How Divorce Kills, One Step at a Time

How Divorce Kills: One Step at a Time

The Clinical & Research Evidence Showing How Bad Marriages and Divorce Trigger Strokes, Breast Cancer, Heart Disease and Much More

Published by Caxton Opere, MD at Smashwords

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

. Copyright 2012 by Caxton Opere, MD

Smashwords License Edition Notes

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All Rights Reserved. No portion of this book can be reproduced in any form without written permission of the copyright owner. This book was originally published as How Divorce Kills: The Medical Complications of Divorce by the copyright owner.

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, Authorized King James Version(KJV)

Disclaimer

The reader agrees not to hold the author or publisher responsible for any choices the reader makes using the information in this book. If you need help with marital problems or issues, seek the services of a professional counselor or therapist. The reader by purchasing or reading this book agrees not to hold the publisher or author liable for any decisions made based on the information in the book. All characters used are fictitious.

The author and publisher are not responsible for any choices the reader makes either for diagnosis or treatment using the information in this book.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Can Divorce Kill?

Panic Attacks after Divorce. Anger and Hostility Increase Heart Attacks. Depression & Suicide after Divorce. Childhood Diabetes Deaths Rise in children.

Chapter 2. Which Kills First: Marital State or Marital Status?

Marital State vs. Marital Status Is marriage protective or divorce more destructive? The 4 Cousins of Divorce

Chapter 3. On Marriage Failure and Divorce

Death Rates for Divorcees The Basic Elements of love

Chapter 4. Six Ways Divorce Can Kill.

Normative Aging Study ARIC Study Psychological and Pathological Reactions to Emotional Stress The 6 Ways Divorce Can Lead to Illness Tsako-Tsubo Syndrome or Broken Heart Syndrome.

Chapter 5. Vulnerable Attack Points

Incompatibility Infidelity. Abuse Ignorance

Chapter 6. Death, Divorce and Cancer

Higher Death rates in Divorcees and Widows .Cancer Deaths. Stroke Remarriage Lung Cancer. Breast Cancer.

Chapter 7 How Bad Relationships Cause Bodily Harm

•Reactivity and Mind-Body Pathophysiology. The Science of Worrying. Brain as Stress Incubator. Habituation. Post-traumatic Stress disorder.

Chapter 8. Mind-Body Research & Divorce

SP4 Model of Reactivity. Lab rats and Human Marriages. Childhood Experiences and Hypertension. Harvard Mastery of Stress Study.

Chapter 9. The Benefits of Marriage. Research Evidence

Wealth and Healthcare Benefits of Marriage JACC Study British Regional Heart Study Gothenburg Multifactor Primary Prevention Trial. The Pleasures of Marriage.

Chapter 10. Divorce Prevention and Treatment

Prevention Strategies. Sexual Deprivation LIMPED Syndrome

Chapter 11. Viagra®, Obesity, Depression & Pornography

Obesity Raises Prescription Costs •Viagra®, pornography and antidepressants Religion and Sexual Deprivation . Fibromyalgia(FMS) Weekend Migraine. Insomnia, Divorce and Fibromyalgia.

Chapter 12. Potential Drug Therapies after a Bad Relationship

Antidepressants. CRF Antagonists. 5HT-3 Antagonists. Chemically Erasing Painful Memories. PTSD. PTED. The Role of Brain Scanning in Divorcees.

Other books by Caxton Opere, MD

Appendix

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

But as for me, this secret is not revealed to me for any wisdom

that I have more than any living… Daniel 2:30

My greatest thanks is to the Almighty and only wise God who has given me the desire and ability to write and complete this fourth book in the series on Divorce Prevention. Many individuals have inspired me along the way in the writing of this book:

My wife and our three children, Seun, Ife and Seyi for all your prayers and patience for the missed vacations. Big brothers Anthony Abass and Dr. Francis. Professor Peter Ekeh, Dept of Surgery Wright State University and his wife, Kenny, for their input love and support. Bishop Julius Abiola of Christ Life Ministries who saw six books in the very first manuscript, Reverend Bamibe for helping me recreate a spiritual paradigm of forgiveness and love. Dr. Lazar, Dr. Lapunzina, Dr. Jeffers, Dr. Butt, Dr. Marlene Schwartz, Dr. Berkowitz, Dr. Gulrajani, Dr. Rahman, Dr. Reddy all at The Brooklyn Hospital Center, Dr. Eugene Sieglar at NYU, Dr. Atoba and Dr. M.A.O. Kuti.

To my schedulers at Correct Care Inc and The Schumacher Group for working around my need for flexibility, and a check of course!

Last but not least, special thanks to Mr. Rodriguez, retired librarian at the Brooklyn Hospital Center who worked tirelessly to help me find all the articles I needed to establish the core foundation for the writing of this book.

