A Psalm of Love

Psalm of Love

JayneAmandaMaynes

Copyright © 2012 Jayne A Maynes

Published by Jayne A Maynes at Smashwords

All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

ISBN: 978-1-4764-0817-0

Dedication

This is dedicated to the very special people in my life, those who like the heroine in the story gave of themselves when there wasn't much left for themselves. Thank you for the help and understanding you have given, I don't know if I could have survived without your help.

Table of Contents

Forward

The life that wasn't

A new beginning

Time! Friend or Foe?

Views of Respect

Time Lost

Changes

Surprises

The Funeral

Things Left Behind

Mistakes and Life

New Friends/Old Friends

Forgiveness

Nightmares

Giving from the Heart

Challenges Untold

The Past Relived

Mission Improbable

Home Again?

What Might Have Been

Trial By Fire

Changes in Life

Retirement

Lost Memories

About Jayne Amanda Maynes

Forward

Where does life come from?

Where is life going?

Is it possible to make life changing mistakes and still have things turn out to perfection?

To not have been through what I had. I wish I could have learned the lessons another way, but no, that isn't me, I can't learn anything the easy way. It all has to be beat in for it to wake me up. Watching the mistakes of others and refusing to learn from them, instead living those same mistakes myself knowing the end result and hoping somehow it will be different for me.

To experience the wonders of life, the joys of love. How could it be the only real love of my life was the one person out of my reach. I wanted to have someone to hold and be held by. For so long I fought against love knowing without doubt it held nothing but heartache, and now... now it's all I think of. Her smile the way her right cheek dimples in that ever present smile she has. I've seen smiles before, but not like hers. Her smile wasn't just the dimple in the right cheek, it went well beyond that. Have you ever looked at someone, really looked at them, and even in the worst of times there is a glow in the eyes that screams smile. That's her, a smile even in the tears of sorrow, a smile that warms the heart of everyone she shares it with, and that is everyone she comes into contact with.

The first time I saw her, really took a good look and saw her, I wanted to cry. There wasn't a smile, only tears. You could see a smile belonged there, but was strangely missing. How the tears wanted to flow, like the water in a river bed flowing at capacity. A dam filled to capacity needing release least it over flow and wash away the banks needed to hold the stream during times of great floods. Yet the smile was gone with not a sign of it's returning anytime soon. She was beautiful, you could see it in how she looked out for others, but the joy wasn't there, not like it should have been. She served as though she felt she needed to for some past wrong she had committed, some sin against someone. She served as if by chance she did enough good, she would somehow be able to find redemption.

I wish to go back when her smile was alive with joy. A joy that filled everyone around her and made the world so right for so many. How was it her smile vanished leaving only a need to serve others, caring nothing for her own needs. How could such a tragedy happen? Who could have extinguished her light so completely as to take the joy of life from one with such beauty and charm. What would it take to bring back what was stolen, to give the joy of life back to someone so beautiful and kind?

For eight years she was all I could think of, and I knew I was the last person she wanted to see again. Why couldn't I tell her that day I loved her? I knew I did, and hoped she knew as well. How was it possible she didn't know with all we had been through together. All the men told her how much I wanted to go after her, they all knew she meant everything to me. Yet she didn't seem to know and I didn't know how to tell her. Never again will I be afraid to tell her I love you. For me I got another chance, and I'm so afraid of letting it slip through my fingers.

Kent Jensen

Back to top

The life that wasn't

What's the point of trying anymore? It seems nothing I do ever works right. Why would she do this? What am I supposed to have done this time?

Andy next time you're in town your things will be in the shed, don't bother trying the house I've had all the locks changed. What happened? I knew we'd been having problems, but this was so out of the blue, I was sure we could work out the problems. All the years we'd been together, and now nothing, I had nowhere to go I had... what did I have? A bunch of tools that I didn't use along with some other stuff, the thing is it was just stuff. Everything of any value was gone, it was taken from me the day I got the phone call letting me know I wasn't welcome at home any longer.

I moved everything left to me into a storage unit and found an apartment to call home. I grew to despise everything my life had become. Everything that said, I had never had a life, because there was nothing to show for it. All those years and nothing! Nothing, but a few trinkets to measure a life. What had I done with all those years? Where did they all go? Why was there so little to show for them? I knew the answer to that. There was so little to show because every part of my life to this point was lived for someone else. For all these year I lived to be who others thought I should be, not who I thought I should be. I hadn't lived life, I existed in life, there was so little to show because there was so little life lived.

