How To Get Laid: The Most Comprehensive Guide Ever Written On Seducing Women

Introduction:

If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would astound ourselves.

- Thomas Edison

Several years ago I was a bumbling fool when it came to scoring with women. In fact I had never even been intimate with a woman. I’d never even been close. The only woman who had ever seen my post-adolescent birthday suit was my doctor. And the only breasts I had ever seen belonged to a three hundred pound prostitute in Tijuana, Mexico. She pulled her top down as I walked by revealing a nipple the size of a compact disk.

Yes, I was pathetically inexperienced in my younger days. I vividly remember one of my less than spectacular experiences. Somehow or another I had gotten a date with a not so bad looking girl named Amy from my archeology class. I don’t know why she agreed to go out with me. I think one of my friends falsely told her I was rich. Anyway, I picked her up in my Ford Taurus, which hadn’t been washed in months. Before stepping into the car, Amy had to remove fast food trash bags from the passenger side seat. The car smelled like spoiled mayonnaise.

Once we were on our way, I asked her where she wanted to go. She didn’t care. Well, I don’t care either, I nervously mumbled. I waited in agonizing silence for her to suggest something. Please suggest something, Please, I thought to myself. The inside of the car was quieter than a dead moth.

Do you want to go miniature golfing? I managed to squeak out.

I don’t really like miniature golf, she replied.

Yeah, me neither. Another stomach churning minute went by as I rummaged through my mind for another lame idea. We could go bowling or something, maybe.

Hmmm, I kinda don’t like bowling.

Oh, I said. Well, what do you want to do?

It doesn’t matter to me one way or the other. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.

Um, do you want to see a movie? I asked.

What movie?

I don’t know. What kind of movies do you like? I felt like throwing up.

All kinds, she said with her head looking out the passenger side window.

So we drove to the movie theater engulfed in an awkward silence. When we arrived we both exploded out of our car doors as if we were being held underwater and our lungs were burning for fresh oxygen. With Amy at my side, I asked the kid working at the box office if it was too late to get in for the matinee price. He said yes. I asked to speak to the manager. After my indecisiveness in the car, I wanted to prove to Amy that I was someone who didn’t take any crap. She just thought I was cheap.

After learning that the matinee price had ended two hours earlier, I discovered I didn’t have enough cash on me to pay full price. So we got back into the Ford Taurus and drove to an ATM at the nearest convenience store which was four miles away.

When we got back to the theater, the show had already started. Do you still want to see the movie? Amy asked.

I don’t care. Do you?

I guess.

Okay, if you want to see it, we can see it. I didn’t want to see it. What I really wanted to do was take Amy back home and caress the night away.

Well, I didn’t say I wanted to see it, she said.

We could see something else later. I was sweating now.

It’s your money, she said indifferently.

Eventually we made it into the theater. I stood at the back waiting for her to choose our seats. I didn’t know if she wanted to sit in the middle, the back, the front, the side, or the damn floor. Where should we sit? I asked her.

Wherever, I don’t care, she said.

Do you want to sit in the front? I was trying to be nice.

I really don’t care. She had stopped looking at me, I noticed.

How about the back?

That’s fine. So we shuffled along to the center of the back row. I didn’t sit down until she sat down. I didn’t do this to be a gentleman. I did it because I didn’t know if she liked to sit near the side or the middle of the row.

The movie was awful. It was a comedy that had something to do with a dead guy who everyone thought was still alive living in a beach house with two of his employees. The dead guy got laid. That made me feel even worse.

Was I supposed to put my arm around Amy? Was I supposed to kiss her? Was I supposed to hold her hand during the suspenseful parts of the movie? I was too scared to even look over in her direction. I sat for the entire show with my arms squarely pinned to my sides. I didn’t breathe too much because I didn’t want her to think I was out of shape. I laughed when she laughed. I kept my mouth shut when she didn't laugh. At the end of the film, I stood up. She remained seated watching the credits, so I sat down immediately hoping that I hadn’t offended her.

Well, do you want to go get some coffee? I asked her when we were back in the car.

Umm, I’d better not actually. I have to get up early tomorrow, she said with a yawn. It was eight forty-five.

Oh, okay, I said.

After another awkwardly silent drive we arrived back at her house.

I’ll walk you up, I said.

That’s okay, you don’t have to.

Oh, okay… Well, goodnight, I said as I leaned over to give her a wet sloppy one. She tilted her head at the last moment causing me to lick the side of her left nostril.

