Conversations with My Muse: A Year with Calliope

Conversations with Calliope

Conversations with Calliope

A Year with My Muse

Joseph G. Langen

www.slidingotter.com

Copyright © 2018 Joseph G. Langen

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or used for other than personal use without written permission of the author.

Sliding Otter Publications

5 Franklin Ave.

Leroy, NY 14482

jlangen@gmail.com

www.slidingotter.com

www.slidingotter.wordpress.com

An Ode to Calliope

Back when I floundered in faint hope of finding my way in the forest

searching for ways to express what so grabbed me and spun my deep thinking,

you came along to shine light on what stirred in me, mindlessly musing,

waiting for me to start waking and know that I needed to write it.

You and not I could at last for once venture to speak through my writing.

Stirring to life I could now find a voice so long hidden in silence.

What has lain dormant inside me refusing to come to the foreground

daring to challenge my wordless and courage-less way of not seeking?

Me as a spokesman for challenges forming to question life's torpor?

How could I finally find my weak voice and thus let it now free me,

daring to note my own carefully hidden, forgotten life message?

Can I now, must I now say what I thought must stay locked up inside me?

You have now found me and made me stop twiddling my thumbs as I notice

all of life's treasures and bounties which call me to finally voice them.

Help me now share them with readers who travel alongside my path stones seeking together some ways to make holy our journey in friendship.

(I composed the above ode in dactylic hexameter,

the favored meter in Epic Poetry, Calliope’s specialty)

Rediscovering My Muse

There is no classical Greek muse for fiction, yet I have a fiction muse. There was none for roller skating either, yet one appeared in the 1980’s movie Xanadu. Something in that movie excited me. Was it Olivia Newton-John or her character? I thought it might be a rekindling of my adolescent fantasies. Partly by fate and partially by choice, I have not yet finished my adolescence. After seeing the movie three times, I realized that it held something more for me than just entertainment. For some time I wrestled with what it might be that stirred me.

For several years, there had been an extra feminine presence around my house. It was not my ex-wife or either of my two daughters. Nor was it the female presence of the dog or cat. At first, it took an ethereal form, like the memory of a purple negligee from Victoria's Secret. There was no form, no more than a shadow.

She did have some sensory qualities. I could hear her swish by or rustle near me. I could feel her warmth and softness against my shoulder or thigh. At times, I sniffed a faint lavender scent. Her closeness and the weight of the ideas she offered me drew my attention. She clomped around the house to show her restlessness and disappointment when I choose to read or watch television.

She first appeared after I attended a noontime concert at Hochstein Music Hall in Rochester, inspiring me to write a story about music and schizophrenia. I had not planned to write the story. Nothing creative flowed from my pen since my bungling attempts in high school English class. My publication credits consisted of newspaper articles about mental health. Psychological test reports comprised my only other writings.

When I bought a new computer, I knew there were no ideas inside. All the computer could do was say yes or no, although it did so in some very sophisticated ways. I sat at the keyboard and somehow my fingers typed the first story. Other stories followed, without my realizing where they originated or why I felt compelled to write them.

I discovered the hard way that muses do not like being ignored. I decided that I needed to concentrate on my finances for a while rather than on writing. Shortly after a break from writing, I found my attempts to compose anything creative yielding wooden outlines, stony starts and ideas quickly scattered like feathers on the wind.

Nothing worked. She was gone. Reading fiction prompted new ideas. Writer's Digest provided tools. Writer's Market listed publishing prospects. All too late. Nothing worked.

I thought she was gone for good. I guess I deserved it. I never thought much about how to entertain a muse. I have since come to realize that muses are much like people. If there is nothing to interest them, they move on. I did not invite her to come to me in the first place, and did not know how to get her back. Maybe somebody else could use the books I had bought about writing. I could go back to enjoying others' fiction.

While driving to northern Michigan one summer, I tired of thinking about money. My thoughts drifted to floating in the lake, hearing the squawk of the imported peacock and cry of loons and being transformed by the classic but youthful music at Interlochen Summer Arts Festival.