I sat in that tiny apartment looking at nothing and knew I had to live for me now. I had to do what I thought was right for me, and if no one else liked it, that was too bad, this was my life now, and I was going to live it by my rules. These thoughts all went through my mind, and as they formed they were dismissed. I was a nobody, no one would care about me, nothing I did would ever make a difference in anything, so what was the point. Why bother trying any longer.

I took up talking to myself as the walls of the apartment started closing in around me, reminding me of just how little my life meant to that point. I started asking question that didn't have answers. I started getting to know me, and what I was finding scared me because I hadn't thought anyone could have lived a life as mundane as mine was proving to have been. To one day find that forty years amounted to nothing was quite a shock. I had lived forty years and what did I accomplished? Nothing not a blessed thing, fifty years of living a life dedicated to others, lived for someone else, with just a few moments of time thrown in for self.

I really didn't mind living my life that way, but I knew I couldn't do it any longer, I knew that now, I had to live for me and not worry what others might think.

Andi that's great the way you do that, you are so wonderful. I loved praise like that, I wish it wouldn't have just been dreams.

Oh yes, a life lived for me and where does it start? It starts one day at a time. It starts with spending time getting to know me, and what I like and don't like. One day at a time and this time with me in mind. Life started to take on a new prospective it looked like there might be a silver lining to this cloud that at one time had seemed so bleak.

I started changing, first small things, then larger. It didn't seem like I was really making any changes, I still looked like me in the mirror, but the reflection looking back seemed to smile a little more. First was to change the clothes I wore, I went from the pullover shirts that she bought me, to either button or snap front shirts. Next was the pants I wore, as the jeans she bought wore out I replaced them with jeans that fit better, that weren't as baggy in the seat. The shoes, she bought me tennis shoes and I wanted boots, the cost was more, but all I had left was me so what the heck, I liked them better and felt better wearing them. She hated hats so I bought a new hat that I thought looked great.

I started looking at other changes I could make, and found I needed to have people I could talk to, so I started going to the clubs on the weekends. I didn't think about picking up girls, I just didn't want to be alone. Invariably it seemed like I never had to go home alone if I didn't want, but didn't feel that taking advantage of the women I met would be something I could do so invariably I would offer a ride, but told them up front it was only a ride, I wasn't looking for anything more than a friendly face. One of the woman I met and gave a ride invited me in and when I refused she wanted to know why.

Andy are you sure you won't come in? Connie asked.

Connie I told you this was just a ride home.

I've had a lot of men tell me that and want to come in and get better acquainted once we got here. Would you at least walk me to the door?

After walking her to the door she again invited me in, to which I again declined. She unlocked the door and turned to me one last time and threw her arms around my neck giving me a kiss. Thank you Andy I had a great time and maybe we can do this again.

The next week Connie was back at the club and when I walked in she came up and invited me to her table.

Hello Andy, why don't you join us at our table.

Hello Connie. I looked around and accepted her invitation. As she introduced everyone she was sitting with all the girls with her smiled and gave me a hug. One of them asked if I was gay.

Me gay? Yea right! I was impotent and had been for some time, but I didn't think I was gay. Sure I'd looked at men and wondered what it might be like, but that was as far as it ever went. I smiled at them and assured them I was straight and they all giggled. I invited Amanda to dance and as we reached the dance floor she said her and Connie had a surprise for me when it was time to leave, she kissed me, and we danced.

When we got back to the table the other girls insisted I dance with each of them. By the time I'd danced with all of them they said it was time to go. Connie and Amanda both asked if I would be willing to give them a ride as the others all left without them. As we got in the car the girls smiled and told me where they wanted to go, making me promise I would be willing to come in with them when we got there.

As I made the last turn into Connie's complex the girls started giggling about how much fun they were going to have. Andy you have to promise not to get mad, but let us finish what we start, ok? Amanda asked.

I looked over at them and smiled, let them finish whatever it was they were going to do without getting mad. Sounded simple enough, what could they do that would get me mad? I was looking at changing my life and this was going to be something new so why not go along? I made the promise parking were they said to. As we got to a different apartment than the one Connie had gone to last time I started to ask, but changed my mind, they knew where we were going not me, so I followed along.