She backed away as if I was holding a syringe filled with the AIDS virus. Um, I’m kinda seeing someone right now. I think we should probably just be friends. I want to be honest with you up front so there’s no confusion later. I hope that’s okay.

Oh, yeah, that’s okay, I said, once again, humiliated.

Okay?

Yeah, that’s fine, I said as my eyes grew hot and wet. I’ll see you later.

Okay, bye.

Bye, Amy. Then she got out. She never talked to me again even though we remained in the same archeology class for the next eight weeks.

I was so confused. Everything I said on the date was wrong. I felt like she hated me. And even though I wanted to kiss her madly, I hated her all the same. Inside the car, sitting down at the movie theater, talking to the manager, and everywhere around us, it felt like death was looming. Negative vibes surrounded us like a hovering swarm of gnats on a hot humid evening. I couldn’t understand why every date I ever had turned sour within minutes.

It looked so easy for other guys. It seemed like they didn’t even have to try. It seemed like they didn’t even want the female attention that flooded them. I didn’t understand it. Why did I have to wake up sweating in the middle of the night from nightmares of becoming a ninety-nine year old virgin? My greatest fear in life at that time was that I would never get to hold a pair of breasts. I was terrified that I would never get to intimately feel a woman’s body. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed. Other days I found it impossible to speak in public places. I became a bitter, angry, sad person who was afraid of people and afraid of life.

And then something happened that changed everything…I got laid.

I got lucky in the truest sense of the word. I didn’t use any techniques that you will learn in this book. I didn’t think my way through it. Maybe I reminded her of her ex-boyfriend, maybe she was getting revenge on her cheating lover, or maybe she was just clinically insane. Whatever the reason, I got lucky. Eventually my luck ran out and the girl quickly realized that I was not who she thought I was. She dumped me like load of bricks, but she left me with something.

She left me with the hope that it could be done. She left me with the belief that I could figure this thing out. For the first time in my life, I realized that it wasn’t impossible to succeed with women. I had faith in myself. From that point on, I devoted myself to learning everything I could about relationships, communication, and women. Every single day of my life I went out into the field to gain new insights into what makes a girl want to take her clothes off and cuddle against you. Some days I would get rejected up to ten times. It was disheartening, but I kept at it. I read every book I could get my hands on that had anything to do with love, courage, and sex.

It was a long, difficult, and extremely painful journey that I took. It is a journey that you are going to take. It might be almost as long, difficult, and painful as my own. The only difference is you will have this book as a guide. I’ll tell you everything I’ve learned the past several years and hopefully the information will accelerate your progress toward your goals.

Do not read this book thinking that as soon as it’s over you’ll have your choice of anyone on the street. You’ll have to work. You’ll have to push yourself harder and farther than you’ve ever pushed before. You’ll have to put yourself in situations so terrifying that they will leave you shaking and nauseous. At the end of each chapter, there will be an assignment. These assignments are designed to slowly increase your muscle of courage and to broaden your mind. Don’t read this book if you aren’t willing to do the assignments. Give it to someone else. However, if you do choose to participate in these challenges and recommendations, you’re attitude toward life will make you a new man. Change can be a fear-inspiring process, but if you’re willing to push yourself through it, the rewards are unbelievably worthwhile.

Some of the recommended activities will include such things as watching an educational movie, reading a life-changing book, or listening to inspirational music. Listen to the suggestions and follow through with them. Some of the end of the chapter advice will teach you about investing, some of it will teach you about love, and some of it will teach you about amazing sex. Don’t slowly ease into this crusade you are about to embark on. Plunge yourself headfirst into this exploration. Don’t procrastinate on completing your assignments or proposed learning activities. Decide that this mission is a top priority in your life and make it happen.

By purchasing this book, you’ve already set yourself apart from the masses who lead lives of quiet desperation, as Henry David Thoreau put it. You are one of the few who refuses to accept whatever life hands out to you. You are one of the few who envisions the life he wants and manifests it. This is where your journey begins.

Assignment: Your first recommended activity is to visit your local video rental store and check out a film called Swingers. Not only will it illustrate some interesting attitudes toward success with women, but it will also set the tone for this book.

Chapter One: Goal Setting

Some men see things as they are and say, ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘Why not?’

- George Bernard Shaw

We’ve all heard about how important it is to have goals in our lives. Every high school student in America has attended the assemblies where some high-energy speaker talks about goal setting. Most of us have seen the Saturday Night Live skit starring the now deceased Chris Farley who played the overweight Matt Foley, motivational speaker, who lived in a van down by the river. Cliches about cars with no steering wheels, boats with no oars or rudders, and football games with no endzones are heard every day.

