Still Looking Up

Still Looking Up

Fred Gordon

Copyright  2012 by Fred Gordon

Smashwords Edition

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Published by: Fred Gordon

Editing, book layout & design by: Karen Bowlding karenbowlding.net

Cover Design: Jamaal Lawson foreverhardbody.com

Printed in the United States of America 2012

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my family and friends that I consider family.

Acknowledgements

I first want to thank God for allowing me to still be here, and giving me the ability to write a book. I thank my parents for their continual support and love even during difficult times. I thank my sisters, friends and family, and the nurses who befriended me, and planted the first seed in me to write a book. I also want to thank my children, Lisa Brown, Nichelle Sankey and my social media family for encouraging me to continue to write when I wanted to quit. It is impossible to name everyone without leaving out some. Thanks to everyone that I mean something to and everyone that means something to me. I appreciate all of your support.

Introduction

Mr. Fred Gordon, a man who was born into a two-parent family, decided early in life, that the streets accepted him more than his father. His father worked two jobs to support his mother and sister, as most Black men did during the early 70’s. What he did have was a disciplinarian; he was rough. He looked for anything to fill the void in his heart and to get away from his father’s stern rearing manners. He’d rather be in the streets. He began dating at an early age, selling drugs, and hanging out with many friends. He even spent time in jail.

Fred honestly shares the intimate details of his life; all of which he has accepted as part of his life, without condemning the man for committing such foolish acts. His life took a tragic turn. A car accident stole the use of his body he was a quadriplegic. It didn’t stop Fred from living. He did what he had to do to make it.

Fred surrendered his life to Christ, just before he turned 30. He made some changes, but life’s circumstances and hardships caused him to depend more on himself than God.

Fred wrote this book to understand what made him, and help him to make the necessary changes in his life so that he could get back to the path where he should have been headed. Although he has challenges, he is determined not to allow them to keep him from living out the purpose that God has for his life. His journey continues to move on the road of righteousness, towards God…he is still looking up.

Chapter Directory

Chapter 1: Young and Twice Reckless

Chapter 2: Unexpected Adjustment

Chapter 3: The Good Times

Chapter 4: Senseless Times

Chapter 5: Fouled Up Transition

Chapter 6: A Step Back

Chapter 7: I Reached My Enough

Chapter 8: Still Looking Up

Young and Twice Reckless

I began my pre-teens working at a fast food restaurant. I had no problem with it, but my closest friend Kevin talked me into selling drugs. I quit my job and started out selling sacks; ten dollar bags of PCP. My first time out I spent $50.00; believing I would earn $120.00 in profit. What I didn’t know was that the drugs had to go into the freezer to preserve the scent and color. The drugs reeked and turned green. I only made $30.00. After I learned my lesson, I followed directions and earned $100.00 on the next time out. At first, selling drugs was fun. I made more money on the streets than working at the fast food chain. Besides, hanging out with my friends was the bonus.

As I walked home from school one day I noticed Porche Smith, one of the prettiest girls in school. All the guys I walked with said she looked nice, but were afraid to say anything to her. I decided to introduce myself. She was with a neighborhood friend named Stacie who stayed up the street from my house. This was during 1985 or 1986 when weekend house parties were the thing to do. We exchanged phone numbers and planned to meet at the next party. I was very excited. She was quite attractive, was interested in me and wanted to see me again.

I was 15 when we met. My father was very mean, and barely let me out the house. Most times I slipped out to parties, but this time I didn’t have to. My dad gave me permission to go; midnight being the curfew. Porche and I danced all night, and I think I fell in love. I ended up missing my curfew. Afterwards, we talked every day, I walked her to her classes, even carried her books.

Before meeting Porche I had been stealing my parent’s car after they went to sleep on the weekends. Not every weekend, but only when there was something going on. When Stacie hosted a party I stole the car to impress Porche like I had it like that. That night it was well worth it because it was the night of our first kiss. We left the party and went to a nearby park, and that’s where it happened. Her lips were so soft I just melted right there; not believing it was really happening

Porche had a best friend named Pam. They were always together; and even dressed alike. Pam became my best female friend. We talked just as much as Porche and I. She knew everything about how I felt about Porche. She was my shoulder to lean as I dealt with my issues with her.

The majority of the time I was happy because I had money from selling drugs and one of the finest girls in my school as my girlfriend. Having sex wasn’t an issue with me when we started going together. One night I tried, but she told me she didn’t want to do it. I respected her, so I didn’t try again. I was in love, and sex wasn’t the reason we were together. We hung out, held hands, talked over the phone most nights and just spent a lot of time together. One day she called and asked me to spend some time with her. That was a few months into our relationship. I was surprised to say the least. School was closed and she was at her mother’s home in Laurel. Normally, she would have been at her father’s house in Hilltop. He lived much closer to me. I was in a jam. I didn’t have my own car and public transportation wasn’t available to Laurel. My father’s car was out front. I took the car without his permission. I had not driven that far before, but I didn’t care. In no way was I going to disappoint her, nor myself. We made love for the first time that day. Being in love was an understatement of how I felt. We had a great time. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to make it home before my parents. On the way home I got lost. I ran out of gas too; with not a dime in my pocket. I had to force myself to eat humble pie and asked strangers for money and directions. I barely made it home in time; a minute or two before my mother arrived.

Late one weekend, I snuck Porche and her close friend Katrina into my house. We went to the basement, where my cousin Lonnie and I slept. It was about two o’clock in the morning. I was on the couch with Porche and my cousin was in the bed asleep. Katrina lay beside him while talking on the telephone. Sometimes my father picked up the phone at that time of morning just to see if we were on it. That night I didn’t think to tell Katrina not to use it. My father must have picked up the receiver and heard Katrina’s voice. He made it down to the basement before I could warn everyone. Porche and I ran to the back room. My father witnessed Katrina in bed with Lonnie. He made his way back upstairs, yelling to my mother, Jackie come down here and see what your son got going on in this basement. That was the first time my folks met Porche. Definitely not a good first impression, but we survived it. Once my parents got to know her, they became fond of her. We were inseparable. I convinced my parents to allow her go with us to North Carolina for our family reunion. My family embraced her and made her feel right at home. We ate well, went out with my cousins, and just enjoyed ourselves. She had a lot of fun while in North Carolina.

Porche wasn’t feeling well and needed to see a doctor. Her father had already been asking her if she was sexually active. She sensed that if she went to the doctor he would request the information from the physician. So she told me she was going to tell him herself. Because I loved her with everything I had in me, I offered to go with her when she told her father. Now I did mean it, but didn’t expect her to really say yeah. I left my house to meet with her, but made my cousin go with me; just in case her father wanted a piece of me when he found out. He was to wait in the car. Once we arrived, we saw that Katrina was there too. She pressed Porche to tell her father the truth, while I sat, nervous, with sweaty palms. Her father wanted to know what was going on. Porche got up, ran to her bedroom and slammed the door. He swiftly followed