As we entered the apartment the girls started saying how much fun they were going to have. Connie looked at me and asked if I was sure I wanted to go through with what they had in mind? I assured her whatever it was, it was going to be better than what my past held, so yes, I wanted to go through with it and I wouldn't get upset. Amanda said I needed to strip, that to do it right I would need to remove all my clothes. She assured me when it was over I could have my clothes back, but they hoped I would... Amanda I promised and I always keep my word. If getting undressed is what needs doing, lets get it done. I proceeded to get undressed. As the last of my clothes came off Amanda led me to the wash room were awaited a tub of hot water.

As I slipped into the water Connie came over with a razor and said they needed to remove the hair on my legs, chest, back, and underarms. I looked at her as she said it and she didn't even crack a smile other than to reassure me they knew what they were doing. Andy you aren't the first we've done this with, and chances are you won't be the last either. Just relax and let us pamper you for a while. If you want I can slip in with you, if it will make things a little more comfortable for you, Amanda said as she removed her bra and hooked the waist band of her panties.

As Amanda slid her panties down I noticed that she... what kind of girls are these girls? Amanda was hung better than I was, and all I could do was stare. I wanted to take her in my hands... I wanted to... I wanted to let her have me. As she settled in the tub Connie started getting undressed as well. Andy I hope you don't mind, all of us at the club tonight are this way, but some of us hope one day to... well you understand I'm sure, Connie said.

I understand? What is it I understood? Was it that these girls were all better hung than I was and yet so gorgeous that any man would have lost his cookies just looking at them? No that wasn't it at all I wasn't sure just what it was I understood, but I knew I was very much like these girls. Connie and Amanda shaved all the hair on my body, then shaved my face even though it didn't need it. Once they were done shaving me they drained the tub and turned on the shower so I could rinse off, and handed me a towel to hold as they rubbed me down with baby oil. When I was dry they handed me a pair of panties with orders to put them on, next was a bra and breast forms. Amanda helped me with the bra and took the breast forms and tucked them into the bra for me. Once that was done they helped me with a dress and wig, sat me down and did make-up. Once I had the wig and make-up they asked if I had ever walked in heels before. I think they got the idea I hadn't when I looked at them as though they had lost their minds.

They handed me a pair of heels and Connie helped me put them on. As she stood up she asked how my balance was and put out a hand to help me to my feet. As I stood for the first time in heels I wobbled a little and took a few steps testing how hard they were to walk in.

Andrea we have somewhere in mind that we aren't willing to share with the others from the club tonight. The men there are straight, but they do know the kind of girls we are, Connie said.

If you're up for it we can show you a great time and get you laid too, but like Connie said the guys there are straight and they want women not drag-queens. If you aren't up to being a woman... Amanda followed.

I looked at them and thought about what they were saying and remembered what they had hidden in their skirts and asked just how we were supposed to pull off being women when we were better hung than most men.

Andrea can you do the things girls do? Amanda asked

She looked at me wanting an answer, I thought about it and nodded that I was up to the task, or was at least willing to give it my best. Connie pulled up my skirt and pulled down my panties. Together they gave me what they called a prosthesis and showed me how it worked. They said that with this a man could have sex with me and never know I had the same kind of equipment he did, for all he would know I was just what he wanted me to be. They told me I didn't need to take it off to relieve myself either, but it would need a thoroughly cleaning when the night was done. They asked if I was sure I wanted to do this and encouraged me saying they knew how hard it was to go out the first time in public, and they wouldn't make me do anything I didn't feel I was up to.

I wouldn't have to do anything I wasn't ready for? I wasn't sure just what they meant by that, what was it we were going to be doing? We got in my car and they told me were they wanted to go and I sat there looking at them. Were we really going to go to that club, I had a membership to that club in my male name, not the name I intended on using tonight. Right, I get to the door and present a membership card with the name Andrew on it and try telling them it's mine, surely they would take it away and turn me around, or more likely call the cops to have me arrested for stealing the membership card. I looked out the windshield and reached for the key, was I really ready for this? Was I more like these girls then I knew?

Are you ok Andrea? Connie asked.

I looked over at her and in the best female voice I thought I had I said no. I didn't know if I could be a girl and that was what they wanted me to be. I sat there with the car running not doing anything but thinking of everything that could and likely would go wrong. Connie, Amanda I don't know if I can... I want to do this, but I'm not sure I can. I said again using the best female voice I could find.

Andrea if you would rather go where the others went it's ok, I know it may seem safer than trying to fit in with what others call normal at first, Amanda said.