Sitting at a picnic table outside the cabin on the second day, I realized my muse was back. First the swish, then her warmth. Did I smell lavender in the air? Maybe I had another chance. But which muse was she? She was not Polyphonia. My writing could scarcely be called sacred poetry. Nor was she Erato, Euterpe or Calliope. I don't write love poetry, lyric poetry or epic poetry. What I do can not be considered astronomy, so she could not be Urania. My work is read, not staged. Therefore, it could not be inspired by Terpsichore, famed for choral song and dance. I clearly write fiction and not history, eliminating Clio. My writing does not feel like tragedy or comedy, leaving out Melpomene and Thalia.

That was nine. There were no muses left. Then I recalled that muses are not fond of revealing themselves fully. Nor, as I should have been aware, are they particularly logical. Yet there I was trying to figure her out. One of them must be my muse. Since there is none for fiction, I finally concluded that Calliope was most likely to take an interest in my writing. Epic poetry seemed closest to fiction.

Learning from past mistakes, I finally realized that my job was to make her comfortable, give her space in my mind, and listen to what she whispered to me. I will have to take better care of her. Next time Calliope leaves, she might not come back.

*****

The following account is based on my blog record throughout 2008. It tracks the events of my daily writing life and Calliope’s influence on it. I have often been asked what it is like to write full time. Some writers love their muses, some wrestle with them. Mine has always been at the ready with the exception of one brief hiatus noted above for which I take responsibility.

I thank and acknowledge my two real life muses, Fern and Barnabas.

Table of Contents

An Ode to Calliope

Rediscovering My Muse

Chapter 1 January

Chapter 2 February

Chapter 3 March

Chapter 4 April

Chapter 5 May

Chapter 6 June

Chapter 7 July

Chapter 8 August

Chapter 9 September

Chapter 10 October

Chapter 11 November

Chapter 12 December

About the Author

References

Chapter 1: January

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

~Robert Frost~

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

January 02 Context for the New Year

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. Ready for a new year?

JOE: I believe I am.

CALLIOPE: What did you do yesterday?

JOE: Not much of anything. I remember reading about crop rotation. Sometimes a field lies fallow for a growing season to restore itself.

CALLIOPE: You're not going into hibernation for several months?

JOE: No. Just yesterday I thought I would let my mind rest and not tax it.

CALLIOPE: I guess I can live with that. What are your plans for today?

JOE: First I have a column to write about a context for my life.

CALLIOPE: Where did that idea come from?

JOE: A talk by Steve D’Annunzio on Sunday. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. If I have a sense of where I am headed and why I am doing what I am doing, I will be much more focused. I guess you could say I just spent yesterday thinking about this and today I will write a column about it.

CALLIOPE: Sounds good. Anything else planned?

JOE: I finished another chapter of Marital Property after we chatted on Monday. I plan to finish another today about my two main characters in a counseling session.

CALLIOPE: Do you expect fireworks in the session?

JOE: I don't expect them, but you never know. I guess I had better get on with it and see what happens.

January 03 Publishing Persistence

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. How are you today?

JOE: Good. But I scurried around yesterday.

CALLIOPE: Doing what?

JOE: I had planned to get to work on my writing. However, I got waylaid by negotiations about health insurance and flight arrangements for February to get back from San Juan after my cruise.

CALLIOPE: Is everything settled

JOE: I hope so.

CALLIOPE: Did you settle down for any writing?

JOE: I wrote a blog for Saturday which I need to post this morning. I also did some editing on Young Man of the Cloth and have only one more chapter to do.

CALLIOPE: Any progress on permissions for The Pastor's Inferno?

JOE: No. I sent the publisher an email but so far no reply. I think I will call them today.

CALLIOPE: Frustrating isn't it?

JOE: Yes. I think people are still in their year end slump, but I hope they get back to work soon. I am anxious to get my book in print.

CALLIOPE: Sometimes you have to be a pest.

JOE: You're right. I think I'll get at it right now.

January 05 Copyright Permission

JOE: Good afternoon, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good afternoon, Joe. I thought you might be away.

