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The Life of a Stripper. 50 Exotic Dancers Confess Their Personal Experiences in the Adult Entertainment Industry
The Life of a Stripper. 50 Exotic Dancers Confess Their Personal Experiences in the Adult Entertainment Industry
The Life of a Stripper. 50 Exotic Dancers Confess Their Personal Experiences in the Adult Entertainment Industry
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The Life of a Stripper. 50 Exotic Dancers Confess Their Personal Experiences in the Adult Entertainment Industry

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For 17 years (and counting), Romana Van Lissum has been a cocktail waitress in a popular Vancouver strip club. In between slinging brews and burgers, Romana decided to get some answers to the questions we all want to know about exotic dancers. As a fixture in the industry, Van Lissum has the unique position to capture the stories of three generations of strippers both working and retired in a candid, confessional style.
The stories range from drug addiction, sexual abuse, psycho boyfriends, crooked clubs and prostitution to homelessness, porn and hustling. Van Lissum has collected 50 true stories from BC's top feature entertainers, from the heartbreaking to the glamorous; from the legendary to the comedic. "The Life of a Stripper" gives a vivid glimpse into the mystery of exotic dancers.
Welcome to the inside view of the world of exotic dancing. Get ready to find out the secrets, mechanics and drive behind the beautiful women that take their clothes off for a living.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateApr 2, 2012
ISBN9781476122441
The Life of a Stripper. 50 Exotic Dancers Confess Their Personal Experiences in the Adult Entertainment Industry
Author

Romana Van Lissum

Romana Van Lissum has been a cocktail waitress in a popular Canadian strip club for over 20 years. In her spare time, she loves to train her horse on the trails near her home and competes in 25 and 50 mile endurance rides. She loves to read, travel with her husband, spend time with her wonderful friends, family and many pets. She enjoys hot yoga and meditation.

Read more from Romana Van Lissum

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    The Life of a Stripper. 50 Exotic Dancers Confess Their Personal Experiences in the Adult Entertainment Industry - Romana Van Lissum

    Dedication

    This book is dedicated to Marsha, who was an icon in the Western Canadian exotic dance industry, and to all the dancers I have had the privilege of knowing over the past 17 years; the rookies, the veterans, the retired and the deceased.

    I especially want to dedicate this book to the 50 girls who bared their souls to me so that I could expose their experiences and secrets. Thank you for giving us a peak into your world - the crazy, unpredictable and misunderstood business of stripping.

    You already possess everything necessary to become great

    Crow

    Contents

    Acknowledgements

    What Others Say About This Book

    A Word from the Editor

    A Word from the Author

    Romana’s Bouquet…

    African Daisy

    Ayanna

    Azalea

    Bella Donna

    Bird of Paradise

    Blue Lotus

    Buttercup

    Calla Lily

    Camellia

    Cannabis

    Cherry Blossom

    Clover

    Daffodil

    Dahlia

    Daisy

    Danica

    Delphinium

    Fleur

    Florida

    Forget Me Not

    Ghost Orchid

    Ginger

    Gladiolus

    Honeysuckle

    Jasmine

    Jolan

    Kalei

    Kalina

    Lady Slipper Orchid

    Lavender

    Leilani

    Lilac

    Lily

    Marigold

    Morning Glory

    Oleander

    Orchid

    Peony

    Petunia

    Pink Lily

    Poppy

    Rhododendron

    Rose

    Saffron

    Snowdrop

    Sunflower

    Tiger Lily

    Tulip

    Violet

    Zinnia

    Strip Bar Etiquette

    Glossary

    About the Author

    Acknowledgments

    My heartfelt thanks go out to each and every one of these girls for opening up to me and sharing their stories. Without your time, honesty and patience this book would not be possible.

    Thank you to my editor and new friend, Carnation, for ensuring the stories were told with grace and, whenever possible, humour. A big thank you to an old friend Aqilla Aziz (or for those of you in the front row, Pleasure) for using her graphic design skills to create my cover the way I envisioned it. I’m also grateful to my daughter Kelsey Van Lissum for doing the photography, and for her unwavering support. And of course I can’t forget to mention my best friend and husband of 21 years, Rod. xo

    Thank you to my friend and long-time regular, Mr. L who gave me the idea to use the names of flowers. You know who you are, wink wink.

