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    The MacLosers
    The MacLosers
    The MacLosers
    Ebook116 pages1 hour

    The MacLosers

    By Paul Moxham

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Inspired By A True Story...

    An unemployed architect thinks his prayers have been answered when he inherits a Scottish village. But when he takes his dysfunctional family to the Highlands, he finds the place in shambles, the locals standoffish, and the cunning caretaker determined to steal the property out from under him.

    Set in present day Scotland, this novella, a family comedy, will suit everyone who wants to relax and have a laugh.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPaul Moxham
    Release dateAug 9, 2012
    ISBN9781476397306
    The MacLosers
    Author

    Paul Moxham

    Paul Moxham hails from Australia. He has written four novels, two novellas, and two short stories. Sign up for when he releases a new book - http://eepurl.com/tC4_v Check out his official website for more info - www.paulmoxham.com

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    Reviews for The MacLosers

    3.5/5

    48 ratings20 reviews

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    • 4/5
      Truth is often the basis of a great story and this one is no exception. American family uprooted and plunked down in scottish ancestral castle. Charming setting, characters and highland games.Fast paced and humorous.
    • 4/5
      Unemployed New York architect, Roger, unexpectedly inherits a Scottish village complete with a castle. He and his family travel to Scotland with the hope of selling it and returning to New York with lots of money. What they find once they get to Scotland is beyond belief. The property is in deplorable condition and Roger finds himself at the mercy of an unscrupulous caretaker. What happens when Roger and his family work to bring the property up to code is hysterical. With no money and no skills and with a cast of endearing characters they plod along to a surprising conclusion. The story moves very quickly and is fun to read.I received this book for free through LibraryThing and I give this review of my own free will.
    • 5/5
      The MacLosers are a family that ended up in a financial strain. When a relative in Scotland passes away, he's left them a run down castle.The family moves to Scotland and for once in their lives, become closer than they had ever been.The book is a wonderful read. I got into it and couldn't put it down and ended up reading until about 4am in the morning. The books is that good!If you love fairy tales, travels, history and even mystery and castles, you're gonna love this book as much as I did!
    • 4/5
      Written for teens, this book also has a lot to offer oldies like me too, especially if you think you'd like the humour of Compton MacKenzie's Highland novels told in a slapstick manner.The plot itself is nothing new: heir moves back to ancestral home, finds something amiss - in this case it's falling down and ready to be demolished - but is determined to make it work, but can only overcome the machinations of the local "baddie" if he/she can get family and/or locals to back him/her.The author here has made it fresh by injecting a lot of humour, much of it slapstick, into all the characters and their interactions. A good read, enhanced by the fact that at only 27,000 or so words it doesn't overstay its welcome.Recommended, particularly for younger readers.
    • 3/5
      A short fictional novel about an American and his family inheriting a rural Scottish village written with an American readership base in mind. From this perspective it is a charming enjoyable story. Easy reading, written in a colloquial style in a bucolic setting with not a midge bite or chilblain in sight!
    • 1/5
      I did not enjoy this (blissfully) short work. The characters make the Keystone Kops look like a brain trust. Some odd grammar/word choices made it confusing at times (fx. you only "peddle" a bicycle if you want to sell it, which is not what the character was doing).
    • 4/5
      I have never read anything written in this style before: as though the author was describing a movie he is watching - I really enjoyed it. The scenes and actions played themselves out to me over the few hours it took me to read.I found the plot and characters very light... almost like the target audience was preadolescent, but the style was unique enough that I felt I wanted to finish.My main 'annoyance' with the start of the story is the incompetence of Roger - but as I am also an Architect I may have been taking the slur to our profession a little personally. I would be intrigued to read a 'deeper' piece written in the same style.
    • 5/5
      This is so hilarious! The story is so real and so very funny. How many times have I felt like Roger! The characters are so likeable and make you want to help them. Paul has really hit it with this one.
    • 5/5
      A very funny story about a man who doesn't have the best of luck. He inherits a castle in Scotland, moves there with his family and finds that the castle is in disrepair. As he tries to fix it there are evil forces at work to try to unravel what he and is family have accomplished. As the story unfolds the family finds themselves in a variety of funny circumstances. Of course, there is a contest at the end which pits the two neighboring towns against each other and the winner will own the castle and the town. Who will it be?I really enjoyed this book and I can see it as a movie. I recommend it to those who would like to read a fast paced, funny, and entertaining book.
    • 2/5
      Trying to be written in a quirky British style, this book just doesn't cut it. The humor is trite and the quality of writing is jr. high-ish.
    • 3/5
      This is the story of an American who inherits a castle and the surrounding town in Scotland. He and his family discover that everything is in serious need of repair. With the help of some of the local people and a few shady characters who just happen to be around the family gets to work. A number of the locals do not want this project to succeed so they do everything in their power to thwart any progress that is made. Given the number of people available to do the repairs, the speed at which they occurred seemed to be a bit unbelievable. Other than that, this is a quick, light read that wraps up nicely at the end. (A free copy of this book was provided through the LibraryThing Member Giveaway.)
    • 3/5
      This was a nice quick read but it was too short for me.I would have liked more about the family, more about the town, more about what's next.We are Scottish and compete in the games so we hoped for more detail about the games themselves.Overall a fun and nice story.