JOE: No. I'm still here. Yesterday and today have been quite busy.

CALLIOPE: How so?

JOE: I encountered some communication problems about my Medicare Advantage program. It took me a while to get them straightened out, but I think it is finally settled.

CALLIOPE: Anything else going on?

JOE: Yes. I called Norton about my request for permission to use quotes from Dante's Inferno.

CALLIOPE: What did you discover?

JOE: They sent out a contract on Thursday. When I asked the nature of the contract, I learned that they wanted a fee of $200 to use 163 lines.

CALLIOPE: What do you make of that?

JOE: Not much. I think it's rather steep although I have not dealt with such permissions before. I decided to delete the quotes and publish the book without them. My only regret is that I wasted a month waiting to hear from them.

CALLIOPE: Where do things stand now?

JOE: I submitted my text just now to a printer. I am expecting a cover template so I can fill in my own cover material. It's exciting to be finally getting on with it.

CALLIOPE: Good luck. I hope the process goes smoothly.

JOE: So do I. Now I have to send out a post to remind my writing group of our meeting on Tuesday night. Talk with you on Monday.

January 07 Reviewers’ Comments

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. A little late this morning, aren't you?

|JOE: Maybe later than you expected. However, I had to go to Rochester this morning for a visit related to a study at the University of Rochester on the relationship between rheumatoid arthritis and the flu shot.

CALLIOPE: I see. Commendable of you. What's new in the writing department?

JOE: Glad you asked. I followed through on my decision to eliminate the quotes from Dante's Inferno.

CALLIOPE: So references to the Inferno are just gone? Do you think that's a loss to your book?

JOE: Hold on. They aren't entirely gone. I put in several references in the text without using direct quotes. Two of my reviewers of The Pastor's Inferno were enthusiastic about the quotes and two found them distracting. So it seemed like a toss up and I am happy with my decision.

CALLIOPE: Then what?

JOE: I spent most of Saturday working on the manuscript, formatting it appropriately with my changes. I managed to send it in by email Saturday afternoon.

CALLIOPE: Congratulations. What's the next step?

JOE: I am waiting for them to review it and send me a template for the book cover which is pretty well completed as well.

CALLIOPE: So now it's just a matter of waiting and completing the final steps?

JOE: That's about it. Now that it's finished, I will get back to working on Marital Property and getting serious about marketing and publicity.

CALLIOPE: Good luck.

JOE: Thanks. I think I might need it. It seems like a whole new adventure.

CALLIOPE: Do you have some place to start?

JOE: I have two books and some Internet information. I'm ready to start. Talk with you tomorrow.

January 08 Staying Balanced

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. How are you today?

JOE: Good. I think I am making progress with my publication of The Pastor's Inferno.

CALLIOPE: What's happening there?

JOE: I received word that my text has been received. There were a few minor formatting errors which I think have been corrected. I am waiting to hear about that as well as getting a template for my cover.

CALLIOPE: Sounds exciting!

JOE: It is. In my haste, I deleted the references to Dante's Inferno. Then I received information from people in a publishing forum about how to find material not requiring permission due to being published a long time ago.

CALLIOPE: Now what?

JOE: Nothing. I told you I received mixed reviews from my readers on including the quotes in the first place and have decided to leave them out.

CALLIOPE: Sounds settled. What's up for today?

JOE: I am having lunch with my daughter for my birthday which was a couple days ago. I also have a writers' meeting tonight. This morning I will get to work on Internet marketing for The Pastor's Inferno. I plan to work in a chapter of Marital Property this afternoon. I have been a bit sidetracked with publishing concerns.

CALLIOPE: It seems you are trying to do a lot at once.

JOE: True, I suppose I could have waited until The Pastor's Inferno was in print before starting work on Marital Property. However I have produced 175 pages of Marital Property which would not be written if I had waited.

CALLIOPE: Do you find the juggling a problem?

JOE: Not usually. Sometimes it takes me a bit to reorient myself, but I think I tend to thrive on having several projects in the works at once.

CALLIOPE: But only writing one at a time?

