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    The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher
    The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher
    The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher
    Ebook85 pages2 hours

    The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher

    By Andre Farant

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    About this ebook

    In The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher, you will learn:

    What people, places and activities to avoid

    What clothes to wear, equipment to pack and weapons to seek out

    How to best hide from, escape from, and fight off a Slasher

    Filled with life-saving advice and written in Oleander Flimus’s no-bull style, The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher is the most useful and fun survival guide you will ever read.

    If enough of us read this guide, eventually, the Final Girls will outnumber the victims!

    Whether you’re a lover of the Slasher film-type or simply love to laugh at its clichés, The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher is sure to entertain.

    This is my love letter to Slasher films.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAndre Farant
    Release dateJul 29, 2012
    ISBN9781476075310
    The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher
    Author

    Andre Farant

    I studied English Literature at Carleton University. Since then I have developed an indescribably aimless resume. I have worked as a security guard, a Court Services Officer, a model, an actor, a teacher of English as a second language, a project coordinator for an NGO, and a Research Officer with the Government of Canada. I have eaten whale in Iceland, live octopus in South Korea, and beaver tail in Canada. I am a working writer and have had pieces published in Micro Horror, Weird Year, The Midwest Literary Magazine, and the “Off Season” anthology. I currently reside in Montreal, Quebec.

    Read more from Andre Farant

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      Book preview

      The Final Girl - Andre Farant

      The Final Girl: How to Survive a Slasher

      By Andre Farant

      Writing as Oleander Flimus

      Copyright 2012 Andre Farant

      Smashwords Edition

      Smashwords Edition License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. I you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      www.thefinalgirl.com

      Table of Contents

      Introduction

      Defining the Slasher

      Defining the Final Girl

      Part 1: AVOID

      Activities to Avoid

      Friends to Avoid

      People to Avoid

      Places to Avoid

      Histories and Legends to Avoid

      Part 2: PREPARE

      Know the Histories and Legends

      Keep In Shape

      Clothing

      Equipment

      Employ the Buddy System

      Know Your Surroundings

      Weapons

      Sex and Nudity

      Drugs and Alcohol

      Pranks

      Dreams and Visions

      Strange Phone Calls

      Part 3: SURVIVE

      The Signs

      Investigating

      Identifying the Slasher

      Dealing with Death

      Know when to Run; Know when to Fight

      Arm Up

      Escape

      Hide

      Fighting Back

      Brutal or Hero?

      Final Thoughts

      Resources

      The Final Girl Website

      Introduction

      My name is Oleander Flimus. I have survived numerous encounters with Slashers. By dodging death and dismemberment, I’ve learned a few things, both about survival and the Slashers themselves. I’ve decided to collect what I’ve learned here, in this guide, in the hopes that, eventually, the Final Girls will outnumber the victims.

      Enough chat. Let’s get started.

      Defining the Slasher

      The exact definition of a Slasher is difficult to nail down. Generally-speaking, though, a Slasher is human and stalks and kills his victims using a bladed instrument. You’ll notice I referred to the Slasher as male; that’s because, though there have been female Slashers, the vast majority have been male. Throughout this guide I will refer to Slashers as male.

      I’ve divided Slashers into four distinct, though not always exclusive, groups: The Killing Machines, the Creepers, the Magical Maniacs, and the Hill People.

      The Killing Machine

      The Killing Machine is arguably the most representative type of Slasher. I mean that, when people think of Slashers, they generally think of Killing Machines.

      With few exceptions, the Killing Machine is larger than average, physically powerful, and seemingly unstoppable. The Killing Machine usually wears a mask which, though it may cover some form of disfigurement, is meant not so much to hide his identity as instill fear. Given that the Killing Machine’s mask is typically blank, featureless, it is also an externalisation of his inner being, a formless, stunted personality intent only on killing.

      The Killing Machine might be motivated by revenge, jealousy, or something more abstract, but his need to kill can be boiled down to simple hate. Hatred of youth, beauty, himself? It’s usually unclear and it’s always irrelevant.

      The Killing Machine kills, that’s it.

      That’s not to say it isn’t worth exploring a Killing Machine’s history. The Killing Machine is nearly always silent or entirely non-verbal, but he will listen when spoken to and, more so than any other type of Slasher, can be manipulated with mind games. He isn’t necessarily stupid, but he is often emotionally and psychologically immature, weighed down by mommy, daddy, or other family issues. You can use his baggage against him.

      The Killing Machine is highly territorial, ascribing a simple-minded importance to a particular region, town, or even building. He always goes back to the source of his pain, grief, anger, hatred.

      Killing Machine is partial to heavy, sharp-edged weapons; large knives or bladed tools.

      As mentioned, the Killing Machine is pretty much unstoppable and indestructible. This may be due to some supernatural element, such as his having been resurrected by some Frankensteinian bolt of lightning, or he may just be a ridiculously tough son of a bitch.

      Either way, don’t waste your time shooting at a Killing Machine. Fight fire with fire, both figuratively and literally: your best bet is to use a Killing Machine’s own favored weapons against him, and/or burn the freak.

      No matter what you do, though, the Killing Machine will likely be back. Just be sure you’re far away when he does, and always keep on your guard.

      The Creeper

      With few exceptions, the first Slashers were Creepers.

      Though Killing Machines, to a large extent, have come to typify Slashers in the general view, Creepers are, in fact, far more common.

      Creepers are those Slashers that best blend into normal society. They’re psychopaths, outwardly normal but dead inside. A Creeper could be a friend, a family member, that cute guy who gave you a smile after holding the door open for you, or just some stranger living in the walls of that big old house your parents just bought.

      The Creeper’s motivation is usually built upon some deep, dark secret. He might simply be

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