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    One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes
    One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes
    One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes
    Ebook86 pages59 minutes

    One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes. Each joke is given a title and is numbered.

    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).

    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood.

    This should be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour of one part may be somewhat incomprehesnible to the other.

    There is also a list of the jokes by title, and by number. Some of these sections may be more or less useful according to the format in which the book is viewed.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateMay 24, 2012
    ISBN9781476108698
    One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      ONE HUNDRED ABSOLUTELY SPIFFING JOKES

      Copyright 2012 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      ISBN: 9781476108698

      TEXT OF THE COVER: One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes / Suitable for aficionados of books with misleading titles (Note: Although the jokes may not be spiffing, there are a hundred of them) / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      http://www.livroy_kimkat.org

      This book should not really be copied as Mr. Jackson-Firefly is living on the fringes of poverty, and he informs us that he would prefer it if the book were purchased rather than be copied and freely distributed. He might thus enjoy a bowl of hot soup now and then with whatever sporadic and sparse income that his literary creation generates. We appreciate your cooperation in helping Mr. Jackson-Firefly continue to eke out a meagre existence as a laughterologist.

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE (6% of the book)

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 401-500 ACCORDING TO NUMBER (6% of the book)

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

      And here the book begins:

      1. INTRODUCTION

      This is the third compendium of jokes by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (nom de plume of Hezekiel Jackson-Firefly). His first joke books were published in April and May 2012 to the chagrin of many, and happily resulted in zero sales. As an act of revenge on the reading public, Mr. Jackson-Firefly has unleashed a further one hundred jokes.

      For the time being his twenty-drawer birch library-card file is empty of jokes. If they’d been stored in a barrel these jokes would have been at the very bottom. To persuade readers that this is not so, Mr. Jackson-Firefly has insisted on the title of ‘One Hundred Absolutely Spiffing Jokes’. In the antiquated mind of the author ‘spiffing’ is still a word he uses for ‘splendid’ or ‘excellent’.

      As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ which explains the inner workings of the jokes for those readers who may not have seen the humour or understood the punchline. It might be useful to readers whose first language is not English, or then again be of no use to anybody. It was Mr. Jackson-Firefly’s idea, not mine. Who knows what he was thinking.

      There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding an x to the joke number either at the beginning or the end should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding a z at the beginning or the end the explanation of the joke might be found.

      Mr Jackson-Firefly tells me he has nothing more to add to this introduction and has disappeared into the kitchen to make himself some marmalade on toast and a cup of steaming tea..

      Farewell for now, The Editor.

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

      A BAD MONTH x0410x

      A BANK ROBBERY IN THE HIGH STREET x0409x

      A FIGHT IN THE PUB x0469x

      A HOTEL ROOM FOR THE NIGHT x0432x

      A PROUD ENGLISHMAN x0442x

      A TERRIBLE MEAL x0439x

      A TREATABLE ILLNESS x0403x

      A WRITING EMERGENCY x0491x

      AN UNUSUAL BUDGIE x0481x

      ARRESTING A CRIMINAL x0423x

      ARTISTIC CREATION x0402x

      BALDNESS x0482x

      BORROWING A GOALIE x0458x

      CAPITALS x0405x

      CHOOSING A NAME x0456x

      CLIMBING THE STEPS x0489x

      COFFEE OR TEA? x0422x

      COMPETING AND WINNING x0444x

      DAYS OF THE WEEK x0480x

      DECLARING WAR x0455x

      DÉJÀ VU x0425x

      DELERIUM TREMENS x0498x

      DRUNKEN DRIVING x0471x

      DUST x0406x

      ESCAPING FROM THE FIRING SQUAD x0450x

      GAUL VERSUS ROME x0436x

      GETTING MARRIED - ADVICE x0487x

      GONE MISSING x0473x

      HOME FROM SCHOOL x0447x

      HOW DARE YOU SWEAR! x0433x

      IN LABOUR x0499x

      KNITTING x0431x

      LOST IN THE PENNINES x0421x

      MAXIMISING A PROFIT x0477x

      NO ONCE, NO TWICE, AND NO THRICE x0454x

      ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE YEARS OLD x0490x

      THE MAN WHO THINKS HE’S A CAT x0426x

      PERMIT HOLDERS ONLY x0472x

      RABBITS AND WOLVES x0412x

      RECOGNITION x0459x

      RECRUITING A NEW POLICEMAN x0465x

      RESCUED FROM THE ISLAND x0457x

      ROAST DUCK x0485x

      RUNNING OUT x0434x

      SALAD WITH BEANS x0478x

      SENTENCE STRUCTURE x0461x

      SHORN SHEEP x0435x

      SOMETHING FLOATING IN THE SOUP x0463x

      SPELLING PROBLEMS x0495x

      STOPPING A SPEEDING DRIVER x0446x

      THE ALSATIAN x0470x

      THE ART OF SELLING x0429x

      THE BRIGHT-BLUE MOUSE x0448x

      THE BURSARY x0493x

      THE CAR BREAK-IN x0408x

      THE CHEAP CAR x0475x

      THE CHEF COUNTED RIGHT x0430x

      THE CURFEW x0440x

      THE CURRENCY FORGERS x0460x

      THE DOG CALLED JOJO x0416x

      THE DROPPED COIN x0441x

      THE DRUNK IN THE CAR PARK x0468x

      THE ENGLISH JINGOIST x0438x

      THE EYE CHART x0414x

      THE FINANCIAL CONSULTANT x0419x

      THE GENIE IN THE BEER BOTTLE x0418x

      THE GIFT WATCH x0474x

      THE GIRLFRIEND’S FATHER x0484x

      THE GRANDPARENTS’ HOME x0413x

      THE LABORATORY TESTS x0424x

      THE LARGE FLY x0401x

      THE LIMPING MAN x0407x

      THE LOST DRIVER x0451x

      THE MAN WHO THINKS HE’S A DOG x0427x

      THE MAYOR AND THE LUNATIC ASYLUM x0415x

      THE MEAN ENGLISHMAN x0476x

      THE MEDICAL STUDENT x0464x

      THE MUSEUM GUIDE x0452x

      THE NEW HEARING AID x0443x

      THE OBITUARY NOTICE x0500x

      THE OFFICE MANAGER x0466x

      THE OFFICE PARTY x0486x

      THE OLD WOMAN AT DEATH’S DOOR x0483x

      THE RAZOR BLADE x0497x

      THE REFLECTION x0445x

      THE RESOURCEFUL STUDENT x0494x

      THE STOLEN RUNNING SHOES x0420x

      THE TALKING HATS x0492x

      THE TEXT MESSAGE x0428x

      THE USED CAR x0488x

      THE VENTRILOQUIST x0496x

      THE WAITER’S THUMB x0462x

      THROWN OUT x0479x

      TIRED PUPIL x0404x

      UNDER THE BED x0437x

      UNIMPRESSIVE MONUMENTS x0449x

      WASHING THE T-SHIRT x0417x

      WHAT KIND OF SALARY WOULD YOU BE THINKING OF? x0467x

      WHAT’S IT CALLED? x0411x

      WHO DO I MARRY? x0453x

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 401-500 ACCORDING TO NUMBER

      x0401x THE LARGE FLY

      x0402x ARTISTIC CREATION

      x0403x A TREATABLE ILLNESS

      x0404x TIRED PUPIL

      x0405x CAPITALS

      x0406x DUST

      x0407x THE LIMPING MAN

      x0408x THE CAR BREAK-IN

      x0409x A BANK ROBBERY IN THE HIGH STREET

      x0410x A

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