Foreword

The marriage institution is one of the most important concepts established by God. It is not surprising that the only comparison made in the bible to the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church is that between the bridegroom and the bride. Our understanding and approaches to marriage and divorce have been largely shaped by societal pressure, conventional wisdom, and cultural considerations. To this end, the original intent of marriage has been maligned and adulterated, even by those who claim to understand the institution as designed by God. Rather than the bliss and companionship that was intended, marriage has often become an institution to be endured and tolerated. Hence the rising worldwide divorce rate.

Divorce usually leaves a trail of pain and devastation behind it. But, as much as staying married is desirable, a marriage in chronic turmoil can be accompanied by similar devastation. Understanding the predisposing factors and the early signs of a failing marriage as well as the real consequences of divorce are first steps in mitigating the scourge of divorce.

In How Divorce Kills, Dr. Caxton Opere eloquently makes the critical distinction between marital status and marital state, a concept often misunderstood and ignored by society. He then elaborates on how a poor marital state progresses to divorce. With the mindset and intellect of a pastor, physician, and writer woven into one, Dr. Opere then delves into the medical complications of divorce and poor marital states, both from a psychological, emotional, and physical perspective.

If you are tired of a bad marriage and want to enjoy the bliss that God designed marriage to be, or if you are contemplating divorce but have not weighed the consequences then How Divorce Kills is for you. For those yet to marry or have a wonderful marriage, reading this book may also strengthen your resolve to keep the flame alive.

Abiodun Olatidoye, MD, FACC.

Introduction

One day while driving back home from work at the age of twenty-nine, I suddenly developed left-sided chest pain. I had been married for nine months. There was no explanation for this pain. I was physically fit, jogged several miles daily and had no history of premature heart disease in my family. Nor was I panicking. It just happened. As a physician, I began to wonder if the marriage I was in could really be doing that much damage to my body without me realizing. When I had another episode of chest pain about five months later, I realized that my marriage could kill me and sought Christian counseling. I searched the entire medical literature for an answer to how bad marriages affect your health but found nothing. His was in 1993. It would took more than a decade of researching and waiting patiently for others to publish their research papers before I could finally publish and thereby help others understand in scientific but clear and simple terms, how a divorce or bad marriage can kill. Remarried with three children, I have not since had a single episode of chest pain in the last 19 years, have remained in perfect health and will remain so for decades to come by God’s grace.

While divorce is considered traumatic, stressful and associated with worse health outcomes, such as death, cancer, stroke, increased hospitalizations, my own first marriage showed me that most of the damage to an individual’s health may occur while a person is still married and not after the divorce is filed or finalized. So while it is possible to escape from a bad marriage, the damage to your health may already have occurred before the divorce is final. It is also unfortunate that while you may break up and get divorced, it is quite possible that the only person to help you heal rapidly is the same spouse that caused you so much pain. This spouse may feel obligated to see that you heal from the damage and pain they had caused you in the first place. So while a divorce may remove you far away from the source of your pain, it could also remove you completely from the very source of your healing. It is important to keep this in mind because a divorce often creates far more problems than it solves. Running away from a bad marriage that could be fixed could do you more harm if you abandoned such a marriage. As you probably know, just because a couple divorces does not mean they will end their feelings of bitterness and hatred towards each other. Such roots of bitterness, anger and hatred are and the accompanying hostile behaviors following a divorce can lead to premature death.

In my very first book, The 36 Well Kept Secrets of Successful marriages and Divorce, I described in detail, the mechanisms of marriage failure and why a marriage may exist for forty years, still collapse and end in divorce. In Chapter 4, I have outlined six different mechanisms by which highly stressful marriages and divorces lead to higher death, disease and disability in divorcees. I have emphasized through all my previous books as well as in the more recent title, The DNA of Highly Successful Marriages-available online as an E-book at the Apple store, the importance of choosing the right mate and marry that person, avoiding unnecessary conflict after you marry, and what could happen to your health if conflict, abuse and neglect occur frequently in your marriage. How Divorce Kills shows you how a divorce, bad marriages or any bad relationship can worsen or trigger illness, cause premature ageing or lead to slow or sudden death. There are several medical, surgical and psychiatric complications resulting from a divorce or bad marriage including accelerated biological wear and tear. How Divorce Kills shows not only why these occur, but how to detect the disease patterns early before permanent damage occurs and even much better, how to avoid it altogether.