I looked over at her and just shook my head, I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew I couldn't just... I didn't know what I could, or couldn't do. Did I sound like a girl or not, I didn't know, I needed to know the voice I had fit the image. When I asked them they said I did need to work on the voice and it would become perfect in time, but it was good enough for tonight, unless I wanted to try something else less risqué. I asked what they meant and they just smiled.

We could always go shopping, Amanda blurted out.

Shopping now that was something I thought I could handle. I put the car in gear and headed for the mall. Once at the mall we went shopping and I started buying things I'd always wanted and looked at, things I had tried to get my ex to wear. Things like dresses, skirts, lingerie, heels... the list goes on. By the time we were done I had a new wardrobe. Where was I going to put all the things I bought, I didn't have a clue, but I knew I had to have them. I had to be me and I finally knew who I was, I wasn't Andy or Andrew, I was Andrea, a woman, and I loved it. I knew this night was just the first time I would be dressing and going shopping, I knew there were many things yet to come that would mean Andrea was in charge. I wanted Andrea to be in charge more and more until one day she was all that was left of what had once been a miserable life. I knew she could make it exciting, and worth living I wanted all she had to offer, and that meant one day she was all that would be left.

Connie, Amanda I want to know? Is this all the harder it is to be me? All I have to do is put on some pretty clothes and a little makeup and talk like this and I can be free of the burden of living a meaningless life? I asked.

They both looked at me and smiled, taking my hand and saying there was still time to have a little more fun if I was up for it. We headed for the club they wanted to go to before. When we arrived there were some men standing out front to meet us and they introduced me to them saying I was the same kind of girl they were and looking for a good time. One of the guys had to have been well over six feet tall and built like... well he was able to lift me like I was nothing and in the process he laid a kiss on me that took my breath away.

When he set me on my feet I introduced myself. Hi I'm Andrea, I said.

He smiled at me and said his name was Leon and he thought I was about the prettiest thing he had ever seen. I blushed and smiled back, it took all I could do to use the female voice I had been using, but somehow I managed.

When we got inside Leon and the other men said they wanted to dance, but Connie and Amanda said they would have to wait until we got back from freshening up first. They took me to the ladies room and said if I wanted to get laid, tonight was a very real possibility. They told me Leon had seen through the other girls they brought here and it didn't seem he had this time, but then all the others failed to maintain their female voice as soon as they had seen him. I looked at them and said I was to scared to even try using any other voice since I looked like I girl I was a girl, at least until I didn't look like a girl anymore. I told them I hoped one day the girl was all that was left, because I felt real for once in my life, I didn't feel I was trying to be someone I wasn't anymore.

They smiled at me again and told me they felt the same way when they started. They went on to tell me it is never to late to discover who you are and said they were sure if I let tonight happen I would never want things back the way they had been again. So much they said and I knew I didn't want to be Andy again already, I was having way too much fun being Andrea.

Back to top

A new beginning

The guys watched as we headed for the ladies room, just before going in I saw Leon blow me a kiss. When the door shut Amanda grabbed my arm and asked how far I was going to let it go with him tonight. I started to say something then thought about the kiss he blew me. How far was I willing to let things go if it came to it? I didn't really know, I wanted to say however far he wanted to go, but I wasn't sure just how far that might be and... yes I wanted to know what it would be like, but I didn't want to rush anything, if it happened, it happened, but I wasn't going to let him think I was a whore either, I wanted him to respect me for the woman I was. Where did that come from, the woman I am? I'm not a woman, am I? I looked in the mirror and gasped were was I? There was Amanda on my right, and Connie on my left but who was... what was my sister doing... no not my sister, me. The me I saw every night in my dreams. I had seen this woman every night for as long as I could remember and never had a clue who she was, or why she always did the things I would have done.

With my gasp both Amanda and Connie looked at me and grinned as they realized I hadn't looked in a mirror until just then. Yes, we had gone shopping, but I didn't look in the mirror I took their word for whether, or not something looked good. I learned a long time ago that mirrors lied about what someone looked like because mine had always shown a loser, some guy that couldn't win at anything. And here in this ladies room I saw me, the me I saw every night in my dreams. The me I had always known I was, but never thought to allow out where she could be seen, even by me. I wanted to cry, mirrors didn't lie, they did show the truth, if only I was willing to look beyond the mask. Here looking in the mirror stood this beautiful middle aged woman I had seen for so long and never realized just who she was.