    • 1/5
      I am truly sorry I wasted my time on this book. It reads like a first draft poorly written I love Lucy without the humor. I thought a first the author was attempting to write a story with PG Wodehouse in mind but soon realized while he may be familiar with Wodehouse he has no clue about Wodehouse style, timing or nuance. It could have been a decent read. The story is okay if extremely predictable but lacks any sense of connection to a reasonable flow or pace. It is jarring and I found my self turning the pages back to see if I skipped a page or two. Unfortunately I didn't. I usually don't write negative reviews but I found nothing good to say about this book and when I read the glowing reviews above I just couldn't let that go.
    • 4/5
      4 STARSThis is a hard luck family. Everything goes wrong for them so badly its funny. You want things to go right for them at sometime.Roger Diobair is the father after being unemployed as a hard time getting a job because of what happened at last one. Roger inheirits a Scottish Castle and a village so he thinks things are looking up. But when he makes it there hopeing to flip it finds it needs lots of help.Someone wants his property so he is working to make him give up his inheitence.Also two crooks are hiding in the village. Its a short entertaining novel.I like it and will read more of Paul Moxham works based on this short story.I was given this ebook from Librarything and asked to give honest review in exchange.
    • 5/5
      Meet Roger Diobair, our hapless main character, who because of the disaster of Eggface World is now unemployable. All he wants to do is take care of his family. His wife Samantha is supportive, his daughter Jess is a typical 16 yr old who is too full of herself, and his 13 yr old son Alex is still in awe of things. And then there is Marge, Rogers disapproving mother-in-law, who never fails to tell Roger what a loser he is. When Roger is at his lowest, he finds out that he has inherited a scottish village. Taking his family there, minus the mother-in-law, he finds the castle is in ruins, the locals leary of him, the ex-caretaker is trying to get the property for himself, and that he comes from a long line of losers. This is a short story, not even a hundred pages, but it doesn't need to be any longer to be entertaining. The characters are very likable, you feel for Roger as he tries so hard to be a hero in the eyes of his wife and children. The harder he works to fix things the harder the caretaker works to sabotage the project, but Roger never gives up. The story moves quickly, had me laughing outloud, and still thinking about it hours after I was done. It certainly wasn't a "MacLoser" in my eyes and I highly recommend it. I won this from LibraryThing and I loved it.
    • 5/5
      I received this book from Library Thing to read and review. MacLosers reminded me of the “Money Pit”. I laughed throughout this book. The writing is so clear that I could actually visualize this being made into a movie. This is a quick, light read that will lift your spirits. Give it a try…
    • 3/5
      The MacLosers by Paul Moxham is nippy story of an architect, Roger Diobar. At a critical point in his life, he discovers that he has inherited a village and castle in Scotland. On the verge of a bankruptcy, he and his typically American dysfunctional family decide to move there and restore the place.This novella (roughly 80 pages) is written completely in the third person narrator style, which gives it an impersonal feeling. Short and very blunt, with little or no descriptions, the story moves quickly. It had the feeling of a script to a sit-com. I must say it does have some excellent one-line zingers: one Scot to another- “Yanks, can’t live with them, can’t kill them” or as Roger said to his daughter-“I don’t want you to be something you’re not, but would it kill you to be a little less condescending?” Early in the story his son was describing his father and said- “the Vikings used to believe that luck was a trait you were born with, like height”. I was afraid that this whole book would be a Rodney Dangerfield moment, because the beginning is certainly full of Roger not getting any respect. Therefore, it was quite nice to see some plot happening. If you like the show “Family Guy”, The MacLosers should appeal to you.
    • 5/5
      Ever met someone that seems like Murphy’s Law follows them everywhere they go? Well get ready to meet a family that Murphy follows.The MacLosers by Paul Moxham is based on a true story. Robert Diobair, an architect that is out of work when he and his family inherit a Scottish Village. Thinking this will solve all his problems, off to Scotland they go, and Murphy follows them.This story is hilarious as so many things go wrong for the family. But unbeknown to them, part of it is sabotage. Someone wants theirproperty and will do anything to get it.If you are ready for a good laugh and love to see the underdog win, here’s a book that gives you both. I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
    • 3/5
      A quick and easy read for adults. The story starts off a little slow, but about a third of the way through, the flow of the writing is much better. Then you just have to finish it to see what happens to the villagers. Also, the second half is more family-friendly, while the first half seems to be geared more for adults only. Maybe the author should write two versions! Overall, funny novella with some memorable Scottish characters.LT Member Giveaway[book:The MacLosers|15815089][author:Paul Moxham|5428449]
    • 1/5
      I received a free copy of this e-book from the author in an exchange for an honest review.It’s a short story (140 pages in epub) about an American family of four inheriting a ruined castle in a middle of a Scottish countryside. As much as the story itself is quite pleasant and in the end actually heart-warming, it is unfortunately a really poorly written book. It seems the author had a great story in his head and tried to put it in words as quickly as possible, leaving the language and structure of the book much to be desired. It was supposed to be funny, too, but unfortunately I found the humor quite annoying and very dated. It was as if the author watched too many comedies from the 80's and tried to squeeze every single fall, accident or misfortune he’s seen on the telly into the 140 pages of the book. I‘m really sorry to give such a negative review to an aspiring writer, but it was a truly disappointing experience. With some research on Scotland, less stereotypes and ridiculous situational humor and with better writing, this could have been a lovely entertaining story.

