Monash University, Melbourne, Australia. In her role prior to becoming an author, she was an Associate Professor in the School of Health and Social Development at Deakin University, Victoria, Australia. Susan has conducted and participated in many research projects that focus on health and well-being, including co-authoring two books that provide advice for parents who have a child with a disability. She has also published widely in the academic literature. Her interest in parenting teenagers is both personal and professional, as Susan is a mother to two teenage daughters.
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The Secrets of Really Good Parents of Teenagers - Susan Bailey
The Secrets of Really Good Parents of teenagers
How many Australian parents have raised confident, responsible and happy teenagers.
Dr. Susan Bailey
Published by Gasp Publishing at Smashwords
Copyright © 2011 by Susan Bailey
This book is available in print at http://www.parentingsecrets.com.au
***
Smashwords Edition, Licence Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This ebook is designed to provide information on parenting teenagers. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher and author are not engaged in rendering psychological or medical services.
Every effort has been made to accurately and anonymously reflect the actual advice provided by contributing parents. All names and places have been changed in order to protect the identities of the participants. This book should be used as a general guide, and not as the ultimate source of parenting advice.
For Gabrielle, Annabel and Paul; for this and that and everything.
***
Nothing is quite so therapeutic, as a good long talk with a few old friends
Desperate Housewives May 3, 2010
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 Introduction
Chapter 2 Talk the talk
Chapter 3 Rules, boundaries, trust and consequences
Chapter 4 Teenage friendships
Chapter 5 Sexual relationships
Chapter 6 Sport, games and family time
Chapter 7 Getting organised, part-time jobs, and pocket money
Chapter 8 Mobile phones and social networking
Chapter 9 Alcohol and drugs
Chapter 10 Conclusions
References
Resources and where to find further information
Chapter 1: Introduction
This book is for all parents who need practical, tried-and-true
help and advice with everyday issues that most parents will face, as their children scuffle and shuffle through the teenage years.
Some parents have wise friends or family to seek advice from, when needed - people they respect, and who have already faced the same, or similar, issues with their own kids. Other parents are not so lucky, and this is where this book may be of help.
The Secrets of Really Good Parents represents the views from over thirty parents, living throughout Australia, who have already successfully navigated the adolescent years. These mothers and fathers have children aged between eighteen to twenty-five years, who are now confident, responsible and happy young adults.
In the interviews, parents were encouraged to talk about the most challenging issues that they had faced; what worked, and what didn’t work so well, in dealing with those issues. Naturally enough, the same concerns were raised again and again, and although a lot of the responses were similar, some of the ways of dealing with the challenges were quite unique.
Different ideas on how to deal with specific concerns, in the actual words of real parents.
The comments and advice are deliberately written in the real words of these parents; the words a friend might use if talking with you in person. You will be presented with different ideas on how to deal with specific concerns, giving you the opportunity to decide on what action suits you, in your circumstances.
Of course, there is much written about what a challenging job it is to raise teenagers, and much in the general media that would lead you to believe that the teenage years are a period of immense worry for parents. Almost every week, it seems as though there is something else to be concerned about: not enough sleep, not enough exercise, not enough respect? Too much screen time, too much alcohol? Too much, too much? From a parent’s perspective, it seems that your teenager will be confronted with multiple threats, and that this will be an immense and daunting challenge to your parenting skills. Well, although the threats are real, it is reassuring to understand that many, if not most parents, get through the teenage years relatively unscathed; in fact, many parents and many teenagers manage to thrive and enjoy these years.
Almost every week, it seems as though there is something else to worry about: not enough sleep, not enough exercise, not enough respect? Too much screen time, too much alcohol?
Too much, too much?
There are issues that all parents will confront, such as underage drinking and maintaining effective communication, but it is possible, as is demonstrated by the parents who contributed to this book, to address such issues in a way that keeps stress and angst to a minimum.
It is indeed possible to raise confident, responsible and happy teenagers!
The parenting style described by the parents interviewed may be described as active
parenting. Active parenting implies, as the name suggests, being involved and interested on a day-to-day basis in the upbringing of your teenagers. It means having a long-term vested interest in raising well-rounded, happy adults. It involves ensuring that teenagers are aware of expected boundaries and responsibilities; that they are treated with fairness and consistency, but firmly when necessary. Active parenting means being involved in your teenager’s life, and being actively interested and engaged in what they are doing, both in and out of school.
While active parenting does require on-going monitoring of your teenager, it is different from so-called helicopter
parenting. Helicopter parenting refers to parents who are too interfering or too controlling of their kids. It describes overly pushy parents, perhaps parents who try to avoid their kids making mistakes. At times, there may be a fine line between active parenting and helicopter parenting, and this is where common sense has to be applied.
At the other end of the spectrum is permissive
(sometimes referred to as indulgent
or uninvolved
) parenting. This style of parenting describes parents who really want to be friends with their kids. Very loose boundaries and guidelines may be provided, or perhaps none at all. Teenagers may be granted unwarranted trust and responsibility. Sometimes, this style of parenting also involves teenagers consistently receiving whatever they want, whenever they want it, as a result of parents’ false expectations that they will be rewarded with gratitude and good behaviour.
The Secrets of Really Good Parents is not an adequate resource for parents who are struggling with serious problems. There are many professionals available to help in these situations. If unsure about who to contact in your area, perhaps visit your local doctor to seek advice.
The book is supported by a website: http://www.parentingsecrets.com.au that provides references, further information and an opportunity to express your views and opinions, and to gain feedback from the author and other parents.
Chapter 2: Talk the talk
Fairly obviously, good communication needs to happen between parents and