Journal This

Chapter 1

Okay, so which is it? Red or black? James asked holding two ties up; one in each hand. I laid the journal in my hand on the dresser beside me and focused my attention on him.

I don’t know, I muttered pulling the bed sheet to my neck and squinting my eyes at the selection. I hated making decisions. I guess that was one of the reasons I loved James so much, he was a real take charge kind of guy that allowed me to completely lean on him. Today however he was being rather difficult.

Come on, you don’t want your husband going to work looking all mismatched do you? He asked but he was grinning from ear to ear. James never looked mismatched, he was the sharpest dresser I knew, and it helped that he had a first class male model’s body to pull off the look. He was the youngest up and coming lawyer in Quinton, Goodridge and Company and everyone seemed to think he was on a fast track to junior partnership.

I eyed him suspiciously now as he refused to waiver; the two ties held firmly in the air beside his face. Honestly, I didn’t know what I had done to deserve a man like James; he was drop dead gorgeous! He could have had any girl he wanted and he had chosen me.

The red…no…the black…um… I scrunched up my face as James placed one tie on his bare chest and then the next as I waivered back and forth.

Maybe I should wear both? He suggested teasingly.

You know whatever you chose I will love, I said shyly.

And whatever you chose I will love too, James said his voice a little more serious now.

Okay. I bit my lip gently. You’ll be wearing the white shirt and black suit right? I glanced over at the chair where James had already set out his clothes from the night before. He really didn’t need me to make this decision; I didn’t know why he was making it so important.

Yeah. James said one slightly bushy but very well shaped eyebrow raised.

The red. I said firmly. Did he look displeased? The black. I muttered.

Come here. James was chuckling as he tossed the two ties onto the chair.

I’m sorry. I just don’t want to make the wrong decision. I muttered. I’d probably failed at some mental test James had set for me.

There is no right or wrong decision Tiff. James said gently crawling onto the bed and pulling me towards him. It really doesn’t matter if I wear the black or the red; I just want you to know that it’s okay to make some of the choices in our relationship too.

I know that, I whispered as James’ lips pressed gently against my cheek. But you’re so much better at decisions. I always make stupid choices.

No you don’t. James grinned as he pressed his lips gently against mine and tugged the sheet down to my waist at the same time. You decided to marry me, that wasn’t a stupid decision at all.

No, it wasn’t. I admitted smiling brightly as his lips made their way to my neck and his tongue licked gently at the vein throbbing there.

There you go. So you do have what it takes to make great decisions. His lips were lightly feathering kisses against the mound of my breast and I inhaled sharply.

I loved James, I loved everything about him, I loved the way he made me feel and I loved the way he loved me. Making love with James was like being given a piece of heaven each night – and often each morning too. I felt so privileged.

You’re going to be late for work. I pointed out. James was already pulling off his pajama bottom and joining me under the sheet.

Yet another decision I get to make. He smiled. Probably a stupid decision that my boss will grow weary of in due course; but definitely worth it.

Mr. Quinton loves you like a son; he’ll never grow weary of you, I said honestly.

This is going to be a pretty big day, even for Mr. Quinton. We have to discuss a one-of-a-kind case that I introduced to the firm, James whispered and his voice sounded just the slightest bit hesitant. James always sounded strong and self assured, I felt a little nervous to think there could be something going on at James’ work that made him uncomfortable.

But it will be okay, no, it will be great. James said that strong, dominant, self assured personality surfacing. I smiled happily; it felt good to know that whatever was going on at work James was in control. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be there for James, it wasn’t that I wasn’t willing to stand beside him through thick or thin, it was just that I didn’t think I had the kind of strength to or smarts to make any decision that could ever be of benefit to James. James was the smart one and I…well my mom had always made it clear, I was never very bright.

I love you, I said putting both my hands about his face to frame it as I stared deep into his emerald green eyes. With all my heart.

And I love you, James whispered as his knees gently pried my legs apart and his body pressed deep inside of me and I arched my back to receive him gladly.

James. My arms went out to encircle his body and draw him closer to me. I loved James. Loved him, loved him, loved him.