I remembered her when she was just a little girl playing with dolls. Mommy isn't she pretty? Roxie said one day when we were stuck inside with the chicken pox. I wanted to cry if only mom hadn't been so upset and let me be me. I just wanted to be me and she said I had to be a boy, and boys didn't wear girl clothes. A tear started to run down my check as I remembered how Ellen said she wanted me to dress up for our first Halloween party together. Oh come on Andy it'll be so much fun, she said as she pulled out a dress that was so short I blushed at the thought of her wearing it. How could this be? How could I not have known who I was all these years? Yes I had dressed before now, but never with the intent of being anything but a guy wearing a dress for Halloween, mom had seen to that back when again Roxie and I were playing with her dolls, and again I was dressed in her clothes. Andy how many times do I have to tell you boys don't wear dresses. Boys wear pants and are dads, girls wear dresses and are moms.

Another tear on the other cheek and yet another, I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to shout that finally I knew who I was, I had seen myself for the first time in I didn't know how many years. Connie put her arm around me and told me to go ahead and let it out, let all the hurt go so I could be myself without all that bottled up crap I had lived with for so long. As the tears slowed and finally stopped they helped me fix my make-up. Andrea, Leon is a sex therapist and we were hoping he might be willing to take you as a patient. He's one of the best and if this is who you really are he can help, Amanda said.

If this is... how could anyone not know this is the real me? I looked in the mirror again and knew that had the world been perfect, Andrea would be the one the world knew, not the man I had tried so hard to prove I was. Did I really want to change? Did I want to let the world know the real me? The me I had only known in my dreams until... until what, until tonight? No tonight wasn't the first time I had met Andrea, I met Andrea years ago, back on those days when Roxie and I played together. Mom said I couldn't wear girl clothes, but that didn't mean I couldn't be a girl and Roxie made sure I got that chance. How would she feel now though, could she still accept me as a sister? I got my phone out to call her, I had to know if she still believed her younger sibling was a girl, or if she had submitted to the idea that I was a boy after all these years.

I flipped open the phone and there on the face sat the current time and I started to put it back in my purse. I couldn't call her at this hour, she had to be asleep, she was 2 hours ahead of me and it was late here. As I was ready to give up talking to her this night the phone rang. When I answered, it was mom saying I needed to come home as soon as possible, dad was in the hospital and he might not last until I could get there.

Connie, Amanda I have to go, that call was... my dad's dying and he may be gone before I can get there. I... I... I started crying again and they gave me a hug and said they understood. Connie went out to the men and said we were sorry, but tonight was off as something urgent just come up and I needed to go out-of-town for a while. As Amanda and I came out of the restroom Leon was standing there and said anytime I needed he would be happy to take me as a patient and hoped whatever had caused the problem tonight wasn't too serious, that I wouldn't give up on being the real me.

The real me? Who was the real me? Was I Andy or Andrea? I had to know, the thing was I already knew who the real Andi was and that was the Andi I was tonight. Connie said she had some things she needed to take care of here or she would insist on going with. Amanda looked at me with a dare to try stopping her from going with. She ask that Leon make sure Connie got home which he readily agreed to and her and I headed for the car.

Give me the keys Andrea you're in no shape to drive, Amanda said.

As we reached the car Amanda got in the driver side so I got in the passenger seat and handed her the keys. Don't you ever put gas in this thing Hun? she asked. She headed for the nearest gas station and my phone rang again. I was so afraid it was mom telling me dad was gone, I started crying again and answered the phone. What a surprise to have Roxie on the other end.

Hey sis you need to get home dad wants to see you.

I told her I was on my way, that she called me sis hadn't even made a connection at that point. How is he Rox? I asked.

She told me he had seen better days, but seeing his youngest daughter should bring a little life back into his world. It hit me what she said and the voice I was using, I hadn't realized, but I was still dressed as the me I wanted to be, and it seemed I wasn't going to have much choice about changing back since the only clothes I had in the car were the ones we bought that night. I looked over at Amanda and smiled, the tears running down my face even harder. The tears weren't tears of sorrow, but of joy, my sister knew who I was and accepted without question, but more, she said dad seemed to be ok with it too.

We arrived at the hospital and Roxie met us in the parking lot. How is he sis? I asked.