    What Others Say About This Book

    A very informative and juicy read! After over 10 years in this industry it was eye opening to read these women's stories and get THEIR perspective of an industry that I knew only a small part of. Once you open this book make sure all appointments are cancelled because time will fly by.

    —Dave Shannon, DJ/bartender

    Great book, easy read. Truly gives a person a much better perspective that not all dancers come from the same mold. Shocking and educational stories all rolled into one nice package!

    —Karli, Entertainer

    This book offers a peek into the private world of the strong, beautiful women who have chosen to become Exotic Dancers. Each unique, personal story in her own words!

    A fascinating and eye opening read!!

    —Dennis, Sales

    This is a very interesting read for everyone, but very beneficial to anyone who wants to get into the business. I love the idea of the life stories of dancers and reading this book. I have come to respect these women. Every story is different; some sad with a hard life and others with a good head on their shoulders, very driven women. It really takes you through their experiences and you realize that these girls have feelings, hopes and dreams like everyone else. I love it!

    —Carrie, Homemaker

    Romana's Bouquet of flowers is a fascinating read. Just like the flowers they have chosen, each woman is different but still the same. Each has her own colors and characteristics, strengths and weaknesses. Each grew differently. As you read you will find each is her own person but just like the rest of us, each is really two people. One, the person she is and two, the job she does. You will find they are not the stereotypes many would dismiss them as.

    A book long over due and a look into a world which is misunderstood and pre judged.

    —Mr. L, Retired

    Romana has done an amazing job getting these girls to open up to her. You’re getting every thought, hope, regret and dream from each of the dancers. Great insight into a profession that most times is greatly misunderstood. A great read!

    —Mike M, Business Owner

    There's a reason that tabloid magazines sell by the millions; other people's lives are very interesting! Romana takes this to an ultimate level by using the real life stories and struggles of exotic dancers. Who wouldn't get hooked on reading these confessions!

    —Alisa Clarke, Owner of Horsd’oovers

    The first story I read surprised me- it was so moving and heart-warming! Not everyone's tale is like that, but I appreciated the dancers' candid sharing. Enlightening!

    —Tammy, Artist

    This book is the most inner look into the life of a stripper and the intimate details of how they began their profession of exotic entertainment. The saying, Never judge a man before you’ve walked a mile in his shoes, rings true in these wonderfully illustrated stories. Whatever thoughts you may have had before about this line of work, I guarantee it will change your point of view.

    —Shari, Server for over 10 years

    Put your handkerchiefs away – you won’t need them. While some of the dancers who give us a glimpse into their lives here have undoubtedly suffered a few hard knocks along the way, as a group they are a bunch of tough cookies. Young (mostly) and beautiful, they are making some of the best money of their lives, and rather than being desperate to escape exotic dancing, they are managing their careers and banking their earnings. An eye-opening read.

    —Cam Braithwaite, Retired musician

    Love the background as told by each dancer. It reinforces that ‘everyone has a story…if only we’d take the time to listen to it.

    —Carrie-Anne, Mother and homemaker

    Van Lissum writes with frank honesty which will be appreciated by those looking to learn more about the exotic dance industry and the human condition alike. Her sincerity and empathy for her subjects and their personal stories is immediately apparent. There isn’t any sensationalism here, just a woman providing the straight goods on a profession not often examined from the inside out.

    —Clara Cole, Communications Expert

    Romana has a writing style that I enjoy. It is light and fun; I always want to keep reading. There is enough substance to make me coming back to it. A reference, if you like. Discussing exotic dancers is certainly a topic of interest to me. Some say they are artists and others disagree. Some strippers are natural dancers, some well trained dancers, some natural entertainers and some are disappointing. They have good days and bad days (as do we all).