Aaaaaaaahhhhh…. His face descended slightly and his lips caressed my shoulder. My fingers twisted into his perfectly cut and well shaped thick black hair enjoying the feel of its softness.

Baby… His voice was raspy and hoarse yet the very tone of it made me dampen.

James lifted my leg and rested it about his hip; I lifted the other and surrounded his waist with my legs.

That’s it baby, that’s perfect. James groaned as his body pressed deep inside of me and then withdrew to press in again harder and faster.

I loved James. He was always thoughtful and gentle with me. I didn’t have much experience but James showed me what he wanted and I was always happy to oblige. I loved making love to him. We had been married just seven months now – we had gotten married on my eighteenth birthday, James had insisted he couldn’t wait one moment more to completely make me his.

I’m too hot baby. James grunted as he slid his hands beneath my body and flipped me over, putting me on the top.

That’s it…you’re so sweet Tiff….I love you so much…. He was whispering words that I loved to hear even as my body gently swayed back and forth on top of him

Oh gosh…James….James…. I slumped forward and gripped his shoulders roughly; I could feel my whole body escalating, climbing, going to that place where only James could take me. James! I cried out again, needing him, needing to feel his body moving in mine.

I got it baby…I got you… James croaked and then his arms were on my back and he was flipping me over again. His movements were faster now, harder, rougher but I didn’t mind, I wanted him; I wanted him desperately.

Don’t stop…don’t stop… I screamed as his body continued to move in rhythm with mine. I could see paradise right there before me.

Oh James! I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pressed his body inside of me one last time and exploded.

James…James…Oh…darling…oh… I was showering kisses all over his face, his neck, his chiseled chest and then back to his face again. I could spend my whole life making love to James and never grow tired.

Baby, baby, baby… James was whispering as my kissing persisted. You’re going to get me started again.

I don’t mind, I said honestly and he chuckled.

*****

Chapter 2

I felt so bereft when James pulled away from me and headed towards the shower; I groaned inwardly. I heard the shower running so I pulled on my house robe and slipped my feet into a pair of slippers and hurried downstairs to get lunch and breakfast ready for James. I would see him again tonight, I could wait, but right now I needed to help get James ready for work. I packed a quick lunch of warmed over roast beef in a sandwich. I was a pretty good cook and I was fairly sure James would enjoy it. I put the finishing touches to breakfast, poured a glass of juice and placed it neatly on the table.

Got to go! James was hurrying down the stairs and zipping his pants at the same time.

You didn’t have breakfast, I complained pulling my face into the saddest formation I could find.

I had desert, I can’t have breakfast too. He slapped me gently on my butt, grabbed a piece of bacon from the plate and stuffed it in his mouth.

I’m dessert? I asked.

The sweetest ever. He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine and hurried towards the front door with briefcase in hand.

Have a great day. I pulled his head down to mine before he could throw open the door and pressed my lips against his quickly, I could feel my body start to warm up again, I just couldn’t get enough of him.

Thanks. My phone. I watched him dig inside his pants pocket and haul out his blackberry.

I’ll be downstairs in five minutes.

Taxi? I asked.

Quinton, Goodridge and Company always sent a taxi to pick him up for work that was how important he was. I couldn’t help feeling proud about James’ accomplishments.

Yeah…got to go! He hurried off towards the elevator and then stopped and spun on his heel. Forgot something.

What?

This. Before I knew it he was pulling me into his arms and his tongue was ravishing my mouth and one of his hands was sliding down to caress by backside gently.

Oooooo…. I sighed heavenly as he drew away.

Now I have everything I need to face the day. He said with a grin as he raced off to the elevator once more leaving me with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face ever.

***

I picked up my thick black journal with the word ‘Secret’ written across it on a white label in a child’s sprawling handwriting and spread it open on the bedside table. I had started writing in it from the time I had been just thirteen years old, the age I had first met James. I had lived in the poorer side of town then and James had moved in next door. At just seventeen years old he had come to live in New York on his own, he was attending a local university but there had been no spaces available on Campus. I had fallen in love with him at first sight.