How Divorce Kills is dedicated to those who agonize from the wounds of a bad marriage and sometimes die from it. It is my hope that physicians, counselors and clergy who deeply care for those with invisible psychic and spiritual wounds would do so with a greater depth of knowledge and be confident referring them to physicians who care for the body before these individuals develop more serious illnesses that could permanently destroy their ability to function at their divinely ordained capacity and reach their life goals. Such helpers, counselors and professionals should rest assured that they are truly providing mankind a service without which the death, disease and disability rates in this divorce epidemic age could annihilate many families and breadwinners. It is also my hope that government agencies and other non-governmental policy-making institutions will understand the implications of the divorce disease-disease-death link and do something much more aggressive. Finally I hope that primary care physicians, subspecialty physicians, particularly cardiologists, neurologists, oncologists, psychiatrists and physician educators would incorporate the highlights of this book into their work on a daily basis. It would make the world a better place. In all, we must understand that divorce is not just a feeling or a piece of paper from the family court, or something God hates for no reason, but an epidemiological marker of death, stroke, heart attacks, breast cancer, dementia, fibromyalgia, disability and much more.

How Divorce Kills is for anyone from the layman to the seasoned researcher or astute physician who wants to understand the medical complications of divorce. Physicians and researchers seeking a better understanding of the connections between the mind and body or seeking areas for further research will find it quite useful. As would psychiatrists, marriage counselors, ministers and ex-spouses.

Naturally the number of bad marriages at any given time will exceed the number of divorcees. Since more people will stay in a bad marriage than get divorced, bad marriages would be the best place to study the varying effects of marital status on health. But herein lies the real problem. Many couples who are in bad marriages fail to admit they are. and their effects on health should be studied far more than divorcees and their health. How Divorce Kills shows why. Journals cited in this book are in italics and occasionally authors are similarly cited. Emotional stress is used interchangeably with psychological stress.

To fully appreciate the book, I recommend you see those in bad marriages as well as those who are separated or divorced as one group at risk of the medical complications of divorce. Otherwise, simply keep an open intelligent mind, sit back and enjoy yourself.

Chapter 1Can Divorce Kill?

Unknown Truths About Divorce

Would you believe, if anyone told you, that divorce could kill? You might not, and for good reason. In the last five years, a lot of research has been published showing how divorce can kill and for some strange reason, barely anyone has noticed. Divorce increases the likelihood of a stroke or heart attack, but it is not yet recognized by the American Heart Association, American Medical Association, and American College of Physicians or Stroke Society as a risk factor for either.

Divorce is a risk factor for strokes and heart attacks and it can kill. It does so via known and unknown but readily conceivable mechanisms. Statistically speaking, a divorcee is at greater risk of death, disease and disability and there is ample data to support this assertion.

Depression and Suicide after Divorce

Let’s start with the simplest, identifiable consequence of divorce, depression and suicide. Suicide can be used as a rudimentary tool for assessing the risk of death in divorcees because it points to unbearable psychological stress in the affected individual. According to the results of the National Longitudinal Mortality Survey published by Dr. Kposowa in the April 2000 Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, divorced and separated men were more than twice as likely to commit suicide as were married men. The survey also showed that singles, widows and women did not have such a high risk, implying that marital breakup is what increased the suicide risk and not just being single in these men. While the suicide risk is higher in divorced men, this is not the only thing to be concerned about in the divorcee. As a source of untoward stress and immense pain emotionally, divorce increases the likelihood of psychiatric illness and hospitalization. Drs. Bloom and Asher published an article titled Marital Disruption as A Stressor in a 1978 issue of Psychological Bulletin showing an excess of psychiatric inpatient admissions amongst the divorced. They noted that mental illness was twice as high in divorced individuals compared to their married counterparts. Marital breakup and not prior mental illness was the precipitant in most of these cases. Psychiatric hospitalization rates more than tripled for divorced persons and more than doubled for widowed persons when compared with married persons in this study. While you may presume that prior mental illness is what put these individuals at risk, the mental anguish attributed to divorce can be severe enough to precipitate mental illness while the marriage is still intact or once separation becomes imminent before divorce. Such mental stress stems from the trauma associated with a bad marriage, the shock of filing for divorce, separation anxiety, the loss that accompanies the final divorce itself, as well as any negative post-divorce interactions between ex-spouses. In all of these instances, the mental anguish in the affected individual can be severe enough and over time be accompanied by measurable physiological or pathological changes and could precipitate a fatal stroke or heart attack.

Panic Attacks after Divorce Increase Risk of Cardiovascular Death

Who would have thought panic attacks could increase the risk of dying. Many an emergency room physician as seen spoilt rotten teenage girls and boys in the middle of the night with panic attacks because they could not have their way. In adults, panic attacks could be precipitated by marital breakups, particularly divorce and separation. An ancillary study to the Women’s Health Initiative by Dr. Smoller and several other investigators from reputable institutions around the United States published in a 2003 issue of Archives of Internal Medicine showed that panic attacks increase following negative life