    When you see a good dancer who has good training and is a natural entertainer on her best day, you will have no doubt that you have had artistic experience. They are truly a joy to behold.

    I highly recommend this book to you. Learning more about these artists is certainly worthwhile. Read this book with an open mind. Enjoy it. Give a copy to a friend. I will!

    —Roger G. Welch, Former President, Maple Ridge Pitt Meadows Arts Council

    If you want a real inside look at the world of exotic dancing... well, look no further. You’ve found it! A lot of people think the dance world is what they see in movies, on TV or music videos. But the truth is NOTHING like what you think you know. There are dancers from all walks of life; all ages, races and sizes. Some are mothers, students, artists, business owners.... the list goes on.

    This is an excellent read for anyone interested in learning about the people involved in the exotic dance industry.

    —Miss Rosa, Exotic dancer

    The Life of a Stripper has opened my eyes to such a misunderstood world. To know that these women are just as vulnerable, wise and normal as anybody else should be common knowledge. It must take a tonne of street smarts to handle such a hard job. The artistic licence that Romana has handed to them is the best way to tell all these different stories and perspectives. The samples I have read leave me itching for more! I can’t wait to secure my own copy!

    —Judy Chung, Lab Assistant, UBC

    Enormous and brilliant… crammed with characters unbelievably alive. Touches all human emotions; love, hate, hope and despair. See for yourself. This is truly a book to get lost in.

    —France, Business Owner

    Wow! What an incredible read! Fascinating to get a peek into people's lives and their different journeys that have led them to the world of exotic dancing. A profession we often look upon with great judgement. Some stories make you smile, while others truly make you cry. Thank you Romana for putting this together. Your book is a real eye opener.

    —Ronaye Ireland, Author of How to find trouble free horse boarding, even if you're new to horses www.HorseBoardingSecrets.com

    What amazing stories! I worked with Romana in the strip bar industry for eight years and met some amazing girls and lifelong friends. Ro your stories are funny, heart warming and some are truly heartbreaking. Good job friend!

    —Kimberly Williams, Hair stylist

    Very compelling stories! The more stories I read, the more I realized that all the dancers want is the same as anyone…the best they can do for their families and themselves. They all lead lives that are different than mine and that is what makes this book so interesting and hard to stop reading!

    —Brian, Retired

    I have had the joy of working with Romana for nearly eight years, serving in the same exotic show lounge. I was so excited when Ro first told me her idea. The anticipation has been killing me while I've watched her interview several dancers after shift over the past couple of years. I know many of the girls in this book personally and to see the sharing of their intimate stories is touching. Everyone is curious to know about the ‘life of a dancer,’

    and in this book, Romana has executed that wonderfully.

    —Katherine Romero-Blackwell, Server for 8 years

    Romana manages to move us in this truly powerful and provocative collaboration of engaging stories. Think of it as a Chicken Soup for the Exotic Dancer's Soul. It's depth of inspiration and intelligence is an admirable book you have never read before.

    —Sarah Lawrence, PR

    A Word from the Editor

    I remember my first time on stage. I don’t know what I thought. I guess I was waiting for the fear to hit - the realization of what I was doing. But it was something different instead. The lights flashed and I was on fire. By song three, however, the adrenaline was gone and it had sunk in that soon I would be naked on a stage. For forever, in a way, because once you’ve done it you can never take it back. I didn’t hesitate, though. I pulled my gear off and didn’t look back. I was home.

    Looking back on that moment now, what feels like hundreds of years later, I’m proud of that girl. She did it. We’ve all done it, and that’s what sets us apart from everyone else. We will all be, in some immutable way, on that stage forever. Dancing absolutely changes you, for better and for worse, but if you’re smart and lucky you will get out with some money, some good stories and only a few battle scars.

    Editing these stories has been a privilege. I knew it would be interesting, but who knew I would feel as proud as I do of my fellow dancers. Although we are all different; came from different backgrounds and made our way to the stage individually, I see a similar spirit in each one of us, in each of the beautiful wild women I’ve danced with all across this country. It’s this inner strength that makes me proud to count myself among these nomadic, furious, fiery hellcats. Thanks for the stories, ladies.