I looked at the first entry and smiled.

Journal – Entry no. 1

A new boy moved into our apartment building today, he’s the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. Mother says we should stay away from him, men are no good no matter what they look like. I don’t care what she says; just seeing him makes life worthwhile. I wish I could find a way to get him to notice me. But I probably can’t. :(

I skipped past the next few entries.

Journal – Entry no. 35

I haven’t had the courage to go up to the new boy but I’m going to leave a paper rose in front of his door every day so he will know someone out there loves him.

I smiled to myself; I couldn’t believe how childish I had been. I had been so in love. I had left James roses for three years without his knowing who his secret admirer was. One day when I was sixteen I had left a rose on his step and he had opened the door just as I was preparing to scurry away.

I hurriedly skipped several entries and read happily.

Journal – Entry no. 1203

James caught me leaving my paper rose and said that if I were a real secret admirer I would give him a kiss…and I did! It was great, but I was so scared! He’s like twenty one years old and I’m just sixteen. If ma knew she would be real angry.

I skimmed through several pages. I didn’t want to read about how my mother and sister had tried to keep me away from James, I didn’t want to read about how they had tried to tell me that the Howard women had never had any luck with men, I didn’t want to read how I had cried myself to sleep so many nights when Ma had told James that I couldn’t go out with him, and that I wasn’t his little whore to be used and tossed aside. Those days had been painful, Ma had watched me like a hawk and when she wasn’t watching me Clarissa, my older sister, was watching me. I had felt sure James would have grown tired of trying, he was so handsome, he could have any girl he wanted but he had patiently waited until I was eighteen years old and didn’t need my mother’s permission and then like a knight in shining armor he had come for me and rescued me.

I stared down at the blank page in front of me. I wasn’t sure what I should journal today. I stuck the pen in my mouth and twirled it around thoughtfully and then I started to write.

Journal – Entry no. 1,352

I keep thinking everyday that I couldn’t love James any more and every day I do. :)

James seems to have a great new case, new things are always a little scary but I hope I’ll always remember how much I care and love James and how much he loves me no matter how scary things get.

I closed the book and placed it on the bedside table, stripped off my house robe and hurried into the bathroom. There was much to be done today, I wanted to prepare something special for dinner tonight, I had to go to the supermarket and collect a few items and then I needed to put in at least two hours at the homeless shelter helping them with the clean up.

I was in and out of the bath in no time, grabbed my bag from the cupboard and hurried down the stairs.

Darn! I had just been about to dart out of the door when the sound of the phone ringing halted me in my tracks. Maybe it was James’ mother? She usually called to check on us at least once a week; of course she had called yesterday, still…

Hello, I said politely.

Mrs. Tiffany Richards? The muffled male voice on the other end of the phone questioned.

Yes please, can I help you?

The sound of static on the line seemed to deafen me.

Hello! I yelled into the phone but was only rewarded with the sound of dial tone.

Darn! I muttered again. Should I wait and see if they called back? Who could it have been? I knew no one that would call me here, my mom and sister hardly called since I had agreed to marry James and my father had left my mom when I had been just eleven years old. James’ dad had died when he was thirteen and I really couldn’t say I knew any other men.

I scrunched up my face and bit my lip as I placed the telephone back on the cradle. It couldn’t be a wrong number, could it? But the voice did sound so very muffled.

*****

Chapter 3

You won’t believe the kind of day I had. James was smiling from ear to ear as he spoke.

I made your favorite dinner. I pulled out his favorite chair and started bringing the casserole to the table.

Thanks. He tucked the napkin onto his lap and looked up at me with brightened eyes. Mr. Quinton…eh hem…excuse me…John loved the class suit case I recommended to the firm and assigned me a personal secretary to pull all the paperwork together. James was digging into his meal and shoveling forkfuls of food into his mouth as he spoke, I couldn’t help giggling; he was like a child with a brand new toy.

I’m really excited about this.

No? I feigned surprise and he pretended to give me a hard look.

You have no idea how big this is. He sipped on the juice in his glass and then stared up at me. "If I pull this case off it will mean millions of