    Book preview

    The MacLosers - Paul Moxham

    The MacLosers

    By

    Paul Moxham

    Copyright © 2012 Paul Moxham

    Published at Smashwords

    Contact Author:

    Website: Check Out My Other Books

    Twitter: Check Out My Twitter Page

    Email: paulmoxhamauthor@yahoo.com

    Like story? Love it? Please leave a review…

    Feel free to contact me as well. I love to hear thoughts from my readers

    An unemployed architect thinks his prayers have been answered when he inherits a Scottish village. But when he takes his dysfunctional family to the Highlands, he finds the place in shambles, the locals standoffish, and the cunning caretaker determined to steal the property out from under him.

    This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

    Please note that while story is set in Scotland, and the expressions that the characters use are of Scottish origin, the spelling is in American English since the majority of my readers are from the USA.

    Chapter 1

    A Grand Opening celebration is underway at Mr. Eggface World, a medium sized theme park that caters for mostly young children. It’s covered from top to bottom with images of Mr. Eggface, a cheap plastic toy that kids stick interchangeable facial features to

    At a podium, a cheese ball CEO with perfect hair and teeth speaks. I want to thank you all for coming out to the Grand Opening of Mr. Eggface World, the preeminent theme park in the southern west-most section of the Northeast. Much of the thanks goes to the award-winning developer and designer Roger Diobair. He pauses for everyone to clap, but silence descends as the crowd wonder who he is talking about.

    A few moments later, Roger Diobair, a wiry, sandy haired man in his forties, hurries up to the platform. He’s enthusiastic and proud, and dressed in his best suit. He yells out. Hello, everybody! Thanks for coming out.

    A few people clap, but most just stand there and stare. Roger continues, trying to look as enthusiastic as possible. I’d like to thank my family.

    He scans the crowd, searching and eventually finding Jess, sixteen and perpetually annoyed. She wears a ‘Life is Lame’ T-shirt, and pops bubbles rhythmically while texting.

    She doesn’t take any notice of him, so he turns to Alex, thirteen. He wears a ‘I Love Cows’ T-shirt, and whoops in glee as he rides a slow-moving cow through the crowd, who reel in disgust as the cow drops a load.

    Roger turns away and finds Samantha, his wife, a natural beauty with long blonde hair in her thirties. He stares as he sees that she is making out with the CEO. He double takes and sweats bullets. Er... Um...

    The crowd yells out. We want Eggface! We want Eggface!