    Written by Carnation

    A Word from the Author

    For 17 years, I have been a server at a popular Vancouver strip club. Throughout the years, I have always wondered what a girl’s motivation was for taking her clothes off for a living. Is it out of desperation? Can they truly enjoy dancing naked in front of strangers? Is it the money? The attention? What road do these women travel to end up on that stage?

    Although I’m not a dancer, I feel that it is my duty to bring these women’s stories to a broader audience. During the course of this project, I asked my questions and lent an ear, all without judging or scrutinizing. I feel honoured to be entrusted with this confidential information, and to be able to act not only as their storyteller, but also as a confidante and friend. My mission is to do these women justice by helping them find their voice.

    This book will open your eyes, as it did for me. I apologize in advance for the vulgar language and vivid explanations. The stories are written here as they were told to me. You will quickly realize that the stories are not sugar coated, and you may find, as I did, that some weigh heavy on your heart. That being said, I encourage you to keep an open mind and refrain from judging these women. They are wonderful human beings just making a living.

    The main question that couldn’t be answered, by myself or the dancers I interviewed, was about judgment. Why are people (especially other women) so focused on judging and criticizing strippers? It’s easy to judge this profession as a whole and not take into account the individual paths that a person takes to get here. Dancers pay taxes (like the rest of us) and most of them work six and sometimes seven days a week. They do make a good living, but in my opinion, they deserve to make the big money. I definitely don’t want to do their job!

    Most people are convinced that every dancer has ‘daddy issues’ and comes from a broken family. This is far from the truth. As the reader, you have a front row seat to see exactly why these women made the choices they did. It is important for people to realize that ‘strippers’ are just like everyone else. Yes, some of them have an alcoholic father or come from a broken home, but this is also the case in the general population. Many of the girls in this book have parents that are still happily married. In this life, each person is ultimately responsible for making decisions about what they will do, and those decisions sometimes can’t be tracked. Do they end up homeless, wandering the streets high on drugs, or accomplish something with their life such as becoming a doctor, car salesman, teacher, or even an exotic dancer.

    In the end, you will come to realize that each woman has walked her own unique journey. They arrive from different roads but have all ended up at the same destination - a tough business, full of long days, late hours, rough customers and most of the time, living out of a suitcase.

    For privacy purposes, I have chosen to keep the dancers’ names (and stage names) confidential by substituting them with the names of flowers. I feel that it is my responsibility to keep stage names and private information confidential because it’s too easy for an unstable individual to hunt down a girl through their agency’s website. Also, using an alias allowed these women to be totally open and give us their insider secrets.

    You will find that some of the stories have been written by the girls, and the rest of them were written by me after I interviewed them. During my interviews, I spent many long hours chatting with these women (my longest interview was over four hours long!) and later transcribed our conversations, but the girls had complete control of what was published. During the editing process, some information ended up being pulled by the girls or the editor to protect their privacy.

    I’ve been asked how I picked the girls for the book. It was based simply on which girls happened to come through our bar that week. I also contacted girls I knew who were retired, with families of their own. Some of them chose to participate, but most declined, mainly for their family’s sake. Frankly, most of the retired girls I talked to were happy to leave this world in their past.

    I hope this book helps you to better understand the exotic dancing industry - and the women working in it - in a positive way. I look forward to you learning about these remarkable women as much as I enjoyed spending time with them and putting this unique book together. It’s been an incredible journey!

    All the best,

    Romana

    "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken"

    Oscar Wilde

    African Daisy

    My friend and I were working at a pub and she decided to give dancing a try. Six months later, she was back and she told me how great it was. So, I cut back some of my shifts at the pub and started working for a company that sent girls out for stags and bachelor parties. The money was fantastic! I figured that if I started stage dancing, I would make double the money. I didn’t realize that I was already making some fantastic money at the company since stag parties were usually on the weekends and I still continued to work in the bar through the week.