JOE: Correct. I don't think I could concentrate on writing two books at once. At least one would suffer. Well, back to work.

January 10 Structure and Communication

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. I missed you yesterday.

JOE: I'm glad you noticed. I was quite busy with two psychological evaluations, one in Batavia and one in Williamsville, as well as finalizing my book cover.

CALLIOPE: Great progress. What else is going on?

JOE: A surprise in the medical department. I don't think I told you that I went to my recorder group on Sunday. I have been unable to play recorder for the past six years due to my rheumatoid arthritis and concentrated on percussion. On Sunday, while driving over, I noticed that my hands felt particularly loose and I ended up playing for three hours straight.

CALLIOPE: To what do you attribute this remarkable turnaround?

JOE: I'm not sure. I know there are flare-ups but I have not had this level of flexibility since I started having difficulty. Not even Enbrel helped, at least with flexibility. I started taking red yeast rice for cholesterol a couple weeks ago. I don't know if it is just a coincidence, but I am dramatically improved. I am also much more flexible typing and can work much faster than I could before. I guess that's the big news.

CALLIOPE: Good. I hope it keeps up. What's planned for today?

JOE: My daughter, Sue, is taking me out for breakfast for my birthday what was on Sunday. Then I will work a little more on the cover and possibly get it sent in later today.

CALLIOPE: Anything planned for Marital Property?

JOE: Yes. I started a chapter on Tuesday but there were too many distractions. I plan to finish it today.

CALLIOPE: What's it about?

JOE: Strange you should ask. It involves a structured communication process called Vesuvius, after the volcano. It is designed to prevent eruptions or at least minimize them.

CALLIOPE: Does it work for your couple?

JOE: It's a little soon to say. They are still in the middle of the conversation. I guess I better get back to work so I have time to find out how they do.

January 11 Balancing and Editing

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. How are you this morning?

JOE: Pretty good. I am near the final steps of having The Pastor's Inferno published.

CALLIOPE: What remains?

JOE: Uploading the cover. It is a bit hard setting up the format, harder in fact than the text. I was hoping I would receive a template but I am still waiting for it. I have the cover ready to go based on what I could figure out. I did it in Word, Publisher and PageMaker. They all have their own advantages and challenges.

CALLIOPE: Sounds complicated. Did you get any actual writing done yesterday?

JOE: No. I just worked on the cover. I am hoping to have it finished and submitted today.

CALLIOPE: Will you get back to actual writing today?

JOE: I hope so. I have a chapter of Marital Property partly finished and would like to at least complete it today.

CALLIOPE: A little slow going, isn't it?

JOE: Yes. But for right now, I would like to get The Pastor's Inferno done so I can concentrate on Marital Property.

CALLIOPE: I hope things settle down soon.

JOE: I think they will. By Monday I expect to be back in a better routine.

January 14 Internet Marketing, Publishing, Publishing Programs

JOE: Good morning, Calliope.

CALLIOPE: Good morning, Joe. I missed you on Saturday.

JOE: I missed visiting too. I immediately got engaged in working on my cover for The Pastor's Inferno and spent the rest of my time available on it. In the afternoon I was at a pre-cruise party and on Sunday I visited Carol's Aunt Lucille in a nursing home in Buffalo.

CALLIOPE: How's Aunt Lucille doing?

JOE: She has been doing pretty well for being eighty six and having congestive heart failure requiring a CPAP machine for breathing. Yesterday she was quite unstable and was found to have pneumonia on top of everything else and was transferred to Sisters Hospital.

CALLIOPE: Doesn't sound good.

JOE: It doesn't. But she has bounced back many times when it looked like she wouldn't. It's hard to tell, but we are all waiting.

CALLIOPE: Keep me posted. How about the publishing?

JOE: I am learning the printer's requirements a little at a time. I finally got a good copy of my cover composed in PageMaker and transferred to PDF. Now I will have to see if it is finally ready for production. I am hoping to head in that direction soon. I also had to fill out a questionnaire with Ingram categories for listing and a 40 word description for them. I feel production