As we headed into the hospital she told me, he collapsed just before she got there and it didn't look like he was going to pull out of it. She decided it was time to talk about the past, how her best memories of me had been the ones where she dressed me as a girl. She told him of all the times I had begged her even after mom made it clear I was a boy and would act like a boy, or else. They talked about how he would look in on me so many times at night and seen me laying there wearing her nighties, and he remembered when he was watching us she would dress me in her clothes and the two of us would sit there playing dolls.

I thought back on it and most of the time I dressed was when dad was home with us and mom was off doing whatever it was she did. I hadn't remembered the times dad would come in while we were playing and he would smile and ask if his girls wanted some ice cream. I didn't think about it because nothing was ever said about it, but thinking about it now stirred the memory of how it all started.

I want to play too, I complained, I want to be a mommy too.

But you're a boy, Roxie said.

I am not, I'm a girl too.

Roxie looked at me and said I was a boy because I dressed like a boy, and boys couldn't be mommies they had to be daddies. I started crying, saying I didn't want to be a boy, I was a girl too. Roxie said I could be a girl if I wanted, but I would have to dress like a girl to be a mommy, and got one of her dresses out and a pair of panties. She said if I was a girl I had to wear girl panties too and that girls didn't stand to go potty so I would have to sit or I wasn't really a girl.

I looked at her as though she were weird of course girls sat down to pee how could they pee standing up? How could anyone pee standing up?

Roxie how did you know I was never really male? Even I thought I was most of my life?

She looked at me and smiled. Andrea, you've always been Andrea to me. From the first time you cried because you couldn't be a mommy until today you've always been my sister. All my friends thought of you as just one of the girls too.

Another memory came at that. Andrea want to go to the mall with me and Kelly?

Did I want to go to the mall? Go shopping with Roxie and Kelly? Yes I wanted to go, I loved going shopping.

You'll have to be a girl.

She did that so many times looking for ways for me to be a girl if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends. She never had to do more than ask, she knew I would dress and go anywhere. I smiled at the memory and asked if she wanted to see what I had gotten the last time I went shopping. As she said she would love to see we reached dad's room.

Hi daddy, Roxie smiled as we entered.

Dad turned at the sound of her voice and instead of looking at her he looked at me. Andrea you look great sweet heart, he said.

I looked at him and started crying. How could this sweet kind loving man be in such a way as this. I tried so hard to be like him, to be the same kind of loving man he had been. I came over to his bed and sat on the edge. Daddy I... words failed there weren't any that fit at the moment. Here lay the man I thought might escape the one fate we all suffer, he had a strength I never could have matched. I looked over at were mom sat in the chair on the other side of him and saw only contempt in her eyes. It was like she was saying how dare you do this to me? I gave this man a son and now there you are, standing here, while he is on his death bed telling him I'm a liar.

Hello mom, I said.

The only reply she would give was to say my name. Andy.

I looked back at dad and there was a smile on his face and in his eyes I hadn't seen in so long.

You girls want some ice cream before your mom gets back?

Really daddy? Roxie asked.

Daddy mommy said if we didn't eat all our food we couldn't have ice cream, I said with a pout.

You girls, he knew I was really a girl all those years he always told me how proud he was of the man I had become. How many times I had gone shopping with Roxie and her friends and bought something I knew I was going to have to give up if mom ever found out about it. Yet every time Roxie or I told him we had been shopping he insisted we had to show him what we bought, and if it was clothes he wanted us to model for him.

For my sixteenth birthday he insisted he was taking Roxie and I shopping. If you girls don't hurry your mother will be back before we leave and it will have to wait for another time.

Whenever he said that we knew he meant for me to be Andrea and that whatever we were shopping for was something for girls. It hadn't dawned on me I was going to be sixteen in just a few days and he might want to get me a sweet sixteen dress. When it was Roxie dad and I, I was always Andrea not Andrew. As we got in the car and to the end of the street mom turned onto the street at the other end so dad turned the corner and off we went. When we got to the mall dad took us to the expensive stores and started looking at the dresses.

Dad are you really a girl too, I asked.

He smiled at me and said no he wasn't looking for anything for himself, but he heard a rumor that one of his daughters was having a sweet sixteen birthday in a few days and how could she not have a special dress to celebrate such a grand occasion. I threw my arms around his neck giving him a kiss and told him how much I loved him. He hugged me back and said as long as I was happy he was too.

I laid down by dad and put my arm around him giving him the best hug I could, I kissed him on the cheek and told him those words that came so