    I was 22 when I started dancing and have been dancing now for three years. Because I had been working for the company that provided girls for stag parties, I was already comfortable with getting naked in front of strangers, so my first day on the job was not too uncomfortable. My only worry was about what people thought of my dancing.

    My parents, sister and older brother know what I do for a living. Although my mom says that she is fine with it, I know she would prefer that I did something else. Dad was upset when he found out and now he treats me differently. He used to call me on my phone everyday and now he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me. My relationship with my brother has changed as well. I know he doesn’t like the fact that I am a dancer. We used to talk and hang out on the weekends but now we don’t and it seems as if we have grown apart.

    Growing up, I have never had any issues with my dad. Although my parents are divorced, my mom was a wonderful, strong parent. My dad was not in my life for a long time because of his drinking. He has tried to make it up to my brother and I in our teenage years. The saddest part of my childhood is that when I was 15, my cousin and I were molested by a family friend. It was a big deal because it ended up on the news where the guy committed suicide right before the court case. Because of the molestation, I hate men.

    There are some things I like about my job. I like the freedom and the fact that we are able to pick our own hours. I met some really good friends in this business and many nice people. I have been able to travel to places I never could have without this job. Working in this industry has opened up doors and opportunities for me. The money is okay; it is what you make of it.

    Aside from that, I hate the fact that my privacy is compromised. When I started out in this business, I was expecting to keep my dancer life and my private life separate, but that wasn’t what happened. Also, some people in the industry are pretty shady. They are never what they seem to be so it’s hard to trust them.

    It’s especially hard to deal with the jealous girls. I became friends with a certain group of girls and I was told by quite a few people that these girls were crazy and always causing drama. The girl in this group who was supposedly my best friend ended up putting an old dancer photo of me on a website along with my real name, first and last. She also posted that I was a drug addict. I’ve known of many other dancers who are on this website as well. It’s very hurtful and embarrassing since it’s not easy to remove. It’s sad to know that my co-workers and friends would do that to me.

    When that same girl and I were still friends, we were driving to an out of town booking during the first week of December in her truck. It had bald tires, but we thought we could make it. She was hung over and sleeping, so I was the one stuck driving, and I didn’t even have a driver’s licence at the time! I had been driving for 15 hours and I was exhausted, so when I stopped for gas I woke her up and told her it was her turn to drive.

    Five minutes later while she was making an illegal turn on the highway, we got t-boned by a semi-truck. We spent two days in the hospital as a result. This episode basically ruined our friendship. Two weeks after the car accident, I had moved out of my apartment building because I didn’t want to be connected with her since she was always lipping someone off and causing a big scene. She is truly a psycho. A couple of months ago, she showed up at the club I was working at and ended up punching me in the throat. Not too long ago, she showed up at another club I was working at and while I was giving a lap dance she got into the dancer change room and smashed all my make-up. It was $400 worth of brand new make-up and the bar wouldn’t cover it. She’s one person I want to stay far away from.

    I also hate all the unfairness in the industry, especially with agencies. They pick and choose their favourites and they’ll bump you out of work for their favourite.

    One of the scariest times of my life was when I used to be addicted to percs and oxys. I was spending $500 a day on pills and falling behind on my bills. I had to work like crazy and took no time off so I could make money to support my habit and pay bills. It was hurting my family since they didn’t know I was into the drugs and they couldn’t understand why I was working my ass off and losing my possessions. I went to see a drugs and alcohol counselor and with a lot of hard work and help, I am now clean.

    As for crazy customers, I just dealt with a stalker. A friend of mine brought a friend of his (a 35 year old good looking guy) to visit me at the bar I was working at. Right from the start, I had told this guy that my boyfriend had just died and I wasn’t looking for a relationship. He called me the next day and asked me to go with him to the fair, so I did. He also took me out for breakfast. Afterwards, he said that he was going to say good-bye to me since we wouldn’t be seeing each other again.