    Some guy making eight bucks an hour in an enormous egg suit, and who happens to have a perpetual smile, bounds onto the podium to cheers and applause. He roughly snatches the microphone. Think we’ve heard enough from Losey MacLoser. Let’s get this party started!

    Eggface bumps Roger right off the podium. With arms flailing, he falls and crashes through decorative scaffolding. A moment later, the enormous speakers crash down, setting off an impossible Rube Goldberg chain reaction. Within seconds, down comes the box office. Then, boom, there goes the rollercoaster.

    Roger spins back around toward his family, watching as they are swallowed up in the billowing cloud of demolition dust.

    No! yells out Roger. As he cries out, he awakes from his nightmare. He snaps upright in bed, screaming, a sleeping mask covering his eyes.

    Next to him, Samantha sits up and shakes him. Roger… Roger!

    Roger stops screaming and peels away the mask as Samantha stares at him. Was it the dream again?

    Roger nods, still in a state of shock. The theme park... damn thing collapsed. Right then and there. And on opening day!

    Samantha sleepily rubs his shoulder. Rog. It was months before it was shut down. And it wasn’t your fault. The suits rushed it, not you. Awful piece of corporate dreck anyway.

    Roger sits up, agitated. Corporate dreck sounds pretty good right about now. I mean... not sure how much longer I can… He pauses as he sees that Samantha is now asleep, snoring softly.

    Roger watches her wistfully for a few moments. Sighing, he slowly lays back down. However, a moment later, he jolts at a particularly loud snore-burst from Samantha… then back to softly, and he relaxes yet again, but then snore/jolt!

    Morning finds Roger lying across the kitchen table with his red eyes open and a creepy blank stare. A pile of bills in various shades of red and a checkbook on the table before him.

    Next to him sits Alex, who looks at him. Dad? Not getting a response, he leans in munching a toaster pastry. Strawberry filling drips onto Roger’s shoulder. Dad!

    Roger bolts upright. I’m up!

    Jess texts furiously on her phone. Doesn’t even look up as she talks to Roger. You were sleeping with your eyes open? Ugh. That’s so lame. She talks while she texts. U should see what a tard my dad is. OMG. I just typed ‘dud’ by mistake instead of ‘dad.’ Awesome. She looks, up, sees Roger staring at her. I texted Anita that you actually have an interview today, and she’s all, ‘is he walking on eggshells?’ Get it? ‘Cause, like…

    Roger stands up. Interview... The interview! He darts for the door. In the process, he bowls over Samantha, stepping into the room as he leaves.

    She falls back against the refrigerator as Roger charges past, grabbing onto the handle to keep from going down. Roger!

    Samantha reaches up, takes Roger’s portfolio off the top of the fridge and hands it to him. She closes her eyes and puckers for a kiss... But she’s left high and dry as Roger races out, the door slamming behind him.

    Roger sees the cross-town bus down the street. He runs for it, knocking into a surly kid.

    Yo, watch where you’re going! yells out the kid.

    Sorry. I-I’m late. Roger hurries off, but bumps into another person, this time a woman, almost straight away. Groceries fall. Sorry, sorry! He helps her pick her things up, and then bolts across the street, causing a few cars to screech to a stop.

    He runs for the bus. He’s getting close to the vehicle, but trips and falls on the hood of a Porsche parked nearby. Its alarm blazes as the bus pulls away. Wait! yells out Roger.

    Roger stands up as a bald guy rushes out of a nearby shoe store and grabs him by the collar. Did you touch my Porsche? The man lifts Roger into the air.

    Roger tries to speak, but only a choked gargle comes out. Roger kicks him in the shin and runs... but he trips and falls on the Porsche again. The alarm sounds again! And now... thunder… pouring rain! A soaked Roger rushes off.

    A top-floor conference room with floor-to-ceiling windows offers a magnificent view of Manhattan.

    Roger, his clothes partly dry, sits at the far end of an absurdly long table as smug, fit, twenty six year old, Ivy League exec Beau Snyder flips through portfolio picks. Some interesting work here, Robert.

    Roger speaks up. Roger.

    Beau frowns. What’s that?

    Robert’s fine. Is Mr. Devlin going to be joining us?

    Beau nods. He’s just picking up some breakfast. We both work out before coming in and eat here. Hope you don’t mind.

    Roger shakes his head. No, I actually used to work out quite a bit in my younger days.

    Beau looks up, slightly impressed. "You did? I made the senior track team and, in those two years, I

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