The strange thing about these cliches is that they are true. A car or a boat won’t get you anywhere without direction and a football team would be running around like headless chickens without endzones. If you have no bullseye to aim at, you certainly aren’t going to hit it. If you’re striving toward nothing, that’s exactly what you’ll get, nothing.

Goals work like magic. In fact many people believe that there is something unexplainable that happens when people set goals. Earl Nightingale’s famous belief was, whatever you consistently think about, you will eventually achieve. When the mind focuses on something, there is almost nothing that can stand in its way.

Many of us as small children spent the summer days with magnifying glasses lighting fires and burning ants. By focusing the mild summer heat into a single point, we could set fields of dry grass into blazing infernos. The dispersed energy of the sun rarely rose to more than ninety degrees, but when it was focused like a laser beam onto a single point, the temperature rose into the high hundreds. What a concept. Mild heat could collectively burn down an oak tree, ignite a newspaper, or burn a hole into a fresh piece of lumber.

The same thing happens in our minds. I repeat. The same thing happens in our minds. When our mental energies aren’t focused on anything, our capacity to achieve wonderful dreams are diminished. When our mental ability is dispersed randomly at numerous points, nothing spectacular will happen. However, when you focus all of your strength, all of your mind, and all of your heart on a single point like a white hot laser beam you can set the world on fire. You can do anything.

The mind becomes a magnet pulling itself toward your goal. It automatically makes all the right decisions. It doesn’t wander, it doesn’t meander, it doesn’t waste time. It runs in the direction that you have decided upon. When a fork in the road presents itself, your mind somehow unconsciously knows without hesitation which way to go. Will you ever make a mistake? Of course, but far fewer mistakes will be made when you have a destination in mind.

We already have enough information to make all the correct decisions on which path to take that will lead us to our desires. The only problem is that we aren’t exactly sure about which direction we want to take. When we set goals, we become sure about where we want to go. There is no ambivalence or hesitation. The mind already knows how to get there, you just need to point it in the right direction. You know how to succeed with women. Even if you’ve never been with a woman before, your mind already knows how to do it. You know how to get women to desire you. Somewhere deep in your unconscious, your mind and heart know exactly what to do to make it happen. You just haven’t made it a goal. You haven’t consciously focused on making it a priority. You haven’t written it down. You haven’t reviewed your goals every day. You may want it to happen, but you haven’t actually decided that this is your specific goal now and nothing is going to stand in you way.

Having goals is an important part of any successful person’s life. Goals are necessary not only to succeeding with women, but to making money, having positive relationships, and staying healthy. Here are some crucial ideas to remember when you are developing your goals.

They MUST be written down. If you have goals floating around in your head, then you do not have goals. If you think about your goal every day when you wake up, but you have never written it down, then it isn’t a goal. Something unexplainable happens when you sit down with a pad of paper and a pen and write down exactly what is going to happen. Writing it down makes the goal tangible. It makes the goal real. The goal turns from being just a fantasy into being a concrete part of your life. Right now I want you to find a pad of paper and a pen and write the following sentence: I am going to kiss X amount of women this year. Fill in the X amount according to your needs. You must write your goals down if you plan on making them a reality.

Make your goals specific. When goals are specific, they are measurable. If your goal is to become more successful with women, then it is difficult to achieve because you will never really know when to stop, when to keep going, or how you are doing. When your goal is specific, you know exactly when you have fulfilled it. For example, one of your goals might be to kiss Lisa by the tenth of August. That is a very specific goal that can be measured. On the other hand, an unspecific goal might be to get Lisa to like you. This is a very abstract goal that is difficult for the mind to focus on like a laser beam.

Have a deadline. When you have a deadline, it places some tension and stress on the mind to achieve the goal. If you don’t reach your deadline, so what. Change it. Not every one of your goals will actually happen. It doesn’t matter. Most of them will happen. In fact, goal setting becomes a wonderful positive addiction once you realize the magic and power of it. Goals without deadlines place zero pressure on your mind to succeed. The mind sometimes needs a little pressure on it to get things done. Pressure will cause you to unconsciously get out there into the field and make some things happen. How many term papers would ever get finished if there was no deadline or due date? The answer is zero. Make your deadline realistic and strive to arrive on schedule. Once again, if you don’t make your deadline, change it. You’re in charge.

Set positive goals. Give your mind something to look forward to achieving. Never set a goal that requires you to move