    That wasn’t goodbye though. After he left, he started texted me saying how much he missed me, which was pretty unnerving and creepy. He texted me to say that he wanted to come out to the bar I was working at that week. I told him not to, but he came out anyways. I was not impressed. At one point while we were outside, he started to rub my arm and get a little too friendly with me. After leaving, he sent me almost 30 text messages saying that he wanted to be with me and that he knows that I want to be with him too. I told him to leave me alone but he still messages me, so I just ignore him. If it continues, I may need to call the police.

    My weirdest experience was when I was dancing and my cousin came in. I noticed him sit on the other side of the room but I’m still not sure whether he saw me that day or not since there were four other dancers dancing. Also, I recently found out that my brother and his friends went to a club I was working at. They didn’t see me but when they sat down, they checked out the flyer on the table and saw my name on it. They bolted out the door!

    My weirdest customer is this guy who many of the other dancers hang out with. When I come to his town, he takes me out to dinners and lunches and buys me presents. He knew I had a boyfriend, yet he seemed to get too attached to me. Last year I had crashed my car and it was towed to the impound yard. I had to pay $2000 to get it back and since I didn’t have the money, he said that he would pay the bill. I told him that I would pay him back. While it was a lot of money for me to pay back at once, he said that he would be happy if I could pay him $150 a week. I agreed and told him how much I appreciated it.

    Things started to get weird and uncomfortable when I would sit with him and he would get mad when other customers would stop and talk to me. I wanted to disconnect myself from him and told him I was going to pay him all the money back right away. He got pissed off! Staff from another bar told me that he said that he wanted to kill me. I found out that he went into a club where my agent was one night and he slapped my agent in the face, yelling at him for not firing me. Shortly after, I dropped out of the circuit for two months. I haven’t seen him since.

    One of the weirdest gifts I received came from a customer who bought me a dress from a popular women’s clothing boutique. It was by far the ugliest dress on the planet. It was an 80’s style prom dress – in salmon pink! And of course he wanted me to wear it. I lied and said it didn’t fit me, so then he offered to have it altered for me. I gave it back to him and told him I wouldn’t wear it anyways.

    Some of the nicest gifts I received over time were chocolates and flowers. I had a customer that used to bring me amazingly delicious baked goods (even a birthday cake) from an Italian bakery. The biggest tip I got on stage was $700.

    My best customer is an older gentleman that is in his 60’s. He takes me out to dinner all the time, buys me shoes for work and other items when I need them. He will lend me money if I am short for bills, however he won’t cross the line. I know that he is hoping that someday I will change my mind and want to be with him in a more romantic way.

    Here’s my embarrassing story: at one strip club, the poles are very close to the edge of the stage (about two inches from the edge). I was buck naked and twirling upside down when my hair got in my face. I thought that I was on the inside of the stage but I wasn’t. I flipped over and landed in the lap of a customer. It was such a violent fall that I broke a couple of nails and knocked over his beer. I was so embarrassed, and I apologized like crazy! I even offered to buy him another beer. I guess my apology wasn’t good enough for the rude jerk because he called me a ‘stupid bitch,’ which embarrassed me even more!

    Something that you would find interesting about me is that I went to university for four years to be a police officer. I know this will sound a little strange to some people, but I refuse to work on the island because I’m scared of the ferry. The island also freaks me out and I get a weird energy from it. Four things I won’t leave home without are my hairbrush, sunglasses, camera and carwash kit.

    One thing that surprised me about this industry is after hearing all the rumours about all the drugs and prostitution, I realize it is definitely true after I have witnessed it at some of the strip clubs.

    Before I got into this industry, I wish I knew how much mental and physical stress was involved. I always thought that I would go in, do my job and leave. That is impossible because if something is happening in the dancer change room, for example, you’re involved in all the drama and bullshit whether you like it or not.

    I also wish I knew how hard it is to get out of the business once you’ve started. Once you get used to making a certain amount of money, it’s almost like a disposable income. It’s really hard to go back to a regular job.

    My boyfriend had passed away a couple of months ago and everything about the industry reminds me of him. I always talked to him about getting out of this business. He agreed and said that I should do something good with my life. I

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